Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Horned One/Temperance reversed.  It may appear to me that the challenges of the day are due to outside influences, but actually their source is within me.  I need to understand both the brightest day and the darkest night in order to achieve balance for it is only through experiencing both extremes that I can achieve harmony.  Now is the time for me to take a look at the negative within me and come to understand it.  I need to remind myself that only I have the power to make things right, and that I have the ability to access and use that power effectively. 

My Thoth card for today is the Knight of Swords reversed.  Well, if this card was upright my day would be spent at the mercy of my ideas which, although presented in a clever fashion with compelling and convincing descriptions, would seem to control my focus to the point of futility.  The card, however, is reversed; will this be a day without ideas, or will I be able to control them? 

As a continuation of yesterday’s post, I performed a clarifying meditation on Monday morning after requesting clarification of the message I received on Friday, and it was clarifying in the end. 

The meditation began by picking up from where Uriel left me on Friday night: standing in the fog.  As the fog dissipated, I found myself standing under trees in a forest.  The trees were not old and craggy, but rather young and straight; the canopy was pretty solid, but there must have been a clearing somewhere, because sunlight lit the floor of the forest (which was lightly covered with growth that was no taller than knee height) and I could see around me easily. 

There, standing before me, waiting patiently, was the most beautiful male I had ever seen.  He had dark hair, flecked with gray, that hung down past his shoulders, cobalt blue eyes surrounded by a fringe of dark lashes, a ruggedly handsome face, and a nicely built body, clothed in green and brown.  One corner of his sensuous mouth was tilted upward, as if he knew a secret and it pleased him.  The slanting beams of sunlight seemed to shimmer and dance around him, and I felt drawn to him in an uncomplicated yet primitively powerful way.  As I type this description, I can still feel that pull, unlike any attraction that I had ever felt.  If I had been able to create what I consider the perfect male, the ideal picture of what would attract me at this time of my life, he would be it.  I hesitated, wondering for a moment exactly what kind of clarification this was, and then gave in to the need to move forward, and walked toward him.  As I approached his smile deepened, and he held out his hand.  

Still somewhat hypnotized by his maleness (no other word works) and the primitive pull that was hazing my brain, I took his hand and he led me forward through the trees, turning to smile at me every now and then.  After a few moments, we reached a platform that had been suspended at about waist height between several trees, covered with pine boughs whose fragrance filled the air, and then a pile of tasseled pillows in shades of green and brown and sky blue. 

Before I go any further, I must say this much.  I have an incredibly rich fantasy life, and have watched and taken part in quite a few different events and taken many actions that I would never consider having or doing within the physical world.  I have done quite a bit of exploration in the fantasy realms and within meditations and visualizations, and I visualize myself dancing, performing magick, and yes, having sex, with incredibly powerful and productive results.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t commit murder or anything like that, but I feel that fantasizing is what keeps my meditation skills strong and what allows me to perform rituals and magickal workings with confidence and skill.  

With this in mind, imagine my surprise when I suddenly became uncomfortable.  Here he was, the most majestically masculine being, standing face to face with me, his body almost touching mine; he gently cupped my face and tilted his head and slowly moved his lips toward mine.  Just before we touched, I stopped him even though I was aching for the kiss.  For the first time in my life, I felt that a fantasy kiss was cheating!  He looked momentarily surprised when I stopped him, and then smiled softly and stepped back a bit.  But our eyes remained locked, and he knew somehow exactly how I was feeling, teetering between allowing the fantasy and not allowing the fantasy.  He reached up and stroked my cheek, gently tempting me.  I backed away; he bowed formally, and then turned and faded away into the shadows under the trees. 

The meditation ended, but my pondering as I tried to understand what had just happened was far from over.  I contemplated the single-minded pull that I had felt, and I realized that it was the potential for pleasure that was luring me.  Not love, not admiration, but pleasure.  I was feeling the same type of desire that I feel when I get a sugar craving, only it was not sugar that I was craving.  And yes, I know; I can certainly grab my hubby and scratch the itch whenever needed, but somehow I get the feeling that there was a different message for me here.   Somehow I thought that the message was in the desire, not in the satisfaction of the desire. 

And so, I asked Danu for help.  And soon enough, my thoughts and ponderings were led in the right direction.  The first thing that I focused upon was the fact that this entire fantasy/meditation did not happen in the physical world, it happened within my mind or to my mental self.  Perhaps Uriel was getting frustrated because I was trying to oblige him in the physical realm?  I certainly had some fire ignited within me during that meditation, and I can still feel the power within that fire.  I certainly had been given hints by Uriel, and in hind sight I can’t blame him for smacking me in the forehead.  He keeps getting rid of my physical body, and even had my astral eyes poked out with a sharp dowel in one meditation.  Sorry, belated trigger warning!  Within my meditation on Friday, I felt my physical body grow soft and then melt and drip away.  Perhaps I need to change my focus within the energy work I have been doing, and perhaps I need to stop searching for physical manifestations of this work and instead strive for astral manifestations. 

The second thing that I realized was that within my meditations at least, there does not have to be judgment imposed by or to anyone but me.  And really, I don’t even have to judge myself if I don’t want to.  Danu helped me with that one; She hugged me and assured me that I would not be condemned for anything that I did or did not do, as long as I acted or didn’t act with awareness.  There is a big difference between being judged for actions that were taken while on automatic pilot, and choosing whether to act or not act based upon the consequences that will most likely happen.  I did not kiss my fantasy man because I felt that this particular kiss would be not appropriate.  I may change my mind.  For all I know, I am supposed to kiss him.  But I won’t fall into this on automatic pilot, only to feel that I made a mistake later on.  In the mean time, this craving may end up to be as powerful a source of energy as my sugar cravings! 

Uriel, you have certainly given me food for thought.  And boy, were my Tarot cards right on the money today! 


Monday, June 29, 2009

Seven of Wands/Justice reversed. I need to remember that I do have the right to stand up for myself. Fear is a good thing, because it keeps me alert (after all, without fear there would be no opportunity to experience courage), but I must remember that fear should not control me. Deeds from the past are forming the foundation upon which I will build when the time is right; I may be forgetting this however, or I may be allowing myself to be distracted.

My Thoth card for today is that Price of Swords again. Lots of mental and intellectual activity today, but I may find that these ideas and thoughts are very unorganized, possibly to the point of hindering each other. I need to remember that I cannot exist on pure ideas alone; they must sooner or later be given life!

I had an interesting meditation on Friday night on the way down to Cape May, with a clarification meditation this morning, on the way back. The meditation began with me standing on the top of a mountain, with the sky above a clear blue, the air crisp and cold, and with a blanket of clouds below me, obscuring most of what lay below, except for the occasional glimpse of the top of a smaller peak. I stood there for a while, breathing in the clear and clean air and exhaling the stresses of the week just passed.

After a little time, I realized that the cloud cover was thinning somewhat, and I got occasional glimpses of some kind of city, far below. This city was large and sprawling, filling a deep valley and even extending here and there up onto the foothills that ringed much of the valley, and the buildings were mostly of a light brown color, with no sky scrapers or unusual structures to be seen. I did not get any feeling as to where this city was, or even when it was, as it was far below me and I could not see details, but it was inhabited, for I could see movement and I could see smoke coming from chimneys.

Suddenly, without warning, what appeared to be a meteor streaked from my upper left, moving down and to the right, to land right in the middle of the city. From my vantage point I watched the shock wave as it moved outward from the center point of ground zero; within seconds the entire city was obscured by billowing dust, flames and smoke. The entire cloud of destruction came surging over the foothills and up the sides of the mountains, like a tidal wave hitting the shore. For a second or two I thought that it would sweep over my mountain peak and overwhelm me as sound caught up with sight, the air was filled with the sound of explosions, and the very mountain upon which I stood trembled from the impact, but the cloud stopped short of my vantage point and billowed back toward the center of destruction below me. Thankfully the clouds and smoke obscured the sights of the horrors that must be happening below me to the inhabitants of that city. Steam began to billow between the dust clouds, rising upward even higher than my mountain peak, to level off far above. Soon enough lightning began to flash and thunder rumbled, and then it began to rain.

I stood there in the rain, shutting my eyes and raising my face, allowing the cool, clear water to rinse over me. To my surprise, I saw that the water that washed down my body and ran off onto the mountain was no longer clear, but rather was a creamy brown color, the same color as my skin. My surprise turned to horror as I realized that it *was* my skin; in fact, I was melting away as the rain pelted me. Streaks of light brown ran down the mountain in all directions, and I experienced the unsettling sensation of the outer layers of my body slowly liquefying and flowing downward. I raised my left arm to look at my hand, and to my surprise I still had a body, but it was silver in color, and I only had a thumb and three fingers instead of four. I closed and opened my fingers; how strange it felt to have only four fingers on my hand instead of five! I focused inward and I realized that this body was just a little bit different than the one that I had been inhabiting, but before I could pinpoint the differences, fog billowed upward and over my head, obscuring my vision for a long moment.

Once the fog began to thin once more, I found that I was no longer on top of the mountain, and my body was back to what it has always been. Now, I was standing before Archangel Uriel, robed in flowing white with a golden belt. He was guarding a door, a plain old door, like the one into my bedroom; He was holding his golden sword with both hands, pointed downward, and He stood there without moving, watching me as I watched him, His eyes like two suns, difficult to look into and framed by blond lashes tipped in auburn.

“You cannot enter,” He finally said to me. What the heck? I hesitated for a moment, wondering how Uriel would react if I questioned him, and then I decided that I would never learn unless I asked questions, so I decided to risk His anger.

“What do you mean, I can’t enter?” I asked. “I’ve been doing everything you asked of me, putting in lots of efforts. I’m not perfect, but perfection isn’t a reasonable expectation. What else do you want of me?”

“You must awaken,” Uriel responded. “Awaken what?” I responded, starting to feel impatient. We have been through this before, with Uriel touching my third eye chakra, and then sharply slapping my third eye chakra and knocking me to the ground, with energy awakenings resulting from both of those touches.

“You must awaken the fire,” was His answer. And then, after a pause, Uriel said, “I have helped and hinted all that I can. It is up to *you* now.” Then, the meditation faded abruptly.

Okay, I felt confused and even a little reprimanded after that abrupt ending, although I don’t know what I did wrong or what I had failed to do. More to come; I will post the next part of this meditation tomorrow, after I’ve had some time to digest it.

We had a great weekend, lots of walking and biking and sitting on the beach, and even swimming! We ate too much, of course, but hopefully most of the eating was counteracted by the walking and biking. Next weekend is the Fourth of July, so we have lots of fun to look forward to, and a house full of company again!


Friday, June 26, 2009

The Empress/Death. The Empress is my significator, and she has not shown up in a spread for me for a while. She represents the physical world and all the pleasures associated with it, but these pleasures are pure and natural in their entirety. She also represents creation, and she seems to be the direct opposite of Death. However, Death is very much connected to birth, which is connected to creativity. After all, both Death and birth describe a major and all-consuming transition away from all that is familiar and into all that is new and yet unexperienced. Today I am being told to think about this connection.

My Thoth card for today is The Lovers. Big choices, and a day filled with inspiration and intuition. Thoth sees this card as the Great Rite, the marriage of two complete beings in order to create something new. Hmmmm . . . there is that concept again. Creation, birth, and corresponding death, all presented within the Major Arcana. Personally, I see this card as a “nudge” from Archangel Uriel, a sort of “hey, look over here!” or a clearing of the throat to indicate one’s presence. Big stuff today!!

Wow, that is some Tarot throw!! I have been feeling once again as if something bog is right over the horizon, just out of sigh, but approaching slowly. This is exciting to me; every time I feel something like this, really good things happen! Because of the powerful Major Arcana cards, including my significator, I feel the need to delve a little deeper into the cards.

Here is what I found, besides the usual Tarot keyword information:

The Empress: Number 3 (creation of something new based on the energies of 1 and 2, three is ruled by Jupiter, educated, wise, happy, free flow of energy), Daleth (door or womb), Venus (love, sensual pleasure and attraction)

Death: Number 13 (the test, all or nothing, can be seen as the center point if the 12 zodiac signs are placed in a circle), Mem (water), fixed water sign, 8th House, introverted/negative/feminine, ruled by Mars or Pluto.

The Lovers: Number 6 (vertical and horizontal balance, harmony, the arts, free flow of energy, six is ruled by Venus), Zayin (sword with two edges), Gemini (adaptable, witty, intellectual), mutable air sign, 3rd House, extroverted/positive/masculine, ruled by Mercury. Interesting that Gemini ends on summer solstice.

If The Empress is there as a “heads up” to me, I can see her as a sort of touchstone to the other two cards. The Empress/Death combination is about transitions, about walking through a doorway; The Empress is about birth or beginnings and Death is about death or endings. Bookends, or a choice? The Empress/The Lovers combination is almost too much to contemplate. They both tell of creation; The Empress as the number 3 card, and The Lovers within the meaning of the card, and they both correspond to the planet Venus in some way, The Empress within the meaning of the card, and The Lovers within the meaning of the number of the card. They are about experiences and about choices. Death/The Lovers, just for the heck of it, this combination has some interesting commonalities. Both are about the free flow of energies, each is of the opposite gender energy, with Death being feminine and inner, and The Lovers being masculine and outer.

Then there is the Archangel Uriel/The Lovers combination. If The Lovers is there as a “heads up” to me, and The Empress/Death are there as two different versions of the concept of walking through a gate or doorway (and if I remember that the one thing that has always appeared within any meditations involving Uriel is death) . . . whoa! No wonder I feel something big approaching!!

Last night we had the first meeting of what I call the Pagan Brain Trust. Imagine this: five experienced Pagans of different traditions/focuses with open and curious minds, getting together to sit and talk. It took us two hours for each of us to give a little bio! No one is a beginner, no one is interested in becoming a coven (that would be a deal breaker for me; just not interested because I already have a coven: Sacred Mists), and everyone is eager to work hard and learn from each other. We are going to try to meet every month, and this group has big possibilities!


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Queen of Cups reversed/Ten of Cups. All Cups today!! The Queen of Cups is Water of Water, and can be seen as the purest manifestation of the element of Water, focusing on emotions and the subconscious. The Ten of Cups tells of a moment in time when we feel that we have it all; it also reminds us that being aware of the riches in our possession could give us a glimpse of the Divine. I am being told today that I have these riches in my life, and for today, I should look for them outside of myself.

My Thoth card for today is the Nine of Cups. The Happiness card again! I am feeling pretty lucky today, because I am surrounded by love and serenity. Love is the strongest power there is, and cannot be bought by any coin. I am being reminded that I am rich in ways beyond the physical world.

Sheesh, these cards sound familiar. I have had court cards in just about every throw for a while now, and that Nine of Cups keeps showing up, too.

My horoscope for today: “Plans for a party or group gathering of some kind could take up much of your time and energy, dear Sagittarius. You might have a lot of letters to write, phone calls to make, or other communications to take care of, but this is likely to prove to be a great excuse for getting in touch with your friends. Today could well prove to be a kind of party-before-the party, which is right up your alley. Enjoy your day!” Yep!! Rehills and Fitzgeralds are coming down to Cape May for the first time in quite a while, and the weather is *crosses fingers* supposed to be pretty good.

I did some work on the Sacred Mists Historical Paganism Course last night, in particular the creation myth of ancient Mesopotamia called the Enuma Elish. LOL, I had to read it four times before I felt that I understood it, and I had to make up a “cheat sheet” of the deities, but now I really have a good feel for the myth. It is interesting to me how the myth seems to have been created within older Mesopotamian cultures and then changed and added to as rulers changed and cultures evolved. I think I can tell where the additions were made because the focus of the myth goes from the step by step progression of the different generations of gods born of the original primordial pair, to the glorification of one particular god, Marduk, who is thought to be Babylonian (and could have been added when the military forces of Babylon impacted the local culture).

The myth starts out with one pair of gods, who represent pre-creation chaos; their first children represent the silt of the sea bed which is grouped together to form islands within the deltas that are the meeting place of fresh and salt water. The next generation of deities represent the earth and the sky (which is a logical next step, after land first rises above the water’s surface), and are said to meet at the horizon. The children of this pair begin to be more diversified, yet still within the general categories of sky, earth and underworld. Of course, like any group of children, once there is a group of gods there is noise. The myth tells of the response of the parent deities, which response can even be identified with today.

I think it is interesting that the complaint is first brought to the Mother Goddess. This could very well be echoing everyday life, and could point toward a matriarchal society. The response of the Mother is pretty typical as well: she in effect says that boys will be boys, and wants to leave the situation as it is. Even though attempts are made to counter the response of the Mother through supplications made to the Father, they are unsuccessful; due to the actions taken by one god who is loyal to the Mother, peace is restored (after the Father is taken out of the picture). If we look at this concept literally, we can see that a river that flows into the ocean is absorbed by that ocean; in the tidal areas of a river, the incursion of salt water changes the environment, even after the tides allow the fresh water to temporarily overcome the salt water.

The noticeable change within the myth happens at this point, with the birth of Marduk. Instead of describing a naturally evolving world, the myth now focuses upon the many marvelous traits and powers of Marduk. Marduk’s ascent to power is effectively described by the author of the myth, and it is very easy to feel the increased excitement and focus within the repeated parts of the story. I was reminded by these repetitions of the Christmas carol called The Twelve Days of Christmas, and its 12 verses that repeat all that has come before with the addition of a new concept. This style of repeating the story thus far and then adding a new event serves to escalate awe and excitement, and I could easily imagine the pleasure, enthusiasm and national pride that would have filled a room as people listened to the myth being read aloud.

Also interesting was how the narrator changed the word choices regarding Tiamat. In the early parts of the myth she is not denigrated at all, but rather is treated the same way as any other deity. However, once the focus of the myth shifts to the glorification of Marduk, Tiamat is described as wheedling, growling and raging, out of control, and as holding falsehood and lies in her lips (even though Marduk uses spells, herbs and harsh words, the descriptions of his actions have a more honorable feel to them). It seems that once Marduk is in the picture, there is not an equal value of male and female (as there seemed to be in the early verses of the myth), rather the glorification of Marduk and the gods who follow him.

My favorite part of the myth is the beginning. The words seem to flow, and once I learned of the symbolism involved with the deities mentioned, the images that formed in my mind also flowed. The deities mentioned in my favorite part of this myth are:

Apsu – fresh water/male (“abzu” meant “ab” water, “zu” far, and was the word for the underground source of all fresh water, including lakes, streams and rivers).

Tiamat – salt water/female; considered to be the personification of primordial chaos.

Lahmu & Lahamu – heroes; first to be born from primordial chaos; they are said to represent the silt islands that appeared where fresh water met the salt water of Persian Gulf, or the silt of the sea bed; never mentioned separately; considered the gatekeepers of the temple.

Anshar & Kishar – “shar” means “horizon”; “an” means “heaven” and is masculine, and “ki” means “earth” and is feminine; brother and sister and husband and wife; sky father and earth mother who begat the first gods; considered to be the “axis of heavens” who met on the horizon.

My favorite part of the Enuma Elish:

When skies above were not yet named
Nor earth below pronounced by name,
Apsu, the first one, their begetter
And maker Tiamat, who bore them all
Had mixed their waters together,
But had not formed pastures, nor discovered reed-beds;
When yet no gods were manifest,
Nor names pronounced, nor destinies decreed,
Then gods were born within them.
Lahmu and Lahamu emerged, their names pronounced.
As soon as they matured, were fully formed,
Anshar and Kisar were born, surpassing them.
They passed the days at length, they added to the years.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Queen of Wands reversed (another repeat)/Three of Cups.  Because the Queen of Wands is Water of Fire, she ends up being very Airy in nature as the Water and Fire tend to cancel each other out.  She is strong willed to the point of being obsessive, and the Wands part of her personality enables her to focus often to the point of burning out.  Thankfully she is reversed today, which is telling me to give it a rest.  Lots of Wands and Swords and a sprinkling of Cups in my card throws of late, and maybe I need a little grounding and a little recharging.  Today might be a good day to just sit back and enjoy the company of others, to receive instead of give. 

My Thoth card for today is the Prince of Swords reversed.  Crowley sees the energies of this card as representing many wonderful yet unrelated ideas, all powerful and valuable, tumbling over each other in confusion because there is no effort to control and direct them.  Thankfully this card is reversed, which is telling me that not only will my mental faculties be more of a simmer today than a roiling boil, but that I will have more active control over the entire process. 

What a lovely day and evening we had yesterday.  It rained buckets all day, but about two hours before our company arrived, the sun came out.  We were able to walk to 410 Bank Street, where we had a delicious meal.  We came back home for coffee and dessert, and our last guests did not leave until almost 2 am, a strong indication that they all had as good a time as we did. 

I am feeling decidedly unenergetic this Litha morn, and I am sitting once again on my front porch, drinking coffee, wrapped in a blanket as it is a little chilly.  Hubby is reading the paper, and the radio is in the window; A Prairie Home Companion is a perfect Sunday morning background!  I am feeling quite content to stay here for a while yet, and believe me, this is a rarity for me.  I had several First Degree Homeworks to check, including two Final Exams, and I have some emails from Mystery regarding The Magus to look over. 

And I guess I should find time to “tame” the wisteria today.  LOL, there are several new whips, nicely laced together, that are stretched out and looking over my shoulder as I type; they need to be wound into the lattice in place to hold them.  All this rain has ended up creating quite a lush garden.  The hydrangeas are heavy with blooms, the grass seems to need to be cut every day, my roses are lovely, and of course, my wisteria is robust, to say the least! 

Litha Blessings!


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Five of Wands/Six of Pentacles reversed. Today will be a day of multiple minor conflicts and a lack of resources, or at least a perception of lack of resources. The issues that will be demanding my attention will be minor ones but they will probably tend to appear in groups. The solution is to achieve a balance between helping myself and depending on others.

My Thoth card for today is the Princess of Swords reversed . . . again. I pulled this same card four days ago, but things have changed a bit for me since then. Four days ago, my reading for myself was “In an upright position, this Princess/Page is known for firmness, aggression and revenge. She can handle practical affairs with cleverness, especially when controversial, and she is good at negotiating settlements. Because this card is reversed, I am sensing that these concepts have become diluted, perhaps diluted to the point where their non-presence is an issue.” Of course, the upright version of the card has not changed, however I have changed since the 16th; I am less lethargic and more alert. And thus, I will interpret this card as offering me encouragement to use my logic and my intellect, for they will not be childishly destructive today, but rather useful and accurate.

I am sitting on my porch in Cape May, watching the rain and listening to the thunder as I drink my coffee and type in my journal. The air is cool and filled with the heady and exotic fragrance of the creamy white flowers on my privet hedge. I managed to get my walk in before the rain started, which is a good thing, because we are taking some of Bob’s clients out to dinner tonight to a really nice restaurant specializing in New Orleans cuisine, called 410 Bank Street. I am really looking forward to this evening, because I have met the clients before, and they are nice, and I have eaten at this restaurant before, and it is good.

Last night while driving down, I unexpectedly connected with my Younger Self for the first time in a while. She usually appears to me as a young elf child, reed slender, hands clasped behind her back, with a shy smile on her face and a mischievous twinkle in her eye, belying the innocence of her smile. That is when she is in a good mood. Let me say this: when she feels angry or hurt or slighted, she can throw one pretty impressive hissy fit for such a tiny being. But last night she was happy, excited about the weekend, particularly the Litha Sabbat on Sunday, and pleased to be interacting with me. We ended up enjoying the sun, low in the sky, as it lit up the undergrowth beneath the groves of trees along the Parkway as we watched for deer.

I arrived in Cape May just in time to attend last night’s Sacred Mists Litha Sabbat ritual, and I entered the chat room with about two minutes to spare. I was surprised that I was the only Student Council member there, and Lady Raven had not arrived yet, and so I looked on IM and saw Brianna; thankfully she was near her computer and answered me right away. She telephoned Lady (who was just finishing up dealing with a family emergency), updated me, and I prepared everyone for the ritual until Lady arrived. Just in case, I had my own Litha solitary ritual ready, but I did not have to use it.

The thing that made me feel good about how I handled this was that I did not panic, not even once. I had my own ritual ready, and the student who was to lead the pre-ritual meditation was ready to go, so the worst case scenario would have been that the ritual did not match the Sabbat announcement on the Boards. Once the ritual was over and I was out on the porch, sitting with Bob, I realized that I had been well prepared for that event, even if I did not realize it at the time. My training at Sacred Mists had truly taken hold, and if Lady had been further delayed by her emergency, I would have been able to lead the students in a ritual (and I would have been able to tweak my solitary ritual into a group ritual on the fly), and not loose my composure. Last night, I really felt like a Third Degree Dedicant; I really felt like a Student Council Member, not a newbie, but a seasoned and well trained leader.

Thank you, Sacred Mists and thank you, Lady Raven, for creating this place that has allowed me to blossom and to manifest the potential within me.


Friday, June 19, 2009

Queen of Wands reversed/The Hermit. Now that is a clear message! Time to suspend my natural tendency to have an effect on my world, and turn my focus inward to examine the “big questions.”

My Thoth card for today is The Emperor reversed. “Use all thine energy to rule thy thought: burn up thy thought as the Phoenix.” This card looks like fire and transforming heat, and it represents the power of thought to rule and control and bring order. However, it is reversed; I am being told that my focus should not be outward. I sense that this reversed Emperor is supporting The Hermit!

I am having an interesting discussion with another Sacred Mists student, MysticTigersEye (now Mystery) as she makes the transition from First Degree Dedicant to Second Degree Dedicant, involving Merlin and divination and the search for a new name (and the lessons and challenges that are a part of that search). Mystery’s searching was directed at some point towards the Thoth Tarot in general and the three Magus cards to be found in this deck in particular. I had read that those two extra versions of the card were included because of the peculiarities of printing; eight cards per page and ten pages equals 80 cards, so there are always two extras, usually filled with card meanings or advertisements. Mystery had found some information regarding those two other images included with the Thoth deck. In this regard, The Magus card that is a part of the actual deck is ruled by Mercury and is said to indicate communications problems, and is known as The Entrepreneur; the second image is said to be ruled by Neptune and indicates a need to go within and communicate with the self, and is known as The Bear or The Dreamer; the third version is ruled by Uranus, tells us that unreliable people are deceiving us (or we are deceiving ourselves) and warns us to be careful, and is called The Trickster. Since I have the deck, I asked Bob to scan the three versions and I sent them to Mystery. We both were able to instantly identify the other two cards. Now comes the fun part!

Once I realized that these cards had originally been included with the deck as a curiosity only, I never gave them too much thought. But now, thanks to Mystery, I will look at them and try to discern the meaning of the symbolism of each version. I get the feeling that my recent exploration of alchemy happened for a purpose, as well as my connecting with Skylark at Saturday’s Student Counsel Bonfire (which, by the way, was such a great experience and a useful opportunity for the Student Counsel Members to informally interact with students), who is studying astrology. I think I will email Skylark the three Mages as well, and see what she sees in those images.

I did my “supercharging the chakras and the aura” cleansing again today, with two additions that have added to the effectiveness of the exercise. I added the mudra that encourages the voiding of extra fluid in the body (which can have effects beyond the physical), and once I began allowing the energy to wash my aura clean (before I closed the bottom and began to “fill the tub”) I did some core muscle stretches. Wow!! Talk about supercharging! Once I actively plugged into my own energy field the effects seemed to be tripled! I feel quite a difference today after that exercise! Not quite back to normal yet, but great strides in the right direction have been accomplished. Hooray for Sacred Movement!

It dawned on me last night that the energies at this particular Litha are certainly interesting. This year the Summer Solstice, the longest day at the peak of masculine energies, takes place on the night before the New Moon, or in other words, the peak of the dark feminine energies of the lunar cycle. No wonder I have been feeling so energetically discombobulated! I am curious to see what I experience over the next few days, now that I am aware of the conflicting energies swirling around me.


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Four of Cups/Queen of Wands. Another day of the energies of the Four of Cups. Perhaps I am being told that things cannot always be energetic and electric, and sometimes I may need to just chill out. I am usually more than willing to take charge and do what I have to do, but perhaps there is a new lesson here for me. These two cards are almost an opposing pair, with the Four of Cups representing a pause and the Queen of Wands manifesting dedication and focus. Do I need to choose between the two? Or do I need to find a happy medium?

My Thoth card for today is the Nine of Cups. This is the Happiness card, and it tells of feeling complete partially through luck or good fortune. It also warns of the potential for happiness to turn into stagnation.

Well, my cards for today sum up what I am experiencing these past days. There I am, the Queen of Wands, trying to take control of my destiny, and I am surrounded by Cups cards that have the potential to bring stagnation and putrefaction. I was feeling very sluggish again this morning even though I had a good night’s sleep. My aura is still feeling cloudy. So, I tried a meditation that seems to have helped.

I sat quietly and shielded myself, and then opened each of my chakras. Once each chakra was cleaned and balanced and opened fully and the energy was cycling within the main channels, I brought energy down through my crown chakra and first allowed it to flow through my chakras and into the floor until I felt cleansed, and then I “put the plug in the bathtub” and allowed myself to fill with energy, until I felt it pressing against the outer edge of my mental/emotional aura. I held the energy there until I sensed that everything was cleaned and recharged, and then allowed the energy to drain out. I released each chakra and relaxed my shield.

I can feel a big difference, but that cloud is still there. I will try the meditation again later today; hopefully I can figure out what the problem is. I am not physically sick, at least to my knowledge, and I am eating better than I have been in a long time, with lots of fruits and vegetables and not too much meat. I am doing my dance stretches in the morning.

Perhaps there is some new lesson being presented to me. I have, after all, been trying to learn more about my own energy field. One thing that I have noticed as I thought about the past few days in order to type this blog entry is that I am able to consciously become more aware by forcing the awareness. I feel as if I am pushing through jello to get to where I need to be, but this is not impossible. Perhaps I am being forced to strengthen my mental muscles?


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

6/17/09: The Empress reversed/Six of Wands. Hmmmm . . . a pattern. From The Emperor reversed and Four of Cups yesterday to The Empress reversed and Six of Wands today. Because both The Emperor and The Empress are present, both reversed, I am being told that balance is returning. That Wands card is an encouragement too, because it is telling me that I am overcoming strife and competition within my physical world; my efforts are beginning to pay off. There is the potential for some relationship to bear fruit as well. However, the job is not done yet, so I can’t relax for long!

My Thoth card for today is the Ten of Disks reversed. Oy. Crowley calls this card “Wealth,” and in an upright position this has to do with possessing or having experienced everything within the physical realms, and it is reversed. This card pretty much sums up my money worries as it focuses quite a bit on what supports and protects us: our house. Because it is reversed, it is truly representing my fears and focuses of late. Anything that interferes with the regular flow of money into a household is a source of worry, and while we certainly are luckier than many during these times, that monthly mortgage payment is a major issue. Crowley also sees this card as representing a time when so much wealth is accumulated that it weighs itself down and becomes inert. That is the silver lining to the cloud: we are not stagnant at all, and since we are already geared up we can hit the ground running when work comes in.

Because of the focus on the material world of that last card and our current money worries, I threw a quick three card spread (how I perceive the situation/the actual situation/possible outcome), and pulled the Eight of Wands, the Nine of Pentacles and the Page of Cups reversed. I certainly am hoping for a sudden release of energy in the form of new jobs for my husband, so that first card is accurate; however I am being told that this energy will not be manipulated by or brought to us through specific people, but rather through the cycles around me. We need to remember that “cycles” equal “circles,” and while at times things are moving downward, eventually they will bottom out and begin to go up again. In the mean time, we need to tighten our belts, act with discipline, and focus on striving for the finer things; what we visualize will then come to be. We may find that this “nose to the grindstone” necessitates the dampening of our imagination and a re-focus from hopes and dreams to the physical world, but we should not fear doing this, for we can once again allow imagination and dreams to reappear, once things are stable and solid again.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and if we work together, we will survive this. I will do my part as a witch; during the dark of the moon I will do a “banishing money worries” spell, and as the moon returns, I will do a “bring more opportunities to work” spell. This time, I will be trying something new. I will make a sigil for my banishing spell (which I will burn during the ritual), and a sigil for my “bring work to us” spell, which I will put in my husband’s office, under the fax machine. This will be the third time that I am performing these workings; each time in the past they have gotten us through a challenging time, and I am confident and hopeful that the same will happen this time. As always, we are not asking for a huge windfall, rather only enough to get our bills paid. We are not afraid to work, so the energy exchange is included specifically in this working.

I am optimistic.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Emperor reversed/Four of Cups. Today may be a day without structure or order, and this may not be a good thing in the long run. Taking time for myself can be beneficial but only as long as the pause does not become a career. Sooner or later I need to snap out of it!

My Thoth card for today is the Princess of Swords reversed. In an upright position, this Princess/Page is known for firmness, aggression and revenge. She can handle practical affairs with cleverness, especially when controversial, and she is good at negotiating settlements. Because this card is reversed, I am sensing that these concepts have become diluted, perhaps diluted to the point where their non-presence is an issue.

My horoscope for today: “Don't expect much luck with computers today, Nancy, particularly when it comes to writing or otherwise communicating with others. Malfunctions with regard to technological marvels could plague you throughout the day. In fact, if you want to get a message to a friend, the best way might just be to visit them! Creative efforts could be hindered in the same way. Today is a great day to retreat to the old days of pen and paper! Hang in there!”

Well that is certainly accurate! I have spent almost the entire day on the phone with our IT person, trying to fix my printer. So far we have only partially fixed it.

Did another meditation on Monday, while driving back up from Cape May, just soaking up the masculine energies and the sunshine and the greens and browns and blues of the salt marshes. At the usual place on the Parkway, I once again heard a voice, asking “Can you hear me? Can you feel me? I am different from my Lady. She is the soft and everlasting sound of life, steady and strong, while I am the ever changing sound of living, ebbing and flowing through the eternal cycle of life.” Just typing about this meditation is bringing back the feeling of awareness and alertness from this meditation, as if every one of my senses had become super-sensitized and I was experiencing the world at a new level.

And I need this extra jolt, for I have been feeling tired the past two or three days. I am getting myself through the day and accomplishing my tasks, but by the end of the day I am worn out, more so than usual. I hope I’m not getting sick. My Tarot cards today seem to make perfect sense to me, and maybe they are offering me a hint as to where I need to focus in order to get back to normal. The Emperor is about the imposition of strict guidelines and structure through a command of the spoken and written word. I need to remind myself that there are rules, and that the rules exist for a reason. And the Four of Cups tells me that I just might be indulging my laziness a little too much.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

Nine of Pentacles reversed/The Star.  Today I am being told that I need to let my wild or untamed nature out to play.  LOL, my definition of the word “maturity” is having the ability to recognize those few moments in life where we must act like adults in order to prevent harm to others.  But the rest of the time, our Inner Child should be allowed to voice opinions.  That is the kind of day I should look to have today.  I am also being told to have faith in both my own power and in the presence of Deity in my life, for if I believe in my own power and the presence of Deity, I will manifest both.

My Thoth card for today is the Queen of Swords reversed.  In an upright position, this card tells of the combination of Water and Air, of intellect laced with compassion, but it is reversed.  Oy.  This could be a warning of the presence of some deceit or unreliability within my day.  I just need to be certain that the deceit or unreliability is not coming from within me.

Well, I am back to my old self.  Two nights of sleep, and a day working in my garden in Cape May, and I am raring to go.  I had a cool meditation last night.  Uriel came to me, and very gently touched my third eye chakra and whispered “Awaken.”  And I felt, starting with where he touched me, a tingling that spread through my body, and out into the mental/emotional layer of my aura.  I could feel a connection all the way out to the outer reaches of that layer.  Then I opened and balanced each of my chakras, and pulled divine energy down through my crown chakra, through my body and out my feet, and allowed the energy to flow as it washed away my tiredness.  

There is an area on the Parkway, right around mile marker 54, that always makes me think of Cernunnos.  There are tall pine trees and dark shadows, and for some reason there is a masculine feel about that area.  Last night as I reached that part of my journey to Cape May, I thought about Cernunnos.  This is His time after all; I see the weeks from before Beltane to after Litha as being the peak of masculine energies in Nature and within the Wheel.  So I was not surprised to feel a deep connection to the Sacred Masculine as I drove through this area.  

I always watch for deer.  I usually see a group of female deer, but never a buck.   I am always optimistic that some day I will see this physical representation of my Patron God, but it has not yet happened.  This trip, I heard a soft voice, saying “Don’t look for me with your eyes.  I am in the shadows under the trees.”

I smiled when I heard that voice.  Maybe because I am just coming from a time of connection to primitive energies and primitive Nature after my trip to the Dominican Republic, and maybe it’s just this time of year, but since last night, I can feel a change in the background hum of energy.  It has a more masculine flavor to it.  

Soon we will make the transformation from the waxing year to the waning year, and we will once again look towards the coming dark and cold, but at least for now, my focus is outward, toward the peak of masculine and active energies during this time of maximum ripening.

I went to the Student Council Bonfire this afternoon, and had a really great time.  This relaxed open forum is a great opportunity for students to ask questions and interact with the Student Council, and with Lady Raven.  I was encouraged by the number of students who attended, and their enthusiastic conversations.  One of the students, Skylark, mentioned astrology, and I asked if she would be willing to work with me on the Tarot Board, maybe with some essays combining astrology and Tarot.  I think, between the two of us we should be able to post some interesting info.  Skylark is willing, and I am excited.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Sun/Knight of Wands reversed. Perfect!! Today will be a day of light and clarity after a period of darkness or confusion. I may feel that I have come out of the time of darkness as a stronger and wiser person, better because of the challenges that have been overcome. I need to keep in mind that while the benign heat of the sun can burn away the fog of confusion and doubt, too much sunlight will dry up my connection to my passions and feelings and the voices within, and I will end up wilting in the desert, unable to bring forth enthusiasm, creativity and motion.

My Thoth card for today is the Nine of Swords. “Cruelty”; talk about a jolt of reality! This card represents the agony of the mind, and it reminds me that decisions and judgments made with the intellect only, and without mercy, compassion or love, are cruel indeed. I am being warned to be alert and aware so that I do not fall into the trap presented by this Nine.

My horoscope for today: “Restriction and discipline might not be your forte, dear Sagittarius, but realize that this may be exactly the type of thing that you need the most. Try not to disperse your energy in too many directions. Focus and channel your efforts into the things that you consider to be the most important. Make sure that most of your day is spent tending to these things. Have you hugged your loved ones lately?”

What a great couple of weeks I have had! My time between Memorial Day Weekend and today has been crazy. We had company in Cape May for Memorial Day Weekend, and the weather cooperated nicely. Then came recovery from the weekend and preparation for my trip to the Dominican Republic.

My dance partner, Sharon, and I left for the Dominican Republic on Wednesday, June 3; our flight was uneventful. We arrived with no problems, and Brian was there, waiting for us at the airport. It was probably 2:30 am by the time we reached Brian’s apartment. I had not seen Brian’s dog, Jeri, since last year, when he was only 8 weeks old. Needless to say, we were all up for a while, getting reacquainted. Even after we finally went to bed, Jeri went from my bed to Sharon’s bed, licking us and playing. We all slept for a couple of hours, and then began our usual D.R. morning routine: drinking coffee and talking. Eventually, we made brunch, and then headed out. Our destination: the Rio Jacagua! This is a stream, fed by mountain waters (and since some of the mountains in the Santiago area are 5,000 feet +, the water is sometimes chilly!); there is a lovely gorge with a waterfall that is accessed by a 15 minute hike along and through the stream.

We spent the afternoon there, playing with the dog in the water and watching all of the local children diving from the 30 foot cliff into the postage stamp sized area directly under the waterfall where the water was deep enough, just barely, for diving. Yikes!! Of course, there was a little showing off happening, as everyone knew that Sharon and I were not locals. All I had to do was take out my camera, and the craziness started. We stopped at the supermarket on the way home, and Brian cooked black chicken and yucca for dinner. Sharon and I crashed at that point, and Brian went out without us on Thursday night.

Friday morning we got up and out, heading over the mountains to Puerto Plata to spend the day on the beach. We had sunshine and warm, warm water, and as usual, we ate a late lunch and I got my “chivo” and fried plantains fix. Chivo is stewed goat, and needless to say, there aren’t too many places in the US where I can satisfy this craving. After we finished eating, we bought some dolce de coco and dolce de mani; yum!!!! We snorkeled among the reefs, walked on the beach, and drove around looking at some of the beautiful villas along the water. Then we drove home and rested for a bit, and headed out to Brian’s “disco of the day” for some dancing, followed by a cold beer at La Casita.

Saturday, after a leisurely morning drinking coffee and talking, we headed up into the mountains, to visit my “rock man.” We spent some time there, and Sharon and I both purchased amber and larimar. We also got some cornbread from our favorite lady’s little shop, which we call “Plaza de Cornbread.” Then we headed back home to rest up for the night’s festivities: some time spent at a casino so Sharon could play blackjack, followed by another evening of dancing, this time both at the disco and La Casita. I was able to find many “volunteers” at La Casita to dance the bachata with me. Viva la bachata!!

Sunday we all crashed, even Jeri. We went to the supermarket to buy food for dinner (local sausage, peppers, onions, garlic and rice). Brian decided to go to La Casita for a while, but Sharon and I stayed home.

Monday we did a load of wash and hung it out to dry, and then headed back to the river until dark rain clouds chased us home. We took the wash of the lines just in time!! The rain changed our plans for the evening; we had hoped to go to a gathering placed called H2O, but since this place was outside, we stayed home instead, and got to bed early.

Tuesday morning we got up early and went to the hardware store. We bought two shut off valves for under the sinks, one for the kitchen and one for the bathroom (which Sharon installed for Brian), and a bunch of flexible screening and wires. We put screens up on Brian’s bathroom and bedroom windows, and on one of the spare room windows, and showed Brian how to do it so he can do the rest of the windows. Then we packed, assuming that we would leave for the airport at about 3 pm for our 6 pm flight; however, a series of ugly thunderstorms along the east coast of the US nearly stranded us in the DR. Our 6 pm flight ended up being cancelled at 8 pm, but Brian was able to call a friend in JFK and get us on one of the two remaining flights out. We just made it to the airport in time, and luckily took off at about 11 pm, arriving at JFK at 2:45 am. It was 4:40 am when I walked in the door, after dropping Sharon off. An exciting end to a fabulous vacation!!

Besides a brief meditation acknowledging the full moon on Sunday night, I did very little in the way of formal energy workings. I did not pull Tarot cards and I did not even work formally with my chakras and shield; however, I connected in every way to the much more primitive energies to be found. These connections were primal and very powerful, and because I just opened myself to the raw energies and let them do their thing, I really feel recharged and renewed (even though I didn’t go to sleep until almost 5 am this morning). Between the local foods, the fruits (fresh passion fruit, papaya, pineapples, melons and mangos), the surrounding farms (tobacco and bananas and yucca, and squash, all planted in the dark and fertile volcanic soil) and huge mimosa trees and palm trees and evergreens (that look like the cell phone towers on Route 17 and the Parkway that are made to look like trees), and the green, craggy mountains whose peaks were often shrouded in fluffy, white fair weather clouds, and the intense blue sky, I felt close to the pure and refined energies of Deity in ways that I cannot reproduce within my cast circle. My Deities visit me within my circle, but I feel as if I am visiting them when I immerse myself into all the natural beauty that is the Dominican Republic.

The icing on the cake is that I lost a few pounds!!

I am ready and eager to get back to my responsibilities, especially the Tarot Class and the Historical Paganism Course at Sacred Mists. I must admit that, while I kept current with the homework submissions that are my responsibility, I did not even read the information that I printed out to supplement Lesson Two of the Historical Paganism Course. Actually, I am glad that I waited, for now I am in a much better frame of mind, eager and ready to tackle the history of the civilizations of Mesopotamia.