December 29, 2016:
I am deep into the dark days of Yuletide, spending much of my free time looking inward, examining my subtle body and my emotions and feelings, so I can determine what I have accomplished, what I need to let go of, and where I should focus as this calendar year comes to an end. I have done okay, doing less than I wanted in some areas, and yet accomplishing more in unexpected ways. I’ve not journaled or posted for a few days because I felt that I needed to let things simmer for a bit.
I did not expect that this time working through the Great Work would affect me the way it has. I am still dealing with the effects of Saturn, first within my Second Saturn Return, and now because Saturn is in my sun sigh, Sagittarius, causing lethargy and times of being very foggy-brained. I think my efforts to function and evolve despite the fog have made me stronger.
Going through the Watchers, working even deeper with my Elemental Guides, and including chakra and Reiki work almost daily, have deepened and broadened my own personal practice. These connections are open in a low-grade way through most of the day, and it is now very easy for me to actively intensify the connection. I’ve created a strong conduit to the non-physical entities in my life, and a strong conduit to Deity.
Today is the New Moon in Capricorn, the last New Moon of this calendar year. My Dreams of Gais Major Arcana card for this New Moon is Love, reversed. I can’t understand why I am getting so many reversed cards lately; what message am I missing? Anyway, Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, is a Cardinal earth sign, ruled by Saturn. Capricorn people are stable, hard-working, practical, methodical, and ambitious, never losing sight of goals regardless of how many obstacles or distractions are in the way. Capricorn people are a bit stoic and rigid, and they will stick to their beliefs despite convincing evidence to the contrary. More than anything else they enjoy power, respect, and authority, and they are willing to toe the line for as long as it takes to achieve those goals. The Capricorn personality is one that is firmly grounded in reality; here is the voice of reason in a chaotic world. A Capricorn person may seem unfriendly, arrogant, or without humor to outsiders, but remember the image of this astrological sign has a fish’s tail. The emotions are there, just hidden within that inhibited exterior. As far as material wealth is concerned, Capricorn approaches finances with prudence, planning, and discipline, and thus, there are not many Capricorns who are lacking in physical-world resources.
This New Moon is perhaps warning me that right now I need to control my emotions and not allow visions to distract me from the day-to-day tasks of the day. The interesting little wild card here is that Mercury is also in Capricorn, and it is retrograde. Eeeep! Expect the unexpected, I guess!
Love is the XII card of the Majors; its keywords are love, infatuation, love for self, confidence, love for life, and expansion. The image on this card shows a young woman with dark hair, a flowered crown, large white wings, and a heart shining with brilliant golden rays. Behind her is a beautiful Celtic knot, and on either side of her are golden butterflies. A beautiful yellow flower with verdant green leaves is at her feet. The sky behind her is a rainbow of colors, from white, yellow, pink and purple toward the horizon up past fluffy and filmy clouds to a dark star-studded sky at the top of the card. Love and the experiencing of love is the fourth reason for being within this deck (the others are Knowledge, Wisdom, Healing, Union, Self, Abundance and Destiny); this card encourages me to experience all kinds of love. The companion book describes this as experiencing love “. . . in all of its forms — from co-dependent and need-based love, to big, unconditional Universal Love —and to understand that love comes in many different forms and guises.” Perhaps I might understand why this card is reversed today; after all, Love is huge and manifests in many, many ways. Love can make us amazingly compassionate and giving beings, and love can destroy a person and break him or her into tiny pieces.
I wonder if this card is reminding me today that for many reasons, now is the time for me to begin a huge change. Yes there are things and people that I love and don’t want to release, but if events are pushing me in a different way, then release them I must. If I fight this, things might get uncomfortable.
Yeah, back to reality. Already.