Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Nine of Cups/The Sun.  Oooh, nice!  The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day.  The Nine of Cups is a card of feelings and emotions, but it also tells us that the pleasure can also be connected to our senses, and thus to the physical world. The Sun corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), our Sun (the inner core of a person or situation), Resh (the face; reason), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest in the physical world) and Hod (provides analysis and communication), and tells of a time of enlightenment. This card usually indicates that an intellectual breakthrough could be upon me, and I should allow myself to be optimistic.  Both of these cards are good one, and perhaps my day in the sun is approaching; I had better keep expecting the best!

My Thoth card is the Three of Swords reversed.  Whew!  “Sorrow,” but reversed. The Three of Swords (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation) usually indicates the possibility that logic and the intellect could end up causing harm, but thankfully my Three of Swords is reversed.  My time of feeling isolated or lost could be fading away.  I am so ready for that!

My Legacy card is the King of Coins reversed, flavored by the Five of Cups. The King of Coins (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical world manifestation of all kinds.  Because my King is reversed, and being flavored by the Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) which tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support, there may be some potential issues cropping up today that could bring discomfort or an inability to connect to resources.  I need to remember that money is not everything, and that the best things in life do not cost any coins at all.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the number that tells of a conscious response to the beginning of degeneration of the number 7, in order to attempt to maintain the balance of the number 6.

My horoscopes: “You're most likely going to be very drawn to the things that you can't have, Sagittarius. Instead of getting upset and frustrated by the fact that you aren't getting what you want, look for the lesson in the situation and the reason why you really don't need those things at all. Things with extremely high sentimental value may seem very important to you right now, but maybe there is an important reason why you need to let go and move on from that particular sentiment.”

And: “Does a love partner appear to be rather moody today? One moment your friend may be in a great mood, enthusiastic and optimistic about the future, while the next moment the mood could be one of total gloom. Don't let this get to you - and certainly don't get overtly upset with your partner. Listen rather than talk, and be patient. Tomorrow your friend's moods should be back to normal.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding Strength.  This card is about courage, compassion and patience.  None of these are easy skills to obtain; working with these skills and owning them involves experiencing them and experiencing their opposites.  It is only by actually experiencing (and surviving) the extremes that we are able to know them, to understand them, to make them our own, and to effectively wield them in a situation. 

Yesterday I worked at continuing the Dissolution process, while continuing to maintain metabolic discipline.  And I ended up having a nice breakthrough of sorts!

I began by thinking about feelings and emotions, and how they could be holding me back from evolving and living.  I realized that while I didn’t have trouble connecting to strong and uncomfortable feelings, I was not able to clearly see the source of those feelings, even though I could see the triggers with ease.  I realized that perhaps I needed to create a sort of “soundproof room,” or better yet, a “neutral zone,” where I could examine the feelings and emotions that seem to be holding me back, without experiencing their uncomfortable effects.  So I created a neutral zone for myself.

Now, I already had a “core worth anchor” (which I created while working with the exercises in Starhawk’s book, “Twelve Wild Swans”) between my solar plexus and sacral chakras, into which I feel all of my positive emotions such as validation, success and confidence, all empowering emotions, as I feel them.  This core worth anchor is a great storehouse of these feelings and I can connect with them any time I need an extra punch.  I decided that my neutral zone should be in another place, and it did not take me long to realize that I already had the beginning of a neutral zone in my mind.  So I began to add details to my neutral zone.  I wanted it to be strong enough to hold my experiences so I would remember them.  I have learned that often if I am able to resolve an uncomfortable situation by dealing with the emotions connected to that situation, I often have trouble remembering exactly what I did to solve the problem.  LOL, it is as if once the situation is solved, everything about it including the solution fades away.  I also wanted my neutral zone to be clear rather than opaque, so I could “see” and “perceive” and “experience” the emotions I was studying without having them actually affect me or distract or overwhelm my focus.  And of course, there needed to be a conduit so that information could come and go, protected by a strong firewall.  Lastly, there had to be an “on/off” switch, so that if things felt out of control, I could shut down the whole process and let it cool down a bit.

Once I felt comfortable with my neutral zone, I began listening to a guided meditation that focused on bringing answers.  It was not until more than halfway through the meditation that a key finally presented itself and the process of finding the answer began.  The narrator began to create some relaxation, and told listeners to “just be the spirit, enjoying the body you created as a spirit, with no judgment.” 

Wow!  I actually turned off the guided meditation and thought about that.  Yes, that makes sense; granted, we are given a particular physical vehicle when we are born into this life, and while it is assumed that vehicle is completely operational, that does not always happen.  However, it is our choices after that moment of birth that actually guide and mold the physical vehicle, in accordance with what we are given at birth, but also in accordance with our life choices as far as eating, exercise, activities, etc.

Okay, this makes sense.  For a moment, I probed my own feelings regarding my physical body, and while I certainly felt that I could lose a few pounds, all in all I was comfortable with my body.  So that was not my emotional issue.  However, there was a discomfort, I just could not identify its source.  Time for my neutral zone to be put into play.

Once I put my awareness there, I called my Younger Self.  Courage, control and patience are all a part of this card.  And those are not small skills easily attained.  We cannot know any of them unless we know each of their opposites as well; it is only by experiencing the extremes that we are able to understand them, and tame them to our will. 

A brief side note here: Wiccans see the psyche as being broken into three persona: the Talking Self (corresponding to Freud’s ego) who works through words and logic, and helps us to function in the physical world; the Higher Self (corresponding to Freud’s superego), who communicates through symbols rather than words and who is our connection to Deity or to that part of our mind that governs ethics, evolution, compassion and love; and the Younger Self or Child Self (corresponding to Freud’s id), who can communicate through both words and symbols and thus connects the Talking Self with the Higher Self, and who uses belief in order to manifest goals into the physical world (in other words, the Younger Self can do magick).  This means that the Younger Self is the perfect person to go to if I want emotional truth, or at least, “truth” according to my Younger Self.

And as I expected, she was angry, shouting and stamping her feet at me and on the verge of a full-blown tantrum.  I asked her what was wrong, and she told me.  She is angry because no one is listening to her, and she is afraid that everyone else will think she is wrong or not worth anything.  I knew exactly where this was going, as I had cleaned out this wound before: my first marriage.

It is amazing how something that happened 40 years ago can still have such an effect on me.  But my Talking Self knows that this painful memory only can affect me if I allow it to affect me, or LOL, only if my Younger Self believes this memory still has power over me.  Perhaps it was time to probe this event a bit deeper.

I realized that my Younger Self was actually afraid of being helpless again, of being put into a situation that would control so completely.  This was a very painful time in my life; I was very young, very shy, and without realizing it, a strong empathic.  My first husband was young as well, and had some issues, and because of his need to control and my need to be controlled, the marriage disintegrated into a dictatorship, with my ex as the dictator and me as the oppressed masses.  There was no physical abuse, thankfully, but there certainly was psychological abuse.  I did finally find the courage to leave and ask for a divorce, and that was the bravest thing I ever did. 

I’ve pondered this before, and I wondered why I could not let it go.  But then I realized, by those very words, that I must be holding onto that painful time.  By holding onto my feelings of being oppressed and not valued and not seen as a valid and smart grownup, I was giving power to the very situation that I was trying to get rid of. 

I examined my memories of this time, and then something else became apparent to me.  My Younger Self was not only empowering the situation, but she was also accepting the judgment of another person as fact, and then not only accepting that judgment as her own, but putting effort into validating that judgment. 

I am not the person my ex perceives me as.  In fact, as I thought about the memories of this time from the safety of my neutral zone, I came to believe my ex’s need to control me was directly sourced to his own insecurities.  I did what I had to do in order to survive that time, but I did leave the marriage of my own accord.  My ex did not want me to leave, and tried every psychological tool he could think of in order to force me to stay in the marriage, but I found the courage and strength to leave anyway.  And because of that experience, I will never, ever allow myself to not have control of my own life, not ever again.  So that time is actually an integral part of who I am now. 

Wow.  Where did all that come from, and where was it hiding within me?  I have learned something today: when examining painful situations or feelings, it is very important to look at them in detail and to be aware of what they feel like and seem to be made of, but I can’t become those feelings; I can’t own them or see them as valid, as my own truth. 

Looks like this neutral zone is going to come in handy. As is the Dissolution process.

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Sunday, January 29, 2012

King of Pentacles reversed/King of Wands.  Well now, there is a clear message! The King of Pentacles (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on the physical world, on physical world resources, and on physical manifestation. Not only is my King of Wands reversed, but he is paired with the King of Wands. The King of Wands (cusp of Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, moody, and Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic egotistical) is charismatic and forceful, but in an admirable way, a way that empowers himself and everyone around him. The reversed Pentacles King actually supports the upright Wands King, telling me that at least for today, I should not shy away from risk or from trying new or untested methods because I have the ability to deal with a lot.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Cups. The Ace of Cups (Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, deep, mysterious, obsessive, Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) tells of the potentials available to me for experiencing deep emotions, a connection to my Inner Voice, compassion for myself or others, attunements and connections.  Crowley calls this card the Lord of Love and sees it as representing the Grail.  I see it as representing the Great Rite, and the fertile potential contained in all love.  Interesting that this Ace appears today, as I am working with the element of Water.

My Legacy card is The Wheel, flavored by the Nine of Swords reversed.  Another clear message.  The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)) is telling me that whether I am ready or not, stuff is going to happen, and probably is happening already. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused, but since this reversed Nine of Swords is flavoring my Wheel today, it is telling me to be in the flow, and to use my mind and my intellect to work with the ebbs and flows of energies that present themselves today, without fear.  Well, that sure seems to validate the message of my first two cards today, eh?

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.  

My horoscopes: “Don't be surprised if you're scolded by people who are upset about the way you're handling certain things in your life, Sagittarius. Most likely, the people who criticize you the most are the ones who understand you the least. They are probably on a completely different wavelength than you, and it isn't your job to try to change them, nor is it your responsibility to change your ways because of them.”

And: “Today might not be as lighthearted and free-spirited as you would like it to be, but do not sweat it. Work with the sobering, grounded energy of the day to complete a set of tasks that has been wearing on you for quite a while. Take a step back from the drama in your life and carefully observe your emotions from a loftier point of view. Realize how your actions have been affecting others. Tone things down and evaluate.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Nine of Pentacles.  Okay this card makes a lot of sense to me today.  I don’t need to be an expert on dealing with physical world resources in order to enjoy the gifts of the physical realm.  I do, however, need to do the work that allows me to tap into my own physical senses with a strong and clear connection.  At least for today, I can pause in my labors, and just enjoy.

I went for another great walk last night.  I went back to the beach for sunset; the evening sky was crystal clear, and the sun was a fiery orange ball that dropped quickly below the horizon, as it normally does in the Winter.  The waxing moon was high in the sky, with Venus below the moon and Jupiter above it.  I could easily visualize the ecliptic of our solar system, and I spent some lovely, serene time on the beach at low tide, enjoying the quiet solitude.  The evening was so lovely that I walked for quite a while, both along the beach and on the streets.

I had a wonderful morning watching my suet feeder!  There are three nuthatches, a pair and a solitary bird, that visit the feeder multiple times in a morning.  I love watching these tiny birds as they eat!  The pair seems so polite; one will go right to the feeder (which is hanging from a crepe myrtle in our yard) while the other perches on one of the lower branches.  Then they switch places, darting quickly so the other can feed.  Then off they go, swooping over the roof of the garage, but in a few minutes they return for a second helping.  The solitary nuthatch also returns several times.

This morning, however, we had new guests.  A Carolina wren spent some time at the feeder, greedily gobbling down big hunks of suet; he came back a few hours later for a bit more.  Then a few chickadees began several passes to the feeder.

We also get robins, starlings and catbirds visiting the shallow pail of water that is left out in the yard.  They drink and take baths, even in the cold!  I guess the news has spread that there are some great accommodations in our yard.

I am continuing my work with the Albedo Phase and Dissolution; I walked to the beach this morning, and plan to do so again at dusk.  I am sipping water all day also, physically connecting to the process of Dissolution (while continuing the metabolic discipline of Calcination), and visualizing the process of dissolving. 

When we dissolve something, we immerse it in water, and since the element of Water represents feelings, emotions, visions and the subconscious, these are the effects I should be looking for.  Along with my other alchemic research, I am reading “The Alchemist,” by Paulo Coelho.  This morning, I read a phrase that stands out in my mind as a part of the process of Dissolution: “The boy was beginning to understand that intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there.”  This makes sense to me; it also tells me that while for the first moment or two we might feel a huge disconnect, once we begin to “dissolve” we will be one with the water, with our feelings and emotions and visions and subconscious. 

One thing I need to remember: in order to dissolve something into water, we need to stir.  This means that while I may initially feel that nothing is happening, actually blockages are being dissolved, and that means there will be a sudden rush of energy in the near future.

I may not be feeling the effects of Dissolution yet, but they are coming.  However, I have done quite a bit of work already with my subtle body and my inner self.  This does not ensure that I won’t experience turmoil, but since I’ve survived turmoil already, I won’t view this stage of the Great Work with fear.

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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Four of Wands reversed/Queen of Cups. The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) is about building enough to become established.  My card is reversed, and the meaning seems obvious to me: I’ve not yet established the beachhead.  I need to be careful here, because my other card is the Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana.  This card is telling me that I will really be connected to my emotions and my feelings and my dreams today, and I need to be very careful that I don’t focus on what I have **not** achieved yet.  Sure, my Four of Wands is reversed, which means I have not reached that first exciting level, but the card is there.  This means that the potential for achieving that level is there, too; I just haven’t broken through to it yet.  I must use these potent visualizations given to me by my Queen of Cups to create on the astral realms a clear picture of what I want to achieve.  The first steps of creativity and manifestation happen within the worlds of Fire and Water, but if there is not a balance of the two, I will get burned, or the creative energies will be extinguished.

My Thoth card is The Tower.  **heavy sigh**  Aren’t I done with this yet?  The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)) tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going. The Thoth Tower is really a scary card to look at, all oranges and yellows and blacks, and points and teeth and sharp edges and force.  We tend to anticipate that the effects of the upheaval predicted by The Tower will be personal, or at least I do.  What I need to keep in mind is that the sudden change that is coming is absolutely necessary, and it will clear the way for new birth.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Coins reversed, flavored by the Ace of Coins. The Seven of Coins (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells of pauses and choices and assessments.  Because it is a number 7 card, and because it is of the suit of Coins (which corresponds with the element of Earth), it is a bit of a heavy card.  Just look at the astrological association to this card: Saturn in Taurus!  Since the card is reversed, my Seven of Coins is telling me that now is not the time to pause and consider.  And this is validated by the card flavoring my reversed Seven of Coins, the Ace of Coins! True, the Aces present potential only, unmanifested, and the Ace of Coins (Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, social) tells of the presence of potential that is connected in some way to the physical world of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes; stable, material and practical energy that is slow to change) represents the potential to experience prosperity, security, stability, trust and a connection to Nature.  Not the actual manifestation of those things.  However, the reversed Seven of Coins could very well give a nudge to the energy of the Ace of Coins and its practical and stable energy that is usually slow to initiate.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that might bring discomfort but that also dispels stagnation. 

My horoscopes: “A number of visitors might come to your house today, Sagittarius, perhaps to discuss matters of interest to all of you. Some intense disagreements could arise, but you'll be able to keep it all together. An intellect enhanced by intuition enables you to understand and explain complex ideas, and you'll also be able to derail misunderstandings before they even happen. Providing tasty treats could also help smooth ruffled feathers.”

And: “An intense and emotional dream could move you so powerfully that you awaken with the odd sense that the dream was real. Write it down. Maybe it is! Efforts to overcome career obstacles could be finally paying off, and you might be walking around in a daze asking yourself if it's really happened. It has! Make the most of it! And don't be afraid to reveal your feelings to others.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Wands.  Action!  And new beginnings!  The image on this Shadowscapes Eight of Wands shows a woman gesturing towards what looks like dandelion seeds floating away after a strong puff of air dislodged them from the flower.  What an appropriate image to this card, and on this day!  The Shadowscapes Eight of Wands tells of an ending, the ending of the flower, and a sudden ending, too, similar to The Tower of my Tarot draw today.  However, this ending is actually a new beginning, for while the flower is destroyed, the seeds of the next cycle have been released.  The Eight of Wands tells of that sudden puff of air that gets things going.

Jung calls the Nigredo Phase the time of maximum despair.  Okay, I haven’t quite reached the maximum amount of despair I believe I can deal with and still function, but perhaps the time has come to move my focus a bit away from direct contact with Calcination.  The trials and tribulations of my life these past few weeks has certainly served a useful purpose: they have made me think about what is important to me or what is worth fighting to keep or maintain, and what is in the end “fluff” or no longer necessary to maintain my own health and well-being and thus, not worth expending effort to carry along.  The interesting thing about this process of designating certain things as fluff is that the releasing is actually freeing up a bit of focus or Will that has been otherwise engaged until now.

In an effort to empower the changes that have been happening for me, I am thinking about the next stage in the Great Work, the Albedo Phase.  Following the “blackening” of the Nigredo Phase comes the “whiteness” or purification.  This next process, Dissolution, is accomplished through the addition of water to the remains of the fiery transformation of Calcination. 

The element of Water is usually associated with feelings and illusions and visualizations and emotions, and while it might seem that the addition of emotions might be simple, this part of the whole process can be as difficult as the Dark Night of the Nigredo Phase.  **gulp**

I am beginning to work with Dissolution in a literal sense, by doing a water cleanse.  I will be sipping water all day, and LOL, running to the bathroom often, but I am hoping to flush the toxins from my body and my mind.  I will be including the metabolic discipline of the Nigredo Phase, and going for multiple walks today and tomorrow, so that I hopefully increase the fuel for this whole process.  My first walk this morning was beneath the sun, on the beach as the tide was moving towards its high time.  I will walk later this afternoon as the sun moves lower in the Western sky, and then again after dark.  Hopefully, I will be able to do the same tomorrow. 

In between my walks, I will be wrapping some beach glass, working on my manuscript (soon to be submitted to Llewellyn **crosses fingers**), and beginning the process of writing my “proving essay” regarding the next step in my Third Degree Training.

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Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Lovers reversed/The High Priestess.  The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics.  My Lovers is reversed, which could be telling me of some kind of isolation or separation from those I trust and care for, or I might have trouble connecting to others.  The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries.  She is real good at allowing events to unfold according to their own energies, and in that respect, she validates the reversed Lovers.  The High Priestess is a gatekeeper of sorts, and she will not allow others to access the Mysteries without first passing the test.  And, the test usually is only accomplished in silence or solitude.  That entire concept may very well be important today.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Swords reversed.  “Ruin” reversed, and I’m glad to see this one fading away.  The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) has been showing up lately; this is a card of interference and restriction, completely manifested.  Hopefully the reversed appearance is telling me that the effects of this Ten are fading away; at the very least, they should not have a lasting effect on the day.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Coins reversed, flavored by the Queen of Swords reversed.  The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline.  In a lot of ways this one can be seen as similar to The Lovers, also reversed above.  My choices may not bring the rewards and comfort and ease that I expect them to bring.  The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) in an upright position tells of being up front and open with everyone, of being quick on the uptake, and of making use of the experience I have gained.  But, my Queen is reversed today, so I need to be aware that what I see as perceptive and penetrating might appear severe or aloof to others.  Since this card is flavoring my reversed Nine of Coins, it is validating the message of that reversed card, and offering further insight into the root cause of the reversal. 

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creations from the potential and awareness of position of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and awareness of “distance between” that is the 2.

My horoscopes: “Realize that you may be controlling other people's actions without even consciously knowing it, Sagittarius. This is one of those days in which emotional outbursts could explode in your face as a result of other people's reactions to your pressure. Don't feel like you need to take on the responsibility of everyone else's actions. You may be having a hard enough time dealing with your own personal issues.”

And: “Today you might find yourself planning to have some visitors come to stay with you for a while. Worry about developments on the job, or unfinished chores of your own, might have you feeling a little bit stressed out and under the weather. You need to step outside yourself and look at your situation objectively. It's not all that bad - just something that needs to be done. Get it handled, then reward yourself in some way.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Cups.  Lovely message, and appropriate for me today!  Dive down into the dark depths, for the secrets are there to be found.  Leave the physical world of matter behind, and move with the ebbs and flows of the currents.  Leave the surface and head downward and inward.  Allow the water to support you, smooth and cool against your skin, and allow the silence to envelope you.  Mmmmm . . . cozy.

And the Calcination of the Nigredo continues!  I get so very frustrated when a written conversation (such as an email thread or an Instant Message conversation) gets imposed with emotions or intentions that just were not even remotely in my mind.  Within my Wiccan Coven I have many responsibilities which entail interacting with others in writing, via emails, IM’s or Forum posts.  My goal is to serve and empower and teach, with harm to none and in Perfect Love and Trust, but LOL, the written word does not always end up offering the same message by which it was created.

And I am surrounded by unexpected events that are bringing discomfort and frustration.  Yet, I feel as if I am handling things differently than usual, or I should say this time I am surrendering to the events and examining them as a bystander, objectively, rather than immediately focusing on fixing things.  Is this the way The Hanged Man feels as he hangs upside down on his tree? 

The Nigredo Phase is supposed to allow us to perceive what we really don’t need any more, and it does so by proving to us that we don’t need these things, by forcing us to choose only the most necessary things to bring with us and reminding us that space is always at a premium so we can’t clutter the place up with unnecessary dust collectors.  Like the process of basic training found in the military, I am finding that my defenses are being worn down.  But the only effective way for me to truly know that I can move forward even further than I expected is to be pushed right up to my perceived limit, and then pushed again, beyond that limit.

I am pleased that despite these maddening distractions, I have finally completed my Third Degree Lesson Six, and I handed it in this morning.  I am allowing myself a bit of time to bask in the warm glow of accomplishment, but not for long.  I needed to submit two of my own Life Passages Rituals, and I am pleased with the two I have completed, a handfasting ritual and a crossing over ritual.  They will be entered into my lovely BOS once I finish hand writing my Sabbat Rituals. 

Tonight, I will be spending time with my beloved Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust.  I am truly looking forward to sitting around the Sacred Table, and in fact, I need to sit at that Table right now.  I am not the only member of this group who is experiencing turmoil, and I think just sitting with people who are also stressed by life’s challenges (and LOL, consuming some chocolate!) will help me to ground and center a bit.  Especially after I was able to receive a session of energy cleansing from my sister-in-law the other night. 

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Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Hermit reversed/Knight of Cups. The Hermit, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, practical and stable energy that is slow to change), Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), Yod (open hand, touch), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), is about searching within for a deeper meaning.  The upright card often tells of the need of solitude, sometimes to the point of loneliness, in order to be able to perceive the messages offered and lessons to be learned. The Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) feels things strongly, and is a dreamer.  He is telling me that imagination and emotions and connections to others will be at least on my mind a lot today, if not a part of my experiences of the day. I do need to remember that while strong emotions may appear to have a simple meaning, often there is a need to examine the subtle undercurrents as well as the approaching wave.  Taken together, these cards are kind of offering a warning: don’t go into yourself too deeply or dive into your emotions with too much abandon, because you might not see reality.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups reversed.  Hmm . . . one of my favorite Court Cards, but reversed. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) is the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana.  Crowley sees this Queen as being dreamy and tranquil, able to receive and project, but since the card is reversed, these might not be desirable focuses for today.  Throwing both this Queen of Cups reversed and the Knight of Cups above kind of hints at the presence of some kind of emotional illusion.

My Legacy card is the Three of Coins reversed, flavored by the Six of Cups. The Three of Coins (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, cunning, competence) in an upright position tells of competence, planning and teamwork.  My card is reversed, and could be telling me not that I should not be working hard, but rather that I should depend on myself rather than on the support of others. The Six of Cups (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, compulsive, deep, obsessive) is a card of emotional balance, simple joys fun and blessings.  This card is flavoring my reversed Three of Coins, and telling me that whatever I choose to focus on today, it should at least touch the physical world, and I don’t need to feel bad if in completing my tasks of the day, I choose to shut out everyone else.  Taken with the rest of my Cups cards today, I am feeling a bit relieved.  Whatever emotional illusion might be brewing, it should not cause harm.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause (and possibly some kind of choice) that comes as growth begins to transform into degeneration.

My horoscopes: “You probably enjoy exploring the innermost recesses of your own human nature, Sagittarius. Yet today you may need to be a bit more rational. In your personal life, you may feel as if you've been beaten at your own game and this has weakened you. Why not take advantage of this to bring your partner with you on one of your voyages inside yourself?”

And: “Communication with others by electronic media, whether it's phone, e-mail, or fax, could well be difficult today. Everything that can go wrong probably will - machines breaking down, phone lines out, messages not delivered, the Internet crashing. Driving a car could land you in impossible traffic. If you really need to speak to someone, the best thing to do may be just to take a walk and go see them in person. Enjoy the exercise!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles.  Aaahhh, another of my favorite Court Cards.  She is the essence of The Empress manifested in the Minor Arcana, and both her heart and her spirit glow with a warm and loving light.  Indeed, this Queen can absorb the energies around her of the physical world, and transform them into healing and nurturing and support, available to all.  If I can impose this Queen’s intention into my day, I should be fine.

After a discussion with a dear friend yesterday, I feel the need to crystallize some of my own beliefs.  Beliefs about life, about living, about the experiences, both good and bad, that come to us as we live our lives, and about the purpose of it all.  Or should I say, Purpose. 

Some of this clarity has come to me through my time exploring The Emerald Tablet.  In fact, I am preparing a manuscript describing my experiences during that study, to submit for publication.  But that is another story.  Coming to an understanding of The Emerald Tablet has offered me a much deeper insight into the workings of Deity, or I should say, a deeper insight into how I perceive the workings of Deity, and thus, of life and living.

I add that final “and thus” because I believe that the life force within us all, within every living entity, and the force that propels the workings of Nature around us, is the same “essence” as that which is Deity, which in turn connects us and our lives to Deity.  I believer that the unique “Construct” or mental picture that each of us visualizes as Deity, or as the Higher Self of our psyche if we don’t believe in God, is composed of the purest part of this essence that animates everything in the Universe.  This purest essence is composed of all that is feminine (or passive and receptive), all that is masculine (or active and projective) and a Catalyst which brings motion and the effects of combinations into the mix.  These three “ingredients” are interlaced so completely and tightly that they are not separated into individual parts but rather are a irrevocably conjoined combination of the three ingredients.  This essence has no need for a personal agenda or code of ethics or “power over” because it is eternal, and thus does not depend on the domination or infusion of any other source in order to continue. 

A part of the makeup of this essence is its need to experience life and living.  Indeed that could very well be its only requirement for continuation.  One of the places or situations that allows this essence to experience life and living is on the physical planes, another is on the astral planes.  Thus, this essence inserts itself or portions of itself into “vehicles” within these planes, in order to experience life.  The insertion involves lacing the purest essence of life with “lower” impurities; this process of adding impurities is necessary for the essence to truly experience life within these other realms.  Of course, the realm we know most about is our own, the physical realm, because we experience this realm within physical vehicles. These physical vehicles are not eternal; indeed, a necessary part of the insertion process is experiencing the stages of life and death.  Another necessary part of the insertion process is experiencing extremes; pleasure and pain, peace and chaos, serenity and discord. 

I like to believe that each of us has a purpose to this life we are living, a particular experience to face or lesson to be learned or task to be completed.  Perhaps we even volunteer to face this particular purpose before we are put into this life’s vehicle.  But the need to face this purpose is not written in stone; instead, we will find that life’s joys and challenges will offer us opportunities to choose to manifest this purpose, or to choose to turn away from it.  There is no right or wrong here, for each possible version of a particular life has value.  If we choose to accept the purpose and are successful in manifesting the experience or learning the lesson or completing the task, our vehicle will begin its process of ending its existence, and once the vehicle has ended, the life essence will be offered a new experience.  If our choices succeed in completely derailing the potential for successfully connecting to our purpose, the vehicle will likewise begin its process of ending, but the life essence will need to return to another version of the original purpose in order to attempt to connect to it once again.  This ending of the physical vehicle can be long and gradual, or sudden and without warning. 

The purpose offered or volunteered for may be a catalyst to our own evolution, or may not be directly regarding our own evolution, but rather acting as a catalyst or support to another’s process of manifesting his/her/its purpose.  Our interactions with other vehicles, whether of greater or lesser or equal awareness to our own, can slow down our own process or the processes of others, or these interactions can speed up our processes and those of others.  Either way, the experience is valid and has value, so there is no right or wrong choice to be made or action to be taken.

Is this how things really are in our Universe?  Is this how the process works?  I have no idea.  And I probably will not ever, during my existence within this physical vehicle, know for sure if I am correct or way off base.  But it feels right to me, at least it does at this stage of my own evolution.

Okay, then.

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Friday, January 20, 2012

Eight of Cups reversed/Nine of Swords reversed.  The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions.  This card is reversed, though, and today may not be a day for endings.  Perhaps my emotions are not to be trusted today.  The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused.  My Nine is also reversed, so the worry represented by this card will not be worth worrying about.  **wink**

My Thoth card is the Queen of Disks reversed.  The Queen of Disks (cusp of Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering, and Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning, authoritative) is very good at sustaining the physical world, keeping things dry and cozy and safe and orderly.  She is a Minor Arcana version of The Empress, and she is reversed today.  I need to remember that the details are not the important focus, and I should be open to learning about new methods. 

My Legacy card is the Nine of Coins reversed, flavored by The Chariot.  Whew!  I thought all my cards were going to be reversed again.  The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline.  It is reversed, so I am being told that perhaps I should try unusual methods, rather than using proven procedures.  This card could very well be supplementing the reversed Queen above.  Looks like today is not my day to access physical world tools, or listen to the messages of my physical senses.  The card flavoring my reversed Nine of Coins is The Chariot, which corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), and tells of having the emotional control necessary to steer myself in order to arrive at a specific place.  This card is telling me that while I may wish to suppress the workings of my mind and of my need to stick with tried-and-true methods, I should not throw out the baby with the bath water and suppress my emotions too.  No endings should be attempted, per the message of my Eight of Cups, but that does not mean that no emotions should be allowed.

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance. 

My horoscopes: “Recent career advances may have you wondering where to go next. You could be considering taking some time off to travel or perhaps advance your education. You aren't likely to want to rest on your laurels, Sagittarius. Striving to reach new horizons is important to you, and today is the perfect day to consider what horizons are the most critical to you now. Nonetheless, it's important to be sure. Don't feel the need to rush into anything just yet.”

And: “A powerful desire for vast changes in your life could have you thinking in terms of travel, Nanci, or perhaps even relocating to a distant state or foreign land. Friends who live far away could be trying hard to induce you to join them. This is not a minor decision, and therefore requires careful thought. Though you might be tempted to act on impulse today, discipline yourself to wait for a while. In a few days, you'll know if the change is right for you.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Cups.  Nice card image!  This Queen is sheer poetry in motion.  She listens to her own intuition and to the voice of her heart, and she honors the elements and the stars because they have been around forever and are filled with knowledge and wisdom.  She offers her message through the medium of creativity and the arts.

Two days ago, on the 18th, I stated: “The Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine.”  Since the Nigredo Phase is usually the longest and most difficult part of the Great Work, I think I will try out whatever it takes to possibly move things along.  This includes exercising the physical body.

This tuning of the body is important to this process for several reasons.  Metabolic discipline brings renewed vigor to my physical body while getting rid of excess weight and toxins, thus creating an optimal physical vehicle and in turn, optimal energy field.  After all, our energy field uses our physical body as a vehicle and since the energy field is irrevocably infused into the physical body (in other words, the physical body cannot live without the presence of the energy field), the condition of the physical body can affect the condition of the energy field. 

This metabolic discipline is also effective for raising and cleaning out subtle body, for clearing and increasing mind-muscle connection, for reaffirming my ability to connect to and work with my energy field, and because these processes cleanse and purify and strengthen my own energy field and thus, raise it upward, opening a clearer channel to interaction with Deity.

Sounds easy, right?  Well, go back and read my favorite visualization of the Calcination process from yesterday.  “I think the visualization that works best for me here is that of physical Calcination applied to metals.  If we apply intense heat to metals, they melt into liquid form.  Add a bit more heat, and any impurities in those metals extruded or separated from the pure metals and then float to the top of the liquid.  Often these impurities are oily or odorous.  However, as ugly as these impurities look in this form, they are now easily separated from the pure metals.”  Think for a bit about how much heat is required to melt metals.  Ouchie!  This means that in order for me to get “deep down clean,” I’ve gotta experience some pretty hefty turmoil in order to reach the point of “melting metal.” 

And the best way to clear the mind and relax the body so I can effectively deal with that turmoil?  Going for a nice, long walk.  Metabolic discipline!

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Five of Cups reversed/Ace of Wands.  The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. My Five of Cups is reversed, though, and it is telling me that I am doing something right.  I am finding that I am getting a handle on whatever sadness or emotional fog that has been a distraction of late.  The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process, and it is this very Fiery energy that could be dispelling the sadness or lethargy of that Five of Cups.  The Ace of Wands represents the light or torch that can guide me to success, but in order to access its potential, I need to agree to carry it.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks reversed.  “Failure” is Uncle Al’s keyword for the Seven of Disks (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), and Uncle Al does not necessarily see this upright Seven as a good card.  Rather, he sees the suit of Disks as being heavy and he sees the number seven as being heavy; we end up with lots of weight and little energy to carry it.  My Seven of Disks is reversed, so that lethargy may be less of a problem today.  Reversed Five of Cups = less emotional fog, and reversed Seven of Disks = less lethargy.  Sounds good to me.

My Legacy card is Faith (The Hierophant) reversed, flavored by the Five of Coins reversed.  The Faith card or Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity), and it is another Earth card that has a heavy feel about it, but it is also reversed.  The upright Faith card is about conservatism, orthodoxy and proven systems, and it represents the power that is able to change the world to match our own beliefs.  Because my Faith card is reversed, I should not focus today on supporting the established processes.  My Faith card is flavored today by another reversed Five, the Five of Coins.  Yep, another reversed Earth-focused card!  The Five of Coins (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) traditional image shows a woman and a child, one of them injured in some way, travelling in the cold wind, with a church window behind them.  The upright message of this card tells me to expect some challenges in the physical world connected to finance, health, or family, that may result in a feeling of isolation.  This Five also represents the Dark Night of the Soul, and thus, the Nigredo Phase of the Great Work.  It’s reversed position is supporting my other reversed cards, and my Ace of Wands, because it is telling me that my time of wandering in the dark and having no idea which way to go next is at an end.  The struggles are not at an end, mind you, but at least now I have a more clear path ahead of me.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that ends stagnation.  Lots of fives showing up today!

My horoscopes: “You generally tend toward a very high level of perseverance, Sagittarius. No matter how difficult a task may seem to you, today it should go very smoothly, particularly if it involves in-depth study or research of some kind. Your thinking is especially clear and down to earth today, and your common sense is operating at a very high level. Get to whatever needs to be done today and there won't be any loose ends left for tomorrow.”

And: “Ideas and insights coming from deep within your psyche are likely to increase your effectiveness in whatever work you choose to do today. Your mind is particularly practical and logical, and when coupled with an increased intuition these abilities could be invaluable. You might be most effective today working alone, but if this isn't possible you should still accomplish whatever it is you set out to do, and accomplish it well.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Two of Wands.  Perfect card for today.  This one tells of a moment when we can sit on a cliff and look to the future, secure in the knowledge that we have identified and are ready to harness any potential that is available to us.  Both the courage to act and the authority that comes with attaining knowledge and wisdom are the tools at hand.

Now that I’ve explored the Calcination that is an integral part of the Nigredo Phase, I am trying to understand how all of this is affecting me.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that within a day or two of beginning this examination of the Great Work my paycheck was cut drastically.  I am now trying to decide what to do about this.  In other words, I am trying to re-invent myself.

January is traditionally a sluggish month for me.  We go away to visit friends for Thanksgiving weekend, and the majority of that socialization revolves around eating and drinking.  Add to that our busy holiday schedule, with parties just about every weekend between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve, and we get a sluggish, lethargic person who has not been exercising and who has gained anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds.  January is when I at the very least begin to look at myself and decide that I would rather be that strong, healthy woman who is in touch with her body.  In a good year, the process of returning to good physical health usually begins before the end of January.  In a bad year, it can take me until March to rev myself up.

Well, it looks like this is going to be a good year, thanks to my study of the Great Work.

I think the visualization that works best for me here is that of physical Calcination applied to metals.  If we apply intense heat to metals, they melt into liquid form.  Add a bit more heat, and any impurities in those metals extruded or separated from the pure metals and then float to the top of the liquid.  Often these impurities are oily or odorous.  However, as ugly as these impurities look in this form, they are now easily separated from the pure metals.

Heat is a wonderful transformer.  Fire actually imposes a chemical change to the matter it burns.  If you heat water, the molecules in that water begin to move faster, with more space between them, and through the agitation created by heat you change the appearance of that water from a liquid into a gas.  This applies to psychological alchemy as well.  We even have metaphors, such as being “out of the frying pan and into the fire,” that directly connect to Calcination. 

Now, I am choosing to access these very uncomfortable yet quite effective processes as a sort of Spring cleaning.  However, these kinds of upheavals often occur in our lives, like The Tower of the Tarot Major Arcana, which tells of sudden and unexpected upheavals, without warning.  At least, without warnings that our conscious minds will accept as valid and applicable, or even perceive.

What does this mean?  It means that instead of being thrown into a state of “why me??!!” when our lives turn upside down or the rug gets unexpectedly pulled out from under us, we should instead rub our hands together with enthusiastic expectation because we are being offered a chance to perform the Great Work.  Instead of fighting the prevailing energy flows, we should make use of them!

Also, heat rises.  Heat purifies.  And as I learned through my studies of the Emerald Tablet, this very process is necessary for connecting to, perceiving and understanding Deity.  This really does make the Great Work a marvelous companion to the Emerald Tablet.

I am reminded of the effects of the Goddess Kali-Ma, and the way that She helps us to release those physical-world focuses that are bad for us.  And so, I end this post with my Invocation to Her.

Listen to me speak of the Grandmother of Time: She who is known as Kali-Ma, the Liberator of Souls, the Destroyer of Negativity, and many other names; feared by some, loved by some, but ignored by none.  She it is who brings us wisdom, the freedom of ego, and the awareness of eternity.

She has been the Maiden, and remembers that joy.  She has been the Mother, and recalls that pleasure.  But age has changed Her, and taught Her the mysteries of the Wheel that is ever turning, the Wheel that is life, death and rebirth.  With age comes an understanding of the past and a glimpse of the future, for in the turning of the Wheel, the past is the future, and the future is the past. 

She is the Dark of the Moon, the Hidden One, the invisible unknown that lies ahead.  She is the whirling tornado, the erupting volcano, the rising tidal wave, the trembling of the earth’s crust.  She infuses all of Nature.  She is the Learned One, the Teacher, the Bringer of Inevitable Change. 

But I do not fear Her, for She is not malicious.  Her touch, however harsh, is love.  Only in ignorance is She scorned and reviled, for those who seek power over the earth are afraid to face Her wisdom and Her unalterable truth. For She is the key to liberation, She is the Kundalini, the “Serpent Power” which expands our consciousness, which raises us from the mundane realm of birth and death and awakens us to the Divine.

Oh Primordial Mother, who is at once most gentle and most terrible, I come to You today because You live in me, and in my mother, and my mother’s mother; You live in all women and You live in all born of woman, and thus You are alive in all.  You are alive in each cell and bone, in every part of me.  I call to You now, seeking Your wisdom and Your ancient knowing.  Help me to understand that sorrow, death and destruction are woven into the texture of my life and cannot be denied, but rather must be accepted, for it is only through releasing my focus on the material and affirming that I am a spiritual being living in a physical body that liberation and freedom can come to me.  Help me to remember that both the joys and sorrows of my life are still with me, are indeed a permanent part of what I am and what I am becoming. 

Help me to remember that my mortality is a gift that reminds me that there is an end, and thus that each moment of my life, whether filled with joy or sorrow or pain, with darkness or with light, has value. 

Dark Secret of the Universe, teach me to release the concerns that anchor me to this plane of existence, and remind me that while life moves unstoppably toward endings and the dark, this dark ending will give birth to new light and new life.”  Invocation to Kali-Ma, by Raushanna.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Universe reversed/The Lovers reversed.  The Universe/World, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, stable and practical energy that is slow to change), Saturn (discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance), Thav (mark or sign), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world), in an upright position is a card of integration and involvement and understanding.  The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics.  Both of these cards are reversed, and so both cards are talking about separation of some kind.  The reversed Universe tells me that I will have trouble creating synthesis, and the reversed Lovers is telling me that I will have trouble connecting to people.  Okay, a bit of discomfort, eh?

My Thoth card is the Seven of Cups reversed.  “Debauched” reversed, and lethargy has been a big problem for me the past few weeks, so I am surprised that this one is reversed.  The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options.  My Cups card is reversed, though, and I should be able to see things clearly today.  Choices will be made, with clear vision and serenity.

My Legacy card is the King of Coins reversed, flavored by the Page of Cups reversed.  The King of Coins (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical manifestation; he is about working independently and still being effective. This is the benevolent dictator who is real good at conserving and disbursing resources, but because he is reversed, I may be a bit insensitive to the needs of myself or others.  My King is being flavored by flavoring my reversed Page of Cups. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering); in an upright position, this Page is intuitive and dreamy, easily touched, and very social in nature.  Because he is reversed, I am being warned that I might be a bit too sensitive about things today and could very well end up taking out some perceived hurt on those who look to me for support and encouragement. 

Hmmm . . . all my cards are reversed, so I threw a clarification card, this time from my Llewellyn Welsh Tarot, and got the Queen of Wands. The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face.  She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it; she is confident, she is assertive, and she is in charge!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.  And to me, today is a perfect example of a situation where depth and stability are not good things.

My horoscopes: “Successes over the past several weeks, along with an increase in money, might give rise to the desire to improve your living situation, Sagittarius. You might have doubts, however, as to how best to go about doing it. Should you move or should you simply remodel? Should you move close by or to a different area? It's best to simply list the pros and cons of each option and then consider them all carefully. You don't have to decide right now.”

And: “You seem to have the very bad habit of putting off until tomorrow what you can do today! Especially for those little daily things that seem to pile up, like writing letters, paying bills, going to get a check-up, housecleaning etc. However, today is a great day to deal with all these monotonous tasks, so seize the day!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles.  This Queen is the embodiment of the creative feminine energies; not at the level of The Empress, but still an image or reflection of The Empress.  She is grounded, dedicated, reliable, and eager to nurture.  She is secure and confident in her position in life, and she is encouraging me to be the same.

Back to the Nigredo.  The first stage of the entire process that is named the Great Work, and of the Nigredo Phase, is Calcination.  In keeping with the concept that psychological alchemy should be studied along with physical alchemy because both focuses are connected, I will talk about both the psychological process of Calcination as well as the physical process.

Generally speaking, Calcination essentially represents the process of burning.  This burning can happen within the self, which can allow us to deal with energies repressed due to trauma, with our own ego, and with our feelings or emotions.  Or this burning can happen to matter, which allows impurities to rise to the top or to be taken out of the initial substance.  Calcination brings the energy or feelings or impurities to the surface, so we can indentify them and then remove those that are no longer necessary.

Within chemical alchemy the process of Calcination involves the heating of a substance in a crucible or over an open flame until it is reduced to ashes.  Calcination is represented by sulfuric acid (a powerful corrosive that eats away flesh and reacts chemically with all metals except gold), which alchemists make from something they call Vitriol.  The sulfuric acid found in Vitriol is the catalyst for transformation in most alchemical experiments.

Vitriol is distilled from an oily, green substance that forms naturally from the weathering of sulfur-bearing gravel.  After this initial form of Vitriol (called “Green Vitriol”) is collected, it is heated and broken down into iron compounds and sulfuric acid. The acid is then separated out by distillation. The first round of distillation produced a brown smelly liquid, but the next round yielded a nearly odorless, yellow oil; this is the Vitriol.  The interesting thing about Vitriol is that if an open container of it is left open, the Vitriol will absorb the water vapor from the air until the liquid overflows its container.

The Green Vitriol is a powerful disinfectant; alchemists also made therapeutic use of the iron compounds produced when it was heated. Ancient Egyptians used powdered rust (iron oxide) of these iron compounds to heal wounds.

Psychologically, Calcination is the process that initiates the destruction of ego and our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a humbling process which involves a gradual or sudden appearance of trials and challenges.  Fire itself is about spontaneous, compulsive and energetic change.  The Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Well, the Nigredo Phase is all about experiencing a Dark Night, and it sure looks as if the process of Calcination is well on its way to affecting change in my life!

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

 Five of Wands/Five of Cups. The Five of Wands, which corresponds with Saturn (discipline, responsibility, law and order) in Leo (“I am, passionate, dramatic, egotistical), indicates a struggle caused by annoying cross purposes. The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. Ugh, these two cards together certainly don’t foretell a clarity of the mind or the heart.  Hassles, rejection, isolation and resistance. 

My Thoth card is the Two of Cups reversed.  “Love” is Uncle Al’s keyword for The Two of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, family and home oriented, tenacious, moody) is about love, usually about relationships and commonalities.  My Two of Cups is reversed today, and I may have trouble finding clarity and connections that work for me today.

My Legacy card is The Empress reversed, flavored by The Sun. The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is reversed for me today, and so I am being reminded that focusing on pleasing the senses and on achieving material reward may not be productive. The Sun corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), our Sun (the inner core of a person or situation), Resh (the face; reason), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest in the physical world) and Hod (provides analysis and communication), and tells of a time of enlightenment. This card is a masculine card, focusing on outer activity, and since it is flavoring my reversed Empress, I am being told today that my focus should not be on pleasing my own senses.  There are good things to be achieved today and anything accomplished will bring acclaim to me.  But I should not sit back and enjoy this acclaim because it won’t be here forever; instead, I need to make use of it.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creation from the potential of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and “distance between” of the two.

My horoscopes: “New information regarding opportunities for career, business, and personal expansion might shake up your value system today, Sagittarius. This is a positive development, although it may be a bit disconcerting for you right now. Your life could well take a different turn, starting today. An immediate desire for pleasure could be satisfied by scheduling a romantic dinner with a lover. Forget the changes that are happening for a while and enjoy your evening!”

And: “You need to be more spontaneous, and stop constantly trying to organize other people's lives. If you just try, you'll see that it's not so hard just to let things happen. The unexpected also has its own special charm... you're a slave to routine, that's why you need to take a big bite out of life and to put your trust in chance for a while. The people around you would like to see more originality in your personality. Listen up!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Three of Cups.  Nice.  This card tells of the pleasures to be had from developing a community of people that can be depended upon and partied with.  Companionship, and friendship, and the celebration of the knowledge that we are not alone.

I am coming off a long weekend with friends.  What a great time we had!  We spent lots of time walking outside, at the beach, at the Cove, at Point Park, at Sunset Beach.  Lots of miles logged and lots of sun and sand and surf.  LOL, a bit cold too, but we were rewarded on our last walk of the weekend by the appearance of a pair of bald eagles at Sunset Beach.  Hmmm . . . I’ve seen a pair of eagles there before; wonder if it is the same two.

Back to reality!

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Friday, January 13, 2012

Queen of Wands/Ten of Wands.  LOL, oh boy, is that a clear message!  The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face.  She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it   The Ten of Wands (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is another Fire card which tells of being taxed to the limit creatively, or at least, tells us we believe we are taxed to the limit.  But with that Queen around, I just might be able to find a bit more creativity, hidden away somewhere.

My Thoth card is The Moon.  The Moon corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, emotional and sensitive energy that strives to stay the same), Pisces (“I believe,” feeling, suffering, soul growth, duality), Qof (the back of the head), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and talks about the imagination, perception, and fear of the unknown.  This card tells us that things might not be as they seem, but this in itself is not necessarily something bad.  The message of this card is that this is a time when I’ve gotta travel in the dark without being able to see the path I am moving on.  This is an opportunity for me to rely on my own inner light, which won’t be blotted out by the brighter and more obvious lights around me, which will be nonexistent today.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Swords reversed, flavored by the Seven of Cups reversed.  The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying.  Thankfully it is reversed, and being flavored by the reversed Seven of Cups.  The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options.  I am glad both of these cards are reversed because now, their energies are complimenting each other.  Today, worry about things I can’t change may begin to ebb; I may end up able to focus on more productive things with a clearer mind and a good connection to my feelings.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the conscious and focused response to the beginning of degeneration that is the number 7.

My horoscopes: Have you just bought some new equipment for your home, Sagittarius? This could be a new computer, a state-of-the-art entertainment system, or perhaps a new appliance. You and the other members of your household might spend much of the day trying to learn how to use it, although it could seem rather difficult. Take heart! It looks more complicated than it is. Keep trying, and don't forget to have fun!”

And: “Obstacles may arise in the course of your daily chores when machines break down and interfere with your efficiency. Your frustrations may cause you to want to yell and start throwing things. If you must blow your top, do it in such a way as to avoid causing upsets to others. Go for a workout or jog, or take a karate class. The machines will be fixed and the situation will pass. Hang in there!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the King of Wands.  This card is reminding me that I have unique talents to offer, and I need to offer them without fear.  My confidence will bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy if I allow myself to shine, and others will support me as I move forward.  This King is also reminding me that I should not shy away from risk; rather, I should tap into the energy of uncertainty so that I can change the direction of the predominant flow so it matches my own goals and intentions.

Note to self: when working with the Great Work, particularly when beginning the Nigredo Phase, be prepared for the things that need to be changed to suddenly become FUBAR. 

Nigredo is about mortification, and mortification is about death.  This first phase begins a process of purification, and oh boy, it does work.  This has been a stressful week for me because I am begin given another boot in the butt: my hours at my day job and my paycheck are being cut again.  Interesting that this happens just as I am beginning to deepen my understanding of Nigredo.

Did I say that Nigredo was about death?  One of the terms for Nigredo is “Caput Corvi,” or “Decapitation of the Crow.”  Now, here is the cool thing about Crow.  It is the left-handed guardian who knows the unknowable mysteries, and it is the keeper of all sacred law.  Crow is also the guardian of magick and healing; Crow will give you the courage to enter the darkness and Crow will initiate the change in consciousness that brings new reality.  And Crow always requires that we talk the talk and walk the walk; we need to learn our Purpose and then stick to it, no matter what.

Death means decomposition; that is the natural result of death, and it is the first step in the cleansing and cooking process of the Great Work.  Sometimes that process of decomposition has already begun and we just aren’t aware of it; well, the Nigredo Phase slaps us upside the head with that cosmic two by four.  Wake up!!!

This is exactly what is happening to me now.  Putrefaction has already begun, even though my conscious mind keeps putting off the process of acknowledging this.  It is time to move on!  It is time to act!  It is time to let go of those things I’ve been dragging along with me, the things I am so done with!

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