Friday, July 31, 2009

The High Priestess/Death reversed. Sounds like it will be a day filled with mysteries, mysteries that are not meant to be understood as far as the questions “how?” and “why?.” The High Priestess is about keeping the physical and the subconscious worlds separate but keeping them balanced as well; she is about keeping one foot in the conscious world and one in the subconscious world and being able to switch back and forth at will. She is the third phase of the alchemic Sacred Marriage, which I am trying to attain. She is telling me that the way to that Sacred Marriage lies through my Shadow, and that I would be better off not bringing too much luggage, or I will be slowed down and unable to just let things happen.

My Thoth card for today is the Five of Cups reversed. Crowley calls this card “Disappointment,” and in an upright position it tells of the disturbing of placid waters, which always churns up some goop from the bottom. I keep thinking of my mother telling me when I was a child acting silly that if you keep being silly you will end up crying. Thankfully, this card is reversed, which tells me that even though life is filled with disappointments, I have the ability today to turn lemons into lemonade.

I taught my personal energy workshop at Off the Beaten Path last night, and had another wonderful session. Elena has been recommending my workshops to her Wicca 101 students, and so far each of the attendees of my workshops have been wonderful!! I also have been able to help out some people within two separate venues with information about angels that I found while researching Archangel Uriel. *grin* I guess He is still lurking around somewhere. *looks both ways nervously after describing Uriel as “lurking”* As crazy-busy and chaotic as the energies of this week have been, I will officially walk away from this week tonight, when I leave for Cape May, with a sense of accomplishment.

How fitting it is that I spend today examining the fruits of my labors thus far this year, for today is Lammas eve, and tomorrow is the Sabbat of Lammas or Lughnassadh. This Sabbat is a High Sabbat (because it is at the peak of the energies of the season) and a cross-quarter that celebrates the First Harvest of corn and grain. Cornbread; yum!!! The word “Lughnassadh” is Celtic for “gathering in the name of Lugh,” and although the sun most likely will not be out much tomorrow, I will be focusing on the correspondences of the sun, and of Lugh, the “Jack of all Trades and Master of All” of the Celtic Pantheon as I *crosses fingers* work in the garden tomorrow.

I’m counting the minutes until I leave. 399 . . . 398 . . . 397 . . . .


Thursday, July 30, 2009

Nine of Wands/Eight of Wands reversed. Today will contain a need for inner strength, stamina and the will to go on, and I need to remember that whenever I need that kind of fortitude, the first place to look for it is within me, although I might need to look carefully for this kind of fortitude only shows itself when it is needed. The difficulties may present themselves to me, but these issues *do* have solutions. Unfortunately, those solutions may not be in the form of a sudden burst of energy that clears the air.

My Thoth card for today is the Eight of Cups. Two Eights today; I guess the energies of that number are as important as the card itself. The number Eight represents the reaction to the pause or stagnation or degradation of the Seven cards in an attempt to counter or end what the Seven brings.

I did my first Reiki I attunement last night. I went to Pat’s house to do it. We spent a little time watching an instructional gypsy belly dance video, and then I did the attunement. Pat is a naturopath and homoeopath, and does energy work regularly, so I thought she would be a perfect “first victim” for me, and I was not wrong.

I needed a “cheat sheet” but the entire process felt smooth and natural. I could feel Pat supporting and encouraging me throughout the process, and when I was tapping the symbols into her crown and her hands, the heat from both my hands and her hands was sudden and intense. I also strongly sensed the merging of our auras; what an intimate experience! I was not surprised to find that Pat has managed to unconsciously (or consciously) achieve what I have been trying to do for weeks now: she has infused her Mental/Emotional Body with love, a love that is present within her aura whether she is consciously sending it or not. As soon as I entered her aura and began the MCO, even before I placed my hands on her shoulders to initiate contact, I could feel that love surrounding me like a blanket on a cold day. I wonder if this is what makes Pat such a skilled healer. It is encouraging to me to experience first hand the power of this kind of caring and the immediacy of its effect when it touches someone; perhaps I needed to be on the receiving end of this kind of gift in order to have the pieces come together in my own mind that are necessary to make this happen within my own aura.

Even before the attunement was completed and I began the grounding and separation process, as I smoothed down Pat’s aura I could feel what seemed like static electricity along the outer edge of her Mental/Emotional Body. As I moved my hands along that outer edge, there was a crackling sound and sparks sprayed out from my hands and danced along the skin of that auric layer, like cloud to cloud branch lightning in a thunderstorm. There was no pain or burning or pressure of any kind, just a blue-white shower of sparks spreading from the place where each of my hands rested on and rubbed against the auric layer. When I mentioned it to Pat, she told me that she could feel my hands rubbing against her aura through the entire attunement process. As I demonstrated some of the hand positions for self-application of Reiki on my own body, Pat told me that she could feel the pressure of my hands on her own aura and her body.

What an amazing yet serene experience this attunement was! But as expected, I was awake for a while once I got home, high on the energy of Reiki.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Seven of Swords reversed/King of Wands reversed. Someone might be using cunning and trickery today to usurp something from me, but it won’t work. This cunning and trickery could have something to do with a leader who has a taste for adrenaline and who tends to impose his own will even when the situation calls for restraint. Hmmmm . . . wonder who that might be?

My Thoth card for today is the Eight of Disks. Crowley calls this card “Prudence” and says that it is about putting something away for a rainy day. I must strive to be easygoing and stable today, and to not waste my resources right now, for they may be needed in the future.

I felt drawn to pull two extra cards today, and threw the Six of Pentacles reversed and Death reversed. Ho boy, all of these cards are accurate for this topsy-turvy day. I am being reminded that both giving and receiving are important in all situations, but I must be very careful that I don’t give so much of myself that I end up depleted in some way. And perhaps, since I have not yet lost my temper, I have begun to pass the time of active transformation and have already begun anew!

Interestingly enough, as I stepped outside to go to lunch, for a split second it seemed as if I was seeing the world through an “overlay” of energy awareness. It was if I had on glasses that allowed me to “see” and sense in every way not only the physical world but the energy “echoes” of everything in the physical world. I am not describing this awareness correctly, but I can remember it in detail, even though the awareness only lasted for a second. I have been trying to recreate the awareness, but I am having trouble, maybe because I keep trying to recreate it within my physical eyes and their ability to see. The awareness was placed over the physical seeing, and it seems to have come from somewhere in my brain, rather than from my eyes, and as near as I can pinpoint where I remember the awareness originated, the sensations were in the front of my brain but below my eyes. Hmmmm . . . I need to look at a map of the brain.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Sun/Five of Cups reversed. Light and clarity after a foggy time of darkness! Sounds good to me. The ordeal of the fog is ended, war has turned to peace and discord to love. I need to remember that even though clouds may obscure my view, the sun is still rising in the morning. And today I might find that it is easier for me to turn my back on troublesome issues and look instead toward the positive.

My Thoth card for today is the Ten of Pentacles reversed. Alrightie, we are going backwards from the Princess of Pentacles yesterday, to the Ten of Pentacles reversed today. Taking both cards together, perhaps I am being told that while my focus on dealing with the issues within the earthly planes has peaked, I am not quite finished yet. The good thing about this is that the Ten card is considered an ending, and often attaining wealth causes stagnation; that will not be the case today.

Okay, so I ate like a pig this past weekend, but it was worth it; what an awesome weekend we had. Biking, beaching, drinking, eating and laughing, non-stop. Bagels, lox, cream cheese, onions and tomatoes, plus scrambled eggs, for brunch. Lobster salad and olives and crackers, baby back ribs, lobsters, king crab claws, white Jersey corn and freshly made cucumber salad. I had my first Grey Goose martini with blue cheese stuffed olives, and yum!! Now I know why my dear sister, Storm, loves them so much. Today I feel like I am getting back to normal. I’ve gotta be reeeeal careful because family vacation is coming soon, and that will certainly be a bad time for me, eating-wise. When I take into consideration the fact that I am being repeatedly told by my Patroness and Archangel Uriel that one of the things I need to do in order to “awaken” is to eat less, I can honestly say that I have my work cut out for me.

I read something in Alchemy for Dummies yesterday that really blew my mind! In the first chapter that deals with psychological alchemy, the concept of the Sacred Marriage was described. Now, what first made this jump out at me was the fact that my Lesson 2 work within the Historical Paganism Course deals with the concept of the evolution of the Sacred Marriage within Mesopotamian religions, so I can see why this term would seem to jump out at me. But then I read that within psychological alchemy, the Sacred Marriage can be broken down into three stages: the first stage involves creating an awareness that allows the separation of the physical self from the mental/emotional/spiritual self; the second stage involves a focus on the mental/emotional/spiritual self in order to be able to understand and work with that self; the third stage involves the reintegration of the mental/emotional/spiritual self with the physical self, in a way where awareness of both, in a separate but fluid and dynamically balanced fashion, can be maintained. Sound familiar???

I just love synchronicity!!! The Sun, indeed!!!


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Three of Cups/Judgement. I felt drawn to look up the specific meaning presented for Judgement in the Llewellyn Welsh deck today; besides the usual concepts of tallying the bill in order to clear the slate, the Judgement card also represents the “Sleepers,” those mythological heroes who appear out of nowhere, perform their miracles, and then disappear once more until they are needed again. The Welsh Judgement card tells me that I should be listening for the call to a new life or a new awareness or a new challenge, for there is a change coming, not a destructive change, rather one that may bring new beginnings. And these new beginnings may not just be for me; they may have an effect on others within my sphere of existence.

My Thoth card for today is the Six of Swords reversed. In an upright position, this card would be telling me that I should turn away from quarrels and allow intelligence to rule the day. Because it is reversed, I am being told that there may be some releasing to be done today.

I still feel as if there is some next step to be taken, and that next step is up to me rather than up to outside influences. My Tarot cards seem to be validating this. It is almost as if I am looking through a wall made of those glass cubes, for I sense that there is some world beyond the barrier, but there are neither details of that world nor doorways to enter it. Like those glass cube walls, I pound on the barrier and shout for help, but the air pockets between the glass layers prevent the sounds from passing through.

I have done much work over the past weeks with my personal energy field, and I feel that at the level I am at right now, I have nearly completed my growth. Not that I am finished, by any means! There are always more levels to be strived for. Completion won’t happen in this lifetime. But somehow I see this mysterious next step as involving the creation of a synergy between my physical self and my energetic self. This combined entity may be able to straddle both worlds, standing with one foot in the physical and one in the astral, at the same moment in time. How cool would that be!

Again I look at my cards for the day, and see more validation. Judgement tells of a new awareness, the Three of Cups reminds me that there needs to be a union, and that this is not a solitary pursuit, and that Six of Swords from the Thoth Tarot is reminding me that I cannot believe that I will have expectations for an unknown future event which expectations will be based on past experiences. This just cannot be! Perhaps this is the reason why I am having trouble seeing; I am trying to work with my “pattern catalogue,” and these new patterns aren’t in there!


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

King of Pentacles/Queen of Swords. Aha!! The “money man” and the “woman who sees through lies”! Now maybe we will get things done. Today will be a day filled with clarity as far as decisions to be made and actions to be taken in the physical world. We will get the bills paid, or know why not, darn it!!!

My Thoth card for today is The Sun reversed. “Give forth thy light to all without doubt; the clouds and shadows are no matter for thee.” Crowley sees this card as indicating glory, riches and triumph, recovery and possibly a sudden ending of clouds and movement towards the light. Even as a reversed card, the possibilities are still positive, just dimmed a bit.

New moon and a solar eclipse on the other side of the planet; these energies make for a new beginning today, with the frightening darkness being manifested literally on the other side of the world. Somehow I feel as if a weight has been removed from my shoulders this morning. There are no synchronistic events or positive news to encourage me, and yet I feel that we have turned a corner or hit the bottom and started our return trip upward.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Nine of Swords/The Star reversed. Worry, worry, worry, all magnified beyond what it should be because I cannot or will not see the light at the end of the tunnel. All of life is a gift, both the good times and the bad times, and I need to remind myself that brooding and worrying are wasting and using up the gift in ways that are totally useless.

My Thoth card for today is the Nine of Cups. “Happiness”! I need some of that. This card tells me that much of its energies seem to depend upon luck. However, when I take into consideration the other two cards of my day, I am being given a message that sometimes I need to make my own luck!

I spoke to Jim Priest on the phone last night. Jim is the brother of Ellen, an artist who we know from Cape May, and Jim has written a trilogy of books about magickal creatures he calls Kirins. I spoke to Jim in order to encourage him to advertise the books within the Pagan community. I think the time is right for his trilogy in several respects: he is offering the first book free as a download/podcast, he is able to advertise without cost on such venues as FaceBook and YouTube, and stories about magickal entities who exist in secret alongside human beings in the modern world are very popular right now. It will be interesting to see how things work out for Jim.

I am still feeling as if something big is just beyond the horizon; however this time the feeling is different from any other time in the past. I feel as if the “horizon” is within me this time, and I feel that I should not be sitting back waiting for the event to come closer on its own, but instead should be actively looking for it in the vast worlds within me. I sense that there are upheavals approaching that are a part of this “something big,” and I sense that they will not all be pleasant and exciting in nature. But *I* need to make this happen, I need to choose to make whatever this is happen.

In this regard, I felt the need to perform an elemental meditation, and chose to do so by recreating some of the meditations and pathworking that I performed while I was taking the Progressive Magick Class with Janet Farrar and Gavin Bone. I decided to begin the meditation as I was taught in the Class, by walking along a path that led up a mountain. The first entity that appeared to me was my Earth Guide, standing between two torches; as always, he led me down and to the right, away from the path and toward the small clearing in which was the standing stone. I walked slowly around the stone, examining the carvings there: a clockwise spiral, an equal sided cross within a circle, an octahedron, and a palm print, right hand. I placed my right palm against the print, and for a moment a deep awareness of Earth filled me.

Then, I smiled and thanked my Guide, and went back to the path. Soon enough, I came to my Water Guide, standing between two torches. I sipped from her Cauldron, and instantly dropped down into the rapids from my past pathworkings. I floated along in the cool, refreshing and rapidly moving water, with the night sky, filled with the twinkling of stars, framed by the trees on the bank. I came to the small clearing, lit with torches, where people dressed in late 1800’s attire were playing croquet; there on the bank was my ancestress, waving to me as I floated by and reminding me of the hereditary power within me that I have passed on to my son. Eventually, the land flattened out and the river slowed; I came to the place where the path led away from the river and into the hills. I could feel the cool earth against my wet feet as I walked toward the waterfall. Once I arrived, I stood beneath the gentle flow of water, washing myself clean. Once I was cleansed and refreshed and renewed, I found the left hand print on the rock wall and pressed my left hand into it; instantly I was filled with a deep awareness of Water.

I moved on, following the path until I came to my Fire Guide, standing between two torches. She smiled as I approached her, and then she took my hand and led me off the path to a huge bonfire, burning in a clearing. She nodded and then we both stepped into the flames. I felt no burning or intense heat, but rather little pinches and places of warmth, and something that was almost like tickles against my skin. After a bit, I stepped out of the flames, and found myself transformed. This was not the usual, intense transformation of shedding my physical body that had come to me in the past; rather, my clothes had been burned from my body, my hair, every last strand, had been burned from my body, and the top layer of skin had been burned from my body. I was naked and pink and new, the top layers of what I was had been removed to uncover the “inner me” as I stepped out of my awareness and connection with Fire.

I moved on, following the path to the top of the hill; there stood my Air Guide, hooded and robed, holding a large golden sword with rubies imbedded in the ornate hilt. He beckoned me forward, and I stood at the summit of the mountain and looked outward. The sky was the blue of a clear Fall day, but I could not see the sun. I could feel its warmth on my fresh, new and sensitive skin, though, and I could feel the clear and crisp air as it filled my lungs and caressed my skin. I shut my eyes in order to take a deep breath and instantly my ears were filled with the sound of Tibetan monks chanting “Oooohhhhmmmm.” I opened my eyes, startled, and the sound disappeared, but when I closed my eyes I could hear it again, the intensity of the combined voices causing a vibration deep within me. I connected to the pure spirituality of the sound and was filled with a deep awareness of Air.

When I opened my eyes once again, my vision was filled with the bright yellow light of the Sun. I allowed myself to see with my physical eyes at the same time that I “saw” with my other senses. The “blue bird of happiness” (LOL) asleep in the back of my mind, placed there by Archangel Uriel, awoke and stretched, and flapped his wings, covered with rapidly emerging feathers, and cried out with joy.

I finished the meditation with an awareness of the elements that seemed to be different from other meditations. This time, not only was I feeling the different effects of the elements themselves, but I was also beginning to sense a bridge of sorts between the worlds of the astral planes and the vast universes of my mind, and the realms of the physical.

I feel like I am checking my supplies before going on a camping trip, or studying before a final exam. Am I prepared?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Ten of Swords reversed/Justice. Today may bring some kind of ending or closure, or *shudder* some final ordeal that will clear the air, and that will “bring the pigeons home to roost.” Whether the events of the day are gentle or rough will depend not on what I do today, but what I have done up until today. Whatever happens, I must remember that if I make the effort to find the positive influence within the mistake, I will transform that mistake into a lesson.

My Thoth card for today is the Two of Wands. Crowley calls this card the Lord of Dominion, and it tells of the presence or the influence of fire in its purest and best form. Will is manifested today for me without taint of any kind.

This has been a busy week, and I am relieved that today is Friday. I have had some wonderfully interesting conversations with some of the students of Sacred Mists this week, conversations that have deepened my connection to the school and all who are a part of it. One thing that is interesting to me is that many of these deepening relationships seem to be initiated by the student completing their First Degree training. It is almost as if my response to their Final Exam submission and my congratulations to them upon their successful completion of First Degree training acts as a catalyst, and everything that they have learned through their lessons begins to manifest. How exciting for these students as they step up and put to use what they have strived to learn over the past months and years, and how exciting and fulfilling for me to be a part of this activation!

I am feeling fulfilled for several reasons. I have been striving to follow the instructions of Uriel to the best of my ability. I still feel as if there is something huge just beyond the horizon and I believe that Uriel is a part of all that; he is preparing the way for me, and giving me every opportunity to prepare myself. A big part of this preparation seems to be the constant reminders that are presented to me that I need to “see” so much more than what is presented to me on the physical plane of existence. I am working patiently and persistently on this charge to “awaken,” and I am not allowing myself to be discouraged because I feel like a blind, deaf and dumb person shuffling carefully forward, unable to perceive what is around me. I am confident that when the time is right, my senses will awaken as they need to. Patience and persistence have always been the key in the past, and they will be the key this time, too.

I am feeling fulfilled because I have finally been able to release completely a negative interaction from the recent past. This interaction, which had attempted to destroy my love and support for and fulfillment received from an institution that is a major part of my life, has only ended up strengthening my sense of having chosen the right place to be, my sense of my own value within this place, and my sense of being supported and nurtured and protected. Thank you, Lady Raven, for all that you do for me and for us all, mostly in ways that very few are able to see and acknowledge.

I am feeling fulfilled as I work on the Historical Paganism Course presented at Sacred Mists. This is quite a challenge because it is a college level class, requiring lots of research. I feel already that I have learned much about the ancients, and in turn, much about how I have come to be here at this moment, and I am only on Lesson 2. I am grateful for this opportunity to add depth and texture to my knowledge of humanity, of Paganism, and of my own self.

The Pagan Brain Trust met once again last night, and I am feeling fulfilled because within this group of people I have found a place where my own knowledge is validated and where I can learn from others who have equally valid knowledge and experiences that approach life, love and spirituality from a slightly different perspective. In just two short evenings, this group has come to personify in my mind the concept of “perfect love and perfect trust.” How amazing that I have found four other people who are interestingly different, and yet who are laced with the same desire to connect and share and grow and support. In many ways, this group seems to be like the “fellowship of the ring” that was formed in the first of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Circumstances have brought us together, we have all connected as if we knew each other in past lives, and together we have the potential to accomplish great things, even though we are right now only focused on our “beginnings.” And this is as it should be! As TL so wisely stated last night, each part of the journey needs to be absorbed, for each step is filled with important opportunities for “brain dumps” that will add new flavor and texture to this gift of the Goddess that is life.

I am feeling very calm today, and I am enjoying the process of documenting my week. I understand completely that this pause is very temporary in nature, and I am eager to move on to the next step, to the next challenges, to the next level of fulfillment.

And I am looking forward to a weekend with my Dahling.


Friday, July 10, 2009

The Horned One reversed/Knight of Swords reversed. Well, thankfully both of those cards are reversed, or I just might decide to go back to bed. Today will be a day where I will not feel the need to resort to intense control or application of authority in order to get by. I may be learning how to deal with my personal issue with control, as those issues will most likely not present themselves today, either.

My Thoth card for today is the Prince of Cups. This card tells of a calm exterior that is masking roiling passion, a tidal wave of feelings, and it tells of the ability to appear to calmly accept events that present themselves as all the while, those events are being fit into the personal “master plan.” I need to remind myself that ethics are important today.

One of the Second Degree students posted a question on the Second Degree Board regarding black works and how to deal with them. I have been researching this concept quite a bit, and I have decided to journal my answer to this student, to help myself as well as her.

My initial response to the student’s request for book recommendations included the following: “I am reading a book right now called Postmodern Magick that has some valuable information regarding banishing. But in reality, learning to deal with such things can be accomplished by practicing the basics (shielding, becoming familiar with your personal energy field) and bringing the basics to the next level by challenging yourself in order to build strength (kind of like the way lifting increasingly heavy weights challenges your muscles and makes them stronger). I am often reminded of the time in the Lord of the Rings, when Frodo asked Gandalf why he was not able to control others when he put on the Ring. Gandalf explained to Frodo that he would have to school himself to be strong enough to control others, and that takes time and practice. Protecting yourself from black works is similar to this, kind of a 1 part information and 9 parts perspiration kind of thing. In order to successfully deal with other entities, you need knowledge, but you also need skill and authority; both of those are acquired through practice.” The student responded by asking for more information.

I decided to think about black works first. To me, the majority of black mages are not really evil people, they are mis-informed people. Granted, this does not mean that they are not dangerous, but sometimes it helps us to understand black mages a little better (and remember, knowledge *is* power!) if we try to understand what lures them to this path. I believe that each of us will come to several crossroads in our lives that will involve a choice: to take the path that appears easier and that involves unethical behavior for personal gain, or to take the path that appears more difficult and that involves personal effort as well as personal growth. Believe me, this choice is often disguised and many a wrong choice has been made for very good reasons, but that does not negate the wrongness of the actions. I believe that many are lured toward the path that seems easier to take (because those persons end up using the energies of others in order to further their own agendas), even though in the long run those kinds of addictions to using other peoples’ energy tend to be very controlling in the end and difficult to give up. Yes, there are people who have what they consider good intentions, for instance those who practice chaos magick, but in my opinion, imposing any catastrophic effect on others without giving them a choice to accept or deny the effects, no matter how much the mage believes that in the end the results will be good, smacks of manipulation, which to me is unethical. I understand that some people have issues and they get satisfaction out of controlling others, don’t get me wrong; not every black mage is merely misguided. But it does help to lessen the black mage’s ability to control us if we both understand and to some extent feel sorry for him or her.

As far as dealing with the black mage, I will state that in my opinion, the best offence is a good defense. Let’s take the concept of protection from black works back a step or two, and look at a less evil situation and how we deal with it: the psychic vampire. We all know people who are just plain old exhausting to be around, people who seem to suck the energy right out of us. As witches and Wiccans, we have options available to us to protect ourselves. Of course, if this high maintenance person is an acquaintance, we can very easily adjust our lives so that we do not have to deal with that person too often, which makes it easier to shield ourselves during those times when we do need to have contact with them. But what if this high maintenance person is someone who is a daily part of your life who cannot be avoided? I am dealing with exactly that situation, and I have put into place several defenses (for in this kind of situation it is our reactions that we control and choose), one of which is a very strong shield which is specifically programmed to deal with this issue; I have also surrounded myself with objects that I believe (*grin* there is that word again!) effectively support and supplement my shield. Becoming that skilled at creating and maintaining this kind of protection takes time and practice.

Back to black mages. Let’s remember one thing: unless the mage sneaks up behind you with a baseball bat and conks you on the head, any actions will be taken within the astral realms. *You* have control of anything that happens within the astral realms. The black mage’s greatest weapon is *your* belief that he or she can harm you. Remember your teachings: if you believe that something will happen, it most likely will happen. However, if you believe that your defense is effective and that you have the authority to counter or negate anything the black mage throws at you or leaves in your vicinity, whether premeditated or accidental, you *will* be defended.

The best way to believe that your defenses are effective is to work with them, to experiment with them, to test them on gradually more difficult effects, to build your own confidence. Let me give you an example that has nothing to do with magick. I have been a belly dancer for over 25 years. When I first began dancing, I had a confidence problem and thus was not good at all at improvising (dancing without prepared choreography). There were two things that I did to increase my ability to improvise: I took progressively more advanced lessons, and I put music on and improvised as often as possible. After a bit, I had confidence in my ability to improvise, I *believed* that I could improvise, and thus, I could!

We must remember that this is not the Lord of the Rings, and we are not going to be able to deal with evil Sauron by destroying him. Our best action would be to make ourselves stronger. There are many smaller concepts that you can work on: shielding, ways to make your personal energy field the healthiest it can be, working with your Younger Self (who is the one who believes that a black mage can hurt her) and teaching her how to protect herself, understanding the true power of words, either written or spoken by you, are just a few. Then, once *you* believe in your abilities and in your authority to control your life, you will be protected.

Is this person a black mage? I don’t know; he may be clinically depressed or worried about some major or ongoing event and is allowing that depression or worry to color his world, and you are picking up on those attitudes. But if you feel threatened in some way by him or his workings, you should protect yourself. This does not mean that you need to avoid him (that would be up to you), you just need to shield yourself from that negativity, on an ongoing basis.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Ten of Pentacles reversed/Two of Wands.  There is all kinds of wealth in the world, and since my personal life is a microcosm of the macrocosm that is the world, there is all kinds of wealth in my life.  I am missing this fact somehow, and I am also missing the fact that if I share my wealth with others, I in effect double it.  I have the ability today to focus my Will into the right direction; I have only to choose to get up off my butt and just do it! 

My Thoth card for today is the Ace of Wands.  Crowley sees this card as the seed of Will, not yet manifested but bursting forth in all directions, similar to matter after the “Big Bang.”  It also gives a reference to The Tree of Life. 

I really gave myself a mental vacation this long holiday weekend.  So many of my Tarot cards seemed to be focusing on the physical realms but in a reversed way that I began to feel that maybe I was neglecting my physical self.  Now it is time to get back to reality, and those two Wands cards tell me that today is the day for renewed enthusiasm.  So I have begun the process of cutting through the fog that usually envelopes my mind after a mental vacation.  LOL, gotta get the whip out. 

“ . . . bursting forth in all directions.”  How appropriate these words are to me today.   Every so often, I am given the most awesome gifts.  Nothing that is insurable or wearable, but gifts beyond value just the same.  

The trust of another is an awesome gift, especially when they trust enough to share an intimate part of themselves.  When this trust is gifted by someone who is an acquaintance, rapidly becoming a friend for sure but we are early on in the process, it is a gift beyond value.  I cherish this trust and I am honored by the sharing of this personal part of someone’s life.  I am honored by receiving this trust. 

Watching friends accomplish much, watching them celebrate as they reach discernable levels of skills and knowledge through hard work and much effort, sharing their joy at accomplishments much deserved, and then being offered the knowledge that my support was noticed and appreciated, is a gift beyond value.  Being brought to tears, tears of pride and joy and love, because of the accomplishments of another, is an honor. 

There is indeed all kinds of wealth in the world.  Perhaps this day I am learning that wealth without love, wealth without compassion, wealth without the ability to openly connect with another, is not the kind of wealth that I want.  Several weekends ago, I had an intense meditation.  Once the meditation was over, my Patroness, Danu, spoke to me about judgments.  She explained to me that we are all more than our physical selves, and that often we are attracted to or connected to another not because of their physical self, but because who they are energetically . . . who they are emotionally or mentally or spiritually, for the emotional, mental and spiritual bodies are real, and they are often very different from the physical body.  These simple yet momentous connections that occurred today were not about the physical; they were about the “energetic persons” who exist within the physical bodies.  I am honored and grateful to know those energetic persons. 

I have also come to value my role as First Degree Homework Grader within Sacred Mists.  The students are absolutely amazing, and their homework submissions are a pleasure to read.  I am more and more proud of the quality of interaction that Leadership and the Class Facilitators and the Student Council members all provide to our students, and I am proud of the unique views and insights each of the students provide to the Leaders and Facilitators and Council members.  The system is working well, and I am grateful for the opportunity to encourage and guide First Degree students (as I learn from them at the same time).  I am growing, becoming more confident, and learning so much about myself, beyond what I ever thought possible. 

Wealth beyond the physical is truly magickal. 


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Eight of Pentacles/Eight of Cups: Oh, boy. I asked for help, and I got it!! I am being told that the work may be hard, but it needs to be done to the best of my ability, and I need to keep in mind that often the best case scenario is that reward does not appear until well after the work is completed; and the hard work itself might be the reward. Often this hard work has to do with a relationship as well as something in the physical realms, and the reward is the manifestation of the ability to use accumulated knowledge in order to solve a problem. And the work needs to come from me; I can’t sit there and wait for someone else to fix things because the fixing will never get started. Again, I am being told that physical sacrifices may need to happen in order for spiritual growth to occur.

My Thoth card for today is the Four of Cups. Hooray! No court cards today. Crowley calls this card “Luxury,” and of course while luxury can be a sensual delight, it always presents the potential for stagnation. The process of satisfaction is self-degenerating, and the enjoyment of luxury should be a temporary thing.

My horoscope: “You may sense a bit of conflict in your world today, especially when it comes to your emotions. Keep in mind that your perception of the situation is apt to make or break the result of any sort of dispute. Look for opportunities in the spaces where you might disagree with others. You can gain a wonderful perspective today when you open up your channels to things that are completely new to you.

I should have known; I have been seeing the numbers 111 and 11:11 all over the place, and they usually appear, like the rumble of thunder in the distance, as a warning of the approach of my Archangel guide, Uriel.

It seems to me that every time Archangel Uriel appears in my life, I end up dealing with painful upheavals. This time is no exception; late yesterday afternoon I once again dealt with an escalating hissy fit at work. Briefly, one of my bosses, who is almost 70, has the ability to be overpoweringly nasty and cruel (verbally, not physically). To make matters worse, when he brings up an issue he does not listen to me when I try to explain or solve the problem, and just keeps repeating his nastiness with escalating impatience instead of listening to my explanations. Most of the time I have been able to diffuse these situations, but every so often I loose my temper and then the explosion happens.

Uriel has been telling me to “awaken” and “awaken the fire,” and each time He appears and looks at me with stern and slightly disappointed eyes, I am presented with another opportunity to grow. That is how I see these painful moments: opportunities to grow. Just as fear presents an opportunity to strengthen our “courage” muscles, my boss seems to have been brought into my life in order for me to convince my Younger Self that I need to act, not react, and that we (my Younger Self and I) have the power to do this. Each time I am brought to tears and anger that is almost overwhelming due to a disagreement with my boss, I find that the recovery and healing process brings greater benefits. The unfortunate thing about this is that each episode of conflict is also escalating. This time, Bob had to “talk me down from the ledge,” which he was able to do with compassion (thank you, Bob!!). And I am now within the healing process, probing and picking at the wounds in order to desensitize myself, so that I can act instead of reacting, for it is in reacting instead of acting that I am giving the power to create these ugly moments to my boss.

This realization is painful to accomplish, and I can understand why Uriel gets somewhat impatient with me. But I am grateful that He hasn’t given up on me yet!