The Hanged Man/Queen of Cups reversed. Today I need to attempt to find strength from vulnerability. Somehow I get the feeling that I am being told not to fear surrender, for the act of surrendering takes courage and self-confidence. Sometimes anticipation of injury can be more frightening than the actual injury itself, and I am being told to **not** listen to the self-preserving voices within me that are urging me to actively protect myself; rather I should go with the flow in order to determine which way the wind is blowing.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Cups. The Holy Grail; love conquers all, and love heals all.

My Legacy card is The World reversed. In an upright position, this card indicates that, while at the beginning of the Journey I saw through naïve eyes, I am now seeing the world through more learned eyes and my mind has been able to add details and texture to my understanding of life. The card is reversed, which tells me that I am not quite there yet, but the card is there.

I am still pondering the insights I received on Saturday. I am also taking advantage of the transformation from the Dark Moon to the beginnings of the New Moon (which occurred at 1:33 am Sunday morning) and its waxing energies to achieve new understanding. As I drove home from Cape May last night, through the Fall beauty of the salt meadows ringed with forests, I began to think about the background energy that had become so apparent to me since my workings with Archangel Uriel. That background energy used to be the merest whisper that often faded away behind the noises of life, however after the traumatic deaths and rebirths that occurred during my workings with Uriel, that background energy had become a roar, kind of like standing next to a waterfall. Sometimes I could hear individual fluctuations, but all the time I could feel the vibrations of that energy filling my core. I could temporarily push the vibrations into the background if I needed a moment of peace to focus elsewhere, but all I had to do was consider calling it back and there it was, filling me and surrounding me.

After thinking a bit about the concept of the interaction between the purest of active and outer energies with the purest of passive and inner activities as the catalyst that created the seeds of life, I realized that this background energy was already a mixture of active and passive energies; the energies I was feeling were those that had already been through the explosive instant of joining. It was as if I was looking at the color green, and gradually moving closer to it. From afar I could not see the components of the color green, but if I moved close enough I could see that this green was actually made of a certain amount of the primary colors of yellow and blue, a certain ratio of particles of each. This energy that I feel contains the particles of yellow and the particles of blue, and I need to examine it more closely in order to experience the purest forms of the two opposite types of energy that are Deity. How do I do this?

I think one step is to begin to be aware of the events that are mimics of this Big Bang. LOL, yes some theories ascribe the creation of the Universe as this Big Bang, but the scientific theory assumes that until this vast and massive explosion the Universe was empty. To me, the Universe always existed and was never empty, rather it contained and still contains currents and swirls of three basic types of energy: the purest of active and outer-focused (masculine) energy, the purest of passive and inner-focused (feminine) energy, and different combinations of the two. This is almost like taking a large tub of hot water and pouring into the tub a smaller container of cold dye, and then giving everything one stir. The result would be areas of cold and pure dye, areas of hot and pure water, and areas of warm water-dye of varying diluted strengths.

Do we see the microcosmic imitations of the macrocosmic combination? Yes! Sex is the most obvious example, but I can visualize the hot vents in the depths of the Pacific Ocean that are ringed with life forms, or the bursting open of a milkweed seed pod and the resulting expulsion of little parachutes that carry each seed away. I can visualize the mixing of the egg and the milk with the pancake mix and the stirring that creates the batter; and then the pouring of the batter onto a hot griddle and the pancake resulting from the combination of batter and heat. All of these examples off the top of my head involve combinations.

Perhaps as I become aware of the effects of the combinations, I may gradually come to see and know and understand the ingredients. Perhaps this is the next step in my evolution. I know that Deity exists for I have met them. I understand the workings of the results of the combination of the purest of opposing essences that is Deity. Maybe now, it is time to go back to the source. Maybe now, it is time for me to once again take that step to leave the little pond where I was a big fish and enter a new and bigger pond, where I will be little.

$