Ten of Wands/Two of Pentacles. The suit of Wands starts with incredibly potent Fire energy, but it ends with a total burnout. I need to be aware that I might be spinning my wheels today, and this is a waste of energy and effort. However, while my creative processes may be stalled, in the physical realms I am able to balance activity and inactivity in a beneficial way. This Two could very well indicate the balancing act that I am performing between my day job, which is winding down, and my new focus, which is Vedic Thai-Yoga Massage. The message of these cards together is that I need to achieve balance at the edge of the chaos that is change, without becoming ineffective.

My Thoth card is the Five of Cups reversed. “Disappointment” caused by stirring of the waters, in an upright position. Because the card is reversed, I won’t be distracted by any unpleasant results from the stirring up of emotions, and I will instead be able to find a benefit even in an uncomfortable situation.

My Legacy card is the Two of Cups, flavored by the Seven of Coins reversed. The Two of Cups is about recognizing the value of love, and of our relationships that are based on and fed by love. The Seven of Coins in an upright position tells of a time when a choice must be made: either I determine that I have enough and don’t need to try any more, or I determine that I need more and must keep striving. Either choice has risks, for settling may mean missing an opportunity and continued striving may mean losing it all. Because the card is reversed, I am being told that there is a possibility that I won’t need to make certain choices in the physical realms, or I should refrain from making those choices, in order to not damage my relationships. I must be cautious that I don’t see the glass as half empty.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion imposed onto stability in order to prevent stagnation.

My horoscopes: “Suddenly you've found your energy again. Your engine is oiled up and ready to go, Sagittarius. Put yourself in high gear and don't let anything stand in your way. If disagreements with others arise, try to keep focused on the lessons that come from the situation instead of dwelling on the negative aspects. Take things to a higher level and don't be afraid to suggest radical change.”

And: “You have been caught up in a social whirlwind lately, and today you are happy to stay home by yourself and unwind. You might want to get out pen and paper and record some of the incidents of the past few days. It could be that you've gained new insight or understanding into a particular problem. Some quiet time spent analyzing the situation could yield some interesting solutions.”

And: “Someone close insists on sorting out all the little details and then scooting them out of the way, but you know it's silly to focus on them right now, as so much about the bigger picture remains unknown. Rather than just arguing over what's important, try to retreat a few steps and work on the parts each of you consider most important. Check in with each other often, and things should go more smoothly for both of you.”

I had decided last week to reconnect with my Guides, and over the weekend I reached out to Ailm. She was happy to see me, and when I apologized for not spending time with her, she assured me that she knew about the different challenges that had been facing me. We sat together for a while; I talked about my own issues, and then she updated me on her group. She told me there were several young men from Bear’s village who had made more than one journey from the Winter homestead in the mountains to the Summer place at the ocean; these young men had decided that this year they would focus on erecting a few permanent structures. They have decided to stay behind when the group leaves for the mountains in the Fall, and attempt to spend the Winter at the ocean. If they are successful, they are hoping to increase the size of the compound and then entice others to stay.

As we spoke, Ailm’s “heir apparent,” Jol-el, who is now about four years old, came over. Ailm formally introduced me to Jol-el (who bowed formally to me), explaining that I am her Higher Self, and she is my Higher Self, and told Jol-el how pleased she was that she and I had connected. She explained that connecting with your Higher Self has many benefits, for the Higher Self will always offer knowledge and wisdom, but that it is a two-way relationship. Sometimes it is the Higher Self who is in need, and responding to the request for aid is as important as being able to ask for help yourself. Jol-el asked Ailm when he would meet his Higher Self, and she told him that she could not answer that question; when the time was right, he would meet his Higher Self.

We all sat together for a while, reconnecting. Since then, I reach out to Ailm each morning and she joins me for my meditation.

The Pagan Brain Trust got together this past Monday night. We talked about our Reiki Share of the previous evening, we shared our personal toils and triumphs, and I gave Elizabeth, who is a Reiki Teacher, a Thai Massage. We are all missing our magickal/metaphysical/spiritual efforts, and plan on moving back in that direction at our next meeing.

I am very much focusing on the Rubedo and on making use of my new skills in order to “own” them. I am ready to begin manifesting my goals, and each tiny step is a miracle to me because those steps are taking me in a new direction, my own chosen direction. And I am finding that the best tool to combat the fog of putrefaction is action, taking even just one tiny step. Taking action seems to dissipate the fog!

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