Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Death/The Horned One reversed. Most people are frightened by the Death card (Water, cold/binds and wet/adapts; Scorpio, “I desire”; and Nun, fish head, liberation), but I have been waiting for it. Death tells us that it is time to move on to the next stage of life; we may not be able to see what comes next but in order to continue growing and evolving, we need to voluntarily release what has happened so far, the way an emerging butterfly leaves behind the dried up shell of the caterpillar-that-once-was. The Tarot, and especially the Major Arcana cards, reminds us that life is constantly in motion and while we may certainly pause for brief periods of time, if we don’t get moving again in a timely fashion, fate and circumstances will boot us in the butt to get us moving again. The Horned One or the Devil (Earth, cold/binds and dry/shapes; Capricorn, “I build”; Ayin, eye or senses) in an upright position tells of the allowing of our connection to the physical world and the experiences of the physical senses to bewitch or bind us in one place. The card is reversed, and I believe it is supporting the concept that the time has come for me to walk willingly through the doorway and into the next stage of my life. The elements of Earth and Water support each other as far as fostering contraction and falling or being weighed down. Because The Horned One is reversed, there is a nice Balance to be found in this card pair.

My Thoth card is the Eight of Wands reversed. “Swiftness” reversed; Crowley saw this card as representing not combustion, but the energy created by combustion. He saw the energies of this card as being similar to an electric current or of light created by electricity. Since the card is reversed, today may not be a day of “sukha,” of free and easy movement within the channels presented.

My Legacy card is the Three of Swords, flavored by the Seven of Wands reversed. Interestingly enough, one interpretation of the Three of Swords is the inability to maintain the new sense of identity with the old situation. The card tells us that the patches put in place to delay the decision are beginning to give, and illness of some kind could result from a refusal to address things; it tells us that the sorrow we feel is not dependent on any one person or event; it is more of a universal melancholy. I need to remember that logic and the mind (both correspondences to the suit of Swords), have the power to hurt me when left in their purest forms; my sorrow may very well be more mental than emotional.

Since today’s throw took me by surprise, I chose to throw a Pearls of Wisdom card for some insight, and got the Two of Cups. Sweet sharing and an abundance of caring for each other. No matter what, love is there as a support. Nice reminder.

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number of completion and endings, which reduces to the number 1, the number of pre-manifestation and of position.

My horoscopes: “Today may be tough for you, Sagittarius. It might seem like nothing is fitting into place. Could it be that you're trying to be someone you aren't? If things aren't working out, don't press the issue. You're better off waiting for a time when you feel more confident about who you are and where you're going. Have a cup of tea and relax. Releasing stress can free your energy for other uses.”

And: “You're famous for consistently being game to experience the last thing on earth anyone else might try, and then tell everyone you know all about it. Today's nutty energy is perfect for you. An invitation sets you off on a path that includes not just adventure, but a new and improved relationship with a good friend or sweetheart. No matter how subtle the invitation may be, you're up for it.”

And: “Members of your household, including you, might have been letting chores around the home slide and the idea of getting them done may seem a bit too much for you to bear. Yet the spirit of sacrifice may get the best of you, and you might try to do it all yourself. Don't! Ask for help. Others are as responsible for household tasks as you are, and you aren't doing anyone any favors by working too hard.”

I performed my first official Reiki I Class last evening, for Jill in Flanders, and it went really well. I felt confident and informed, and since Jill is studying diet and essential oils and aromatherapy for use in healing, she was able to contribute her own information to our discussions. The attunement went well, and we shared Reiki immediately after; Jill was thrilled when she felt heat and tingling as she applied Reiki to me. I have also written up a draft of a writeup for my Reiki I Class with Off the Beaten Path; I am excited.

This weekend, Helen and I will hopefully do several bodywork sessions, on neighbors, guests and each other. I have been watching Mukti’s video, and I look forward to trying some of the sequences with Helen. LOL, she is such an elastic band that I won’t have to worry about hurting her.

One of my much loved PBT-ers, E, is eager for some bodywork as well, and she is also a yoga teacher, so I look forward to bringing her this experience. The more people I practice on, the sooner I can put myself out there as a professional.

I am really impressed with Mystery’s ability to pull together rituals by taking parts from books and other sources. That is how I started; eventually things got shifted and tweaked and rewritten so that my rituals are really mine, and she is going to be able to do the same thing with the rituals and workings she is putting together.

We are having a house full this weekend in Cape May, and I really look forward to seeing everyone!!


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Page of Wands/The Hermit. This Page (Earth, cold/binds and dry/shapes) of Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes), and Cancer (“I feel”), Leo (“I am”) and Virgo (“I serve”)) has a passion for life, but his expectations are not yet solidified so he is able to see the world in exciting and unbound ways. His power is mostly an inner one; he does not change the world around him but rather he changes the way he sees and perceives the world. The Hermit also corresponds to Earth, as well as Virgo (“I serve”), the Path connecting Tiphareth (harmonization and focus of energies to bring illumination and clarity) and Chesed (the stabilization and nurturing of form and structure), and the Hebrew letter Yod (open hand; touch), and he reminds me through introspection and contemplation that the journey is the goal, not the destination.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Cups reversed. “Satiety” in an upright position reminds us that success can be like an opiate, and while success is a worthy goal, sometimes we really **do** get what we wished for even if it turns out to **not** be right for us. Because the card is reversed, I am being told that I am still in the “striving for success” stage, and cannot yet rest on my laurels.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Wands reversed, flavored by The Hanging Man. This particular Seven of Wands to me is a reminder of the powers and sequences of events that are associated with a threshold and the corresponding Guardian of that threshold. Because the card is reversed (and flavored by The Hanging Man), I am being told that today is not a day for taking up the tests offered by the Guardian in order to gain admittance to the threshold. The Hanging Man is about surrender, and in fact represents the archetype of sacrifice and initiation. I recently compiled some information for E, one of my much loved Pagan Brain Trusters, regarding The Hanging Man, and I am including it here. The Hanging Man also corresponds to the element of Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts), as well as Neptune (inspiration, spirituality, enchantment and altered states), and Mem (water; stability and balance). The Hanging Man tells of suspension or pause or surrender, most of the time voluntary; however the pause is achieved through sacrifice.

Some interesting concepts. The crossed legs represent the cross of Hermes. I remember reading that often The Emperor is shown sitting on a throne with his legs crossed in exactly the same way. That reminds us that The Hanging Man is in many ways the polar opposite of The Emperor. The Emperor achieves his goals by imposing order, while The Hanging Man has learned that surrender and sacrifice are the best tools. The Hanging Man also corresponds with The Fool, can be seen as an aspect of The Fool. He is also linked to the Death card, which is seen to be the next step after the voluntary surrender that brings his change of perspective, and The Moon card and illusion, another change of perspective. The card represents the Path between Hod (analysis of communication; understanding how to do something) and Geburah (the challenging and affirming of form and structure) on the Tree of Life.

Marchetti describes the energies of this card as similar to an hourglass balanced on its side, with equal amounts of sand in each of the extremities of the glass. Balance created by equality of opposites. Temporary, indeed; but nice just the same. In reading Marchetti's entries, something else stood out for me. Marchetti writes "When you are truly at rest, everything is suspended. Time stands still, gravity stops, and the doors of extraordinary perception are opened." Could it be that the actual transformation or bridge between opposite concepts is the important message? Could it be that surrendering to the transformation process itself is what brings us to those altered states?

The Pearls of Wisdom interpretation of The Hanging Man is interesting. The card is described as representing cheerful sacrifice and surrender to the inevitable. It also represents surrender to water, to the deep emotional content buried in the subconscious mind and made available to the conscious mind by the shock of altering perceptions. We are being told that despite feeling bound by other things (or maybe because of binds that restrict us), we are able to surrender to the entire event. We are emancipated from restrictions by surrendering to them, and we are freed from the fear of loss!

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness and of having it all, or at least believing that we have it all; the wish card.

My horoscope: “Today there might be tension in the air with no discernible cause, Sagittarius. Family members could seem preoccupied with problems they can't quite define. Your natural inclination might be to try to cheer them up, but it probably won't work. Don't be too annoyed if they don't respond to your efforts. It isn't them. It's the planets. This is a great day to jog, do aerobics, or otherwise work off tension.”

And: “Someone new has piqued your interest, but rather than just sitting there imagining talking with them, you need to scoot over and make a move. You don't even need a line or a good excuse. Chances are, your friendly demeanor is exactly what they have been waiting for, and you might end up with a lifelong friend -- or maybe even a hot date!”

And: “A chance to increase your income, perhaps through a temporary enterprise of some sort, could come your way today. You just might decide to go for it. It'll mean working a lot harder for a while, but the money will open up a few doors for you that you hadn't counted on. Consider all your options, think about them all, then decide what you want to do. Whatever you decide will probably be very beneficial.”

I still feel as though I am standing on the edge of the high dive, collecting myself in preparation for the leap. Something is holding me back from moving forward, and is encouraging me to tie up loose ends. I am taking this message to heart and doing my best to get things in shape and orderly. Somehow I get the feeling that once things start moving again, I won’t have a moment to take a breath.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Queen of Wands reversed/The Magician reversed. The Queen of Wands in an upright position is Water of Fire, and both of those elements tend to cancel each other out, she is left with a very Airy/suit of Swords kind of personality. She knows what she wants, but the danger in this is that she can end up beating a dead horse. The Magician in an upright position corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts), Mercury (reason, orderliness, skill) and Beth (house; builder), and the Path between Binah (origin of form and structure; receptiveness) and Kether (the source where creation begins; limitless possibility). In a sense, that Path is a very literal description of the skills of The Magician, for he does bring form and structure to limitless possibility. Because both of these cards are reversed today, I am interpreting them as a warning to me, a warning that states that I am missing some balance. Too much Air can end up causing me to take steps based solely on logic; too little Air can end up bogging me down in a swamp of emotions.

My Thoth card is the Princess of Disks. Earth of Earth, Uncle Al sees this card as Womanhood in her ultimate manifestation. She has it all, but she is also subject to the effects around her. No matter what, she is on the verge of “becoming.”

My Legacy card is The Fool, flavored by the Ten of Swords reversed. The Fool is another Air card, and also corresponds with Uranus (technology, innovation, radical change) and Aleph (the head; youthful learning). The Path associated with this card is Chokmah (the dynamic origin of vital force and polarity) to Kether; how is that for out-of-control power?! The warning is repeated in the Ten of Swords reversed; just the presence of that card even though it is ill-dignified reminds me that balance is very necessary today.

My Pearls of Wisdom full moon card is The Magician. The Magician is the ultimate master of creativity, and not only has he been dealt the full deck, but he is aware of the value of every single card in that deck. He is ready and waiting to become . . . and he is not afraid to take actions to manifest his personal goals.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion imposed on stability to prevent stagnation.

My horoscopes: “The general atmosphere of the day may seem too slow and stodgy for your tastes, Sagittarius. Try not to get bogged down in details. Try not to worry too much. You may find that it's difficult to get any enthusiasm out of people today. You might just want to sit back and take it easy. This is a good day to plan and reorganize. Honor your recent achievements and consolidate all that you've worked for.”

And: “Get out your list of places you must visit in this lifetime and add a few new ones -- those in your personal zeitgeist, which keep coming up over and over and sound simply amazing. Now is the right time for you to reprioritize your travel desires. If you could go anywhere right now, which would win out? Move it to the top, then figure out which others are close enough to hit in one trip. Find the time -- as soon as possible.”

And: “Visitors, perhaps a couple that may be having some troubles could come to your home today, Nancy. They are likely to want a sympathetic ear and insightful advice. Matters involving your own home and family, however, need some attention as well. Your house may need a little work, and family members need some emotional support. Therefore, it seems as if you you'll probably have very little time for yourself. Try to keep a few moments aside to spend alone.”

This has been a week of busyness and catching up. My homework inboxes are pretty much empty, my house is clean, my Reiki Class for tonight is ready to go, my laundry is done except for a small load in the dryer that needs to be folded. I gave Brian a Thai Massage last night, and felt very comfortable. I bought the card for tomorrow’s wedding, and I will have some time tomorrow to walk, do some yoga, and make CD’s and DVD’s for Helen and Lisa. I walked last night, and feel strong physically.

Time to start addressing the things that are lower down on my list. I need to keep motivated! But I am still reminding myself that speed is not effective. I need to ramp back my efforts to get things done, and I need to move and act and think and speak with deliberate awareness, otherwise I will either mess up or miss something important.


Monday, June 21, 2010

Three of Pentacles reversed/The Priestess reversed. The Three of Pentacles in an upright position tells us that we are involved in a task or job or career that resonates for us and thus brings reward, and thus we go above and beyond the call of duty, with joy. The card is reversed, so that opportunity is there but I am not seeing or accessing the path to that opportunity. The Priestess (Water, cold/binds and wet/adapts; the Moon, feelings, illusion, imagination; and Gimel, camel, hidden knowledge) would be an awesome pairing with the Three of Pentacles if they were both upright. But even so, the energies are present; I just need to figure out how to tap into them!

My Thoth card is the Ace of Cups reversed. The Holy Grail, and the power of love. Like my two Welsh cards, the awesome energies of this card are present, but I am not tapping into them the right way.

My Legacy card is The Fool, flavored by the Six of Swords reversed. The Fool (the path between Chokmah, limitless possibility, and Kether, the dynamic origin of polarity and vital force) corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts), Uranus (technology, innovation and radical change) and Aleph (the head, youthful learning). Because of the Six of Swords reversed, I am being told that I need to approach the use of the energies of The Fool with a bit of mature selectivity or I will end up negating any progress toward healing and reconciliation that I have made.

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number of completion of a cycle.

I had a truly marvelous experience yesterday. I spent the day (over 6 hours!) working in my beloved garden. By last night, I was bone tired yet filled with a sense of accomplishment. I decided to walk to the Acme and get myself some dinner; after all, I so deserved a cheeseburger after my efforts of the day. On the way, I met a neighbor and good friend, Marie, who has had to deal with some very difficult challenges over the past weeks, made more difficult because a part of the difficulties stem from the actions of others and thus, out of Marie’s control. When I hugged her, I sensed a combination of a deep need to release the issues of the recent past in a manner that could bring her peace and satisfactory closure, and a rapidly ebbing supply of the focus and determination needed in order to resolve and release those issues. She radiated grief, anger, a sense of having been betrayed, and a sense of emotional weariness. My heart ached for her, and I tried to find the words to ease her a bit; apparently I succeeded because Marie emailed me later last night and thanked me. My words had reminded her that at this point, since the actions taken are in the past and thus unchangeable, it may not be up to her to “bring the lesson” to the other parties. Those simple words reminded my friend that she is only responsible for her own actions and choices, and does not need to shoulder the burden of the actions and choices of anyone besides herself.

A simple lesson, but one that is very difficult to perceive when we are being distracted by pain and anger and frustration. I am so please that I was able to help nudge my friend back towards the inner peace that she has always seemed to have.

But here is the cool thing: Marie took the time to thank me, and as I drove back from Cape May this morning, I thought about her situation and how good I felt about being able to return the friendship she has offered to me, by helping her a bit. It suddenly dawned on me that I, too, am guilty of assuming the responsibility of the actions of others by either judging them or attempting to “teach” them why they are wrong. How much effort we all expend on these pursuits, sometimes without realizing it!! Granted, loved ones deserve our communication with them when we think they are doing something that will hurt themselves or others, maybe even multiple communications. But in the end, we are not required to shoulder the karmic burden of the words or actions of others and indeed, this burden can literally sap the life out of us. No matter how wrong we perceive the actions or words of another as being, in the end we are only responsible for expending energy toward making certain that our own words and deeds are ethical and present the least amount of harm possible. We don’t have the responsibility of loosing sleep or health over the actions of others, even if those actions have a painful impact upon us. We only have the responsibility of choosing our own response.

Thank you, Marie! Much love and gratitude to you, my friend, for the powerful lesson you gifted me with, and for the reminder of the one power we all have: the power to choose our own words and deeds. I hope and pray that you find the inner peace you deserve.

Midsummer Blessings!!


Friday, June 18, 2010

Knight of Swords reversed/King of Wands. In an upright position the Knight of Wands tells of progress related to spiritual quests, ideas and projects. The Knight is the one who does what the King requests, no questions asked, which is why I mostly see the Knight as representing the element of Air. Mostly. So that would make this card Air of Air, and not containing much emotion or compassion or inner guidance. But, the card is reversed, so in some respects it becomes a supporting card to the King of Wands, who would be Fire of Fire, and committed to his intention of maintaining assertion and action. This King is experienced enough to be able to keep the fire burning while not allowing it to get out of control. I will be able to infuse my logic with the suggestions of my inner voice today, and I will be able to keep the fire banked yet still alive.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Disks reversed. “Gain” and the satisfaction of knowing that my harvest is bountiful because I worked hard. I am being told that the time to harvest is not yet upon me, but I am being reminded that I can’t allow my efforts to weaken.

My Legacy card is the Two of Cups, flavored by The Wheel. The Two of Cups tells of the ability to recognize and understand my feelings, and tells of the presence of emotional connections. It promises fulfillment, and it shows me the reflection of myself in my lover’s eyes. How lovely is that?! I need to see this stuff through The Wheel, which reminds me of the cycles of the world and of my life, and also reminds me to ride the energy and make use of the direction of the flow. Even of I am experiencing a downturn of the Wheel, that energy can be useful to me.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the beginnings of the degeneration of the number 6, and also a bit of a pause.

My horoscopes: “You generally enjoy philosophy, metaphysics, and other forms of higher thought, Sagittarius, but today you could find yourself almost obsessive about them. You might decide to sequester yourself and concentrate on these concepts. This is a great day to do this, because intellect combines with intuition to enable you to understand and make sense of abstract ideas. You can apply them to your everyday life. Go to it.”

And: “It's time for some self-reflection, Nancy. If you want to make things easier for yourself today, it's simple, all you have to do is stop for a minute and take a look at the person you have been turning into over the last few months. It may even be best to talk about these changes with a close friend of yours. That will help you to see things more clearly. . . .”

And: “Taking care of your people is important, but taking care of yourself should be a priority for you now. If you're feeling a bit ragged doing special projects for work and helping your family with their kids, you need to put your foot down. Tell them that you're raking some spare time. It's about time that people started to respect that -- which goes for you, too!”
I have been thinking all day about the concept of the “echo” as presented in Vedic Bodywork, and it is making me remember a little essay that I posted on the Sacred Mists Forums earlier this week.

From the Vedic Conservatory website:

“Listening for the echo” is a fundamental technique taught in every Asian style of bodywork. It is experienced when a practitioner is in full expression of a compression or a stretch. It is the ultra subtle sensation that results due to the communication between the spindle cells and the brain. Within the belly of muscle or tendon there is the computer department, the group of specialized cells whose job is to detect pressure, heat, and intention etc. As these neurological assemblies register and record impulses, they also bio-electrically submit this information to the central nervous system.

This eventually includes the brain which responds accordingly issuing the appropriate reaction. The time required for this communication to complete the essential full cycle is where the “echo” is to be experienced. We are eavesdropping on this communication with consciousness, respect, courtesy, and sensitivity. This enables us to procure the most desirable technique available. Subsequently we are sensitized and are given privy access to proceed with perfect savvy. That is, we can settle deeper into the compression/stretch or inversely, we act assuredly and in confidence as we release.

By Michael “Mukti” Buck

I love this! The echo happens when the practitioner moves with a slow reverence as she/he moves the receiver’s body into the asana or stretch, reaches the receiver’s threshold, and then pauses, waiting patiently. And the echo comes; I know this for a fact because I have felt that echo already, within my very young practice.

Now, here is my essay from earlier this week:

I am just coming off a three day intensive weekend; I am proud to say that I have been certified in Vedic Bodywork Thai-Yoga Massage. This workshop has been an incredibly transformative experience for me, and I was very pleased that I had an hour and a half minimum drive home this morning because it gave me a chance to begin digesting the huge download of knowledge, wisdom and experiences I received.

As I drove, I became aware of something. I create consequences. Yes, I know; we are all taught that concept in First Degree. My mind knows this without a doubt. But suddenly, I “felt” this concept with every fiber of my being. Me, sitting in my car and hurling up the Turnpike; I am creating consequences, both large and small, just by passing by. Consequences that flow in front of me the way a bow wave flows in front of a moving ship, and consequences that scatter behind me like trash spilling out from the back of a speeding garbage truck. The car moves the air, and maybe a few bugs splat on the windshield. The presence of my car could end up preventing an accident, or causing one, depending in part on my attention and driving ability. The imposed captivity in the car could allow me the time to solve a problem, or brood on a hurt and thus increase its manifestation. The lists of possibilities go on and on.

Where am I going with this? Simple; we all need to slow down just one notch. We become so focused on our busyness and meeting our responsibilities and taking care of those in our charge and making a paycheck and stopping at the grocery store, and oh darn, I forgot to get gas, and on and on and on. This busyness feeds itself, and we end up devoting more and more of our focus, focus that would be better spent in keeping our own workings fine tuned, on maintaining that mad merry-go-round that is our physical and mundane lives.

I am not saying that you should chuck it all, not by any means. What I am saying is that if you slow down just a tiny bit, that gap in tension that is created can be filled with the awareness of the consequences of your passing through your own world. Rest assured, those consequences are there.

Most of them are good consequences. And if you are distracted, you will miss experiencing them. That would be a shame.

The two essays combine nicely, don’t they? Pausing at the threshold is valuable. I learned this during my weekend workshop, and it appears that I am already meshing this concept into my own Craft and Practice.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Eight of Cups/Four of Cups reversed. Lots of Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts) today, and so the focus just might be on restoring serenity, and that serenity will be restored by making changes. I am being told that today I may want to move away from the emotions and feelings that aren’t working for me. This will be more easily accomplished if I stay very aware of and in tune with my feelings and emotions; I need to live in the “now” emotionally rather than allowing my inner self to wander aimlessly.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Cups. “Satiety” today, and another card connected to feelings and my inner self. This one warns me that if I allow the energy of that Four of Cups to control any pleasure, I will end up drugged by that pleasure and unable to truly see. The end result may be success, but a kind of “be careful what you wish for” success.

My Legacy card is the Five of Wands, “flavored” by the Nine of Wands reversed. Okay, just what we need here in order to bring some shape and focus into all that Watery energy! The Five of Wands is about minor conflicts, about a group of ideas which are all important but cannot be meshed, and about the re-imposition of motion and challenge into the momentary pause and anticipation of the future of the Four of Wands. Back to work!! Since this card is flavored by the Nine of Wands reversed, I won’t be dealing with difficult challenges, just irritating ones.

My 6-digit date number is 6!! Yes!! Today this number shows me what I need to aim for; with all the Water in my card throws today, I need to add some influences of other elements or I will not feel happy and serene by the end of the day.

My horoscopes: “Unfortunately, today's planetary energy will place you in a rather uncomfortable situation, Sagittarius. You'll be the one having to smooth things over with your group of friends. Try not to impose your point of view. On the contrary, you should try to become more diplomatic and gentle with the people around you. You could also learn a lot by observing how people behave.”

And: “You're accustomed to not only accepting the unexpected, but also learning to embrace it -- a trait that comes in handy right about now. You may also need to prepare those close to you for some surprise announcements, even if they're not the sort to enjoy that kind of thing. If you can communicate the finer details, they may make the best of it. It certainly can't hurt to try!”

And finally: “You are a very knowledgeable person. In general, women born under Sagittarius are staunch ideologists, and when this tendency is mixed with their more masculine side, it gives them a very black and white way of expressing their opinions. It's often as if what they are saying is the only truth. Today's planetary aspects could help you to be more flexible and tolerant in your relations with other people.”

Well, looks like outside influences will seem to be against me today. Forewarned is forearmed, and I will do my best to diffuse any difficulties.

Pagan Brain Trust met Monday night; boy, was it good to be with that group again! E graduated from Yoga Teacher School this past weekend, and there was some celebrating going on. But we also took the time to deal with some serious stuff, too. Got that all taken care of; now we can move on to our egregore.

I am teaching a Tarot Class tonight at Off the Beaten Path, and I look forward to it. I love my Summer workshops; they are the “next step” for those who have learned the basics of the cards.

More about my weekend workshop. Thai Massage is not what the average person pictures when they think about getting a massage, for this is not about getting undressed and laying down on a massage table and letting the practitioner do all the sweating. The recipient is fully dressed, and the bodywork takes place on a floor mat the size of a queen-sized mattress. The practitioner moves the recipient into stretches and poses (the correct term is “asanas”) while the recipient relaxes totally and surrenders to the practitioner’s manipulation. The real art form to this is sloooooowly instituting the asana or stretch to the threshold of the recipient’s ability, and then gently but firmly holding until the release happens. It always does happen, and in fact in Thai Massage, the release is known as the “echo.” The skill of the practitioner is based in part upon his or her ability to make those echos happen, and the benefit is that the recipient gains quite a bit of flexibility.

I was surprised on Tuesday morning when I did my first set of belly dance stretches and Yoga asanas after my weekend of giving and receiving Thai Massage. I really am more flexible. I get all kinds of nice pops now when I stretch, and I always feel nice and loose and very strong. This is an amazing modality, and I look forward to maybe receiving a bit on the weekend, if Helen or Lisa are in Cape May and free to work for a bit with all the asanas we learned during the workshop.

I have also noticed that another layer of the onion has been peeled off my energy work. My chakras are more healthy, my MCO is incredible now, and my meditative muscles have gotten a nice workout. Cernunnos is very, very happy; He was the one who has been pushing me to get my physical body in order, and to my surprise, having my physical body in better shape has increased the potency of my energy body.

How cool is that??!!


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Seven of Cups/Queen of Swords. Mesmerizing choices will confront me today; I need to be strong and alert in order to see clearly, and avoid the pitfalls and traps disguised as pleasurable attainments. Very simple message!!

My Thoth card is the Six of Disks. “Success” in the physical realms! Brought to you by our sponsor, Balance. I should enjoy the balance that is happening, but I should also remember that this assistance by the elements is temporary and I need to be certain that I am prepared to take the helm when they ebb.

My Legacy card is The Chariot reversed (water, cold/binds and wet/adapts; Cancer, “I feel”; and Cheth, fence), “flavored” by The World (earth, cold/binds and dry/shapes; Saturn, discipline, limitations and resistance; and Thav, mark or sign). I am being told that today may no be a day of emotional control; I may not be able to effectively steer the “vehicle,” but the end result may not be so bad if I apply awareness and Balance.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that keeps stagnation at bay.

My horoscopes: “Sometimes we all feel a little lost, Sagittarius. We often want to move mountains and use all our energy and enthusiasm to try to do so. But a few moments later we could feel that all efforts have been in vain. It pays to remember one of the hard facts of life - take nothing for granted. You shouldn't let that keep you from trying to makes changes to things around you. Be vigilant.”

And: “Don't make any rash judgments or leap to any conclusions today, Nancy. Misconception is in the air, and you wouldn't want to risk offending someone simply because you got the wrong impression. This is a day for observing, not acting. This may be difficult for you, leader that you are, but ultimately it will prove beneficial. You will find that you learn a lot about people simply by watching them.”

I am finally experiencing my “recovery” day; whenever I have three or four (or more) days in a row that are filled with effort and enthusiasm, I always end up spending one day in a fog as my body and my spirit take some time to regroup. I have a tendency to overeat on these days in an attempt to restart the energy factory in my body, but hopefully I won’t do too bad today.

I gave Bob a Thai Massage last night; I had a bit of stage fright at first, but to my joy, I very quickly went back to the mental place I was in during the workshop this weekend, and I felt comfortable. I love this modality!!

More on my workshop. On Saturday, we performed a Trataka meditation. Trataka is described as follows:

Trataka (Sanskrit, n., to look, or to gaze) is the practice of staring at some external object. It is used in yoga as a way of developing concentration, strengthening the eyes, and stimulating the Ajna chakra.

The Ajna chakra is positioned at the eyebrow region and has two white petals, said to represent the psychic channels, Ida and Pingala, which meet here with the central Sushumna nadi (channel) before rising to the crown chakra, Sahasrara. These petals also represent the manifest and unmanifest mind, as well as the pineal and pituitary glands. “Ham” is the letter of the left petal, and “ksham” is the letter of the right petal, representing Shiva and Shakti, respectively. “Pranava Om,” the supreme sound, is the bij, or seed mantra of this chakra.

Ajna is considered the chakra of the mind. When something is seen in the mind's eye, or in a dream, it is being “seen” by Ajna. Residing in the chakra is the deity Ardhanarishvara a hermaphrodite form of Shiva-Shakti, symbolizing the primordial duality of subject and object, and the deity Hakini Shakti is also present in this chakra.

In kundalini yoga, different practices are said to stimulate the Ajna chakra, including Trataka (steady gazing), Shambhavi Mudra (gazing at the space between the eyebrows), and some forms of Pranayama (breath exercises).

In Trataka's first stage, the practitioner fixes his attention on a symbol or yantra, such as the Om symbol, a black dot, or the image of some deity, and stares at it, paying attention to each thought and feeling as it arises, and letting them go, so that the mind is completely absorbed in the symbol. The practice continues until the eyes begin to water, at which point they are closed, and relaxed.

The second stage is staring at a candle flame. The practice is the same up until the eyes begin to water, after which the eyes are closed, and the yogi tries to concentrate on the after image, and hold it for as long as possible. At first, it will be a real after-image, but later, it will exist only in the mind's eye, and the exercise in concentration comes from trying to maintain it there for a long period of time.

Trataka is supposedly the technique which sadhakas use to develop psychic powers. Trataka on the Sun or one's own mirror image is considered to be extremely powerful, but without a guru's assistance it can be dangerous to try these.

From Wikipedia

The version we performed was the second stage, staring at a candle flame. We all sat around the room, all 25 of us, each with a lit tealight candle on the window sill before us (the sill was a perfect height). We began breathing slowly and silently, and stared at the flame, trying not to blink. Impossible for me as I wear contact lenses (even when I am not wearing them, I find that I need to blink more often), or so I thought. I relaxed and breathed slowly and looked at the flame. To my delight, I realized that I did not need to blink! I gazed at the flame; I blinked only once or twice and then was able to gaze at the flame once again without blinking.

Soon, I noticed that the flame appeared to have a heartbeat. The rhythmic pulsing of the base of the flame, the darkest and most inner part, was pulsing like the heart of an unborn child as it appears on a sonogram! After a bit, I sensed the flam expanding, encompassing me, and then pulling back as if it was a timid or shy animal (which is a strange visual for Fire). I kept luring it back to me, and each time it would stay a bit longer, its center pulsing steadily.

Then Mukti told us all to close our eyes. I could instantly see the afterimage of the tealight, with a blue iridescent flame, but if I focused too intently on it, the image disappeared. After a few tries, I was able to adjust the tension of my eyes so that I could look at the image steadily. For a moment, I saw a much larger tealight imposed onto the life sized image. Then, the dark blue flame turned into the iris and pupil of an eye. As I watched, the eye morphed into a face, the most lovely and beautiful face I had ever seen. I will use the pronouns “she” and “her” because the face seemed feminine, but because I could not see hair or body, I am not certain. She had high cheekbones, but her features were soft, not bony. Her skin was porcelain and smooth; no lines or folds marred her countenance. She had full, lush lips, the corners raised ever so slightly. And she looked right at me without blinking.

She was so incredibly beautiful that tears began to fall down my cheeks and my lower lip trembled as I resisted the urge to sob. As I enjoyed gazing into her beautiful eyes, I heard a voice speak although her lips remained in their “Mona Lisa smile”; the voice whispered, “You are loved.”

Then, Mukti ended the meditation.

I don’t know who she is, but I am certain that I will find her, and find her soon. I sense that she is important to me at this time in my life, but I am trying to not impose any expectations on her at all. I can still see her, and I am very eager to try this again. Trataka should be done every day over a period of several days, and I am going to attempt to perform the meditation before bed.

More to come!


Monday, June 14, 2010

Eight of Swords/Temperance reversed. This Eight of Swords actually makes some sense to me. Its message is that I need to stop focusing on what is limiting me. I know what I want, but what I want is not easily achieved; that does not mean that what I want is impossible!! Temperance corresponds with Sagittarius, so it also has an important message for me. Because it is reversed, this card is reminding me that Balance is necessary and I am most likely overlooking the concept of Balance today. This kind of alchemic transformation is not easy, but the process is filled with wisdom and valuable lessons.

My Thoth card is the Eight of Cups reversed. “Indolence,” reversed indeed! Today I feel washed clean, fresh and motivated. None of the lack of interest to be found in the upright card.

My Legacy card is the Queen of Coins, with the Eight of Wands reversed as my “flavor” card. Grounding, grounding and more grounding! Yup, got it.

My new moon Pearls of Wisdom card is the Six of Cups. “Love offers happiness and funds health.” Perfect focus for this waxing moon period.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of breadth and surface, and of new manifestation of the numbers 1 and 2.

My horoscope: “Dreams or visions could put you in touch with deep feelings that you may not have been aware of before, Sagittarius. This could enable you to release traumas from your past and give you a new sense of lightness. However, your logical mind is very much at work, so you could use this experience to shed light on others' experiences and help them, too. Whatever happens today is likely to produce noticeable results.”

And: “A gale force wind of change is blowing into town today. You might just be lifted up out of some sweet, comfortable surroundings and dumped somewhere utterly fantastic -- and completely different from what you're used to. Make sure you have the right backup for when things start to get extra weird -- but that's rarely a problem for you.”

Words cannot describe how I feel right now. I expected quite a bit from this weekend, but my experiences far surpassed my expectations. This will take some time to digest and assimilate, but the process has already begun. I have also experienced several emotional releases through the weekend; that will continue as well, I assume.

It will take several days to journal my experiences. I will work backwards, from my trip home.

Once I left Philadelphia and got onto the Turnpike, I realized that I needed to balance myself before getting home. Otherwise, if someone asked me how my weekend was, they would end up with a sobbing crazy woman! I did my usual meditation, because I knew I had to ease up on the sacral (water) and solar plexus (fire) chakras, while revving up root (earth) and heart (air) in order to be balanced. LOL, once I had the four of them balanced, I cried. I moved up to throat (where I connect with the sacred masculine) and I realized that everything I have experienced, both the good and bad, up to this moment, was preparing me and opening me to experiencing this weekend. Everything that Cernunnos has charged me to learn, every difficulty requiring focus, every effort to bring my physical body into shape, was necessary. Without everything, I would not have been prepared to “plug in” and benefit from the energy. Better yet, I realized that this entire transformation was just one more step, and not the last one by any means. There are others yet to come; Cernunnos reminded me of the climb up the rocky hill and told me that I have a ways to go yet. I cried again.

I moved up to my brow chakra, where I connect to sacred feminine. This one is reeeeaaal cool. I felt a tug of recognition in me, within what I have become, and then heard a soft voice say “And so, the Goddess in you recognizes the Goddess in Me.” I always knew with my mind that everything alive contains a spark of the Goddess, but today I felt that spark within me leap with recognition when I connected with the sacred feminine. I cried once again.

I calmed a bit. Then, I slowed and allowed a trucker to get in front of me. He stuck his hand out his window and waved his thanks, and you guessed it. I cried. Again.

LOL, I thought I was finally in control once I got home, and I hugged Bob in greeting and broke down into sobs. So much for remaining calm.

I do have my work cut out for me, because Bob’s niece is getting married this weekend, and I promised her a Thai Massage before her wedding.

Tonight the Pagan Brain Trust meets; so much to celebrate. E received her Yoga Teacher Certificate this weekend; I am so happy for her. And we have other things to deal with as well. I look forward to seeing them all.

More to come.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

My Mind/Body/Spirit spread is Five of Swords (Mind), Queen of Cups reversed (Body) and Two of Wands (Spirit). My “flavor” card is The Empress.

The Empress corresponds to the element of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Venus (beauty, allure, sensuality, relationships) and Daleth (door or womb), and connects the sephiroths Binah (female, receptive, the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (male, active and dynamic, origin of vital force and polarity). She is about creativity, fertility and the enjoyment of the senses, and she infuses my three cards today.

The Five of Swords in my Mind position offers a warning to me. Sometimes we are so caught up with the “rightness” of our task that we forget our rightness only applies to us and should not be forced or imposed on others without their consent. There is a possibility of imposition today, and whether I am imposing or being imposed upon, I need to be alert.

The Queen of Cups in an upright position tells of someone who is very connected to their Inner Voice and their feelings, and whose anchor to the subconscious is strong enough to keep her serene inside, no matter what storms are raging around her. Because the card is reversed, I may not have the ability to tap into that inner serenity, and I need to be watchful. Sometimes an inner focus is a good thing, but sometimes it causes us to miss physical world opportunities, and since this card is showing up reversed in my Body position, it very well may be reminding me to have a grounded focus in the physical realms.

The Two of Wands in my Spirit position is wonderful. This card is about Balance and the equitable exchange of energy, and it tells me that my Will is attuned to my goals, and will continue to work towards manifestation.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the successful readjustment to the beginning of degeneration of the number 7; some Balance is restored, but it is not as effective as the Balance of the number 6, nor is it as long lasting.

My horoscope: “Love and romance are apt to be your primary focus today, Sagittarius. If you're currently romantically involved, expect a wonderfully intense evening with your special someone. If you aren't involved, don't be surprised if someone new and exciting comes into your life, perhaps from another state or foreign country. Your creative abilities are also intensified. Take whatever time you need to memorize the ideas coming your way. You won't want to forget them.”

I leave this evening for Philadelphia and my Thai Massage Workshop. I have been preparing intensely for this workshop, and Cernunnos has let me know in no uncertain terms that I need to keep up my efforts as far as maintaining the strength and fitness of my physical body, so that I can take advantage of any opportunities that present themselves.

Am I ready for this Threshold? I will let you know on Monday.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My Mind/Body/Spirit spread is Eight of Wands (Mind), The World (Body) and Nine of Swords reversed (Spirit). My “flavor” card is The Star reversed.

In an upright position, The Star (the Path between Yesod (the appearance of patterns that lead to the manifestation of Malkuth) and Netzach(which provides the stimulating effects of emotion and inspiration); the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts); Aquarius (“I know,” friendships, the group, society) and Tsadi (fish hook, experience or thought)) tells of an ability to understand and balance (usually through the experience of and survival of chaos) inner world energies and outer world phenomena. The Star is a card of survival, of recuperation and of inspiration; these possibilities are still in play, but I am being prevented from accessing their full power, possibly because I am still working to balance inner world energies with outer world phenomena.

The Eight of Wands is one of the few Minor Arcana cards that does not have a person included somewhere in its image. This card is about raw energy, not the potential of it but the actual presence of it, and this energy can act either as a catalyst or a weapon of destruction. I need to remember today that I have not yet gotten my sea legs after the recent storm, and while I don’t want to extinguish the fire of new ideas and passion that will be awakened in my intellect today, I also don’t want to allow that fire to rage out of control. I need to bank this fire carefully, and feed it with caution, but allow a burn to happen.

The World (the Path between Malkuth (physical, active world) and Yesod (the appearance of patterns that lead to the manifestation of Malkuth); the element of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes); Saturn (discipline, law and order, limitations and resistance); and Thav (mark or sign)) can bee seen as a card of endings, but the end that is connected to The World is not a static one; rather it is like a birth. This card tells of passing the tests of the Guardian and moving forward through the Threshold, and I am very happy to see it in my Body (physical world) position, for it tells not only of resolution, but of my ability to effectively build upon the experiences that have gotten me to where I am right now.

In an upright position, the Nine of Swords represents the agony of the mind that results from giving the intellect free reign. Thankfully, it is reversed, and it is telling me that I am finally allowing my Inner Voice to have some input into my expectations. Logic does not work well with faith and optimism, but faith and optimism can prevent the downward spiral and end the nights of worry. Today, there is a good possibility that the balance may tip in favor of faith and optimism.

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance. Waaa-hooo!!

I have finally gotten some resolution to the issue that has been weighing on my mind. I still do not know how many days I will be working each week starting with July, but I do know that I will be getting paid for the next year, from July 1, 2010 to July 1, 2011, no matter what. I also know that there is a good probability that I will have a better idea of the workload by the end of July. In the mean time, I am going to focus on getting as much work as I can on the weekends in Cape May, and as much work as I can on Mondays through Thursdays in North Jersey. If things go as I expect, I may loose out on the very fertile ground of this Summer, but I will be able to take the rest of this year to get things in place. I will be working hard, but the goal, the carrot on the end of the stick, is my own business.

This is day 4 of intense physical training, coming after last week when I was very intensely gearing up. I have bits and pieces of slight aches in my muscles, but I am really connecting with my body’s energy field and its physiology. I am also feeling the presence of Cernunnos, strongly. Every time I tap into that wonderful euphoria of knowing that my body is getting stronger and more flexible and more coordinated, that lovely feeling of well-being, I feel Cernunnos smile and I hear Him whisper “More potent than the most expensive single malt!”

I am convinced that I have entered the third step of the alchemic Great Work, which is called the Red Phase. The Rubedo is the logical next step, the step that allows the release and manifestation of the energies that were completely transformed by the Nigredo and the Albedo. Interestingly enough, there is a sort of “mini-Dark Night” within the processes of the Rubedo, just before the final result, usually called “putrefaction.” This step provides a last chance to remove any remaining contaminants or remainder of ego. I believe the past two weeks, with all their stresses and worries, were the putrefaction of this cycle of the Great Work. I have been tested and I have been purified. All that remains is the strongest part of me, all weaknesses have been power washed away.

Now that I know what will be happening for the next month or so at my job, I can finally move forward; I will be moving cautiously, but with optimism. I am choosing to be optimistic. I am choosing the mindset of a business owner; this job issue is temporary and soon will not be a concern.


Monday, June 7, 2010

Okay, so I did a “duh” thing and left my Welsh and Thoth decks in Cape May. So, I will be doing something different this week: I will be doing a Mind/Body/Spirit reading for myself each day, using my Legacy Tarot. Actually, this just might be a good thing for me to do this week. I will pull three cards, and then turn over the fourth card, which will give me the recommended “flavor” of the other three.

So here we go. My spread today is Mind: Ten of Wands reversed; Body: Ten of Cups; Spirit: The Lovers (Strength reversed). Wow, powerful cards. First, the “flavor” card: Strength reversed. In an upright position, the Strength card corresponds with the element of Fire ( hot/separates and dry/shapes), Leo (“I am,” passionate, independent, selfish) and Teth (sieve or basket; digestion); Strength was also called Fortitude, and it tells of self-discipline, courage and gentleness. Because it is reversed, I am being told that these traits may not serve me today. On to the reading.

The Ten of Wands in an upright position tells of the debilitating burden of chain reactions gone wild. This card indicates that my mental self is doing her best to carry the burdens of the workings of my mind and my intellect, but the hugeness of the burden is becoming a major strain, pushing me almost to the breaking point. Because this card is reversed, I am being told that even though I feel I am at the end of my ability to endure, there is still more strength within me, and I am being reminded that I will not experience satisfaction unless I do my best to endure to the end. I am also being told that it is okay to collapse for a bit; taking a rest from Fortitude for just a little while may allow me to hang tough until the end.

Ten of Cups, another 10 card! This card tells of emotional contentment, and since it is in the Body position and thus, represents my physical world, I am being told that today I may actually end up in a place of emotional serenity. The advice of the Legacy Ten of Cups is that “everything is perfect the way it is.” As long as I do my best, I need to be content and pleased with the results; doing my best assures that contentment, for there could be no other outcome.

The Lovers is a card of personal choices. The element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts), Gemini (“I think,” sociability, duality, intelligence) and Zayin (the two-edged sword) are the correspondences of this card, and since it is a Major Arcana card, the message is sweeping and far-reaching. Personal choices are indeed on my mind today, and this card tells me that I am at a time when the choices are difficult ones. But worth the effort!!

My 6-digit date number is 5. The number of movement. Ordinarily, this would scare me but since everything has been chaos, this movement will be in a good direction.

We had a dozen guests (literally 12) in Cape May, all of them staying at a small motel nearby, but all spending their days with us at The Blue Moon House. We walked, we biked, we sat on the beach. We cooked, we went out to dinner. I really, really needed this time of laughing and hanging out with caring friends.

I do not have a final resolution to my job worries, and won’t have this resolution until into July. My plan to spend four days in Cape May is going to need to be changed, but I am not slowing my efforts. I may end up working most weekends this Summer (and in fact, I hope that I will be), but this career change is important to me, important enough to give up my weekends

I am reminding myself of what I have learned about Thresholds and Guardians. I keep picturing the Legacy of the Divine Seven of Wands, which shows the image of a doorway at the top of some steps, guarded by a warrior with a wand tipped with a glowing crystal; behind the Guardian there is a glimpse of a star field, a Universe waiting to be accessed if only I am able to pass the test of the Guardian. I am thinking also about The Wheel of Fortune and the possibilities that the energies of this card present to me. Yes, it is true that I cannot control the events that appear and their affects on the directions, ebbs and flows of energies around me. But what I can control is what I choose to do in reaction to those ebbs and flows and directional movements. I need to remember that I can achieve the same end result through lunar magick by adjusting the viewpoint of my working to the waxing energies from new moon to full moon and the waning energies from full moon to dark moon. That is the power I **do** have, and all of my studies and exercises and practices have been preparing me for such a moment: an important time when I need to use **everything** at my disposal.

I am a Second Degree Initiated Wiccan and a Third Degree Dedicant of the Sacred Mists Coven; I am part of a strong magickal partnership that is named Lumina Mystica, with the “Lumina” part being my energies and efforts and presence I have done the work necessary to take those titles, and I am going to take every event and effect that presents itself and make it work for me. I am a proud member of the Pagan Brain Trust.

I feel as if I just climbed a high mountain. There are peaks still to be tackled, but because I have made it this far, I am strong and in shape.

Speaking of being in shape, I have been really working hard to prepare for my Thai Massage class this weekend, three 8-hour days. I am working hard, and really connecting with my body; I am feeling strong, and I am often feeling Cernunnos, who has been encouraging me to get into better shape since the beginning of this year. Friday night, while driving down to Cape May, I had an incredible moment, brief and very powerful, as I passed mile marker 54. For just a moment, I sensed His presence and I sensed the rightness of the cycles of life, even the difficult ones; the glimpse of the Machinery of the Universe caused intense joy and intense sorrow to shoot through me in a way that I can't describe (but anyone who has been blessed with a glimpse of the Machinery knows of this sensation).

Muscles get stronger when they are stressed. Cernunnos is making certain that not only is my body being challenged, but my mind and my Will are also being challenged. I am sore, physically and emotionally sore, and tired; but I am grateful to be alive. Indeed, the stresses and worries are making me feel very, very alive. How cool is that?!


Thursday, June 3, 2010

Five of Wands/The Wheel of Fortune. The Fives all represent uncomfortable motion imposed onto a situation, and this particular Five, corresponding to the element of Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes), represents hassles and minor obstacles that temporarily slow progress, both inner progress and outer progress. I certainly can understand this message today! Careful setting of priorities and implementation of a planned strategy are the keys of the day. But The Wheel (Fire; Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice and fortune; Kaph, grasping hand) is also reminding me that sometimes the events that present themselves and the consequences of those events are pretty much not under my control. I need to remember to go with the flow in an ethical manner, and make use of the natural direction of the energies, and I need to remember that no matter how dark and downwardly spiraling events may seem to be, sooner or later they will bottom out, and I will be able to turn that downward spiral into a slingshot that will propel me to new heights.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups. I believe this card in this particular deck has appeared today as a personal message to me. This Queen is telling me to maintain serenity, to be patient and ethical, and to receive and transmit information and effects without being affected by that information or those effects. Even the image of this Thoth card validates this interpretation, for the swirling fumes of emotions and feelings that arise from the still waters may be blocking my view of the Queen, but she is there, standing behind them, an ibis at her side, quiet and serene and confident.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Swords (The Magician reversed). Oy, very true card. My mind is in a place of helpless worry, and those worries could very well end up with a life of their own. I need to remember that these worries and visualizations of pain and injustice are not real and they won’t withstand the light of day. In the wee hours, when all is dark and quiet, I may have trouble remembering that in the end, I have the power to choose my future because I have the power to choose my reaction to the present, but even if I don’t remember, that power will be there when the sun rises once again to illuminate the events of the darkest night. Don’t forget: the mind **does** have an impact on matter!!

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number of endings and windings-up.

My horoscopes: “You may not feel like you're exactly clicking with anything today, Sagittarius. Adjustments will need to be made either by you or the people you're dealing with for any resolution to come about. Your emotions may feel tied to the ground, yet your mind may want to take off into the stratosphere. Dilemmas between whether to take action or stay passive could leave you paralyzed. Just go with the flow.”

And: “Have some faith that larger forces are at work in your life. It may be hard for you to place your trust in the universe when it feels like you need to go for something (or someone) more tangible, but be assured that it's all coming together behind the scenes. The right answer should appear at just the right time -- all you have to do is make sure you recognize it and act at the right time.”

And finally: “You are like the snake rising out of the basket today, Nancy. You have the ability to be quite sneaky, and also quite entertaining. The jokes will be non-stop, and other people will be tremendously amused by your sense of humor. Let yourself shine. You may find that a bit of conflict crops up at certain times during the day. Try to shake it off and not make such a big deal out of small issues.”

Challenges, challenges and more challenges. Now that the deal is done, the game has changed. I was told yesterday that the year’s salary that was promised is not to be considered severance, but rather as a payment ahead of a year’s salary. What does this mean? Well, according to one executive, it means that I am still employed. Things will slow down in a few weeks, to the point that I will not need to work five days a week, and when I mentioned that I would prefer to work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, that seemed to be okay. The executive told me that he was working on some new business, and of course, could not guaranty when that would blossom, but in the mean time, we were keeping the office space and continuing to work a bit, although most likely things will be slow for the Summer. The executive told me that I needed to speak to my own boss to get the particulars. I spoke to my own boss later yesterday afternoon, and received even more bad news. Despite the fact that I keep mentioning Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and telling everyone that I have things planned in Cape May for Friday through Monday, he is talking about working Monday afternoon to Friday morning. That puts a major crimp on what I am trying to accomplish in Cape May. He also does not want to give me my year’s salary in one lump sum payment, but rather wants to pay me each week and deduct the week’s pay from the full amount. I am very, very uneasy about this, more so since I went home last night and talked to Bob. Bob is very afraid that I am going to end up getting screwed out of my year’s pay, on top of having to change all plans because the ending of the company that was sold has been changed.

Every single bit of divination information for today is telling me to trust that things will be fine for me. Every bit of divination information is telling me to go with the flow for now, and to **not** allow despair to control my visualizations, my expectations, and my feelings. I am once again being told to use the current flows of energy to my own advantage. And so, that is what I am going to attempt to accomplish.

My first effort is going to be to finish painting the woodwork in the back room, so that I can begin to offer Thai Massage and exercise classes there as soon as possible. I am going to do my best to make certain that I am working on Tuesdays through Thursdays, and I am going to do my best to fill the rest of the time with my own things (including evenings during the week). I also need to calm Bob down, for he is still very, very upset and feels very, very betrayed on my behalf. This conflict/challenge may have a positive side effect, if it ends up pushing Bob to begin communicating with me again.

I am going to take the high road, I am going to assume that my boss will be ethical and do the right thing, and I am going to use my Voice (both my Inner Voice and my actual Voice) to achieve my highest good, with harm to none and in particular, no harm to me.

**deep, calming breath**


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Page of Wands/The Sun reversed. This Page rules the Summer (Cancer, “I feel,” Leo, “I am,” and Virgo, “I serve”), and corresponds with the elements of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes) and Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes); this Page offers the message of the Ace of Wands and tells me to embrace new ideas and creativity, but in a somewhat practical manner. The Sun card also corresponds with the element of Fire and with our sun (the inner core of a situation, deepest self, and influential power), and the Hebrew letter Resh (face; reason). Sine this one is reversed, it almost seems to balance out the Page, but in a precarious way. Potential and possibilities that might bring life to new ideas are both there, but I may not connect with them as easily as I may expect.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks. “Failure,” but failure that happens because there is no drive fueling the projects. Any pause within an Earth energy situation is filled with the danger of possible stagnation.

My Legacy card is Justice reversed (Two of Swords). Something new: when I pull the Legacy card, I am peeking at the next card; I am seeing that next card as a clarification card, giving just a tiny hint as to how to interpret the first card. The main card, Justice reversed, is an Air card, corresponding with Libra (“we are”) and Lamed, the ox goad (training and teaching). To me, Justice is an active card, representing actions taken or to be taken, and since it is reversed (and since my “hint” card is the Two of Swords, a card of shutting out and staying still), I may be preventing myself from accessing the energies of the Justice card. I need to make certain that I apply even handedness today, and look out not only for my own interests, but also for fairness to others.

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness, of experiencing it all.

My horoscopes: “Your wacky personality will be appreciated today, Sagittarius, but don't take it too far. Leave room for seriousness to enter the picture. There's a dreamy, cloudy sensation to the day that might make it difficult for you to concentrate on any one thing. If you pretend to know the answer when you don't, you'll only serve to confuse the people around you. The truth will eventually be revealed.”

And: “You love whatever is new: new places, faces, foods and lands to explore. Focus today on meeting new people and see if one of those chance meetings evolves into a lifelong connection. Sometimes you need something stable in order to maintain access to fresh experiences. It's not tough -- all you really have to do is crank up your innate friendliness and curiosity a few extra notches and let fate do the rest.”

And finally: “You certainly won't be at a loss for energy today. You feel like moving mountains!! You're like a marathon runner, and you could go on for miles and miles. Go for it, and bowl them over with your energy. But be careful not to get too caught up in all the excitement. Keep your feet on the ground, and try to stay tactful.”

It has been a heck of a week. As of tomorrow, the company I work for will no longer exist. It has been purchased and will be absorbed by a larger company, and I am not certain about where things will end up. The “powers that be” within our smaller company are trying to begin again, but there is no guaranty that they will be successful. I have been doing my best to create some other opportunities for revenue, through Thai Massage (my workshop begins on the 11th!), belly dance stretch, and Tarot, both up here and down in Cape May. But it is difficult because I still do not know what is happening here.

Two unplugged weekends and two stressful weeks have left me behind in many things, but I really do think that I needed to unplug a bit. Now, to catch up!