Strength reversed/Death reversed. Two one-word cards, short and sweet. I may have some trouble rising above my emotions today, maybe in part because there is some blockage or stagnation that I cannot seem to unblock. I could very well be looking in the wrong place for a solution to this blockage, for the blockage is not caused by outside influences, and so I should not be looking outside of me for solutions.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Disks. Crowley saw this as representing all that was subtle and serene, skilled yet not relying on the intellect to manifest those skills, loving and affectionate and giving. Despite being hard working and responsible, this card tells of a tendency to rely on outside stimulants in order to feel pleasure, as if it was believed that happiness can only be attained through the use of supports from without.

It is interesting to me how my Tarot throws of the past three days have hinted at a progression that is happening. This progression is so subtle that without the hints of the cards I may not have realized it was happening. I am at a pause here, as if a strong and forward moving hiker has suddenly realized that the path has been lost; in order to find the path again the hiker needs to mill about for a bit. That is what I seem to be doing these past few days: milling about in search of the path.

This is not by any means a descent into depression or disillusionment. It is more as if someone has temporarily stood in front of the light that I was using as guidance, blocking it from my sight. And for the past few days, I have been allowing myself to pause without panic, but maybe the time has come to call out “down in front!”; maybe the time has come to unblock that Strength card and allow Death to happen, in order to hasten the approach of the next part of the cycle, birth. Perhaps at least today, the Queen of Disks is enabling the stagnation, and I need to think of her periodically throughout the day, and remember that happiness always begins within.

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