Four of Pentacles/Ace of Cups. The Four of Pentacles (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation or the deepest self, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, authority, caution cunning), is so very grounded.  This Four is a card of earthy power, but since both the suit and the number are so very stable, so very resistant to change or improvisation, I need to be careful that I don’t become so obsessed over details or protective of myself that I begin to stagnate.  However, sometimes the energies of this Four are positive.  After the intensity of the past week or so, I think I will benefit from the energies of this card, which are telling me to know and be aware of my physical world.  The Ace of Cups (Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, deep, mysterious, obsessive, Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) tells of the possibility of the beginning of a relationship of some kind, one that may be filled with the potential to bring enlightenment and understanding, as well as love.   This relationship could be with others, or with myself.  Paired with that Ace of Cups, my Four of Pentacles has a more positive feel to it.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks reversed.  “Failure” reversed, again. The Seven of Disks (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells of a heavy pause that just might be hard to counteract, due to the Earthiness of both the number 7 and the suit of Disks.  Most Tarot decks see this care as offering a bit more optimistic possibility, but Crowley sees the pause indicated in this card as presenting inertia that is difficult to overcome.  After all, Saturn is slow and restrictive, and Taurus is slow-moving and materially focused.  Eeek. Thankfully, the card is reversed, so if any stagnation appears, I should be able to wash it away pretty quickly, and the reversed energy of this card combined with the grounded energy of the Four of Pentacles just might be used in a positive way, as a sort of tether or touchstone.  This card keeps showing up reversed, and I think there is a message in that, too.  Just looking at those words “Failure reversed” tells me that at least for today, Failure is not going to be much of a consideration.

My Legacy card is the Three of Cups, flavored by the King of Wands reversed. The Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive tenacious, nurturing, moody) tells of the possibility of experiencing emotional abundance, emotional connections to others (mainly due to things in common), and emotional support as a part of the day.  It tells of working and accomplishing things through love, which supports that Ace of Cups above. The King of Wands (cusp of Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, moody, and Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic egotistical) has a Fiery nature, particularly if you see the rank of King as corresponding with the element of Fire.  This King is not good at creating; his forte is transforming his world to match his vision. He is not good at routine and is not happy with predictability, but since he is reversed, I might stay with the predictable.

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.

My horoscopes: “Reality isn't always as exciting as you'd like it to be, Sagittarius. But isn't this because you interpret reality in a particular way? You rarely look at things in detail, because fundamentally, details don't interest you. But if you look around, you will discover that the details of a truly epic event are currently unfolding before your eyes. Put some new lenses in your glasses!

And: “Someone who is relatively new to your life has more admiration for you than you might have thought. Have you noticed any lingering glances -- or any coincidental meetings that might not be so coincidental? Play this situation however you wish. If you want to drag out the drama and act like you have no idea about what's going on, feel free! But if you are ready to explore things a bit more, today is the day to meet that lingering glance and see what happens.

And: “You may find your brain buzzing around like a beehive today. This is good. There is a great deal of information that you need to process at this time. Have you been thinking about buying some new electronic equipment or small appliances for your home? Now is a great time to do a bit of research on this project before you go out and lay down your credit card. Use this day to gather facts.

My Sun reading: “It's a day of many changes under the Sagittarius Moon. Synchronously, you're in the market for variation. Venus and Pluto stimulate strong feelings tonight. You feel madly in love with your mate. If you're single, it's about the power of attraction and golden opportunities to meet someone new.

How to explain this past weekend?  I was at my second Vedic Thai Massage workshop, taught by Mukti Michael Buck of the Vedic Conservatory.  I expected this workshop to give me a chance to refine what I had learned at the same workshop last June, and I was indeed able to solidify that foundation.  But the wonderful icing on the cake of foundation is that I learned entirely new asanas, even for the most basic sequences I learned at last year’s workshop.  I did indeed bring my knowledge of Vedic Thai Bodywork to a new level.  LOL, I hope my friends and family are ready to lie down on my mat again. 

I also spoke to Mukti about the process of becoming certified to teach Vedic Thai Bodywork.  He explained the process, I purchased the DVD, and will be requesting the workbook from Mukti over the next week or so.  This is a long-term goal of mine, but first I need to get to know everything associated with Bodywork, inside and out.  This means committing myself to learning the pressure points and meridians.  I am up for this, and feel that it is a necessary next step.

I received some interesting validation from two different people this weekend, validation that I am doing something right.  Two different people at two different locations told me, without solicitation, that my energy feels both powerful and completely accepting of myself and comfortable in my own skin, in a way that is actually soothing and supporting to others.  My focus is so much on my own energy body and how it feels to me that I’ve never given thought to the way that others perceive me.  I do know and understand that first impressions are actually our inner selves reacting to the aura, the spiritual body which reaches far away from the physical body, of another person.  We may see that first impression as happening solely from the messages of our physical senses, but to me those messages are secondary and only validate the initial perception, which happens by our subconscious mind registering and interpreting the first contact with the spiritual body of another.  Interesting.

I went into this weekend hoping to find some personal answers as well.  I was expecting that the incredible and vibrant cleanse on every level and within every body would light up the correct path for me.  And yet, as I drove to Cape May on Sunday evening, even though I felt completely balanced and completely serene, there was still that part of me that felt blocked.  I didn’t feel uncomfortable about this any more, the way I had felt all of last weeks, and I can’t even call the sensation a “sensitivity” any more, because there was no longer any emotional pain associated with it, but the sensation was still there. 

It now feels like a blockage, but unfortunately I can’t put my finger on just what is being blocked.  Is there an energy meridian that is being blocked?  Is there a muscle that needs a release?  Does my Younger Self still have something to say?  Is there a physical world issue that is pressing on me?  An emotional one?  No answer.  I felt like I was reaching blindly and with trepidation under the couch for a quarter, not knowing if my fingers would touch the coin, or a mushy grape that had rolled there three weeks ago, or the spider waiting there to bite me.  Last night, I was exhausted, truly tired, both physically and emotionally, when I went to bed.  I slept deeply, and woke this morning at peace.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, the blockage was still there, but I had relaxed, I had released the last bit of angst I had about it.

And there, finally, was Danu, my dearest Patroness, with my answer: 

“My dearest Daughter, you need not fear.  I am with you and within you always.  Know that there is a Purpose for this time you are in, and for these experiences you are having.  In striving to find your Purpose, in striving to press on despite no clear and articulated journey’s end, you are enabling yourself to finally pierce the Membrane between you and this current incarnation, and the Source, the All, the Highest Vibration and the Purest of Sacred Energies. 

“This is the time for which you have been preparing yourself.  Only one who has done the work and exerted the effort to reach this point will possibly succeed.  Know this as well: the choice in the end is yours.  Go forward blindly but with trust in Me, or turn back to prepare further.  There is no wrong choice as long as the choice is made in Perfect Love and Trust, Perfect Love and Trust in Me and Perfect Love and Trust in yourself.

“More than ever, this phase must be done in a solitary fashion.  Share your thoughts and experiences with others in Perfect Love and Trust, but know that those others may not truly understand what you are feeling and learning.  This does not invalidate the process; indeed, it is an indication that you are succeeding.

“So go forward, My Daughter, into the unknown, for it is in going forward blindly, without outer guideposts, that you will become sensitized to the messages of your Inner Voice.  Listen for that Voice whenever you become frightened or unsure of your next step . . . and know that the Voice you hear will be Mine.

“Also know and remember that once you succeed in piercing the Membrane, you become once again the youngest and most inexperienced of Dedicants.  Pride has no place here, nor does ego; remember The Tower.”

Finally . . . serenity has returned.  Now, at last, I can face the next step, and the 18^th Path.

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