Monday, January 4, 2010

Ten of Wands/Queen of Cups reversed. I may find that today I am particularly aware of my burdens and responsibilities, and by the end of the day I may feel used up because of them. I think this card is also reminding me that although I felt an extreme lack of energy lately because I was sick, I was able to put forth enough effort to get the minimum done; I am stronger than I realize. However, I may find that I will need to bring my focus back to the task at hand often today due to lack of grounding, and that grounding should happen within the element of Air. In other words, I need to make the conscious effort to be mindful and awake throughout the day.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups reversed. In an upright position, Uncle Al sees this card as indicating a dreaminess and patience combined with tranquility, and the ability to act as a conduit between opposites without being personally affected. Because it is reversed, I may find that my dreaminess may be distracting me from reality.

My Legacy card is The Hanging Man. I have thrown this card with this deck a few times of late, and that means the message of this particular card in this particular deck is important to me. In Marchetti’s deck, The Hermit is not on a fun camping trip; he is striving to accomplish or realize a goal in a solitary way, relying only on himself. Marchetti describes in this way: “Some knowledge takes the form of light and some takes the form of shadow. The knowledge of light is meant for the world. The knowledge of shadow is meant for you alone, but it is concealed until you are ready.” The Hermit corresponds with the sign of Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), and the Hebrew letter of Yod (the hand; divine light, the point of light out of which everything came). I am being reminded that sometimes surrender happens because we are poised between two equal yet opposing forces; in this case they may well be inner vs. outer, active vs. passive, and past vs. future.

I am starting the new year off with some wonderful challenges!

We had an awesome weekend with DeeDee and Anthony, Brent and Maggie. Our Blue Moon House Blue Moon New Year’s Eve Party was a success, and we really enjoyed the rest of the weekend, although it was cooooolllllldddd!! Burr!! I woke up Sunday morning finally feeling my personal energy field again, after two weeks of laryngitis and bronchitis. In looking back, I think I was sicker than I realized at the time, and I probably should have gone to the doctor’s. I am still coughing, and by the end of the day my throat is sore, but at least the fog in my brain has lifted, and my chakras and shield and aura have come back to life. I was even able to give Helen a Reiki I attunement yesterday.

I was able to keep up with my 40-day Reiki program, but some days only barely. However, during my ride home last night, my chakras opened nicely and the Reiki flowed. Once I had opened and balanced each chakra and then applied Reiki into each, I felt Cernunnos!!!

He appeared young. His antlers were still forming, and were covered with velvety skin; His face was youthful, and His body had not yet become the buff, mature male that I normally visualize when thinking of Cernunnos. I could smell his scent, a combination of horse/deer, clean sweat and musk; I can smell it even now, as I type this.

He led me along a path through leafless trees, with a cold wind at our backs, until we came to a small clearing. In the center of the clearing was a stone pillar (decorated with helixes!); on top of the pillar was a bowl shaped torch, lit. We walked up to the fire, and He reached two fingers into the ashes and then marked my cheeks with two lines of ash, running from the ear to the mouth, as He had done once before. Then, He asked me if I was ready to hear his words. I nodded, and said that I was ready.

Cernunnos then told me that I did the right thing in focusing on my inner self and the Sacred Feminine in preparation for Yule, but he told me that I needed to do more than just that. He said that I needed to be away from my awareness of my own energy field and aura completely, which is why I got sick on Yule Eve for two weeks (during which I was only able to connect with my chakras/personal energy field with enormous effort).

He then told me that if I would like to dedicate myself to Him, I can do so this Beltane, however. Big “however.” If I truly desire to dedicate myself to Him, there are many things that I must do to prepare myself. He told me to listen and remember, and then told me what I must do to prepare.

I must extend my 40-day Reiki another 10 days to 50 days. Cernunnos explained that the number 50 represents the concept of “half,” and He is half of the Divine. He also explained that the number 5 is about motion, and life is always in motion and always evolving and growing and changing; that is one important lesson.

Cernuunos says that I have learned enough for now about the Sacred Feminine/inner/life force/life potential that is Goddess, now I must learn about the manifestations of life, the cycles of life, and the Catalyst that is the Sacred Masculine. I must understand the ways that these cycles of life are able to regenerate and perpetuate themselves. And I am to start with blood, the “water of life.” I need to experience these cycles in part through my first three chakras, and the extended Reiki applications will help prepare me for this.

I am also to complete my Shadow work, my second degree lesson, and any other uncompleted long-term tasks, for he does not want distractions. Not that I am forbidden to take on responsibilities or do what I have to do in order to fulfill commitments by any means; after all, life is motion by its very nature.

I am to be a healer, but not the usual healer. I am to be a “Balancer,” (His description) and I am not to do the work for others in order to make them balanced, but rather I am to both teach them the “way to balance” and offer the initial catalyst that has the potential to manifest as balance. But it is up to each person to choose to do their own work in order to strive towards balance This is what I am to do for Mystery, and that is why both Mystery and I must be very careful as we formally dedicate ourselves as magickal partners, for there will be consequences beyond what we both anticipate. He warned me that everything Mystery and I do together has the potential to bring unforeseen consequences, and we need to be very aware whenever we work together. He was not discouraging me by any means, but rather reminding me that magick is real, and so are the consequences of working with magick.

Then I heard the cry of a hawk, and a Cooper’s hawk landed at Cernunnos’s feet, holding a newly dead rabbit in its talons. Cernunnos picked up the rabbit, and then offered thanks to the hawk as Hunter and the rabbit as Hunted, and acknowledged the sacredness of the cycle of life and death. He then tore open the carcass and withdrew the still beating heart. He held the heart out to me towards my mouth, and I knew that my first test had come, for I was to eat it. I took a breath, and opened my mouth, and pretended that I was eating a raw oyster; needless to say, the aftertaste was not quite the same.

Cernunnos then dipped two fingers into the rabbit’s blood, and drew two lines across my forehead and over each of the ash lines from each ear to the corner of my mouth. Then He wiped more blood on my lips, and then bent toward me and kissed me on the mouth. That kiss was soft and gentle, but the spike of energy that shot through me was not!

What a way to start the year!

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