November 18, 2016:
My Dreams of Gaia Minor Arcana card for today is the Two of Water reversed. Yes, another reversed card, but this one is actually directly connected to the angst I am healing now. The keywords for this beautiful card are intimacy, closeness, trust, commitment, reconciliation, equality, union, co-dependency, and taking sides. If upright, the card tells of a relationship that has moved past infatuation and lust, and into more permanent connections such as respect, trust, shared interest, and deeper mutual love. This relationship tells of the union of both the heart and the mind that fosters communication and discourages the desire to possess or control. My card is reversed, and it is warning me that I might be losing my own identity because of a relationship based on infatuation, or maybe a better word is “obsession.”
My obsession is not necessarily focused on a person, but rather, on a concept. I allowed myself to be pulled way down the rabbit hole with regard to our recent election, to my emotional and spiritual detriment. I still believe my intentions were right, my opinions were right; but I allowed myself to be pulled into discussions with people who were just as dug in as I was. Pure angst and frustration! Letting this angst go is difficult, but I already feel lighter, happier, calmer. I am actually glad that so many family members were not thinking the same way I was regarding the election, because in order to maintain my familial relationships (which I value), I find that I need to find my peace with all this. Thankfully, The Hubs has similar political and ideological views to mine, but he is a bit more grounded and less likely to brood. His support and advice has been invaluable.
All of this, this whole ugly, uncomfortable process, is exactly what the Putrefaction stage is! Circumstances conspired to give me a choice, and I maybe allowed myself to be pulled to the “dark side.” No, I did not actively hurt anyone in a premeditated way, but I did allow myself to get very emotional. The dangerous parts of that process of being emotionally involved have gone up in flames, and thankfully, there appears to be nothing left but some ashes and a bit of smoke. There you go! The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Alchemy describes Putrefaction as the process in which the “. . . hidden impurities in our character are finally destroyed during the psychological death of Putrefaction.”
The failure that happens within the Yellow Phase is usually connected to some hidden impurity that has not been separated. That is what happened to me. Thankfully, I was not pushed too far back in the process, and I am feeling that I will soon be ready to step back into the first stages of Fermentation.