Ten of Swords/Ace of Wands reversed. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) tells me that failure is not fun, but we can’t release the failure unless we play it through to the end, without feeling sorry for ourselves. The Ace of Wands (Cancer, Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) in an upright position tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process, and an encouraging and empowering awareness of my own valuable creative talents. Because the card is reversed and paired with the Ten of Swords, I may not be too confident about those talents, but they are there! If I add a bit of creativity to all that Air found in the suit of Swords, I might be able to distract my mind from what it sees as mistakes.

My Thoth card is Adjustment. Uncle Al sees he Adjustment card (Justice in the traditional Tarot decks) as telling of a need for adjustment, and isn’t that actually what justice is, in the end? This card is about cause and effect, and about the adjustments that happen when we think about causes, and try to make their effects as positive as possible. Adjustment corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick, animated energy that usually brings problems or challenges that bring growth), Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Lamed (ox goad; training or teaching), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Geburah (the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed). Interestingly enough, this card can also focus on achieving the balance between the inner self and the outer self; a focus of mine of late.

My Legacy card is the Six of Swords reversed, flavored by The Magician. Wow, interesting pair. The Six of Swords (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, communication, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause oriented) in an upright position is about hitting the reset button in order to move away fro a problem. Because it is reversed, today’s problems won’t be solved by walking away. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury, Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility), and he is flavoring the Six of Swords reversed. Since he has the power to transform his world through the use of his Will, he is validating this interpretation of the Six of Swords reversed; I can fix things so I should not run away from them.

My 6-digit date number is 7 the number that tells of the pause at the beginning of degeneration.

My horoscopes: “Today you may decide to study healing, Sagittarius. You could read about alternative methods regarding diet, herbs, aromatherapy, massage, or acupuncture. You might decide to learn some hands-on methods. Whether or not you ever practice any of these professionally, learning about them should transform your life for the better on both physical and emotional levels. Make the most of it.”

And: “If you've been looking for inspiration lately, get with your wackiest friends or family. Surround yourself with the people who look at the world from an odd angle, and you'll be able to see things in a whole new way, too. Seek controversy today -- play devil's advocate as often as you can. You'll encourage people to be passionate about what they believe -- and passion can be contagious. Before you know it, you'll be struck by it.”

And: “Today you may sit down at the computer for just a minute to research something on the Internet and wind up spending most of the afternoon entranced by what you're reading. You could very well stumble upon some information on the occult and mysticism. You've always been fascinated, and now that you've begun learning you don't want to stop. Perhaps you could enroll in a workshop to learn and mingle with others with a similar interest.”

I have come to believe that building cannot happen without tearing down; and not just one session of demolition is enough. Each cycle requires a greater time of demolition. My Lady Danu keeps reminding me that I should be pleased, complimented and excited that my tests have become soooooo daaarrrrnnned difficult to resolve. She won't test me beyond my ability to succeed, but She will push the envelope. And I am already finding that my recent moments of disillusionment are serving me well, plus they are helping me to serve others, by teaching me to keep my own frame of mind strong and solid and serene and unshakable, with a good foundation of experiences to draw upon.

And still, Danu is with me and tells me that even if the results of any of my efforts are not what I want, I have not failed; she reminds me that in the end, I can only control my own choices. But more important, because of my own recent Dark Nights, brief as they are, I have been able to handle recent challenges without becoming totally undone myself because for me, today, these are not major issues. Even a month ago, these events may have totally derailed me for a bit, but not since my own Dark Nights of late.

Yes, I am different than I was even a month ago. This difference is hard to describe to others, and is hard to even talk about at all. I feel that I am being tested constantly, being pushed out into the world to manifest more bits of what I have learned in all my inner work this past Winter. I feel that I am being told that I must become The Magician, for I cannot truly understand my inner work unless I have completely manifested it in an outer fashion. LOL, does that make sense? I think the most frightening (and exhilarating!) part is that this is not about reading a lesson written by someone else, and then answering some homework questions or writing some essays. No one else has been here, so there are no guide books. I am not only finding my own way into uncharted territory, but I am writing my own lessons in order to do my own homework.

The thing about feeling my way through the dark is that the Seven of Pentacles moment doesn't appear until much later. I don't get the gratification of seeing where I've come from because it is still dark back there. I will need to complete the cycle before I can see what I've done and where I’ve come from, and that is a bit scary for I have no reference points. But as Danu keeps telling me, I need to remember the reason that I am being tested in such a manner. I don’t need someone else’s reference points for they won’t work for me. I must find my own.

No turning back, indeed!

Ted Andrews states in “More Simplified Magick: Pathworking and The Tree of Life,” regarding the 32^nd Path: “On this path, the symbols and images awaken fears that burden the imagination and block our flows of energies. The working of this path clears and liberates us from the weight of physical existence in its many forms.” Yes, I understand this. I strive for understanding, for Purpose, but I also know that I am moving into unknown territory here, so understanding may not be immediate, and Purpose may not be clear. Because I have come so far already, I have learned patience and perseverance. The answers will come; the clarity will happen, because of the burdens and blockages.

The 32^nd Path shows us our limitations for one purpose: to learn that they can only hold us back if we allow them to. Experiencing blockages teaches me how to unblock them, how to not allow them to deter my forward motion. This is a slow process which needs time in order to come to fruit, as well as focus and effort. What helps me to persevere is that I know there is a purpose to this muddy, cloudy time.

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