Queen of Swords reversed/Page of Wands reversed.  The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) can be considered a Minor Arcana representation of the Justice card, and that card is in my spread today.  But my Queen is reversed, so being reserved and analytical will be a challenge for me today.  Not unachievable, but difficult. The Page of Wands (Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody; Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic noble egotistical; and Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) in an upright position tells of the spark that could create a mighty flame, if there is enough kindling and air to feed it.  My Page of Wands is also reversed, and this is telling me that along with having difficulties remaining objective, I won’t be comfortable with surprises or attempting new events or routines.  Today is a day to be safe.

My Thoth card is the Five of Swords.  “Defeat” is Uncle Al’s keyword for the Five of Swords (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, pleasure, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, cause-oriented, the group, aloof) shows what happens when we insist that our way is right, or when we impose our needs or wants onto a situation.  This card shows us what happens when the truce and desire for peace that is the Four of Swords breaks down.  In the end, no matter who wins, defeat is the word of the day, because the peace was not maintained.

My Legacy card is The Empress, flavored by the Two of Coins.  Okay then. The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), the Hebrew letter Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah on the Tree of Life (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is one half of the Major Arcana representation of the Sacred Feminine.  The Empress is about creativity, fertility of all kinds, a deep connection to Nature and the nurturing of others, and an enjoyment of the senses.  She cherishes the world the way a mother cherishes her child, and she shares her bounty with others. The Two of Coins (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning) in an upright position reminds me that everything always ebbs and flows, and I need to do the same; in order to achieve this challenge I must be balanced and I must be open to surprises.  My Two of Coins is flavoring my Empress, and I think this is a good thing.  Being tapped so strongly into the fertility and the richness of sensations that is The Empress will be facilitated if I am light on my feet and able to react to whatever happens around me.

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number that represents the completeness of manifestation and effect.

My horoscopes: “Some vivid and interesting dreams could bring a lot of repressed memories up and force you to confront them. This could be a bit disconcerting, Sagittarius, but still positive. Psychological obstacles to financial success and romantic happiness could be cleared away, which could change your life. It's vital that you write down your dreams. You won't want to miss out on this.”

And: “This is a good day for you to practice being an active participant in life. Be aggressive and forceful in your opinions and actions. Normally you have a very laid-back attitude that allows you to simply go with the flow. Now it's your turn to direct the show. Having this easygoing attitude has allowed you to experience many things and become close to many people. You know how they work and what motivates them. Use this knowledge to your advantage.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Cups.  I just love when every one of my cards offers a message that is immediately relevant!  This card is telling me that perhaps the best thing for me to do, amid the confusion of the day, is to disengage and leave the noise behind.  This quiet respite will allow me to regroup and move on to better things.

I’ve been having a strange day.  Not outer-world strange, but rather inner-world strange.  My core is serene, yet my energy field is chaotic; even my cards today are indicating a disconnect, dealing with difficult perceptions, an appropriate response, and even that serene core.  I’ve been doing immensely powerful Shadow Work as a part of my Third Degree training, and through this effort I’ve been challenging myself (and being challenged by seemingly coincidental yet strongly connected events) and my perception of my personal value.  In the past, so much of that perception of value was based on what others thought of me, more than I even realized.  And this meant that I was using the perceptions of those I respected and loved and trusted, as well as those who disagreed with my worldview or disagreed with perceived intentions, in order to determine my own validity. 

Don’t get me wrong; I still care about the opinions of others.  It hurts me, deeply, when someone I know or respect or care about thinks that I am a dangerous person to be around or believes I have intentionally and with malice conspired to harm them.  But I am learning, learning with my heart and my core as well as with my head and my intellect, that in the end, I can only be responsible for my own thoughts, my own words and my own deeds.  I cannot be responsible for how others choose to perceive the intentions behind my actions, behind my choice of words, and behind my personal beliefs.  I am learning that everyone deserves an attempt by me to explain what I feel, what I mean, and what I hope to convey by my choice of words or actions.  Maybe even several attempts.  But if others choose to not hear what I am attempting to convey, it is not my responsibility to assume blame for that person’s inability to both listen and hear (after all, they are two different things). 

Hurt happens, whether through disagreements or accidents or inadvertent mistakes.  All we can do is make certain that we’ve done the research, make certain that we choose thoughts, words and deeds carefully, and make certain that we are aware of the “now,” rather than allowing ourselves to be lost in the past or the future, in order to mitigate the possibility of hurt happening.  I have come to realize that part of my efforts to accomplish all these things were driven by the need to never make a mistake; that is an impossibility.  Ain’t gonna happen.  I have learned that the purpose of Shadow Work is not to prevent mistakes or erase those negative thoughts and emotions, and my responses to the choices and words and deeds of others, but rather to accept those negative thoughts and emotions and responses of mine, and embrace them.  They are a necessary (and yes, even valuable) part of who I am, what I have done, and where I am going.  They are a necessary ingredient of that serene core that is keeping me on course today, amidst the chaos. 

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