Thursday, April 27, 2017

November 19, 2017: Balance is the key

I realized yesterday that by cutting the cords to my anger and fear and angst over the election, I have also reunited to my spiritual awareness.  Anger is heavy, and so are fear and angst!  Who’d a thunk that what I’ve told to others for many years would actually apply to me?  Now my job is to prevent that anger from re-entering my mind through the path it has used a lot in recent weeks, so that path can once more become overgrown and that anger can’t take over the “control room” without a huge effort.

It feels so good to be connected to Spirit once more, to feel that little tickle in my brain that means some concept is digging in and getting ready to present itself for pondering, understandking and assimilation!  Fermentation is returning!

My Dreams of Gaia card is the Eleven of Water, also titled “Emotion/Intellect.  Another timely card!  As I explained the last time I threw an Eleven card, the Court Cards of this deck are a bit different from a traditional Tarot.  There is a King and a Queen for each suit in the fourteen and thirteen positions, a “specialist” card (for lack of a better term) in the twelve position, and there is a balance and realignment card in the eleven position.  I love this idea!!  Another of the many reasons that I have connected with the Dreams of Gaia Tarot.  The keywords for the Eleven of Water are emotion/intellect, love, fear, expression, suppression, head, heart, ease, and dis-ease.  Oh my, both love and fear have been in my awareness in a huge way recently, and this card speaks to me today in such a personal way.  Both fear and love can control us, however as I learned recently, many times fear can pull us downward, away from our own Higher Self and away from contact with Deity, because fear is heavy.  Some fear is necessary; after all without fear, we would not survive very long.  However, allowing fear to heat up so much that it blinds us to logic is not safe at all.  Love can also be heavy if it is tainted by a lack of self confidence or by a need to own and control.  The brilliant light of love can prevent us from seeing any logic at all.  Of course not all love is bad, either.  The Eleven of Water tells us that in most cases, love and fear are two sides of the same coin, and that imbalance occurs when one side is given dominance.  The Eleven of Water also reminds us that suppression is not usually the correct response, because the feelings and emotions that get suppressed can often turn ugly.  Life is not supposed to be happy and calm all the time; indeed it is the living of a varied life that keeps us healthy.  It is the learning of how to properly respond to intense situations that keeps us balanced.  Balance is the key!


Sunday, April 23, 2017

November 18, 2017: Putrefaction

November 18, 2016:

My Dreams of Gaia Minor Arcana card for today is the Two of Water reversed.  Yes, another reversed card, but this one is actually directly connected to the angst I am healing now.  The keywords for this beautiful card are intimacy, closeness, trust, commitment, reconciliation, equality, union, co-dependency, and taking sides.  If upright, the card tells of a relationship that has moved past infatuation and lust, and into more permanent connections such as respect, trust, shared interest, and deeper mutual love.  This relationship tells of the union of both the heart and the mind that fosters communication and discourages the desire to possess or control.  My card is reversed, and it is warning me that I might be losing my own identity because of a relationship based on infatuation, or maybe a better word is “obsession.”

My obsession is not necessarily focused on a person, but rather, on a concept.  I allowed myself to be pulled way down the rabbit hole with regard to our recent election, to my emotional and spiritual detriment.  I still believe my intentions were right, my opinions were right; but I allowed myself to be pulled into discussions with people who were just as dug in as I was.  Pure angst and frustration!  Letting this angst go is difficult, but I already feel lighter, happier, calmer.  I am actually glad that so many family members were not thinking the same way I was regarding the election, because in order to maintain my familial relationships (which I value), I find that I need to find my peace with all this.  Thankfully, The Hubs has similar political and ideological views to mine, but he is a bit more grounded and less likely to brood.  His support and advice has been invaluable.

All of this, this whole ugly, uncomfortable process, is exactly what the Putrefaction stage is!  Circumstances conspired to give me a choice, and I maybe allowed myself to be pulled to the “dark side.”  No, I did not actively hurt anyone in a premeditated way, but I did allow myself to get very emotional.  The dangerous parts of that process of being emotionally involved have gone up in flames, and thankfully, there appears to be nothing left but some ashes and a bit of smoke.  There you go!  The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Alchemy describes Putrefaction as the process in which the “. . . hidden impurities in our character are finally destroyed during the psychological death of Putrefaction.”

The failure that happens within the Yellow Phase is usually connected to some hidden impurity that has not been separated.  That is what happened to me.  Thankfully, I was not pushed too far back in the process, and I am feeling that I will soon be ready to step back into the first stages of Fermentation.


Saturday, April 22, 2017

November 17, 2016: Back to Putrefaction

November 17, 2016:

Well, I was sick as a dog on Tuesday, with an upset stomach and a bad headache.  Thankfully, I am feeling better yesterday and today.  I’m paying attention to what I’m eating, and I’m drinking lots of water.

I feel as if I was knocked back to the Yellow Phase because of the stresses around the election, and I am being asked to once again explore Putrefaction.  Such intense stresses filled me, such ugly anger boiled up from the depths of my core as I watched the election happen.  I was divided, unsure of which way to focus because in my opinion, both candidates were fatally flawed, but in a different way.  The anger and ugly accusations that filled social media seemed to grab hold of me and not let go.  And all of that ugliness built to a head, and then leaked out of me.  It seems that all that is left within me is a desire for peace, a refusal to judge others, no matter which side of the election they were on, and a need to return to simple joys: the sun in a blue sky, a gentle rain storm, the brilliant colors of the Fall leaves.  Within this peace I feel the stirring of a need to connect with Deity.

My Dreams of Gaia tarot card for today seems to validate this.  The Two of Earth, my first upright Minor Arcana card in days, has an important message for me.  The keywords for this card are equilibrium, flexibility, adaptability, balance, harmony, compromise, confidence, procrastination and freedom.  This card reminds me that I must balance all of my personal responsibilities regarding work, home, family, and pleasure, while remaining flexible so I can adapt to the circumstances of the day without stress and meet my responsibilities.  I should be careful that I don’t burn the candle at both ends, and I should ask for help if I need it.  I must forgive my own limitations, and I must continue to compromise in order to bring about the highest good of all.


Friday, April 21, 2017

November 14, 2016: Full Moon in Taurus

November 14, 2016:

Today is the Full “Super” Moon in Taurus, my rising sign.   My new favorite astrologer, Chani Nicholas, has this to say about this full moon: “A moon so close to the earth has a great emotional impact on us. Illuminating what we most need to see. In the super stable sign of Taurus, this moon will hopefully reveal what we have built that is stable and sound. The world will go through a million ups and downs, some more severe than others, but we must find within ourselves what is solid, sturdy and immoveable.  Taurus is here to teach us about fertility, fecundity, productive growth and the goodness of the natural world. Physical pleasures. Sensual sweetness. The satisfaction of having put the time and work into something and watching it grow. May we look for the evidence of all of that in our personal lives. May all of the collective work we have done stand as a monumental testament to what we will continue to do, come what may.”

I am trying to recalibrate myself, to get back to the Great Work.  Fermentation, the stage in which I am currently stalled, is about examining the shadow self, the dark part of ourselves that we hide away, and shining a light on this shadow self in order to see it in all its ugliness.  It is only by accepting this part of myself and yes, even loving it, that my shadow self can be healed.  And suddenly, I am reminded of the concept of As Above, So Below; As Below, So Above.  My shadow self is within me, but so is Deity.  The essence of Deity animates my physical body.  I am worth the effort.

I have been trying very hard to not descend into the ugly arguments happening right now on social media.  The violence that is happening is ugly, whether it is against Trump supporters, or against gays, trans people, women, and American Muslims.  I understand the need to protest, and indeed America allows these protests.  I just wish that violence and destruction of properties would not be a part of those protests; I am reminded of the words of Michelle Obama, who said that when they go low, we go high.

My Dreams of Gaia Major Arcana card is . . . The Crone.  Oh boy, is that a message, you think?  I’ve only pulled seven Majors (including this one) since starting to work with this deck, and The Crone has appeared two other times, both for New Moons. The keywords for this card are feminine power, fearlessness, authenticity, individuality, independence, new purpose, freedom and shadow self. The Crone represents a proud and independent woman who is no longer influenced by the need to reproduce or the responsibilities of parenting.  The Crone is not afraid to walk her Path alone, she is not afraid to look to her own needs in whatever manner feels right to her.   The Crone warns me about the dangers to be found in embracing the illusions of another, an important message at this time.

The Crone is a powerful image in her own right, seen as the Wise Woman archetype.  The Crone is sometimes seen as the fairy godmother (who can be good or wicked), or even as a guardian of the Underworld.  She is also part of the three aspects of the Goddess, representing the fertility cycle and feminine powers of women (along with The Maiden, who is seen as unawakened and representing new ideas and youthful enthusiasm, and The Mother, who is seen as sensual and sexual and representing abundance, growth and fulfillment).

The Crone is the most feared of the three aspects of the Goddess, for it is The Crone who helps us to confront endings, death, and final wholeness.  No surprise that our male-dominated, youth-worshiping society is not comfortable with The Crone!

April 21, 2017: I'm back

Just a brief note to state that I'm moved, unpacked, and will be back to blogging later today!

Monday, January 23, 2017

November 10, 2016: Yes the darkness is daunting.

My Dreams of Gaia card for today is the Six of Fire reversed.  The keywords for the Six of Fire are healing, meditation, negotiation, arbitration, truce, boundaries, support, and diplomacy.  In an upright position, this card tells of a time when communication and diplomacy are needed to end a conflict.  In order to end an argument, both sides first need to be able to be listened to and to hear and understand the other side’s point of view.  It does not surprise me that my Six of Fire is reversed today.  This card in a reversed position tells of “. . . an unwillingness to come to the discussion table and resolve a problem that is not only affecting you, but those around you also.  You would rather fight and win, than to give an inch.”  Ho boy, does that describe the situation in the US right now.  I am being told that even if I am correct and justified in my opinion, by standing firm I may very well cause harm.

Still struggling, but I’m feeing a bit better today.  The darkness is lifting; my country is strong and perhaps, just perhaps, it will survive this.

“The night can be daunting, but it is also deeply healing. May you honor the darkness that precedes your rebirth. May you find comfort in its mystery, reminding yourself that enjoying the ride is as important as directing your energy to the tasks at hand. May you see the direct connection between healing the oldest wounds you carry and experiencing the current success of all your work endeavors. May you be continually encouraged to flush out the murky waters of your past, creating free-flowing streams that feed all you do. May you feel free to flush out what is stagnant, refresh the wells you draw from, and replenish the sources that soothe you. May this season be one of healing the projections that you tend to place on others. May this season be one that helps you to reclaim the pieces of your heart that you gave to those who could not hold it. May this season be one of collecting the fragments of self that are still strewn about so that you feel well-collected. Called back in. Corralled. Cared for.  May you revel in your imperfect shape, explore your jagged edges and proclaim your wholeness, no matter the holes in it.”  Chani Nicholas


Wednesday, January 4, 2017

November 9, 2016: Election Day Plus One

My Dreams of Gaia card for today is the Two of Fire reversed, and oh boy, does this make sense.  The keywords for this card are power sharing, mentorship, partnerships, equality, teamwork, mutual interests, ambition, and control.  The card in an upright position represents power sharing, teamwork, and manifesting goals by working together.  My card is reversed, and the connection with this day is obvious.  The reversed meaning is an unequal power exchange or a struggle to have power over another.

The election has ended in a frightening way.  To me, both candidates are flawed.  The Democratic candidate blurs the lines between ethical behavior and privacy, sometimes to the point of paranoia.  The Republican candidate is a xenophobic, misogynistic, bigoted loudmouth who is empty of ethics and unable to filter the words that come out of his mouth.  And yes, the Republican won the election.  I am actually frightened.  I am a woman who demands control over her own health care and who chooses to manifest her sexuality in her own way without tolerating patriarchy or glorifying sexual assault.  My son and stepson are gay, and a good friend of mine is trans.  I practice a non-Abrahamic, non-monotheistic religion.  And I feel fear.  I can’t imagine how Muslim Americans feel today.  Unequal power exchange?  Ya think?

I do have hope, though.  Our democracy has lasted for over 240 years, through revolution, civil war, two world wars, and multiple armed conflicts.  It has survived scandals and upheavals.  In fact, our democracy has grown and evolved through these tests, and become even better.  It can survive this, too.  I just don’t know how well I will do.

I need to remember that while my Two of Fire is reversed, it is there.  That means the cooperation and power sharing represented by the upright card can be manifested.  I will shield myself, and I will do my best to manifest good things around me.


Tuesday, January 3, 2017

November 5, 2016: Back from vacation

November 5, 2016:

I am home from vacation and still struggling with the mornings; but no worries because my favorite holiday of the entire year is this weekend: Fall Back Sunday!  Tomorrow morning the clocks move toward a schedule that works so wonderfully with my personal body clock.  Oh how I wish the clocks could stay this way!  I also will hopefully feel recovered from California.  That three hour difference does matter when moving back East.

I went for bread this morning, for the first time in several weeks.  It was good to be there, to see Elisabeth and Wesley.  And yum, fresh bread and salad greens.

I also went for a massage.  Yep, I’m officially hooked!  This time the massage was a bit more gentle, but just as effective.  I think I will try different therapists and get to know them all.  I have been working with my chakras, together with some of my Sacred Mists friends.  I also did a full yoga practice.  I think I’m back to normal, which happened faster than I thought it would.

Today I am doing a heavy cleaning inside the Blue Moon house.  Tomorrow I will finish what I don’t complete today, and then move out into my beloved garden.  Which in a way is very fitting, as I can feel Cernunos a lot, as all Nature prepares for its Winter sleep.  Fermentation, anyone?

My Dreams of Gaia Minor Arcana card for today is the Ten of Fire.  Talk about synchronicity.  The image on this one shows a man surrounded by flames, with each of his chakras glowing brilliantly!  The keywords for this one are doing, self-mastery, mastery, evolution, enlightenment, lightwork, lightbeing, and discipline.  This card tells not only of having mastered a craft, but also having mastered the Self.  This one is about true integration, because that is really the only way to master a craft.  Awareness and an ability to wield personal power comes with responsibility, because we can’t unlearn or unsee what we learn or see as we evolve; we need to integrate everything and make it our own in a good way.  Being the master is not about being the best, it is about continuing to do your best and to evolve.  No resting on my laurels today.


Monday, January 2, 2017

October 31, 2016: Samhain

October 31, 2016:

The day before yesterday, I went to a local spa and had an hour reflexology massage.  Yesterday, we decided to go back to the massage salon and this time we had a 90 minute full body massage.  Oh I am getting addicted to this!!

Today is the Sabbat of Samhain, the Third Harvest that focuses on the clearing of the fields for Winter, and also focuses on honoring the achievements and experiences of the past year and the ancestors who built the foundation upon which I exist.  This can be considered the Pagan New Year, and for some reason this year Samhain feels like the closing of one door with the other door not opened yet.  I seem to be in a kind o limbo, waiting for some shift or life-changing movement. All I can do is keep my awareness level as peak as possible.

My Dreams of Gaia Samhain Major Arcana card is the number XV card, Abundance, in a reversed position.  The keywords for this card are abundance, consciousness, giving, receiving, energy, love and appreciation.  The concept presented for this card that I really like is the achievement of abundance consciousness.  I think I am well on the way to getting and maintaining this, because I do try to be aware of the beauty around me, aware of my family, friends and loved ones, and aware of the bounty of my life.  The LWB for the Dreams of Gaia Tarot describes an abundance consciousness like this: “A person with an abundance consciousness is one who is always hopeful, seeks a fair and equal exchange of energy, and sees potential and opportunity in all experiences.”  Abundance is one of the seven reasons for being presented by the Dreams of Gaia Tarot, so this card is an important one, especially because it is reversed.  The word that seems to jump out at me when I read the meanings for the card is “trust.”  This is something I work with occasionally, and Samhain is certainly a great time to not only acknowledge the gifts and opportunities that have come to me over the past Turn, but to trust that gifts and opportunities will continue to present themselves as I move forward.

I guess the best thing to do right now, as I finish up my California vacation, is to continue to believe that opportunities will present themselves.  I can do that.  


Sunday, January 1, 2017

October 27, 2016: Vallejo and Brugmansia

October 27, 2016:

My Dreams of Gaia card is the Eleven of Water, one of the balancing and realignment cards of this deck.  This one is titled “Emotion/Intellect” and these are the two opposites focused upon.  The keywords for this card are emotion/intellect, love, fear, expression, suppression, head, heart, ease, and dis-ease.  This card asks us to determine what motivates us, fear or love.  In the end, the answer is usually that both motivate us.  Live is never all pleasant or easily predicted, and this card asks us to remember that if we balance as much as we can, and suppress the least, we will be able to express all emotions in a healthy and beneficial way.

Today we walked around Ellen’s neighborhood so I could look at all the great plants growing in front yards.  There are houses with jade plants as shrubs, and all kinds of cactus and succulents of all shapes and sizes growing all over the place.  Then I had a huge moment of “yay!!” because I saw brughmansias growing in yards!  I saw several that were the size of small trees with lovely yellow flowers.  Gorgeous!!  Ellen then said that if I enjoyed walking the neighborhood that much, we needed to go to the University of California botanical gardens.  OMG, I was in heaven!   Then I relocated to Vallejo.