Friday, October 30, 2009

Seven of Pentacles/Three of Cups: Today will be a day of assessment for I have reached a point in my physical life where I need to choose; either I have done enough and can move on, or there are still things that need to be addressed. My process should **not** include interaction with others; at least for today, this assessment should be a solitary pursuit.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Wands. The energy of the Divine will be shooting through me today, and infusing everything I do. I need to remember that!!

My Legacy card for today is the King of Coins. This King is the ruler who connects the realms. I may find that I am a conduit today of information or manifestations from both the earthly realms and the Divine.

I am sitting at the kitchen table in the apartment at Disney, with Lilyth, Brianna and Storm along side me. Last night we spent the evening in the Magic Kingdom for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. We rode the rides, saw the parade and the firework display, which was awesome and lit up the night with glorious colors and loud explosions. We arrived back to the apartment at about 1 am, and sat up laughing until almost 3 am.

The sun is shining again today, and I look forward to whatever the day holds in store. Tonight we are going to Epcot for dinner; I can hardly wait.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Four of Cups/The Wheel of Fortune. Today I will be surrounded by love and by feelings and by connections to my inner self, possibly to the point that my connection to the outside world may be impaired. And there are important messages to be had, messages that tell me that cycles are happening, things are moving up and down, and in order to effectively access the energies of these cycles, I need to be awake.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Disks. Today I will find that I display the finer of quiet qualities. I will enjoy all of my senses, and I will deal with my responsibilities at the same time. I just need to be careful that serenity does not turn into indolence.

My Legacy card today is The Sun. How fitting. Today will be a day of relaxation when everything will work the way it is supposed to. There is no guaranty that tomorrow will be the same, so I need to enjoy every moment!!

I am sitting at the kitchen table in Disney, with Liyth, Brianna and Isleen, waiting to go to the airport to pick up Storm. It has been an incredibly busy week, but I think I got all the loose ends tied up so that I can enjoy these few days with very dear friends.

My flight last night was without a hitch, and I am looking forward to three full days with my Coven Mates.


Friday, October 23, 2009

The Horned One reversed/Three of Pentacles reversed. Today my focus will be on the reversal of unhealthy addictions or bindings. I need to remember that while a part of me may be convinced that not only am I armed with enough weapons to deal with this issue but I also have the skill to make good things happen, sometimes those bindings and addictions can twist even the best of intentions.

My Thoth card is the Five of Disks. The “Worry” card is a fitting card today, for it tells of the prodding and poking at a fear. I am being told of the presence of obstinacy, and I am being warned that there is no action that I can take which will alleviate the issue.

My Legacy card is the Four of Wands reversed. In an upright position, this card shows us that the intensity of Fire can bring an awareness of the beauty and potential of life. However, it is reversed for me today, and I am being warned that tools and desires may be a bit unreliable, and they should not be trusted today.

I know exactly what these cards and my recent Swords cards are referring to. I have mentioned a few times in the past the ugly and unfounded vendetta being unjustly and unethically perpetuated against all of Sacred Mists by a former Sacred Mists student. This person reappears every so often, spewing lies and twisted truths in order to indiscriminately hurt all who he perceives (whether justly or not) as being associated with the person he has assigned as the supposed ringleader and mind controller, my own Arch High Priestess, Lady Raven Moonshadow.

This extremely disturbed person has reappeared, once again spewing ugly lies and mentioning me by name, both my screen name and my mundane world name. Unethical behavior piled on top of unethical behavior; invasion of privacy without any thought to possible consequences to others coming from his actions. I refuse to feed this lunatic by responding to his ugly lies and rants; my most potent weapon is silence. He will hang himself; indeed he has already done so on several occasions. Still, the Goddess offers him opportunity after opportunity to attempt to mitigate the effects of his past horrors upon innocent and uninvolved people, and yet he has not yet been able to see past his unfounded hatred.

This person accuses me of taking actions in a furtive way to undermine a student that I care about. I know that I see my duties at Sacred Mists as so much more than jobs; they are to me opportunities to give and receive at the same time in the name of Goddess and God; helping and guiding others creates a bottomless well of love within me, a connection to and interaction with the Sacred that I value. It hurts when someone accuses me of unethical behavior with the specific purpose of undermining the credibility of one of my beloved students, or worse yet accusing me of deliberately hurting one of those much-loved students. But I cannot penetrate the thick shield of insanity (literally, I am afraid, insanity) that surrounds this former student's mind and actions. I don't want to touch it any more because it is dirty and ugly, so I am protecting myself only.

I feel good because I did not once strike out in anger, despite being attacked again; I did not lower myself to his level. Instead, I protected myself and those I care for, with love. I will not allow the wild and untrue rantings of a very disturbed person to tarnish the workings into which I have poured so much of myself. I am much, much more valuable than that, and I know that I act always through love and my intentions are always for the highest good of all. It will take more than lies and manipulations to harm me.

Now, I am moving my thoughts to more positive things and leaving the ugliness behind.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ten of Pentacles reversed/Two of Cups. The Ten of Pentacles in an upright position tells of a successful accumulation of physical world wealth, but it also warns of the danger of the weight of that wealth and the inertia that comes along with the weight. Because it is reversed, I am being told that I have not yet accumulated so many physical resources that I am weighed down beyond escape. Perhaps one reason that I am not giving in to the lure of physical wealth is that I have something with value beyond any coin of any realm: love! What I see about myself reflected in the eyes of those who love me is a valuable counterbalance to the opium-like inertia created by physical possessions.

My Thoth card is the Five of Swords. I have had the “Defeat” card show up before, over the past few days. This card is warning me that the period of calm is over, and battle is resuming. This is a card of the element of Air, so I don’t think there is a big potential for the battles to be of the physical world, at least directly; rather they will be more of an intellectual nature.

My Legacy card is the Eight of Wands reversed. In an upright position, this card tells of rising above the clouds with only clear vision ahead and advises us to put the pedal to the metal. Because it is reversed, I am being told that there are still some dark clouds ahead, blocking my vision of the straightaway yet to come. I can’t forge ahead just yet.

Horoscope: “An emotional phone call could come to you from a close friend or love partner, dear Sagittarius. This person has a lot of worries and is apt to lay them all on you if you allow it to happen. You won't, however, want to drop everything that you have put aside to work on today. Tell your friend that the two of you should get together for dinner or coffee and you'll talk about it then. Then finish your tasks as quickly as possible.”

Apparently, despite the fact that I notified the Tribunal of the Diocese of Paterson that I had no desire to take part in the ecclesiastical annulment of my first marriage that my former husband is seeking, the Tribunal is still giving me the opportunity to go on the record as far as my first marriage is concerned. My first instinct was annoyance that the Tribunal contacted me again even though I stated that I was not interested in participating in the process, but after allowing that annoyance to flare and then die away, I realized that the Priests are merely covering all bases and attempting to give everyone a chance to be heard.

And so, I am asking myself again: do I want to be a part of this? My first instinct was that I needed to get my side of the story out, but then I asked myself why this was so important? I realized with dismay that this all could end up being about revenge, about telling the truth about why my marriage failed and ended, and thus ending my former husband’s annulment attempt and in doing so, receive some kind of validation that I was right and he was wrong. Not good; I do not want to taint my life with any kind of karma related to the seeking of revenge.

I then did a little research about the concept of annulment. I found that most of the scriptures cited in the descriptions of divorce and marriage nullification dealt with the adultery of the woman. Sheesh, wasn’t the adultery of the husband considered a deal-breaker by the Catholic Church? More distaste about this whole thing. I continued looking, trying to find some list of possible reasons for attaining an annulment, and found none. Apparently the Church sticks to its guns as far as divorce/annulment is concerned. Finally, in a newspaper article about Sarah Palin’s daughter’s possible shot-gun marriage, of all things, I found what I was seeking: a description of why one would choose to annul a marriage:

“Now, some will claim that annulment is a form of Catholic divorce. On the surface, this is a plausible statement. Theologically, however, an annulment is not the dissolution of the bonds of matrimony, but rather a judgment that the basic requisites for the sacrament were lacking from the start. The obligations of marriage are ended because the contract intended by the sacrament was never valid. In the case of a shotgun wedding, this would likely mean that the young man and woman were pressured by family into a decision that they did not understand and were not capable of accepting. Without the promise of freely-given love pledged for a lifetime, there is no substance for the sacrament. Yes, the formal exchange of words in church may have appeared to be a marriage, but there was no underlying reality to the empty words.” [my emphasis added]

Okay, that makes sense to me. My first marriage happened when it did because my parents pressured me to end the relationship. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because my former husband was not going to allow his chosen bride to be taken from him. In the end, my former husband was the stronger-willed person, and I ran away to get married. The concept of a shotgun wedding does apply to my first marriage, but it was more of an “anti-shotgun” wedding, for we got married not because our parents were forcing us to marry, but because they were trying to prevent us from marrying. Of course, this has absolutely no bearing upon why I asked for a divorce. In my opinion, the marriage did not fail because we ran away to get married at a young age.

Okay, now I understand what is happening here, and why my former husband thinks he can get the annulment. The next step is to decide what I could gain and what I could lose by participating in this process, and what I could gain and what I could lose by not participating.

By not participating in this procedure, I have no say as far as what goes on record as being the reason that this marriage was flawed from its beginning. My former husband will be able to say anything that he wants, anything that he believes will further his case, no matter how ugly or untrue his testimony will be. I will not be able to present the facts as I remember them or the reasons for the events as I have come to understand them. However, by not participating, I will prevent the opening of new wounds, I will not have to deal with the Tribunal and the Catholic Church (for which I feel no ill will by any means), and most importantly, I will prevent the continuation of connections to my former husband, of which I want absolutely none.

By participating, I will be given the opportunity to affect what ends up as the “official record” of this procedure and of my first marriage. I will be able to prevent or at least lessen any “stain” on my family that could be created in the eyes of the Catholic Church due to the testimony of my former husband. And I will be able to at last shout out loud to a judging body that is held in high esteem by my former husband the events perpetuated upon me by him that caused me to end our marriage. However, by participating I will open myself to the continuation of and perhaps the intensifying of my interaction with my former husband, particularly if my testimony ends up in the Tribunal finding against annulment. And here I must state that I am not afraid of angering him, rather I am loathe to have his ugliness staining my energy field in any way.

It comes down to weighing the opportunity to state my case against the reinsertion of my former husband’s dark sickness into my life once again. I am still trying to eradicate his dark, selfish, harmful energy from my life after all these years with no contact with him; Goddess only knows what kinds of setbacks I will experience by choosing, for whatever reason, to revisit this whole time in my life that I have struggled to put behind me. Do I gain anything by choosing to participate and prove to the world what I already know: that he is nothing to fear? Or do the risks far outweigh the benefits?

I think I know the answer, but as a final validation I will throw some Tarot cards for myself tonight and ask Danu for her help, and then sleep on the entire subject. Tomorrow, once I am 100% certain that my actions are correct for **me**, I will respond to the Tribunal’s letter.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Seven of Wands/Four of Pentacles reversed. Today I am being reminded that fear has a tremendous bright side. I need to see fear clearly, and understand that the presence of fear is actually an opportunity to test my courage. One thing I am being told today to **not** fear is change in my physical world. If I don’t allow myself to be blinded by fear, I can take good advantage of any change.

My Thoth card is the Four of Swords reversed. “Truce” reversed; whether there is peace or chaos, I need to remember that balance can be regained if I wait for the right moment to interfere. The card is present, so the opportunity for balance is present, even if it is hidden by the dust clouds stirred up by battle.

My Legacy card is the Queen of Wands reversed. Marchetti sees this Queen as an independent woman who wants things her own way, and since the card is reversed, I am being told that today is not a day for me to “go solo.” I do, however, need to be cautious because I may not be good at choosing trustworthy companions.

My horoscope: “If you're artistic by nature, dear Sagittarius, expect a rush of inspiration to hit you today along with an irresistible compulsion to start a new project and work, work, work until you can see at least some results. If you've never been artistic before, you may suddenly feel like giving it a try, perhaps using computer technology. Whichever it is, you're likely to derive a lot of pleasure from your work, so go to it, and have fun!”

I have been doing quite a bit of “Fall cleaning” in my life right now. Yesterday was a busy day for me, because I released two responsibilities of mine at Sacred Mists that were created and maintained by me for sometime. I passed both my Monday night event at the Inn (called “Witches Gone Wild”) and my Sacred Movement Extension Class on to new Facilitators. Both had been in my possession too long and they each needed an infusion of new excitement; they will both get that and more. I feel proud of what I had created, and content with the knowledge that I have the wisdom to know that it was time to give these creations a chance to evolve under new management.

Now I can spend more time working on two Student Council Projects that are very important to me. I feel as if I have recharged my own focus and given my own creative juices a shot of power.

I am still working with my energy field, trying to keep it revved up and trying to differentiate between the energies of the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine. Again, I am finding that keeping this energy “awake and alert” really does seem to make my physical body work better, not to mention my brain. *wink*


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Four of Wands reversed/Death reversed. Today is not a day for pausing or for taking the time to examine the foundation being built, for if I pause, the cement may set the wrong way. I need to keep the creative process moving, and I need to remind myself that the process of letting go of things that are used up or no longer applicable is **not** the one I should be interfering with. Endings are not events to be feared, for endings always clear the way for new beginnings.

My Thoth card is The Empress reversed. Connecting with the senses and all that is creative can be a good thing; however, any extremes associated with this concept, whether regarding too much or too little connection, will hot help the situation. I need to strive to balance this connection to creativity and Nature today so that I have a sufficient amount of this energy but not too much, and I need to remember that my tendencies will be to extremes rather than to balance.

My Legacy card is the Knight of Cups reversed. This card warns me of the one danger of dealing with the presence or absence of extreme emotions: indifference. Getting fed up and then turning my back on all emotions is not the way to go today. This Knight of Cups reversed is telling me that extremes are not going to work, but it is also telling me that walking away is an extreme as well, and will cause more harm than good.

My horoscopes: “The day should be very calm, and you will be able to focus on projects that you neglected recently. Indeed, today you are able to bring things up to date. You may end up spending a very hectic day tying up loose ends. But you should also consider thinking about your private life. Indeed, you need to pay more attention your friends and family members.”

And: “Your visionary tendencies are in the ascendant today, dear Sagittarius, though they take more of a practical bent than a mystical one. You might look at your living room or your backyard and suddenly find yourself redecorating it in your mind's eye. If you've wanted to start some sort of long-term project to improve your surroundings, this is the day to get started. You'll not only attain your vision; you may surpass it. Have fun!”

Reversals seem to be the key to the day, and I need to focus on what is **not** flowing rather than what is flowing, but not too much.

This morning was one of those mornings filled with minor distractions that attempted to focus my attention toward the physical world. One thing I have realized consciously since Saturday is that I feel better, more balanced, more healthy, and more **alive** when I am either seeing the Machinery of the Universe or remembering the sensation of that sight. When I am consciously aware of the background energy (the combination of the purest of Sacred Feminine and the purest of Sacred Masculine that is the emanation of the catalyst that creates life), my mind, my emotions, my spirit and my body all seem to hum with efficiency. I feel strong and ready, poised for the next experience of the day.

However, when I am distracted, I lose my grasp of this energy. It is almost like being distracted by carrying something heavy, and tripping over the wire that plugs in the lamp and in the process, plunging the room into darkness. It is interesting to me how easily I am shut off from that active give and take of background energy. Why is this? I am not just a physical entity; so why does this inertia take control so easily? And this is Inertia with a capital “I”! In a blink of an eye I seem to withdraw into my physical body, and it takes much more effort to reach back out and reconnect to the background energy.

I could understand this happening if my physical body was in some kind of danger. Being stalked by a predator would logically cause the mind to turn all of its focuses and abilities toward surviving. But this is not about danger and surviving danger, it is about slipping back into stagnation.

Yes, sitting still on the couch is easy. But there is so much pleasure to be had from motion, from knowing that my muscles are strong and healthy because they are well used. Shutting down my awareness is easy. But there is so much fulfillment from being “awake” and in the “now,” rather than going through each day on automatic pilot. Not searching one’s inner self in order to discern Deity is easy. But the human psyche is incredibly complex and fascinating, and belief and Will could very well be creating my reality, so how could I allow them to operate without being a part of that creation?

Yes, I am a physical being, existing in a physical world. But I also have a mind, a mind which is able to overcome the constraints of the body, a mind which is able to travel through the vastness of its world, and a mind which is able to affect the physical self and the physical world. My lesson for today is that exercising the mind is just as important as exercising the body. I do my dance stretches every morning, I brush and floss my teeth, I take my tonics and tinctures, all in the name of maintaining physical health and balance. The mind and emotions and spirit also need active and deliberate care in order to flourish; otherwise we end up with a couch potato psyche.

I threw four reversed cards today. Perhaps I need to remember that it is resistance that strengthens our muscles. I am being gifted today with resistance in order to exercise my mind, my psyche, my Will. I am grateful for the gift.


Monday, October 19, 2009

The Hanged Man/Queen of Cups reversed. Today I need to attempt to find strength from vulnerability. Somehow I get the feeling that I am being told not to fear surrender, for the act of surrendering takes courage and self-confidence. Sometimes anticipation of injury can be more frightening than the actual injury itself, and I am being told to **not** listen to the self-preserving voices within me that are urging me to actively protect myself; rather I should go with the flow in order to determine which way the wind is blowing.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Cups. The Holy Grail; love conquers all, and love heals all.

My Legacy card is The World reversed. In an upright position, this card indicates that, while at the beginning of the Journey I saw through naïve eyes, I am now seeing the world through more learned eyes and my mind has been able to add details and texture to my understanding of life. The card is reversed, which tells me that I am not quite there yet, but the card is there.

I am still pondering the insights I received on Saturday. I am also taking advantage of the transformation from the Dark Moon to the beginnings of the New Moon (which occurred at 1:33 am Sunday morning) and its waxing energies to achieve new understanding. As I drove home from Cape May last night, through the Fall beauty of the salt meadows ringed with forests, I began to think about the background energy that had become so apparent to me since my workings with Archangel Uriel. That background energy used to be the merest whisper that often faded away behind the noises of life, however after the traumatic deaths and rebirths that occurred during my workings with Uriel, that background energy had become a roar, kind of like standing next to a waterfall. Sometimes I could hear individual fluctuations, but all the time I could feel the vibrations of that energy filling my core. I could temporarily push the vibrations into the background if I needed a moment of peace to focus elsewhere, but all I had to do was consider calling it back and there it was, filling me and surrounding me.

After thinking a bit about the concept of the interaction between the purest of active and outer energies with the purest of passive and inner activities as the catalyst that created the seeds of life, I realized that this background energy was already a mixture of active and passive energies; the energies I was feeling were those that had already been through the explosive instant of joining. It was as if I was looking at the color green, and gradually moving closer to it. From afar I could not see the components of the color green, but if I moved close enough I could see that this green was actually made of a certain amount of the primary colors of yellow and blue, a certain ratio of particles of each. This energy that I feel contains the particles of yellow and the particles of blue, and I need to examine it more closely in order to experience the purest forms of the two opposite types of energy that are Deity. How do I do this?

I think one step is to begin to be aware of the events that are mimics of this Big Bang. LOL, yes some theories ascribe the creation of the Universe as this Big Bang, but the scientific theory assumes that until this vast and massive explosion the Universe was empty. To me, the Universe always existed and was never empty, rather it contained and still contains currents and swirls of three basic types of energy: the purest of active and outer-focused (masculine) energy, the purest of passive and inner-focused (feminine) energy, and different combinations of the two. This is almost like taking a large tub of hot water and pouring into the tub a smaller container of cold dye, and then giving everything one stir. The result would be areas of cold and pure dye, areas of hot and pure water, and areas of warm water-dye of varying diluted strengths.

Do we see the microcosmic imitations of the macrocosmic combination? Yes! Sex is the most obvious example, but I can visualize the hot vents in the depths of the Pacific Ocean that are ringed with life forms, or the bursting open of a milkweed seed pod and the resulting expulsion of little parachutes that carry each seed away. I can visualize the mixing of the egg and the milk with the pancake mix and the stirring that creates the batter; and then the pouring of the batter onto a hot griddle and the pancake resulting from the combination of batter and heat. All of these examples off the top of my head involve combinations.

Perhaps as I become aware of the effects of the combinations, I may gradually come to see and know and understand the ingredients. Perhaps this is the next step in my evolution. I know that Deity exists for I have met them. I understand the workings of the results of the combination of the purest of opposing essences that is Deity. Maybe now, it is time to go back to the source. Maybe now, it is time for me to once again take that step to leave the little pond where I was a big fish and enter a new and bigger pond, where I will be little.


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ten of Pentacles/King of Cups reversed. Today I may be thinking about the gifts that I have, and what I would like to do with those gifts. I have learned from Crowley that wealth has a tendency to gain inertia as it is compiled and socked away. If we hoard too much of it, or if we don’t force ourselves to create something else with this wealth, the same way that fertile soil sprouts new life whether we seed it ourselves or allow it to sprout naturally, stagnation ensues. I need to allow myself to listen to the needs of others and I need to prevent myself to become ambivalent towards the energy flows around me, and to my own Inner Voice; with connection to and awareness of the world around me, stagnation will never happen.

My Thoth Card is the Five of Swords. Crowley calls this card Defeat because the energies associated with this Five of Swords is not sufficient to maintain the truce attained by a balance of power that is the Four of Swords. There is the potential for a quarrel today of some kind, but perhaps if I keep in mind the messages of the other cards, I will be able to use the energy of the conflict to clear the air and allow new balance to appear.

My Legacy card is the Ten of Swords. This card actually shows what happens when we allow the complete victory of the intellect that is represented by the Nine of Swords. All has been killed, and with way more than enough application of Will. This could be my own fault, and I need to be certain that I am not focusing so much on challenges that I loose sight of the calm and peace that are also present.

What an interesting 24 hours I have had. I spent yesterday connected with the energies around the Sacred Mists First Degree Initiation Ritual, which took place yesterday afternoon, and connected to the thoughts and ideas that are always the manifestation of the union of separate and complete beings that is a Pagan Brain Trust meeting. All this came to a head as I crossed over the Driscall Bridge and headed into the salt marshes around the Raritan River. I put on some nice drum meditation music, and allowed myself to connect with my subconscious as I drove past the greens and yellows and oranges and browns and blues along the Parkway.

Almost instantly, Danu appeared to me; she hugged me and kissed my brow in welcome. She had a message for me, a topic to ponder: fear. She explained to me that I needed to think about fear, because it was fear alone that would hold me back in this life. Not inability, not lack of skills, not insufficient power, but fear. Danu explained that she was not encouraging me to be foolhearty by any means, but rather She was encouraging me to overcome fear and to not allow fear to prevent me from experiencing whatever this life presents to me.

I understood exactly what Danu was referring to, for I was driving down to Cape May to spend the rest of the weekend alone in our cottage, planning to sleep in the back bedroom to see if Miss Pauline joined me again, without the reassurance of knowing that there were other live, physical people also in the house. To add to the Halloween-like atmosphere of the weekend, we are in the middle of a nor’easter storm, with wind-driven rain, stormy gusts that will be pelting the windows with leaves and twigs at unexpected moments throughout the night. LOL, not an issue in broad daylight, but I find that I am easily freaked out during the depths of night when I hear strange noises. Danu was encouraging me to trust myself, and to trust my ability to protect myself.

She then leaned Her face close to mine, and for a moment I was lost in Her intense blue eyes; then She leaned down and kissed me on the mouth. A jolt of power shot through me, as if there was a live electrical wire along the inside of my spine. This was the second time Danu had kissed me on the mouth, the first being during a Full Moon Esbat. This was not a sexual kiss, and neither was the first one, although part of my response both times was sexual because the energy She gave to me woke up all of my senses, every one. Then, she was gone; leaving me to my thoughts.

As I drove, I thought about that jolt of energy, and I thought about the fact that I sensed Her energy from deep within me. I realized that what She had sent through me was energy of the Sacred Feminine, and the energy that I felt from Cernunnos (who has never kissed me) seemed to affect me more toward the surface of my skin, with manifestations that were more “of the senses” and represented the Sacred Masculine. Not only did I have both energies within me along with the ability to sense them both, but I could access either or both, if I chose to. At this point, I knew that I was going to be emailing a copy of this journal entry to Mystery, for Mystery has an uncanny ability to connect with and manifest the energies that are Sacred Masculine, not male energies in a gender sense, but active and outer, and she easily manifests her Will through the Sacred Masculine.

I thought for a while about these equal yet opposite forces that I see as sacred. It was only natural, as I drove along and viewed the glory and beauty that is the Pine Barrens and salt marshes of the East coast of New Jersey and the effects of the Fall and the cycle of the year upon Nature, that I brought my thoughts less toward my specific issues and more toward the dynamic balance of equal yet opposite energies that is Deity. It was then that I had an “Aha!” moment, one of those earth shattering awarenesses that one of the Pagan Brain Trust members calls an “information download from the Cosmic interface” and that I see as a momentary awareness of the Machinery of the Universe.

For about an hour, it seemed as if all was clear. The Universe was made of energy, and that energy was either male or female, yin or yang, active or passive, outer or inner, emitting or receiving. Whenever those opposing forces connected, the resulting burst of energy, exploding like the effect of uniting matter and anti-matter, created the seeds of life. All life. All kinds of life, from rocks and stones and crystals to the higher entities we know as angels and guides and Goddess and God. Nothing stupendously new here, folks, but all of a sudden I felt the rightness of these ideas down to my core. I understood how they work, and why they work.

The next step was a natural one for me today. I began to think about those opposing forces and the concepts of “good” and “evil.” Yes, I understand very well the concept of power being neutral, and of the power of intent to shape power towards good or evil, but today I really understood that any entity who uses power for good or evil is just that, an entity, not a god. That means evil entities can be overcome, as can good entities of course. But somehow understanding with my core that it is not the energy or the life force of the entity that is good or evil, but instead it is the intentions that are infused into the energy by the Will of the entity that are good or evil is empowering. Typing that here, crystallizing the concept enough to memorialize it here, is empowering.

My words are not coming close to describing what I experienced, for I experienced these concepts not in words or even images, but rather I experienced them in feelings within me, through dissonances that shifted slightly to become harmonies and thus made connections within me. I feel as if I have tapped into something here. LOL, J, I may end up emailing you and asking you to read this blog entry, too.

Knowledge is power, fer sher, but we can’t just have the knowledge. We have to wear it, like a new pair of shoes, until the knowledge conforms to our individual mind, body and spirit, so that our “astral antibodies” don’t reject the information or destroy it or see it as dangerous. I think I am being told that I must once again face my fears; it is only by facing them that I can defeat them. And LOL, my Shadow Work with Mystery tells me this as well.

“Astral antibodies” . . . hmmmm, J, what do you think?

One of the things I planned on doing when I got here was my yearly clean-and-protect spell, which I do every year at some point just before or just after Samhain. Especially because I plan on sleeping in the back bedroom tonight to see if Miss Pauline is still in the mood for company, and as I am alone in the house (and I am needing to deal with my fears), I decided this was the weekend to spiritually cleanse any negativity and protect the house.

My spell was simple, but I think the simplicity added to the fact that it was not choreographed makes it powerful. I got a cup, put some kosher salt into it, and blessed the salt in the name of Earth. I then lit some incense and allowed the fragrance to move into the cup and blessed the spell in the name of Air. I then lit a sunflower scented tealight and allowed the heat and fragrance to fill the cup and blessed the spell in the name of Fire. I then poured water into the cup and blessed the spell in the name of Water. On the way out of the house in Hackensack, I broke off a small sprig of the nightshade that grows inside the yew by the door (the one on the right side, power); I dropped this sprig into the cup and declared that this brew would repulse negativity. Then, I broke off a small piece of the sap you sent me, and declared my authority to perform this cleansing and protecting ritual.

I blessed the brew in the name of the Goddess and God, and then stirred it 9 times in a clockwise direction to attract the good, 9 times in a counterclockwise direction to repel the not-so-good, and 9 times clockwise to empower the brew.

I then went to each room in the house, starting with the attic. I sprinkled some of the brew into each corner, starting with the North, saying each direction out loud and connecting with my Elemental Guardians, plus sprinkled above and below (saying the words). Then I said out loud something similar to "In the names of the Goddess and God, I declare that all entities who are negative or who have ill intent must leave now! All who are here in the name of love and with harm to none may stay. This house is attractive to love, and repulsive to harm, and protected. So mote it be!"

I repeated this in each room, and then I went outside and walked around the house, sprinkling the brew along the perimeter of the house. Again I stated my intentions out loud. I finished the working by lighting several more sunflower scented tealights, and in honor of Miss Pauline and all who lived in this house before, I put some "African Spa" oil into my simmerer.

The whole house is toasty warm because I have the fireplace lit, and the fragrance of the candles and the oil are throughout the house as well.


Friday, October 16, 2009

Five of Wands/Nine of Pentacles. This could be a day of minor irritations, but the solution is easy: be disciplined and take the high road, no matter what. After all, I cannot control or prevent the bumps in the road that appear on my Journey today, only my reaction to those bumps.

My Thoth card is the Knight of Disks reversed. In an upright position, Crowley sees this card as bringing a great and overpowering focus onto physical matters. However, there is absolutely no emotion thrown into this effort at all. Because it is reversed, I am being reminded that balance is important today, and encouraged to believe that I can attain that balance.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Swords. In the wee hours of the morning, thoughts and nightmares take on a power that is easily dispelled by the dawn’s light. I need to remember today that my doubts are empowered by my own belief in their validity.

Pagan Brain Trust was awesome, as always. Our discussions are incredible, and I just love the way we validate each other!!

Today is the Sacred Mists First Degree Initiation; unfortunately I will not be there because the ritual is at 4:30 Eastern. I am very close to several of those being Initiated, and even though I am not attending the ritual, I have been sending energy and Reiki throughout the day. I remember my Initiation Ritual as if it was yesterday, even though it was over four years ago.

Congratulations to the newest Initiates of the Coven of the Sacred Mists!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Lovers/Ace of Cups. Duality and the connection between complete and opposite forces are in my thoughts today, as well as any emotional or psychic response to this union that creates.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Disks reversed. In an upright position, this tells of satisfaction, but also of the danger of satisfaction to transform into stagnation. Because it is reversed, I am being told that I am not focusing on either the concepts or the potential for this damaging transformation; wake up and all will be well.

My Legacy card is the Four of Wands. This card tells me to celebrate because I have, through hard work, created a wonderful foundation.

Horoscope: “A group activity could lead to discussions of famous unsolved mysteries, dear Sagittarius. Jack the Ripper, the Black Dahlia, the truth about OJ Simpson, and other intriguing problems might capture the interest of everyone present and might lead to some animated debates over possible solutions. You might want to make mental notes of the ideas everyone comes up with. Each possible solution could tell you a lot about the person proposing it!”

And: “Lots of people are curious about what makes you tick, so it won't be hard to find someone to talk to. When you want to bond with other people, share common topics. Connect by talking about the human experience -- you know, 'Why are we here?' and 'What's my purpose in life?' If you've been wanting to broach concerns surrounding romance and finance, this is a great day to discuss marriage, a promotion or a pay raise. You might even want to fess up. Whether it's good or bad, get it off your chest.”

This all makes sense to me because the Pagan Brain Trust is scheduled to meet tonight. I am looking forward to this because we are to talk about alchemy. I can’t wait to hear what the others have to say about this.


Monday, October 12, 2009

Six of Cups/Three of Pentacles reversed. Today I may find that my focus is on the past, and the good times that give the past a rosy glow, rather than on today and on working hard in order to bring a prosperous future.

My Thoth card is the Three of Pentacles. Crowley calls this card “The Lord of Work,” and it is about creating. After all, the number 3 creates something new out of the energies of the Ace and the manifestation of the 2, and the suit of Pentacles is in part about creation and fertility.

My Legacy card is the Six of Swords. I had this card on Friday; another day of weaving my way carefully around the obstacles of the swords, with confidence and with eyes forward and looking into the future rather than focusing on the obstacles at my feet. Those two Three of Pentacles cards kind of erase much of the effects of the suit of Pentacles, which leaves me Cups and Swords, Water and Air, and the number 6, which tells of horizontal and vertical balance. I see that it is going to be an interesting day.

We had a great weekend! The weather was beautiful, and I got a lot of the Fall cleanup done outside. I am really pleased with the amount of work that I got done. We went out to dinner to Union Park on Saturday night, and had a lovely meal.

The most exciting thing about the entire weekend for me was that I interacted with Miss Pauline!! Two explanations are necessary here.

First, I am not a natural medium; I can open myself to “ghosts” during the time that the Veil is thin, but I do not get detailed messages, and I cannot choose who I communicate with.

Second, our Cape May cottage has a ghost, per my sister in law, my niece and my dance partner, all of whom are natural mediums. Actually, my dance partner tells me that there is a second ghost in the attic, but he does not come down. But we have a ghost who is a little old black woman who pretty much hangs out in the back bedroom. She will not come downstairs (not more than a step or two so she can peak down into the living room). I described her to a neighbor who has lived on the street for almost 50 years, and the neighbor knew just who it was, so we even have a name for our ghost, Miss Pauline. Friday night, once hubby started snoring, I grabbed my pillow and an extra blanket and moved into the back bedroom. I curled up on my right side, with my back to the room, and wrapped myself in the blanket and fell back to sleep.

I came half awake when I felt my blanket being pulled off of me. I vaguely remember yanking the blanket back, only to have it pulled again as I started falling back to sleep. Again I pulled the blanket around me only to have it tugged. Then, I felt someone sit on the bed. I actually opened my eyes and looked to see if Bob or my mother in law had come into the bedroom, the sensation of someone sitting on the bed was so real.

I curled up again, and started to doze off, only to have the blanket tugged again. This time when Miss Pauline sat down, I could feel her leaning against my hip. All of these sensations were incredibly real.

I am embarrassed to say that I was quite irritable with Miss Pauline. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 3:30, and then told her in no uncertain terms that I was tired and she needed to let me sleep. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I lay there for a bit, remembering, and I was embarrassed. All this time I wished that I could experience more than just the sense of her presence; finally it happened and I pretty much told her to go away and leave me alone. I sat on the bed and spoke out loud to Miss Pauline, apologizing for my irritability.

Saturday night, as usual hubby began buzzing, so I moved into the back bedroom and fell asleep with my back to the room. Sure enough, the exact same thing happened. Someone pulled at my blanket with a steady and very real pressure until I surfaced out of the realms of sleep, and then I felt someone sit on the bed, right up against my hip. I was careful to not open my eyes (because she disappeared when I did that the night before), and I smiled and whispered her name out loud, and thanked her for coming back. I fell back to sleep filled with a cozy and safe feeling.

Again, these sensations were startlingly real and intense, and I have never experienced anything like this before. If it had only happened the one night, I would have assumed that I dreamed it, but the same thing happened both nights. I did not open my eyes because when I looked around that first night, the sensations faded away, so I do not know if there was anything to see along with the sensations. But the second night, as long as my eyes were closed and I lay still, I could feel Miss Pauline leaning against me. How incredible is that??


Friday, October 9, 2009

Three of Pentacles reversed/Seven of Swords. Today may not be a difficult day work-wise, but there are some hidden agendas that may have a blocking effect within my physical world. Perhaps this is not a day of “security through convention,” and I am better off “dazzling ‘em with fancy footwork” because then I will be using unexpected methods to get the job done.

My Thoth card is the Princess of Cups. Well, Thoth equals Court Cards for me, apparently. This one tells me that I will be able to get through my day appearing outwardly serene and unaffected, yet my inner self will be completely involved in every one of my senses.

My Legacy card is the Six of Swords. What I love about this card is that even though the boat is traveling through the dark and appears to be weaving its way carefully around the obstacles of the swords, the woman in the image is standing in the bow of the boat, proud and confident, eyes forward and looking into the future rather than focusing on the obstacles at her feet. Great advice for the day.

My horoscope: “It's a good day for you, dear Sagittarius, to put some of those creative ideas to work. Pull out your favorite craft supplies and have some fun exploring color and design. If you have children, consider including them in on the activities. It may amaze you to listen to the incredible ideas and innovative thoughts your own kids have that you never thought of. If you don't have an "idea box" where old bottles, egg cartons, odd buttons, ribbons, and scraps of colored paper can collect for times like this, start one today!”

And: “Physically, you should be feeling especially energetic and full of stamina. Reading, or sitting behind a desk, won't go well for you today. You're likely to be feeling restless and rather antsy. This is the perfect day to go for an all-day workout, or participate in sports. At some point you may feel exhausted, but that will pass. You'll get your second wind soon: In the evening: Go out to a movie, concert or play.”

We head down to Cape May tonight; I can’t wait. We didn’t go down last weekend, and I am experiencing severe withdrawal.

I am going to begin working on a list of my skills. They are:

Typical secretarial skills: Microsoft Word XP, EDGAR filings, corporate and securities work, past experience with real estate purchases, foreclosures. A side skill that is effective: grammar and punctuation nazi.

Tarot: I have been reading Tarot cards (live readings as well as internet and chat room readings, within private venues and public forums) for over five years, and teaching for over four years. My teaching experience includes regular beginner’s classes, as well as regular workshops regarding individual cards, the Court Cards, numerology, archetypes and the Tarot, Aces, card pairs, and spread construction, to name a few.

Reiki: I have received attunements through Master level, have been giving Reiki treatments, both in person and distance, for over three years, and have given attunements up to the level of Reiki II.

Sacred Movement: I have been performing and choreographing belly dance for over 25 years, and teaching belly dance for over 15 years. I have also taught classes and workshops focusing on sacred movement in general, and on the workings of the human personal energy field, including channels or meridians, auras and chakras.

Yesterday morning, while doing my usual morning meditation, Danu came to me. I could tell that She was not just there to give me a hug, and so I asked her what She needed to tell me. She said, “It is time to take the next step.” I told Danu that I was ready for that next step, whatever it was. She proceeded to challenge me!

Danu explained that I had gotten better at stopping my judgment of others, and I had gotten real good at preventing a focus on negative things and on cleaning the aftereffects of those negative focuses out of my aura when one snuck in under my defenses. She praised me for one part of the process that I had recently initiated: when someone cuts me off or acts with rudeness, instead of getting angry, I visualize a perfect rose, cut from a rose bush, with a few healthy leaves but all thorns cut from the stem, and I send the visualization of this rose to the rude person with the intent that whatever is initiating the distraction or rudeness is eased so that this person is happier. Danu explained to me that while these skills are useful and necessary, they are defensive in nature. They are a reaction to the actions of others.

Now, She explained, the time has come for me to choose to act, not to react. I need to send serenity and balance and peace into my aura so that I leave a residue of these emotions behind, wherever I go. There is a benefit to this because in doing so, I will be changing my personal environment to be more serene, more balanced and more peaceful. I need to actively open myself to the messages and symbolism of such things as the Tarot. I need to not only accept the messages, but I need to share them with those who need to know them.

I must act, and I must act with confidence. Not as an authoritarian ruler whose commands must be obeyed, but rather to offer positive effects to others so that if they choose to, they may absorb them. I must also take actions with confidence because these actions are like seeds being sprinkled onto the soil under the leaves of orange and yellow and red and brown. Those seeds will rest quietly, protected, through the quiet of the cold and dark, and when the time is right, they will burst forth with life; I have only to believe and to act with quiet authority.

Take the next step. Act. Believe.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Universe/The Magician reversed. The “final gateway is here”! It is time for me to pull back from my belief that I have mastered everything, because while I may have mastered the skills necessary to get this far, the time is coming to prepare to become a novice once again. It is okay to rest for a bit and enjoy the deeper connection to the universe that I have attained, but I need to keep in mind that every ending heralds a new beginning. Soon enough the next “first step” will be upon me and I will need to shift my focus inward in order to find the first new tendrils of that next step.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Discs reversed. “Gain” in an upright position tells of a moment of intense enjoyment from viewing hard-won accomplishments, but this enjoyment has the potential of becoming so heavy with its own weight that it morphs into stagnation. Because the card is reversed, I am being told to be careful that I don’t pause today at the wrong time, if at all.

My Legacy card is the Five of Swords. This card is warning that things are not what they seem. We may believe that we have won a victory, but if that victory was attained by ill means, it is not really a victory at all. We may feel that we have been bested, but the worse case scenario is that we lost and it’s over. Now comes acceptance of defeat, and then rebuilding, better than before.

Some interesting endings and transitions presented in my cards today. This morning, while doing my usual morning meditation, Danu came to me. I could tell that She was not just there to give me a hug, and so I asked her what She needed to tell me. She said, “It is time to take the next step.” I told Danu that I was ready for that next step, whatever it was. She proceeded to challenge me!

Danu explained that I had gotten better at stopping my judgment of others, and I had gotten real good at preventing a focus on negative things and on cleaning the aftereffects of those negative focuses out of my aura when one snuck in under my defenses. She praised me for one part of the process that I had recently initiated: when someone cuts me off or acts with rudeness, instead of getting angry, I visualize a perfect rose, cut from a rose bush, with a few healthy leaves but all thorns cut from the stem, and I send the visualization of this rose to the rude person with the intent that whatever is initiating the distraction or rudeness is eased so that this person is happier. Danu explained to me that while these skills are useful and necessary, they are defensive in nature. They are a reaction to the actions of others.

Now, She explained, the time has come for me to choose to act, not to react. I need to send serenity and balance and peace into my aura so that I leave a residue of these emotions behind, wherever I go. There is a benefit to this because in doing so, I will be changing my personal environment to be more serene, more balanced and more peaceful. I need to actively open myself to the messages and symbolism of such things as the Tarot. I need to not only accept the messages, but I need to share them with those who need to know them.

I must act, and I must act with confidence. Not as an authoritarian ruler whose commands must be obeyed, but rather to offer positive effects to others so that if they choose to, they may absorb them. I must also take actions with confidence because these actions are like seeds being sprinkled onto the soil under the leaves of orange and yellow and red and brown. Those seeds will rest quietly, protected, through the quiet of the cold and dark, and when the time is right, they will burst forth with life; I have only to believe and to act with quiet authority.

Take the next step. Act. Believe.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Page of Wands/Five of Swords reversed. Today I may be tempted to allow my Younger Self to rule the day. And that Five of Swords may be reversed today, but it is still there; this means that my Younger Self can go out to play, but I need to keep an eye on her so that her enthusiasm doesn’t get her hurt.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Swords. Back to the Court Cards again. This Queen is a keen observer, a subtle interpreter and an intense individualist who is confident in her ability to effectively balance the challenges of the day. This card is a nice balance to the enthusiasm of the Page of Wands.

My Legacy card is the Six of Swords reversed. This card is about moving to a better place, but because it is reversed, I am being told that while a move might be a good thing to contemplate, the way is not yet clear before me and the dangers outweigh the benefits of moving forward blindly right now. I need to look before I leap and I need to be optimistic because the potential for moving forward is there, but it has not yet ripened.

My horoscope: “Spirit and soul may seem out of balance today. A part of you may be longing to break from society and live a more spiritual life, but worldly responsibilities and attachment to your current lifestyle might get in your way. These things don't happen overnight, dear Sagittarius. You have to let them develop in their own way, in their own time. Right now, the key is finding balance between the spiritual and the material.”

Simplifying matters:

I like working on my own and having control of what I put out.
I like working close to home.
I like being able to connect with Nature at will, even if this only happens through a window.
I like being able to go out and get a fresh salad for lunch.
I like to write, draw, make jewelry, or anything else that involves creativity.
I like to work with and learn about the human energy field and the operations of the physical body.
I like learning about the human psyche and expressing that knowledge through the Tarot.

I don’t like having to get up early when I want to sleep in a little more (to make it simple, I am not an early morning person).
I don’t like having to be working for a specific block of time that is exactly the same every day, whether there is work to be done or not.
I don’t like not being able to adjust or split up or shift that time in order to enable me to do other things.
I don’t mind doing clerical work but I don’t like the way it shuts my brain down.

I need to be able to find a way to incorporate the things I like into my career. I don’t mind working hard for long hours when those hours are invested in work about which I am enthusiastic.

I need to be able to incorporate these things without having to go to school in order to do this. For instance, I would love to become a certified massage therapist, but I would have to take a block of time out from my day job (months) in order to do this, and I can’t afford to spend money on tuition and not get paid a regular salary.

I need to find the right audience for my skills.

Okay, that doesn’t simplify matters that much, it just makes it easier to see what I like, don’t like and need. There just has to be a career for me out there that brings in enough money to live on and feeds my soul at the same time! I am determined to discover it. *bangs fist on desk*

Both my cards and my horoscope today are telling me that I can’t give up; even if it seems that I am not making progress, I am.

One thing I am certain of: the internet will have some answer or tool or support for me. The internet will be a part of whatever it is that I am meant to do, and it very well may be a part in my discovering exactly what it is that I am meant to do.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Lovers/Five of Swords. Today I must be very aware of my choices, for the energies of the day will have a dual nature to them, presenting choice after choice. I need to remember that even the smallest moment of neglect can end up having huge ramifications. I also need to remember that I have help; one definition of “duality” is the relationship between me and my gods. And most important of all, I need to remember that a victory attained by unethical means is not a victory at all.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Disks reversed. The “Wealth” card, referring to all kinds of wealth in the physical realms, is considered the Minor Arcana equivalent of The World. It tells us that once we have manifested the correspondence of the suit of Disks, we reach a point where this wealth will either become completely inert under its own weight (and then cease to be wealth and instead will become an anchor, which can be good or bad), or the wealth will transform itself into some higher concept through the infusion of the intellect (and this is accomplished mainly through altruistic means). The card is reversed, so I need to remember that while these potentials are present, I am probably not seeing them, and this could be directly connected to The Lovers and the Five of Swords.

My Legacy card is the Four of Wands reversed. In an upright position, this card tells of the laying of an exciting foundation that offers much potential for enthusiasm and passion through the use of creativity. Because it is reversed, I need to be cautious because I may be acting too quickly, or I may be allowing other more dark influences to tarnish that foundation.

My mostly exclusive focus on the physical realms is finally fading a bit, but before a balance between physical and astral returns, I want to lay the groundwork for a real effort to figure out how I can create a career out of all the knowledge I have collected and skills I have honed over the past nearly seven years that I have been walking on the Path of Wicca. This has been my year of changing focus in many ways, and this is just one of them. I have taken many steps in order to lay a potential foundation that is built from several types of “blocks.” My hope and goal is that a combination of several smaller careers could provide enough funds to allow me to leave my day job.

But, details are important in any magickal working, and so I am creating some lists this week in order to close in on exactly what combination will work for me. Today I will be looking at my current job and deciding which facets are valuable to me personally, and which facets I would rather not have in a permanent career situation.

In an effort to be optimistic, I will first talk about the things I like about my job. The office is close to my house; my commute is exactly 2.1 miles, and if I had to, I could walk to work; I have a reserved parking space. I am also very close to a supermarket, and I am able to go out and get a salad at lunchtime. The building itself is a low rise, and I work on the fifth floor; I have worked in high rise buildings, and I do not like it. The windows in the office face East, which means that in the late Fall, Winter and early Spring, I can watch the full moon rise over the New York Skyline. I can also see down into a small triangle of land that has been left wild because a seasonal stream runs along one side of the triangle.

I work for a small law firm; I was nervous about this when I first started working here because I always worked in offices with more than one assistant. But I have found that I like being on my own most of the time. When things get real busy I miss having someone to help me, but actually that helper ends up answering the phones and working on all the other things that would have to sit idle while I was working on a big project, if that other person was not there. Because I am a perfectionist, I like to have control over any large documents or projects. I used to be a typesetter, so I am anal about formatting, and I am known as a grammar and punctuation nazi as well. I receive fulfillment from knowing that I have done the best I can do to be certain that any project is well taken care of.

What I don’t like about my job is that it takes place in a 9 to 5 environment, which is necessary as the entities with which we interact are all 9 to 5. This means that I must arrive at work at a certain time every day (and of course, that time is too early for my body clock), I must take my lunch at a certain time every day, and whether I have completed my responsibilities or not, I must stay until a certain time every day. There is no way for me to shift the work load and work extra hours for a few days in order to clear a block of time for personal use, there is no way for me to shift or split up the daily block of time that I am working in order to mesh with personal needs.

I can deal with the boredom of administrative assistant/secretarial work, but I don’t like the way it seems to put my brain to sleep. I start out each work week feeling as if my brain is alive and lit up with electrical current; I have a connection to the physical word and I have a connection to the vast universes within me. But as each week day goes by and I sit at my desk for that huge block of time, I need to struggle more and more to wake up my brain. There are not too many ways to make clerical work stimulating to the brain, at least for me, and while I am not afraid to work hard, I would rather be focusing on some form of employment that causes the awake parts of my brain to expand rather than contract.

I like to write, but I want to write about what interests me, rather than working on legal contracts and agreements. I like to create. I like to draw, to create hand made animations the old fashioned way, to dance, and to study occult and metaphysical subjects. I like to learn about the physiology and energy fields of the human body, and the human psyche, and I like to guide and counsel and mentor others who enjoy all of those subjects. I love the Tarot. I am a Reiki Master, and enjoy giving treatments. I enjoy working with rocks and crystals, and I enjoy wire wrapping in order to make jewelry.

Whatever I decide to focus on, I need to be able to maintain this job and gradually segue these other careers into being. I cannot afford to quit my day job, and I cannot afford to go to school.

I am going to print this out, and I am going to read through it every day this week. I am hoping that if I keep shifting the puzzle pieces around, I will finally be able to complete the puzzle and see the image. No, I am not hoping, I am firmly believing that I will do this.

Are there any niches out there that can be filled by a Tarot reader/Reiki practitioner/jewelry maker/energy worker/novelist/artist?


Monday, October 5, 2009

Seven of Pentacles reversed/The Hermit reversed. Things are a-movin’ and a-shakin’ in my physical world today. I am being told that today is not a day to stop and assess my progress so far, but rather today is a day to move forward. The answers to the questions are in my physical world, and the questions that involve anything else should be put aside until a more auspicious day for inner focuses. Today I need to accomplish things elsewhere.

My Thoth card is the Six of Pentacles. “Success”! Today will be a balance of solar and lunar energies; the balance won’t last long for the earthy energies will either stagnate under their own weight or release the grounding tether and float away. But until then, today is a day to take advantage of that balance.

My Legacy card is Temperance. The energies of this card are static because they are balanced, and equilibrium is maintained because of the equal and opposing forces being held steady by moderation. I can maintain this balance at least for today, and I can also make use of it. I also need to remember that “tempering” is an alchemic effect, and that I become stronger and more refined through dealing with extremes and finding a balanced application of those extremes.

My horoscope: “A group with which you are associated could bring information to your attention that puts you in a very positive frame of mind and almost has you skipping all the way home. You should enjoy socializing today, dear Sagittarius, as you are even more gregarious than usual and both old and new friends could seek out your company. A victory of some kind has come your way, which contributes to your great mood. Enjoy your day.”

Another day focusing on the physical realms yesterday. Bob went to his brother’s house to watch the Giants game yesterday; I went to a baby shower in the afternoon, and then came home and spent about four hours on the computer, checking First Degree homeworks and otherwise cleaning up my unanswered emails. Progress was made, and that is a good thing. Then later in the evening, hubby and I watched a movie (while I did laundry) and we went to sleep relatively early.

Again today my focus is on getting things finished in my physical world so that I can cross them off my list. And I am filled with energy, which is very unusual for me on a Monday morning; this could be in part because I got so much done over the weekend.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Queen of Pentacles/The World. Aaahhhh, another day of serenity. I will not feel the need to create today, but I will connect in a very nice way with the physical world using all of my senses. Simple and good.

My Thoth card is The Magus reversed. Well, I may not be using my Will today, or I may have trouble connecting with it effectively, as this is Crowley’s “Will” card and it is reversed.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Wands reversed. I love the image to this card; it really brings to mind the sense of being done in and operating by Will alone. Another card talking about Will that is reversed. I hope these reversals support those first two cards and are telling me that I won’t need to make use of my Will because the day will go well. **crosses fingers**

I spent this cloudy and rainy yet warm day doing some heavy Fall cleaning in our Hackensack house. I do my best cleaning first thing in the morning, and it has been a long time since I was in Hackensack for the weekend, so I took advantage. LOL, I think I cleaned out my vacuum dust receptacle four times, and I even had to clean the filters. But the house is clean, and now the next time I have spare time, I can work on updating my BOS.

The coolest thing happened late in the afternoon. As I finished each room, I lit a sunflower scented tealight and placed it in the room. As I finished up the last room and lit the tealight, my entire house smelled like sunflowers. I made myself a cocktail and sat down to rest my weary feet, and suddenly the late afternoon sun broke through the clouds, and golden rays shot into all the back windows, which face to the west, and lit my clean house with sun.

All the efforts of the entire day are worth that moment.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Five of Wands/King of Cups. I may experience “turns ta” today (everything I touch turns ta dog poop), and maybe even some challenging ethical choices, possibly involving skeptics, but as long as I don’t adopt an “every man for himself” attitude and instead, choose to allow my own experiences to build emotional and spiritual bridges that connect me to both my protractors and detractors, all will end well. No judging allowed, and the tools I should access are peace, harmony and diplomacy.

My Thoth card is the Princess of Swords. Back to the Court Cards. Today I will find that I am very good at settling differences and calming upheavals, and recording new ideas. My powers of perception will be at their peak, and my interpretations will be just and ethical.

My Legacy card is Faith. Today I am being told to notice that it is the shining light of faith that unites us all, and although traditions and spiritual paths may be different, we are joined with the universe because we are all spiritual entities that are housed in physical bodies. I should think about the traditions of my faith today, I should offer a devotion to my own Deities, and I should put what I believe into practice.

My horoscope: “A large assembly of forces is gathering at this time to make a bold statement and an important pledge, dear Sagittarius. This is the kind of movement that brings together entire generations and unites people to form a revolution of some sort. Put away the petty issues, and think on a global scale. Educate yourself about what is going on in the world, and take a more aggressive stand in fighting for what you believe. A small group of intelligent individuals can make a tremendous impact.”

All of my interactions on the internet have become filled with an extra flavor of meaning. So much of my focus has moved inward already, even though the waning year is only middle aged, and the fountain of energy that Uriel opened within me months ago is emitting more warmth and pressure than ever. This is certainly going to be an interesting Winter season!

I am reading an interesting book called “Your Aura & Your Chakras: The Owner’s Manual” by Karla McLaren that has offered some interesting concepts that relate to my explorations of the “energy self” and the “online self.” I am just beginning the chapters that describe the workings of the aura, and early on the author begins to discuss the concept of boundaries. She explains how people who do not have boundaries end up running amok, mainly because they allow all of themselves to focus outward to the point that their entire “self” is outer, and their inner self does not exist at all. This effect can be seen in people who live their lives on automatic pilot, totally connected to their physical selves and the effects of their senses to the point that their inner self has atrophied. This effect can be seen in people who are so concerned with their “cause” that they allow that cause to become their entire reason for existence, to the point that if the cause disappears, they are lost and cut adrift because their inner selves are empty of everything but their cause.

The author also explains the two kinds of energy that are within each personal energy field. The energy that is stored within the body has to do with the inner self, with the physical workings of the body and with personal feelings and ideas about the self. The energy that is stored within the aura, which is outside the physical body, has to do with the feelings about the person’s place in the world, the person’s feelings about the world, and about how others see the person. To me, the person’s feelings about himself or herself are also stored in the aura. All of the energies that are stored in the aura can affect the person (because the energy body and the physical body interact), and they can affect the other people that the person comes into contact with or even passes close to.

The lesson here is that not only do our emotions and beliefs affect our entire self (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual), but the emotions and beliefs of others can affect us as well. There are two sides to this coin: one is that we need to ground and cleanse our energy self often, and the second is that we have a responsibility to actively choose our emotions and beliefs, because they can and will affect others.

LOL, and I am not even 50 pages into the book.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Death/Knight of Wands. Today is the big powerful finale that segues into the exciting creation of enthusiasm. Oy. Fasten your seatbelts folks, because we are taking off! The most encouraging thing about endings is that if we embrace the ending and we don’t fight it, we set the stage for a smooth rebirth. And this Knight is the perfect person to initiate the rebirth because he is filled with enthusiasm, without the need for gain or personal glory.

My Thoth card is The Emperor. A Major Arcana card!! Wow, this does not happen often with this deck; the last time I threw a Major with my Thoth was September 1. The Emperor is seen as the power of the world, clothed with the highest and most ethical of his natural attributes. He is a combination of energy in its most material form with the idea of authority, and he is at the peak of his very considerable abilities. His task is to protect and care for all, and his actions, whether gentle or harsh, are fueled by unspoken love.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Coins. Marchetti sees this card in an interesting way. He explains that we have had some influence on the events of our lives thus far, the same way that a farmer has some influence on his crops: he plants the seeds in soil that he has prepared with care, and he pulls the weeds that might siphon off energy, fertilizes to feed his plants, and prunes and waters as necessary. But sooner or later we need to step back and know that we have done all we can to affect the outcome of a situation; at that point we can only stand and watch. Yes, we can assess what we have done thus far and compare it with what the outcome appears to be from this vantage point, but in some ways we then release the project to finish its manifestation on its own. We have done all we can, and the only thing left to do is to visualize the harvest and hope that we have done what is necessary to manifest our goals.

My horoscopes: “‘Action’ is the keyword of the day for you, dear Sagittarius, so put on some comfortable shoes this morning, and have a good time. Infuse a bit of non-sequitur playfulness in your dealings with others, and find ways you can escape reality for a little while. Take the original scenario, and add a twist of the bizarre. Opinions will be especially strong today, and conflict may arise, but realize that a breath of playfulness and lightheartedness will remedy any situation.”

And: “Restrictive forces may come into conflict with you today. The good news is that you should be able to find a space of peace within your emotions. Seek out a mediator who can help you sort out stalemates that may exist between you and others. Opportunities for freedom and autonomy are out there waiting for you to grab them. Seek out the bizarre and unconventional ways of doing things.”

I woke up this morning filled with the most incredible sense of serenity and balance. It was as if I had at some point during the night surrendered my need to control and judge those things that I cannot affect no matter how hard I tried, and instead shifted my focus to my response to those things. I cannot believe how empowering this shift feels to me, mainly because I am no longer wasting my Will on issues that are going to pretty much happen anyway. This leaves lots and lots of focus and energy and Will that can now be used to support the choices that **can** have an effect.

Despite the serenity I feel, my horoscopes tell of volatile energies swirling around me, my dear friend Mystery would revel in these active energies; one horoscope sees these energies as bringing positive potential and one sees them as offering restrictions. Interestingly enough, it is the horoscope that offers the restrictive view of the energies that also foretells a “space of peace within [my] emotions.” Both horoscopes hint that the best way to deal with these energies is to greet them with joy and allow them to take their own paths, even if those paths seem bizarre. In fact, that word “bizarre” is in both horoscopes.

Interestingly enough, I read an article posted on the Sacred Mists Forums called From Indigo to Crystal – The Signs and Symptoms Of An Evolving Adult, by Susanna Kompogiorgas. Okay, I admit it, I find the whole Indigo/Crystal thing . . . well . . . the word “bizarre” comes readily to mind. But a large part of this article seems to be written for me. Am I an Indigo and I don’t know it?

From the article (with relevant parts italicized):

The time has come for many indigo adults to move on to crystal. The transition from indigo to crystal is an evolutionary process that happens automatically - and it has many distinguishing characteristics. First of all, the newly emerging crystal adults develop a difficulty in dealing with “toxic” environments such as big city streets, crowded shopping malls, and any very “grounded,” “material” overloaded places with polluted (physically and spiritually) energy.

They also develop the increased sensitivity to the plight of fellow man and animal that is suffering from injustice.

This sensitivity normally existed before, but as the indigo adult emerges to crystal, the awareness of the plight of mankind becomes heightened - as well as their awareness of the state of Gaia - and how the respiration of our planet is being constantly compromised. Newly emerging crystal adults also have increased revelation of fifth and sixth dimension reality as well increased psychic experiences, visions, and akashic glimpses. As they become more immersed in their crystal state, these adults also experience a greater understanding of oneness and cosmic unity - being able to perceive their connection to the Creator and to all creation.

Another characteristic of indigo adults going into crystal reality is the problem of being overweight. Usually indigo adults absorb a lot of negative energy from others and they also internalize their emotional sensitivity. This happens concurrently with blocked chakras and a weighed down auric field. As the indigo adult evolves to crystal, their ability to metabolize - both physically and emotionally improves because they detoxify as well as work on a higher vibrational level - although a lot of protection is needed during the transition. The one most important characteristic/symptom affecting all indigo adults evolving to crystal is the incredible detoxification process they are experiencing.

The bodies of indigo adults are trying to expel the chemicals, pollutants, toxins, bad energy and other negative elements that were weighing down and polluting their physical and energy bodies. These elements were disturbing their energy fields, resulting in blocked chakras. Most times it has resulted in what conventionally is known as disease.

The process of detoxification happens when the indigo adult consciously turns to a diet of wholesome natural foods - avoiding all toxins, hormones, chemicals and dangerous fats. When the bodies of the indigos detox, they experience a myriad of symptoms including joint and muscle pains, rashes, headaches, fatigue, weakness, brain fog, intestinal disturbances, bloating, bronchial congestion, among others. These symptoms are indications of the physical body ridding itself of the poisons before it emerges into crystal reality. At this point, conscious chakra cleansing, meditation and communication with nature is necessary to help the process and transform to crystal reality.

This actually explains a lot of what has been happening, and this could very well be the big thing that I felt was coming for me. Not that I plan on embracing the bizarre completely as I move away from any thing that is “sane” and “normal” (however those terms are defined). I feel the same way I felt after reading The Celestine Prophecies, a sort of “Yes!! I was right; something **is** happening inside of me!” Each time that I receive some kind of physical validation for what I think is happening, whether it is the writings of another or an explanation for a change in the physical operation of my body, or in special circumstances both, I feel as if I am taking another step up the ladder of existence.

Is this why my Patroness has been hovering protectively? Is Danu afraid that I will disregard this information as way too bizarre for me to embrace? My dearest Lady Danu, I thank you for the convergence of many instances of synchronicity into a message that I can understand, I trust you enough to go with this, and I willingly accept and embrace this evidence of my evolution.