October 15, 2016:
Today was an interesting day; today The Hubs told me that we are ready to make our plans to make the move to Cape May, full time. We have spent most weekends in Cape May since we bought our house in 2004, and our plan was always to relocate there. We rent here in North Jersey specifically so we could make that move happen (we are not lucky enough to own two houses, so we bought a house in the place we most want to live.
I was surprised at my initial reaction: I was afraid. I was afraid that the move would be uncomfortable. Really?? I love Cape May and have been looking forward to the day that I can move there for good. Now, I can understand dreading the actual move; after all, moving from a three bedroom rental with an attic and a basement. Attics and basements tend to get full, and mine are most definitely full. But I’m not afraid of hard work, and I realized that I need to think about this more.
I realized that my biggest fear is that I will not be able to replicate the Yoga community I have become immersed in here in North Jersey. I have found the perfect studio, I have many opportunities to continue my training, I teach wonderful classes that truly fulfill me. I also have a regular Thai Massage client, and I’m truly enjoying deepening my experience with that modality.
I am reminded of the fear I experienced when my job of over 16 years disappeared, and I started working for The Hubs. I remember being afraid that working for him would be uncomfortable, and that there would not be enough work to justify keeping me as an employee. In the end, I am serving a valuable purpose, and I enjoy the work. It is because this opportunity with The Hubs has worked so well that I was able to train to be a Yoga teacher in the first place.
Did I just say a few days ago that Fermentation did not seem to be uncomfortable to me? Remind me to never say that again. This situation is a perfect example of the Fermentation process.
My Full Moon Dreams of Gaia Major Arcana card is offering interesting advice that is quite focused on this very issue. Death/Rebirth reversed is my card. Death/Rebirth is **the** change card; the keywords for this card are endings, beginnings, cycles, transformation, transmutation, change and growth. Upright, this one tells of the death of the things that no longer serve me and the birth of the new and exciting things that will replace the things that died. The process is not reversible; once we pass through Death and into Rebirth, there is no re-do.
My card is reversed, and the LWB offers me pointed advice: “. . . it is time to take a long, hard look at your life, and understand that it is time to let go.” Yes, this change brings the unknown and uncertainty, and they will leave me feeling vulnerable, exposed to the harsh weather. But clinging to what is, only because “what is” is safe and familiar, is like clinging to a rock as a life preserver in a stormy sea. Yes, the future is unknown; yes, I will need to work hard. But I need to see this Death of the life I have known for years and this Rebirth of a new and exciting time as necessary. As exciting. As beneficial to me.
Okay. I will take the leap of faith and embrace the unknown.