The Tower reversed/Page of Cups reversed. In an upright position, The Tower corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration). This card warns us about what can happen if we fight the tides, and it tells of the destruction of all that is outdated and not needed any more(even if we think we still need it all). Because The Tower is reversed, I am getting the feeling that the breakthrough has happened already; even though I am slow to catch on and I am just realizing that change, change that cannot be undone, has already occurred. The Page of Cups in an upright position corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering); because this Page is reversed, I may find that my physical senses will not be what I need in order to hear the message of my Inner Voice; I may need to separate my connections to each of the elemental attributes of this card, Earth and Water, in order to use them both effectively. I cannot be this Page, with his ability to use the physical world ~and~ the world feelings and inner focus, if I want to begin to understand the changes that The Tower has wrought.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups. Yessss! This is exactly how I feel today. Uncle Al sees this Queen as the perfect agent of both transmission and reception, able to calmly and placidly achieve both without breaking a sweat. To some extent the energies of this card are affected by the influences to which I am open, but today I feel pretty much open to lots of influences, hopefully all positive.

My Legacy card is Temperance reversed, flavored by the Seven of Wands reversed. Another Sagittarius card, Temperance in an upright position also corresponds with Fire, Samekh (the tent post), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world of action and outer reality) and Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify). This card is one of the cards that has always had a personal message to me; it tells me that balance is dynamic and the ability to maintain a dynamic balance takes constant practice and work. It is reversed, and for some reason I feel that today it is reversed because I have already dealt with its energies, to the extent I need to deal with them at this moment in time. The Seven of Wands (Mars in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, independent) in an upright position is once again an important card to me, personally. It tells of an active and effective defense, consciously chosen, and to me, it represents a Gateway and a Gate Keeper. Because the card is reversed, neither the Gateway nor its Keeper will easily affect me today. Again, I feel that this card is reversed because its energies have already manifested.

My Pearls of Wisdom Samhain card is the Three of Cups. Besides healing and comfort, this card tells me that the weeks ahead will be filled with blessings and good fortune. Both friendship and love will be given and offered, and I will be offered a chance to participate in the dance of life which celebrates the human spirit.

My 6-dibit date number is 4, the number of stability and depth. This 4 is constructed by an 11 and a 1 and a 10; both 11 and 11:11 are personal indications of the presence of the influence of Archangel Uriel.

My horoscopes: “Your time finally seems to be your own, Sagittarius. There are probably no rush jobs to finish, no urgent phone calls to make, and no one looking over your shoulder. This causes a significant release of stress, and you're better able than usual to focus on what you have in front of you. In the evening, relax at home, order a pizza, and watch a movie.”

And: “When you least expect it -- which just might be now, the way the stars are looking -- someone you haven't heard from in forever will visit, extend an invitation from right out of the blue, or reenter your life quite suddenly with all kinds of niceties, from actual gifts, to apologies to sudden offers to give your relationship a second try. If you're unsure -- and at this point, it's hard to imagine being sure about anything -- don't say anything other than, 'Let me think about it.'”

And: “Today is a terrific day for you, in which action spells reward. You can't go wrong by expressing your needs and how they fit in with the collective agenda. Feel free to focus on yourself today and be selfish about your passions. Be aware, however, that unexpected events may be cropping up to remind you that number one is indeed important but don't forget about number two and beyond.” [my emphasis added!!]

This morning as I began my usual morning meditation, I found that unbeknownst to me, I had passed through some Threshold during the night. I did go to sleep with an awareness of the Gateway that is midnight on the night of Samhain, that transformative moment between October and November, between Waning Year and Dark Year, and for Pagans who attune to the Wheel of the Year, one Turn’s ending and another Turn’s beginning. This Samhain, I am very much aware of the change in the background energy now that the Sun Father has made His Journey to His “place of rest.” This change of focus in awareness has not happened in its usual, gradual manner; this year, the change literally happened overnight.

I was told by my Patroness during my morning meditation, in no uncertain terms, that now is the time for me to begin creating connections between all of the focuses of the past few months. I have honed my skills to an appropriate level (even if I don’t think so), and it is time to put those skills to work. And Danu was not kidding when She told me this, because a connection has already been made, a lovely mini-aha! moment for this first day of the Dark Year!

My work with my own energy body, and the interactions of my energy body with the energies of the Universe and the Divine, has in part produced an ever-increasing awareness of what I call the “background” “or “white noise” energy. My efforts to understand Watchers and their effects has provided a side focus: a deeper understanding of that background energy.

This energy to me is the basic building stuff of our universe and every thing and effect within our universe. It is as if we are all surrounded by pure potential, not manifested at all, but able to manifest into anything if it is mixed with enough need or desire or intention. Because it is what everything is made of, we have access to this purest potential, because like the atmosphere of our world, this pure potential fills every hole and presses into every crack and crevice. Like the atmosphere of our world, this pure potential abhors a vacuum, and like the atmosphere of our world, this pure presence has tides and flows, some occurring because of needs or desires or intentions, and some occurring spontaneously.

I have learned quite a bit about needs and desires and intentions, and I have learned that feelings and thoughts and intentions are inextricably tied into the operations and processes and biological machine parts that are my physical body, tied in a two-way manner. Strong feelings or overpowering desires or focused intentions can cause chemically measurable changes in my physical body, and the state of my physical body as well as the use of parts of it can have a measurable change on my feelings, my desires and my intentions.

Now for the aha! moment. After I apply Reiki to my opened and cleansed and balanced chakras, I tie all this together through using the Microcosmic Orbit to bring on the Violet Breath, so that I can send all that lovely Reiki energy back into my own energy field, and thus, my entire physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self. One use for the Violet Breath is as a method to build up a “static charge” of Reiki so that an attunement can be passed; in short, once that static charge is built up (the Reiki Master builds the charge by both performing the Violet Breath and holding her/his own breath (while using the appropriate visualizations) until sufficient charge is gathered), the Reiki Master passes that charge in part by gently breathing onto the recipient of the attunement. As I performed my Violet Breath this morning, the connection happened! Aha! The passing of the energy of the attunement happens through imposing the intention to pass that attunement from the non-physical parts of my mind and my intentions into the physical world, via the bridge between the two that is my breath!

Okay, when I inhale, the oxygen in the air is drawn into my lungs, where it is absorbed into my bloodstream and carried to my brain. Now, the brain is the “biological interface,” quite a powerful interface. The oxygen that is brought into my brain by my blood is infused with my feelings, my desires and my intentions, most of the time unconsciously, without me realizing that I am flavoring or tainting my breath (and as a side note, I also became super sensitive to the concept of consequences today). But during the Violet Breath, I am consciously choosing to infuse my breath (via the visualizations that are a part of the attunement process) with powerful intentions, intentions which I have collected and then allowed to be turned into a sort of “reduction” powerful enough to pass on an attunement. When I breathe on the recipient, I am offering the symbol of the gift (as the recipient can feel that breath, and sometimes see me breathing on him or her), and thus I am affecting his or her energy field, but I am also breathing into our combined auras those particles of air that have been infused with intention within my biological body; those particles are quickly brought into the recipient’s body as he or she breathes, and thus carried to his or her “biological interface” in order to initiate a physical/chemical transformation along with the transformation begun within the recipient’s energy body. How cool is that??!!

This is one reason why the spoken word has so much power; this background noise of perfect potential is infused into my physical self, into the air, and into my energy body, through the use of intention and feelings and desires as a catalyst to activate that pure potential.

Okay, this has been another one of those aha! moments, a brief glimpse of the workings of the Machinery of the Universe, that is understood by every cell of my body, but difficult to put into words. There goes Raush, back into LaLa Land!

My days in Orlando for Witches Gone Wild 2010 were incredibly awesome and beneficial. I ended up not getting to Orlando on Wednesday, due to horrible weather patterns that caused flight cancellations throughout much of Central and Eastern US. I did get down on Thursday morning, however, and was met at Orlando International Airport. LOL, after many squishy hugs were exchanged, we all did some catching up, and then got right down to some awesome brainstorming. Later in the afternoon, a few of us went for a walk around the grounds of the Wilderness Lodge, which are incredible. Wilderness Lodge mimics the grand lodges of the Pacific Northwest; a “spring” bubbles up right inside the huge four story open space that is the lobby, and then winds its way through the rest of the Resort, over waterfalls, through wading pools and swimming pools that are bubbling with springs of their own, through heated spas, and along streams that connect them all together. There is even a geyser that erupts every so often! The buildings themselves appear to be constructed with hugs blocks of granite and massive beams, many carved with animals and Indian markings; here and there on the cement walkways you can find footprints, both animal and human, imprinted into the cement. It is cool to see a sidewalk that looks as if a bear or elk or child walked through the wet cement.

That first night, we all went to the Whispering Canyon for dinner. What a fun restaurant the Whispering Canyon is. Now needless to say, Disney itself is set up for children of all ages, but this is one of the restaurants where that purpose is beautifully manifested! No whispering happens here; in fact, everyone talks and shouts and sings and dances, with much enthusiasm. Each of the servers laughs and giggles and teases, calling to other servers across the room, announcing any celebrations happening, at the top of their lungs, and calling on all patrons to sing and shout together. One pair of servers brought a piece of birthday cake to a patron, got everyone to sing loudly, and then the two of them proceeded to eat that birthday cake, instead of giving it to the birthday person, as everyone laughed and cheered.

Each time someone made the mistake of asking for ketchup, the server called loudly, “keeeeeeeeeeeetchuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!” Then several diners (usually children, who really got a kick out of this) would gather together every ketchup bottle in the whole restaurant and bring it to the table requesting some ketchup. Soooo fun; and the food was awesome, too!

We had manis and pedis on Friday, as a treat to ourselves and each other. After having my fingernails and toenails painted orange (of course!!!), we cooked dinner in the suite and then attended the Sacred Mists Samhain Ritual (LOL, using a login custom-created by our Hostess, a compilation of all of our names). After the Ritual, I took an hour to attend the SMPDA Sabbat Reading Event, and then we all spoke at length with Lady Raven via Skype.

Saturday, in between laughter and dancing and a bit of serious discussions (but not too serious), we rented quadricycles and pedaled to Fort Wilderness, sat at the beach for a bit, and then got ready for dinner at Artist’s Point. Yummmmmy! What an awesome deliciousness that dinner was, and what a fitting way to end our time together. Sunday morning, we all dragged ourselves out of bed, got to the airport at the appropriate times, and made our journeys home. How quickly our time together passed! But we accomplished quite a lot; we bonded through laughter and love, our brainstorming sessions are always valuable, and we are each re-infused with purpose and enthusiasm.

Thank you, Lilyth and Keith, for your hospitality; much love to you both. Hugs and love to you, Isleen and Danae. We rock!

$

The Wheel/Ace of Cups reversed. The Wheel, which corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (the grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (crosses Da’ath; the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), is a timely reminder of the powers of the cycles around me which do not originate from me but affect me, and a reminder that those ebbs and flows are all available to me as supporting energy, should I access them correctly. The Ace of Cups represents the potential for the creation and experience of strong emotion; as the card is reversed, I may not be able to easily tap into or understand my own feelings today, or the feelings of others. But if I am aware of The Wheel and its message, I will be able to make use of even these energies which block.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Cups reversed. The “Happiness” card reversed. Most see the upright Nine of Cups as a good card, but typical of Crowley, even in an upright position, this card carries a warning. It is indeed the Wish Card and brings a sense of accomplishment, but it warns us that the pleasures associated with this card are meant to be temporary, and sooner or later they must be released. The card is reversed, so I may not have much of a chance to benefit from these energies before leaving them behind.

My Legacy card is the Ace of Swords, flavored by the Ten of Coins reversed. The Ace of Swords represents the complex and powerful instrument that is the mind and the intellect. I am being reminded that not using my intelligence and knowledge and wisdom pretty much negates their presence, and I am also being reminded that in order to be strengthened, they all need to be used against a stronger force or flow. This Ace represents the potential for challenges, but the carrot at the end of the stick is that the solving or resolving of these challenges will bring growth. In an upright position, the Ten of Coins represents the final accumulation of wealth and health in the physical realm, but all that “stuff” comes with a warning: use it to create something new and beneficial, or be stuck carrying it around and protecting it from others. Perhaps that is my challenge today?

My Full Moon Pearls of Wisdom card is the Page of Pentacles. The Pages are the messengers who carry to us the message of the Ace of their suit, and this Page is no exception. He tells me how to be today. I need to focus intensely on the job at hand, I need to record my experiences, and I need to strive to learn the skills I need in order to bring about my own initiation. If I am truly ready, my Teacher will appear. **smile** How true this is.

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.

My horoscopes: “The fire within you is raging today, Sagittarius, and you should be careful how you wield this power. Be proud and triumphant. Walk with your shoulders back and head high. Freedom is important, but make sure that others don't interpret it as you not caring about a person or situation that's actually quite meaningful to you. Let your heart speak openly and honestly.”

And: “You're a natural authority figure -- at least as far as you're concerned. That's usually good for you, and your instincts are usually right on -- but for now, listening to outside advice could be a good idea. In fact, you might actually need to seek someone out if you want to make your plans work. Choose that one person you're sure can find a happy medium between the hard and fast rules and their own intuition.”

And: “Transformations that are taking place in your life right now are apt to have a dramatic effect on your romantic relationships. The good news is that these relationships should change for the better. Regardless of where you are with a close partnership, you should expect that it will grow deeper and much more meaningful for you at this time. Even if you find yourself breaking up with someone, keep in mind that this is probably for the better.”

The Pagan Brain Trust met to perform an empowerment ritual last night, and it was incredible. We each practice some form of Paganism, and the cool thing is that the other three seem to be drawn to much of what Wicca is, but don't want to be dedicated to any Tradition. One is a Yoga teacher who connects with the Vedic Tradition as far as its connection to Yoga, but she is striving to integrate the meanings behind the teachings into her own Wiccan flavored Paganism. One says that she was always known as the “Pagan asshole” because she could never fit into any specific tradition, and yet is drawn to the Wiccan frame of practice; she is the one among us who first began connecting the Internet with magick, but our Shaman has gravitated to this practice as well. One is dedicated to Bhride and has an intensely strong and personal relationship with Her, yet is training intensely in Shamanism from a local, well-established practitioner. And then, there is me, the Wiccan Priestess who has found in Wicca an intensely powerful tool for connection to Deity and evolution of self. The nice thing is that we each value our own viewpoint, and we each are very happy that the others (1) have different viewpoints, because we learn from the others, and (2) don't want to form a coven, for then we would need to accept a core group of Deities, and none of us want to share. LOL!! Yet, we are a family, and we can do amazing workings.

Our working was part Shamanism and part Wicca, and involved raising a cone of energy through music and sound, and then releasing the charged energy through a custom made sigil which was sent as an email at the ultimate moment. The focus of the ritual happens today, and I am certain that in the end, victory will be achieved, no mater what today’s outcome turns out to be, as we amassed quite a bit of energy!

I have been told by my Patroness that I have let too much time go by without performing my own rituals, and so I will be doing my own Full Moon Esbat this evening, after my dance class. How right it is that I offer worship to the Goddess after performing and teaching others Her dance!

One part of The Wiccan Mysteries jumped out at me today. It reads as follows:

In an attempt to communicate with the Totality of Divine Consciousness, Wiccans divined Deity into its feminine and masculine polarities or aspects, which they call Goddess and God. We can break this down into the Goddess-current and the God-current. These currents also flow, to varying degrees, within the souls of all humans regardless of gender. The Goddess-current tends to be more open and mutable while the God-current tends to be more directive and fixed. The Goddess is the balance to the God, and He is the balance to Her. Without Her the God would be a judge without compassion, He would be stern without understanding, He would control without loving. Without the God, the Goddess would have compassion without direction, understanding without foundation, love without form. The God and Goddess complete each other, and together they are the One True Creator and Maintainer of the Universe.

“The Wiccan Mysteries: Ancient Origins and Teachings,” by Raven Grimassi; page 168.

Oh my. That paragraph really speaks to me.

$

The Chariot/Strength reversed. Both of these Majors in the Welsh Tarot show a man riding a white horse through water; the man on the Chariot looks very kingly, while the man on the Strength card looks skilled. The Chariot represents Cancer (I think), Cheth (enclosure) and Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts), and Strength, the next card numerically in the Majors, represents Leo ((I am), Teth (basket or sieve), and Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes). The Chariot, the more outwardly visible of the two cards, is actually feminine in gender, while Strength is masculine. The Chariot is about being able to control the emotions with the mind; these emotions are not suppressed, but rather trained. Strength is the next logical step: it tells of rising about those emotions through being courageous, and through applying patience and gentle perseverance. Since the Strength card is reversed today, even though both of these Majors have been showing up lately, I am not yet ready to take that next step shown by Strength. I still need to work on “training” my emotions.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks. Funny, I drew this card, if I remember correctly, a week ago exactly. Crowley,s “Failure” does not specifically foretell failure; instead it warns that responsibility can be taken to the point of becoming a restriction, and it appears that I need to remember this today. Sheesh, and I have lots of things on my to do list.

My Legacy card is the Two of Coins reversed. Jupiter (expansiveness, justice, fortune) in Capricorn (I build), reversed. Okay, I get it!! I may not be very effective at juggling a lot of tasks today. I promise . . . I will take some “me” time!!

Veeeery interesting messages today!! Since yesterday’s cards were sooo accurate (not only did I have unexpected company this weekend, which is very cool, but the Student Council meeting was cancelled at the last minute; how is that for accuracy??!!), I am certainly going to be paying attention to today’s cards.

Helen and I had an awesomely productive afternoon, but LOL, I think I will be a tiny bit sore tomorrow morning. I did a one-hour belly dance stretch class with her; no choreography, just intense belly dance stretches and foundation movements. Then Helen did a yoga class for me. We are both very excited because these two disciplines really work well together, and I don’t know of anyone else who combines the two, without actual dance classes. We may have something here!! Helen left me with a series of yoga poses to practice, and she is going to work on some of the belly dance moves, and then we will do this again in two weeks.

I am excited!! This my be exactly what I was looking for!!

Now, it’s time for some of that “me time” I promised myself.

$

Five of Wands/King of Cups. I may experience “turns ta” today (everything I touch turns ta dog poop), and maybe even some challenging ethical choices, possibly involving skeptics, but as long as I don’t adopt an “every man for himself” attitude and instead, choose to allow my own experiences to build emotional and spiritual bridges that connect me to both my protractors and detractors, all will end well. No judging allowed, and the tools I should access are peace, harmony and diplomacy.

My Thoth card is the Princess of Swords. Back to the Court Cards. Today I will find that I am very good at settling differences and calming upheavals, and recording new ideas. My powers of perception will be at their peak, and my interpretations will be just and ethical.

My Legacy card is Faith. Today I am being told to notice that it is the shining light of faith that unites us all, and although traditions and spiritual paths may be different, we are joined with the universe because we are all spiritual entities that are housed in physical bodies. I should think about the traditions of my faith today, I should offer a devotion to my own Deities, and I should put what I believe into practice.

My horoscope: “A large assembly of forces is gathering at this time to make a bold statement and an important pledge, dear Sagittarius. This is the kind of movement that brings together entire generations and unites people to form a revolution of some sort. Put away the petty issues, and think on a global scale. Educate yourself about what is going on in the world, and take a more aggressive stand in fighting for what you believe. A small group of intelligent individuals can make a tremendous impact.”

All of my interactions on the internet have become filled with an extra flavor of meaning. So much of my focus has moved inward already, even though the waning year is only middle aged, and the fountain of energy that Uriel opened within me months ago is emitting more warmth and pressure than ever. This is certainly going to be an interesting Winter season!

I am reading an interesting book called “Your Aura & Your Chakras: The Owner’s Manual” by Karla McLaren that has offered some interesting concepts that relate to my explorations of the “energy self” and the “online self.” I am just beginning the chapters that describe the workings of the aura, and early on the author begins to discuss the concept of boundaries. She explains how people who do not have boundaries end up running amok, mainly because they allow all of themselves to focus outward to the point that their entire “self” is outer, and their inner self does not exist at all. This effect can be seen in people who live their lives on automatic pilot, totally connected to their physical selves and the effects of their senses to the point that their inner self has atrophied. This effect can be seen in people who are so concerned with their “cause” that they allow that cause to become their entire reason for existence, to the point that if the cause disappears, they are lost and cut adrift because their inner selves are empty of everything but their cause.

The author also explains the two kinds of energy that are within each personal energy field. The energy that is stored within the body has to do with the inner self, with the physical workings of the body and with personal feelings and ideas about the self. The energy that is stored within the aura, which is outside the physical body, has to do with the feelings about the person’s place in the world, the person’s feelings about the world, and about how others see the person. To me, the person’s feelings about himself or herself are also stored in the aura. All of the energies that are stored in the aura can affect the person (because the energy body and the physical body interact), and they can affect the other people that the person comes into contact with or even passes close to.

The lesson here is that not only do our emotions and beliefs affect our entire self (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual), but the emotions and beliefs of others can affect us as well. There are two sides to this coin: one is that we need to ground and cleanse our energy self often, and the second is that we have a responsibility to actively choose our emotions and beliefs, because they can and will affect others.

LOL, and I am not even 50 pages into the book.

$

Nine of Swords reversed/Page of Cups reversed. Okay, I may not be worried, but I am also not yet allowing my Younger Self out to play. I need to remember that blocking the tendency to brood too effectively could very well shut down all feelings, not just the destructive ones.

My Thoth card is the Prince of Swords. Again. Here is what SuperTarot says about the Prince and Princess of Swords from Crowley’s Thoth Tarot:

“The character of the Princess is stern and revengeful. Her logic is destructive. She is firm and aggressive, with great practical wisdom and subtlety in material things. She shows great cleverness and dexterity in the management of practical affairs, especially where they are of a controversial nature. She is very adroit in the settlement of controversies. If ill-dignified, all these qualities are dispersed; she becomes incoherent, and all her gifts tend to combine to form a species of low cunning whose object is unworthy of the means. The Princess of Swords is a young, very perceptive person.” (The image on the card appears more defensive to me.)

“A person symbolized by this Prince is purely intellectual. He is full of ideas and designs which tumble over each other. He is a mass of fine ideals unrelated to practical effort. He has all the apparatus of Thought in the highest degree, intensely clever, admirably rational, but unstable of purpose, and in reality indifferent even to his own ideas, as knowing that any one of them is just as good as any other. He reduces everything to unreality by removing its substance and transmuting it to an ideal world of ratiocination which is purely formal and out of relation to any facts, even those upon which it is based. A military man.” (The image on the card appears more aggressive to me.)

It sounds as if I am using my brain way too much and not allowing my emotions or my instincts to even have the slightest input. I need to allow myself to choose one concept to focus on, rather than trying to keep all the balls in the air at once. Things have been so busy these past weeks, and I am feeling more and more that I need to bring everything current. LOL, if only I had the time. Maybe that Prince with his intense focuses is not allowing me to see that I won’t drop all the balls if I allow myself to let one slide away.

My Legacy card is the Two of Cups reversed. Again. Marchetti sees this card as representing romance and recognition, in that the success of any relationship depends in part on how we see ourselves reflected in our lover’s eyes. Perhaps I am not comfortable with the image I am seeing reflected there.

More Shadow Work last night, after I downloaded Snow Leopard. I wonder if all the hidden upheavals hinted by my repetitive cards of late have to do with the deep probing of my psyche that is happening within my Shadow Work. Despite the fact that I have strong lines of communication with my Younger Self, and despite the fact that I have worked with my shadow self and uncovered some hurts that have affected and controlled me through the years, I get the feeling that she is hiding something from me, some deep dark fear or hurt. I also get the feeling that my Younger Self is uneasy because the cards in my Shadow Work spreads are circling ever closer to whatever she is hiding.

The cards that have shown up repeatedly in the past few days are: Two of Cups, Three of Cups, Princess (Page) and Prince (Knight) of Swords; plus I have thrown the Nine of Cups, Nine of Wands and Nine of Swords, and one other Princess, of Cups, with all Court Cards being of the Thoth deck. Seeing the cards as only keywords we get “recognizing love in a mate,” “the power of the group,” “logic and perception,” “purely intellectual,” “satisfaction,” “being ‘aware,’” and “inner or self-caused anguish.” That extra Princess of Cups would be “pure generosity with no strings attached.” I am not including reversals until the next paragraph because I think it is more important, at least while first looking, that I understand the general meanings of the cards, without imposing into the mix the positive or negative effects of their presence or absence. To me, the general theme here is perceived safety, if we assume that being loved and accepted without strings equals safety.

Okay, now for reversals and upright cards. The Two of Cups and the Princess of Swords are reversed each time they appear, as is the other Thoth Princess, of the suit of Cups. The Three of Cups is upright each time it appears, and on one day this card appeared in two different decks. All of the Nines are upright as well. Only the Prince of Swords has been both upright and reversed.

Looks like having the support and caring of the group is something that is important to me right now. While I may not like the way loved ones appear to see me, I am not very effective right now at using logic to define or defend my perceptions of myself, and my intellect seems to be experiencing on-again off-again extremes. This means that what I think someone feels about me may not be what they are actually feeling. One thing is for certain, with three Nines showing up, something is building, and a climax of some sort is approaching.

Add this to the results of my Shadow Work thus far, which tell me that even though I have walked the walk and talked the talk, and even though I have done exhaustive research, I still don’t trust myself to take a stand. I am still afraid of the judgment of others, and I am afraid that all my work will be toppled down with ease and thus shown to be inadequate.

Methinks my Shadow Work is working!!

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Ace of Wands/Six of Cups. Ah, the spark. Not the fire of passionate creativity yet, just the spark that has the potential to light the conflagration. The spark needs to be nurtured, it needs to be given fuel (Earth) and oxygen (Air) in order to initiate the manifestation of its potential, which is the confidence and creativity needed to successfully deal with any challenge. And because fire is a natural effect and thus requires some opposite in order to manifest in a balanced way, we have the presence of a Cups card (Water), the most balanced of the Cups card and indeed the most balanced of the Minor Arcana. The Six of Cups brings the knowledge that whatever has been endured already can be used to positively flavor what is to come. Both of these cards also have a connection to children, both through the assumption of success (possibly through lack of knowledge of potential blockages) and the assumption of innocence and the concept of perfect love and perfect trust (possibly through the assumption that everyone is ethical). The bring the gift of the ability to believe . . . a powerful and life-changing gift.

My Thoth card for today is the Nine of Swords. “Cruelty” again, but self-imposed cruelty. I need to be aware that many problems end up being problems because I perceive them as problems. Sometimes too much analyzing serves to bring into play the “self-fulfilling prophecy” powers of visualization. Being aware of the lure of worrying is half the battle; applying the energy used to perpetuate the worrying will serve me better if used in a more positive manner.

My horoscope from yesterday: Long-awaited good news concerning money could finally come your way today. Heightened imagination and inspiration, as well as a powerful need to connect with those you love most, could keep your heart and mind fully occupied throughout the day, dear Sagittarius. Don't keep it all bottled up inside; that will only produce frustration. Write down your thoughts, try your hand at painting, ring up your friends and schedule a get-together for the evening. Take the time to enjoy yourself!

Yes!! My son is making progress with his insurance issues, and my husband has gotten in a few more small jobs. Yes!!!

I am so glad that the time has come to look forward with anticipation rather than backward with worry. I have done my best to handle certain events with skill, intelligence and compassion, and then I have released the events from my thoughts with the confident assurance that all will end in a positive way. As I drove to work this morning, I thought about my energy field, the layers of my aura, and how these mostly invisible (at least to me) energy fields can have a startling and long term effect on the events of my day.

While many break down the aura into seven layers to correspond to the main chakras, or twelve to correspond to additional chakras, or even more, I prefer to think of the aura as being grouped into three main layers: the etheric aura, the mental/emotional aura, and the spiritual aura. It is that middle layer, the layer that directly affects and is affected by my thoughts and my emotions, that I am pondering upon today.

I have found that as I increase my “mental muscle strength” through energy work exercises, I am also increasing my ability to affect my physical world directly through the conscious and unconscious adjustments that I impose on my mental/emotional aura. I have discovered that I have the strength and focus to actually change the composition and texture of this layer of my aura, and that often evidence of effects appear very quickly within my physical day. These initial effects are small at first, but because they validate my efforts and prove to me that I am making a difference, that I *can* make a difference, these small effects end up sympathetically supporting my efforts, creating a self-perpetuating cycle that spirals me ever upward and toward the positive. Each time I consciously try to change my mental/emotional aura in order to make my environment more balanced, the process of connecting with my aura becomes easier, and the small moments of evidence that my efforts are working seem to appear faster.

During my contemplations of my aura, I have discovered that there are within me several different “wells” or “containers” of energy; I have managed to find the place where the energy for my mental/emotional aura is stored, and I can touch this place energetically, hold it and interact with it. Being able to focus on the source of this energy has helped me in connecting with it and affecting it. *smile* Notice that I am not saying where this source is located in my body; I believe that everyone needs to find this source on their own and I will not taint anyone else’s efforts in this regard by saying where I found my own source for this energy.

Of course, these successful workings mean that my unconscious and subconscious adjustments are also becoming more powerful. Another strong incentive to continuously live in the *now*, to act with awareness at all times, and to even be aware of the passage of time. Going through the day on automatic pilot or distracted by something can end up having unexpected consequences. I think I would rather be at the controls.

Over the next couple of days, I will consciously connect to this layer of my aura as often as possible, and inject it with a sense of awareness, of confidence, and of compassion. I will be interested to see how much I can direct the “flavor” of my days. I expect to find this to be very positive. I also believe that we leave a “fingerprint” or “handprint” of our aura on everything we touch (and not just the things we physically touch; there are after all many ways of touching), and thus I am also expecting that this experiment will have a positive effect on those with whom I interact in any fashion.

If you are reading this blog, you fall into that category; I hope that my words bring you at least for one moment the visualization of the one place that you would really like to be right now. I hope that momentary connection to that place brings you balance (and maybe even one step closer to that place).

Brightest blessings!

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Seven of Cups/Nine of Pentacles. Finally, no court cards in this throw. I am being told that I have many choices before me that appear attractive, so many that I may find myself mesmerized by them all. The best way to handle these many choices is to step back and be alert and aware. I need to do my homework before making any decision, no matter how wonderful any of the opportunities may seem.

My Thoth card for today is the Queen of Pentacles reversed. Today I am being told that I will not find easy access to my kind and affectionate self; instead, I will be tapping into my intellect, for better or for worse.

I feel as if I have turned a major corner. Saturday night I just allowed my brain to shut off. I did a lot of sleeping, and not much else. When I woke up yesterday morning I felt numb, which is a good thing. I spent my day cleaning inside, and then finally, once the rain let up, I planted the things that my brother-in-law gave me. I ended up in mud up to me elbows, but there is something cleansing about literally immersing myself in earth. As I lovingly put the plants into the ground, I also allowed the emotional detritus of the week to move from my center, out to my pores and then to drop to the earth where the negativity will be converted into fertilizer.

Once I came back inside, I sat for a while, thinking about my Tarot cards of the past few days. I realized that I was mostly throwing Court Cards and Cups. The cards were telling me how to be, how not to be, and how to feel! I had thrown the Princess (Page) of Cups, the Knight of Wands, the Page of Pentacles, the Queen of Wands and the Page of Cups again. Interesting layout there! I was told that I need to start and finish with a pure and innocent awareness of my own senses and feelings, I am told that ethics and honor are as important as passion, and in the midst of all those passions and feelings, I am being told that without a supporting foundation, there will not be balance. Very good advice!

I also realized that despite all of my efforts to cleanse myself from all negativity, to focus on harming none as much as I was able, and to visualize positive outcomes, there was one thing that I did *not* do as I worked through and processed the events of the past week. And so, as Sunday came to a close and I prepared to shut the house and head North, I took some time to connect with the Goddess. I thanked her for her support through these trying days, and I acknowledged to Her my understanding that these troublesome events were gifts from Her that allowed me to give a very real test to my newfound strengths. I acknowledged to Her that while I was mostly pleased at my ability to deal with the past week without going off the deep end, I needed to let the dust settle and then examine my “mental muscles” for any weak spots. Finally (and it turns out, most importantly), I offered up to Her my hurt, giving it to Her as a gift, as evidence of my trust in Her.

Yes, many weeks ago after several difficult meditations, I was warned several times that if I chose to go onward with this process of self-discovery there would be challenges to be faced. I knew I was ready to move forward, and I felt confident that my knowledge of myself and my deep and powerful relationship with Deity would see me through any challenges, and I knew that I would emerge at the other end as a stronger, more confident person, sure of her own ability to deal with the twists and turns of life with honor and ethics, and sure of her relationship with her Gods.

I was correct. On all counts.

Blessed be!

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The High Priestess/Eight of Wands reversed. I need to keep in mind today that sometimes we are not supposed to know how or why something works, we just need to believe that it will work. I am also being told that balance does not have to integrate two opposites in order to work efficiently (separate extremes *can* be balanced), and that at least for today, I should not be so concerned with discovering evidence of “outer world” progress as much as I am concerned with attempting to accept without knowing why.

My Thoth card for today is the Prince of Swords. LOL, the polar opposite of The High Priestess in many ways. Crowley sees this Prince as being the most intellectual of intellects, intensely clever and admirably rational to the point of being unable to differentiate between ideas because they each have their good points. The danger for him is that he will render everything unreal because in his effort to reduce each idea or concept to its purest form, unsullied by emotions, he ends up removing all valuable substance and balance. Perhaps this Prince is showing me how *not* to balance separate extremes!

Another great study hall last night. I really do enjoy interacting with my fellow Sacred Mists students within the chat rooms. I find that at the very least I have my own skills strengthened and validated by putting together these classes, but inevitably I am presented by one of the other students with at least one new perspective or shade of meaning. That is what makes teaching classes at Sacred Mist so absolutely awesome!!

And it continuously amazes me how well a system of learning such as the one in place at Sacred Mists can work, how well it maintains itself. I could not see it before, even while I was in Second Degree, because I was only viewing the system from one dimension or direction: forward. But now that I have begun to teach with regularity, I can also look back, and what I see makes me feel good inside. The system works! The system is producing confident, knowledgeable and well-spoken witches who not only are able to find a deep spiritual fulfillment for themselves through their personal connection to Deity, but they are also able and encouraged to take their fulfillment to another step by sharing it with others who want to learn. *grin* This sharing is not always easy, for as teachers we are sometimes asked to reduce to words sensations and experiences and abilities which do not easily lend themselves to sufficient description and understanding through words. But even that effort, the effort to describe the indescribable, has its benefits!!

So much of what I am learning within my responsibilities at Sacred Mists is permeating the other segments of my life. I am indeed living my spiritual path, thanks to my own hard work and the opportunities for education and enlightenment presented to me by Sacred Mists.

I have also been giving thought to connections, connections to others and what those connections bring to me. I like to think that even the ugly experiences are worth something, even if the only lesson they bring me is how *not* to be. For example, I think of how far I have come in a very short time since I stopped trying to change my boss and started trying to change my own choice of how to react to my boss. Instant magick!! Each time I successfully prevent myself from loosing my temper, I also prevent myself from loosing control of the situation. No matter how ugly someone is to me, they only have power over me if I choose to allow them to have this power. LOL, I know, I know . . . these words have been said before, even by me. But sometimes it takes real challenges that are forced upon you by others, no matter how unjustified they are, to test one’s strength, to see what we are *really* made of. Now I don’t only *know* the words, but I also *understand* them and *believe* them, with my heart and my mind.

Part of this tough lesson is learned through introspection, but part of it is learned through interactions with others, both positive and supporting interactions and negative and ugly interactions. If it were not for both the supporting connections and the ugly connections, I would not know what I am capable of dealing with. And knowing what I have already dealt with in an ethical and effective manner gives me the courage to step forth into the unknown. To boldly go where I have never been.

Today, I dedicate this post to all of my connections!

On a more grounded note, I received my first commission. My son wants a quartz pendant, and he has asked me to make one for him. I will be looking at crystals tonight. Yay!!

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