June 27, 2016:
Okay, so I felt this coming for a while. My disconnect has pushed me and circumstances allowed me to do a very effective meditation. Once I knew I was in deep, I opened my mind, and whispered, “Okay, I’m ready. What are you trying to tell me?”
I found myself standing before a stream in a wooded area, right where I stood last night with E (during a PBT evening). I was alone, dusk was approaching and random lightning bugs were waking up, and it was sprinkling. I could hear the raindrops hitting the leaves on the trees, and I could see some of the closer leaves as they jerked and flopped when a raindrop hit them.
I heard a rustling in the undergrowth, and there before me appeared a gnome about 3 feet tall, looking just like a garden gnome only dressed in browns and dark greens. He handed me a large mushroom to use as an umbrella, and then with a wave of his hand, said, “Come! Come!” He began to walk away, looking back until he was sure I was following him.
Across the stream we splashed. Yes, my feet were wet; I paused to attempt to take off my shoes, but the gnome hissed, “Come!” So I splashed across the mud and water, feeling kind of silly as I held the mushroom over my head to keep my hair dry yet waded through the water with my shoes on, and climbed up the far bank. Into the trees we headed. I hurried to keep up; it was getting darker, and the fireflies were blinking all around me. We weaved in and out of the trees, until we stopped before a huge boulder.
The boulder was mostly round, and taller than I was. Obviously moved here during the last ice age and never moved again, it was surrounded by bushes and small trees. The gnome waved me around to the far side of the boulder, and pointed at the large split that created a dark vertical crevice in the huge stone.
“In!” he hissed. When I looked at him with eyebrows raised, he hissed again. “In! In!” He pointed at the vertical slit, and then reached out and took my mushroom umbrella. Again, he pointed to the slit.
“Okay, okay!” I said. I paused, looked at the dark hole, then back at the gnome. Once more, he pointed to the opening. I moved close enough to put my hands on the rock, then turned sideways and slipped in.
I expected to get jammed immediately, but as soon as I slid between the two sides of the crack, I was somewhere else. Ahead of me the crack stretched way deeper than it should have, given the size of the boulder it halved, with the path forward dimly lit by the twilight outside. I slid forward with my body sideways, twisting and turning as I slithered deeper. At one point, I hit a tight spot and for a moment I feared that I was stuck.
“Shit.” I breathed in, pushed hard, and popped forward.
Suddenly the narrow passage widened. I stopped moving forward because there was no more light. I could not see what was ahead of me past a couple of feet. Now what?
I heard the scraping of stone against stone, and then saw a large shape moving out of the darkness. It was tall, very tall, and massively bulky. I could not see much in the darkness, especially because the creature’s skin seemed to be all browns and blacks, but I knew it was about 2 feet taller than I was. Its shoulders were wide, its chest was wide; its head was massive, and it had horns . . . not real long horns (which makes sense; kind of hard to move through tunnels with long horns), but the diameter of each horn where it disappeared into the side of the creature’s head was about the length of my hand, from the heel of my hand to the tip of my middle finger. Its eyes were a dark brick red, with black irises and pupils.
It stood still, as I looked it . . .er . . .him up and down. ‘Nuff said about that. “Who . . .” My throat closed, but then I gasped as I heard his name in my mind. Not spoken out loud, but clear as if he shouted his name.
“No. You can’t be.” I whispered hoarsely.
“What did you think I would look like?” he asked, dripping sarcasm, again not out loud but in my mind.
“What happened to the robed figure with the beautiful tree pin?” My voice cracked as I said the word “pin,” and I swallowed.
“Pffft.” He waved his massive, three-fingered hand dismissively. “That’s the way we Watchers look until the student is ready.”
“It’s time for you to wake up. Ground yourself, and then listen carefully, human.”
He went on to explain. It was time for me to begin to delve deeper into my personal spiritual path and return toward actively evolving as a spiritual being. This is not about Sacred Mists, it is about me, so I should not be looking for lessons created by other Seekers. Yes, I can research, and in fact I should be researching like crazy. Yes, I can share what is happening with those who I trust, and ask questions or get advice if needed (and he frowned at me as he said this; I guess I’m supposed to ask him first), but this is my Journey. And yes, I am to journal everything. As always, these things might be important in the future.
My job for now is to learn everything I can about him. I am to get to know him “from top to bottom, inside out,” to quote him. I am to meditate about him, talk to him, become intimately (yeah, he emphasized that word) familiar with his energies, and with my own energies as they are connected to my physical body, its workings, and its abilities. I am to continue working with my physical body and my energy body, and I am to begin to deepen and broaden my personal experiences with the energies of the world around me, both “the natural world and the concrete jungles of man, and the manners in which they interact.” His words.
I asked him if I was to become The Magician. “Nope,” he said. “He’s too pretty.” Really??
He rolled his eyes, then reminded me that I was moving forward, which meant that I was learning new information, new metaphors, new visuals. Yes, the information I’ve already learned is important (“even that pansy is important”), and I will definitely be using it as a foundation, but I can’t allow that information to box me in. I asked him why I was starting with North; I begin my Circle Castings in the East. He reminded me that when I first began to practice my Craft, before joining Sacred Mists, I began my Circle Castings in the North, so North is where we will begin.
“And don’t think that East is next,” he said, gruffly. “This is not a Circle Casting. I (again with the emphasis) will decide when you are done and where you will go next.”
He continued explaining, answering my questions. Yes, my Elemental Guide, Ophion, looks like a smoother, softer version of him because Ophion falls under his auspices. Okay, I did know that; an Elemental Guide would be ruled by the corresponding Watcher. He said that he looks similar to Cernunnos because Cernunnos, a Horned God, is kind of his boss. Kind of. Deities are higher up on the “corporate ladder” than Watchers. LOL, again, his words. That makes sense too, since the Sacred Masculine, especially the aspect of Horned God, is connected to the physical world and its manifestations. And yes, it is perfectly fine that I call him “Haftorang”; that is, after all, one of his names.
He also warned me that I won’t be allowed to slip back into lethargy. Yes, yes . . . he knows all about the Saturn Return and Saturn in retro (he rolled his eyes here); he does not care. It’s time to wake up, and if I won’t do this willingly, he will slap me upside the head with that cosmic 2 by 4.