Seven of Cups/Nine of Pentacles. Finally, no court cards in this throw. I am being told that I have many choices before me that appear attractive, so many that I may find myself mesmerized by them all. The best way to handle these many choices is to step back and be alert and aware. I need to do my homework before making any decision, no matter how wonderful any of the opportunities may seem.

My Thoth card for today is the Queen of Pentacles reversed. Today I am being told that I will not find easy access to my kind and affectionate self; instead, I will be tapping into my intellect, for better or for worse.

I feel as if I have turned a major corner. Saturday night I just allowed my brain to shut off. I did a lot of sleeping, and not much else. When I woke up yesterday morning I felt numb, which is a good thing. I spent my day cleaning inside, and then finally, once the rain let up, I planted the things that my brother-in-law gave me. I ended up in mud up to me elbows, but there is something cleansing about literally immersing myself in earth. As I lovingly put the plants into the ground, I also allowed the emotional detritus of the week to move from my center, out to my pores and then to drop to the earth where the negativity will be converted into fertilizer.

Once I came back inside, I sat for a while, thinking about my Tarot cards of the past few days. I realized that I was mostly throwing Court Cards and Cups. The cards were telling me how to be, how not to be, and how to feel! I had thrown the Princess (Page) of Cups, the Knight of Wands, the Page of Pentacles, the Queen of Wands and the Page of Cups again. Interesting layout there! I was told that I need to start and finish with a pure and innocent awareness of my own senses and feelings, I am told that ethics and honor are as important as passion, and in the midst of all those passions and feelings, I am being told that without a supporting foundation, there will not be balance. Very good advice!

I also realized that despite all of my efforts to cleanse myself from all negativity, to focus on harming none as much as I was able, and to visualize positive outcomes, there was one thing that I did *not* do as I worked through and processed the events of the past week. And so, as Sunday came to a close and I prepared to shut the house and head North, I took some time to connect with the Goddess. I thanked her for her support through these trying days, and I acknowledged to Her my understanding that these troublesome events were gifts from Her that allowed me to give a very real test to my newfound strengths. I acknowledged to Her that while I was mostly pleased at my ability to deal with the past week without going off the deep end, I needed to let the dust settle and then examine my “mental muscles” for any weak spots. Finally (and it turns out, most importantly), I offered up to Her my hurt, giving it to Her as a gift, as evidence of my trust in Her.

Yes, many weeks ago after several difficult meditations, I was warned several times that if I chose to go onward with this process of self-discovery there would be challenges to be faced. I knew I was ready to move forward, and I felt confident that my knowledge of myself and my deep and powerful relationship with Deity would see me through any challenges, and I knew that I would emerge at the other end as a stronger, more confident person, sure of her own ability to deal with the twists and turns of life with honor and ethics, and sure of her relationship with her Gods.

I was correct. On all counts.

Blessed be!

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