July 26, 2016: Shadow Work and Endings

My card for today: the Ace of Cups.  Another Water card; synchronicity is still at work!  Here are my thoughts regarding the Ace of Cups.  This card has a simple image on it: a chalice.  The background is blue, representing the element of Water that is represented by the Cup, and it appears that golden light is shining out of the Cup, but we can’t be sure.  Is the Cup filled with some kind of beautifully glistening Water?  Or is it empty, and what we are seeing is actually an illusion or a dream?  We can’t tell yet, but the possibility of experiencing something wonderful is there.

Well, the direction of West is about endings; it tells of the end of the time of daylight as the night approaches.  It is also about emotions and feelings, and since I am also dealing with the Great Work and Dissolution, which is about breaking down the structures within my psyche in order to release what no longer serves me, it should come as no surprise that a past event, and event that I have dealt with again and again but have never completely exorcised from my mind and my emotions and my spirit, has raised its ugly head once again. 

There is no need to go into detail; it is enough to say that I was very wounded by this time in my life, and get a knot in my stomach whenever I think about it.  My Shadow Work in the past has always been connected to this event, so it should not surprise me that it has reappeared.  Perhaps I can put it behind me for good, this time.

Since I am working with Satevis, I asked her what I should do. My choice is to become involved in an argument, or walk away and in walking away, allow blame to be placed on me.  Her answer was simple and without hesitation: “Let it wash from you.”  I asked every “but” question I could think of, and her response was the same five calmly-spoken words: “Let it wash from you.” 

I went back to re-read my thoughts about the Ace of Cups, and these words jumped out at me: “. . . and it appears that golden light is shining out of the Cup, but we can’t be sure.  Is the Cup filled with some kind of beautifully glistening Water?  Or is it empty, and what we are seeing is actually an illusion or a dream?”  Do I need to justify myself to someone who will never see my side of this ancient story?  No, I don’t.  My conscience is pure and clean, as I tried to take the high road at all times.  Perhaps I should, as Satevis suggested, let it wash from me.

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The Emperor/Justice. The Emperor corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Aries (“I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) and the Hebrew letter Heh (window, illumination), and represents confidence, authority, and the archetype of the Father.  I am being told that today, order and structure and a willing acceptance of responsibility need to be the themes. The Emperor is reminding me that rules are there to support and guide me, and plans are meant to be followed.  Justice is a card of adjustment, and it corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick, animated energy that usually brings problems or challenges that bring growth), Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Lamed (ox goad; training or teaching), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Geburah (the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed).  This card is a powerful pair to The Emperor because it focuses on cause and effect.  This is also a card of karma, and of being accountable for our decisions and actions, in other words, of a willing acceptance of responsibility.  Each of these cards taken alone has a powerful, outer, active message; having both of them appear together is a very clear indication of how this day should progress. 

My Thoth card is the Two of Wands.  “Dominion” is Uncle Al’s keyword for this one, and it is another active card. The Two of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive, enthusiastic) tells of power, influence and authority.  This card is related to the Will, and it tells me to actively manifest my authority.  This one is one of the Minor Arcana cards related to The Emperor, and thus is validating both cards above. 

My Legacy card is The Magician, flavored by the Nine of Swords reversed.  Whoooeeeee!  More active, outer power!! The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility).  The Magician is a card of action, and of confidence, and it is another of the cards that have a personal significance to me (it symbolizes the gifts I was given after Hurricane Sandy).   The Magician is a bit more metaphysical than The Emperor and more likely to use unusual methods rather than tried-and-true methods, but it is cool that both of these cards have appeared in my spread today. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) in an upright position represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused, and usually unproductive.  My Nine of Swords is reversed, and it is flavoring my Magician (and due to the relationship between The Magician and all the other cards above, it is flavoring my entire spread), and since it is reversed, this card is reminding me that if I feel the need to be a bit cautious today, this need just might be a bit reasonable.  After all, the other cards are all out there and active and filled with authority and power.  None of my other cards would sit up at night worrying about what they did yesterday or what they need to do tomorrow; so just a bit of worry could be the balance and objectivity I need. 

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of the horizon that tells of the completeness of manifestation or effect. 

My horoscopes: “Today's energy will help you take steps toward getting things in order, Sagittarius. Tackle the drawers, closets, storage rooms, and cabinets. Organization is a good activity for today. Creating order brings a sense of peace and personal control. Mental organization like goal setting, budgeting, or scheduling will add to this feeling. Sift through and clean out as many corners as you can”

And: “A lot of phone calls or e-mails could come your way, perhaps involving conversations about spiritual, metaphysical, humanitarian and/or astrological matters. Friends could refer you to books or websites that could prove especially informative for you. Don't be surprised, however, if some of them seem a bit too way out for you right now. Remember that you're only gathering information. You don't necessarily have to accept it all as truth.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Seven of Cups.  This card lets me know that I may be tempted to indulge in fantasies today.  This is not in itself a bad thing, for visualizing goals in detail can encourage us to work to attain those goals.  However, keeping my entire focus on the possibilities of the future could end up causing me to step into a hole in the ground and break my ankle.  That ouchie will prevent forward motion.  Be careful!  Be aware!

Since my recent Shadow Work, I have been experiencing spinning, wandering, pushing-and-pulling, and confusing energies.  Lots of challenges and bumps in the road, both physical world and emotional/spiritual, are appearing all around me.  The uncomfortable and unpredictable eddies of energy swirl around me, bringing new sludge and discomfort, stirred up from the depths, for my consideration.  I do understand that things can’t be all roses all the time, and I accept that these periods of discomfort are necessary.  As I am fond of saying, these discomforts scour away the bugs stuck on the windshield of life, so that I can see more clearly where I’m going.  I am doing my best to not take these inconveniences and bumps in the road as personal assaults, but sometimes it’s not easy to remain optimistic. 

Could this be a test?  A chance for me to determine if the things I’m focusing on are reeealllyyy what I want to do or create or manifest?   I like this idea.  If I accept the discomforts as having a purpose, it makes them a bit easier to bear.  I have handled much worse, and the idea of testing each of my focuses to determine which ones are worth maintaining and which ones need to be gently released just might be a good plan for today.  Talk about turning lemons into lemonade, eh?

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Queen of Swords reversed/Page of Wands reversed.  The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) can be considered a Minor Arcana representation of the Justice card, and that card is in my spread today.  But my Queen is reversed, so being reserved and analytical will be a challenge for me today.  Not unachievable, but difficult. The Page of Wands (Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody; Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic noble egotistical; and Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) in an upright position tells of the spark that could create a mighty flame, if there is enough kindling and air to feed it.  My Page of Wands is also reversed, and this is telling me that along with having difficulties remaining objective, I won’t be comfortable with surprises or attempting new events or routines.  Today is a day to be safe.

My Thoth card is the Five of Swords.  “Defeat” is Uncle Al’s keyword for the Five of Swords (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, pleasure, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, cause-oriented, the group, aloof) shows what happens when we insist that our way is right, or when we impose our needs or wants onto a situation.  This card shows us what happens when the truce and desire for peace that is the Four of Swords breaks down.  In the end, no matter who wins, defeat is the word of the day, because the peace was not maintained.

My Legacy card is The Empress, flavored by the Two of Coins.  Okay then. The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), the Hebrew letter Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah on the Tree of Life (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is one half of the Major Arcana representation of the Sacred Feminine.  The Empress is about creativity, fertility of all kinds, a deep connection to Nature and the nurturing of others, and an enjoyment of the senses.  She cherishes the world the way a mother cherishes her child, and she shares her bounty with others. The Two of Coins (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning) in an upright position reminds me that everything always ebbs and flows, and I need to do the same; in order to achieve this challenge I must be balanced and I must be open to surprises.  My Two of Coins is flavoring my Empress, and I think this is a good thing.  Being tapped so strongly into the fertility and the richness of sensations that is The Empress will be facilitated if I am light on my feet and able to react to whatever happens around me.

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number that represents the completeness of manifestation and effect.

My horoscopes: “Some vivid and interesting dreams could bring a lot of repressed memories up and force you to confront them. This could be a bit disconcerting, Sagittarius, but still positive. Psychological obstacles to financial success and romantic happiness could be cleared away, which could change your life. It's vital that you write down your dreams. You won't want to miss out on this.”

And: “This is a good day for you to practice being an active participant in life. Be aggressive and forceful in your opinions and actions. Normally you have a very laid-back attitude that allows you to simply go with the flow. Now it's your turn to direct the show. Having this easygoing attitude has allowed you to experience many things and become close to many people. You know how they work and what motivates them. Use this knowledge to your advantage.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Cups.  I just love when every one of my cards offers a message that is immediately relevant!  This card is telling me that perhaps the best thing for me to do, amid the confusion of the day, is to disengage and leave the noise behind.  This quiet respite will allow me to regroup and move on to better things.

I’ve been having a strange day.  Not outer-world strange, but rather inner-world strange.  My core is serene, yet my energy field is chaotic; even my cards today are indicating a disconnect, dealing with difficult perceptions, an appropriate response, and even that serene core.  I’ve been doing immensely powerful Shadow Work as a part of my Third Degree training, and through this effort I’ve been challenging myself (and being challenged by seemingly coincidental yet strongly connected events) and my perception of my personal value.  In the past, so much of that perception of value was based on what others thought of me, more than I even realized.  And this meant that I was using the perceptions of those I respected and loved and trusted, as well as those who disagreed with my worldview or disagreed with perceived intentions, in order to determine my own validity. 

Don’t get me wrong; I still care about the opinions of others.  It hurts me, deeply, when someone I know or respect or care about thinks that I am a dangerous person to be around or believes I have intentionally and with malice conspired to harm them.  But I am learning, learning with my heart and my core as well as with my head and my intellect, that in the end, I can only be responsible for my own thoughts, my own words and my own deeds.  I cannot be responsible for how others choose to perceive the intentions behind my actions, behind my choice of words, and behind my personal beliefs.  I am learning that everyone deserves an attempt by me to explain what I feel, what I mean, and what I hope to convey by my choice of words or actions.  Maybe even several attempts.  But if others choose to not hear what I am attempting to convey, it is not my responsibility to assume blame for that person’s inability to both listen and hear (after all, they are two different things). 

Hurt happens, whether through disagreements or accidents or inadvertent mistakes.  All we can do is make certain that we’ve done the research, make certain that we choose thoughts, words and deeds carefully, and make certain that we are aware of the “now,” rather than allowing ourselves to be lost in the past or the future, in order to mitigate the possibility of hurt happening.  I have come to realize that part of my efforts to accomplish all these things were driven by the need to never make a mistake; that is an impossibility.  Ain’t gonna happen.  I have learned that the purpose of Shadow Work is not to prevent mistakes or erase those negative thoughts and emotions, and my responses to the choices and words and deeds of others, but rather to accept those negative thoughts and emotions and responses of mine, and embrace them.  They are a necessary (and yes, even valuable) part of who I am, what I have done, and where I am going.  They are a necessary ingredient of that serene core that is keeping me on course today, amidst the chaos. 

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The Star reversed/Nine of Swords. The Star (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts; Aquarius; Qof, back of head; the Path between Malkuth, the physical world of action and outer, physical reality, and Netzach, the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) is the “good will to all” card.  Upright, The Star is about optimism and faith, synergy with the world, and an awareness of that synergy.  My Star is reversed today, and that means anything from feelings being blocked all the way to a sense of hopelessness and oppression. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused, and usually unproductive.  Combined with my reversed Star, things may seem really troublesome right now, but I need to remember that my perception could be off.  Things are probably better than I think they are.

My Thoth card is The Hermit. The Hermit corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, practical and stable energy that is slow to change), as well as Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), Yod (open hand, touch), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), and is about searching within for a deeper meaning.  I see a theme here; I will be looking within, much more than expected.  This may not be a comfortable feeling, but if I hang in there, if I try to not be pessimistic, and if I attempt to break through and connect with the surrounding energies, I might learn something.

My Legacy card is Temperance reversed, flavored by The Devil reversed. Temperance corresponds with Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering) Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Samekh (the tent post), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world of action and outer reality) and Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify), and is a powerful Major Arcana cards that presents one version of the concept of balance.  My Temperance card is reversed, and again I am being warned that there could be an imbalance that might bring discomfort. The Devil (Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Capricorn (“I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning), Ayin (the eye, senses), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Tipareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) tells of being caught up in the physical world and the effects of the physical senses, to the point of being bound or addicted to those things.  My Devil may be flavoring my Temperance card, but it is reversed, thankfully.  The reversed Devil will bring me faith in myself, and in my ability to bring back some balance, and survive the day.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of movement imposed on stability to get rid of stagnation. 

My horoscopes: “The coming days promise a busy social time, Sagittarius. You might host a party at your home. You may feel terribly rushed and wonder if you will be able to get everything done. Don't worry. It will all come out all right. Friends or family members could prove invaluable in lending assistance. At some point, you might attend or take part in a sports event.”

And: “If you can't feed your artistic tendencies in the work you do, today is a good day to create a better balance and make your days more satisfying. Art isn't just for artists, Sagittarius. All you have to do is take the initiative to create something and you will see just how good it feels. Have you ever thought about writing a children's book? This is one idea, considering the planetary aspects.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The Hierophant.  This card is about secrets and traditions, rituals and ceremonies, and it is about the value of cultural information, passed down by the generations.  Today these things have value, they are important.  And being aware of the power to be had in the simplest of words and the simplest of actions will bring fulfillment.

So far, girls’ weekend is awesome.  We are getting lots of rain today, so we’ve had a nice cozy day.  We’ve got home made eggplant parm for dinner, and hopefully the rain will let up so we can walk on the beach.  Lots of wine to still drink, too; should be a great night.

I am trying to give myself a bit of a break concerning my Shadow Work, but it is difficult to not think about what I have been learning and working with.  The challenges I have been presented with are difficult ones, but with this kind of study, I would be surprised if they were not.  After all, I have worked hard to get to where I am now, much of the work done in a solitary fashion, and thus I am unable to validate my efforts.  But if the level of challenges being presented to me are any indication, I’ve accomplished more than I thought I did.

It is interesting to me that each of these challenges are directly related to my focus for this round of Shadow Work: why I can’t allow the perceptions or judgments of others to color my own self value. 

Yes, my mind understands that I am only responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds.  I cannot affect how others choose to see me, whether those perceptions are good or bad.  What I need to remember is that as long as I can look myself in the mirror and know that I have done my best, and know that I have not consciously or deliberately chosen to be unethical, and know that even when situations have conspired to present difficult choices to me I have always acted with the highest intention, then there is not much more that I can do. 

I also need to remember that while I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, I am not responsible for fixing everyone else’s problems or perceptions of me.  I have the power to choose, and no one can take that power away from me unless I allow them to take it; the same holds true for others.  I cannot choose for another; I can only choose for myself.  If I make certain that my choices are done through an intention to do my best and to cause the least amount of harm, then I can stand by my own choices. 

And no matter what others think of me or how others interpret my words or actions, in the end, that is what matters.

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The Emperor/Six of Swords. The Emperor corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Aries (“I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) and the Hebrew letter Heh (window, illumination), and represents confidence, authority, and the archetype of the Father. I understand exactly what message is being offered to me today by The Emperor.  Sometimes being the leader means taking on the difficult tasks, or taking responsibility for failures.  That is the less-glorious side of The Emperor, but a side no less important than being lauded as a benevolent and effective leader. The Six of Swords (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, communication, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause oriented) is a perfect companion to The Emperor today.  This one is about balance, healing, moving towards a better place, and even about learning the science behind things that work (because understanding why they work makes them more effective).  Whether being lauded as a good leader or whether doing the uncomfortable tasks (because that is what leaders do), understanding why these things are necessary ~and~ having the fortitude and focus to actually get them done, will bring good results.

My Thoth card is the Eight of Cups reversed.  “Indolence” is Crowley’s keyword for the Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) which upright tells of an ending or a decline or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions, and one possible response to that decline or change: moving on.  Uncle Al sees this as the hangover card, and since it is reversed, perhaps I can raise my expectations a bit.

My Legacy card is The Magician, flavored by The Tower.  Sheesh, there’s some power!!  And danger!! The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility).  The Magician is a card of action, and of confidence, and it is another of the cards that have a personal significance to me.   He is reminding me that I’ve got skills and I’ve got experience, and they are there for me to fall back on if I need them.  He is a bit more metaphysical than The Emperor and more likely to use unusual methods, and it is cool that both of these cards have appeared in my spread today.  But then, there is The Tower. The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)) tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going.  Granted, these changes could come about due to accidents as well as unforeseen and sudden breakthroughs, but today I am being told that the eruptions associated with this card are very necessary.  What I need to do is make certain that I am tweaking the parts of The Tower that are tweakable, and tweaking my own focus in order to take advantage of the parts of The Tower that are not under my control.

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to the number 2, and balance, polarity, and an understanding of “distance between.”  Yup, know what that means, too.

My horoscopes: “A delivery could come to your house that you find very emotionally moving, Sagittarius. Perhaps you've received a gift that represents a big sacrifice to the giver, and was all the more sincere for that. This could be on your mind for most of the day even though you have a lot to do. When thanking the giver, be warm and sincere but not too effusive. You don't want to embarrass your friend.”

And: “There are periods in life, just like the one you are going through right now, when we learn to think relatively about events or relationships. Something that someone close to you did to hurt you a few months ago hardly even bothers you today. This seems to be true in almost every aspect of your life. Have you become more philosophical about things? You have learned what really counts in life: knowing where you are going, though not necessarily with whom or how you are going to get there.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding Death.  Like the rest of my cards today, there is a potent message attached to this one.  The Shadowscapes Death card, unlike many other Major Arcana Death cards, focuses on what happens after we’ve passed through the one-way threshold before us, rather than the anticipation (and yes, fear) of passing through that threshold.  Death leads to rebirth, and what better symbol is there for the power of this rebirth is there than the phoenix!

I think it is interesting, through this recent (and still very new) cycle of Shadow Work, how each time I deal with a new issue presented as a possible Shadow Work exercise, I get my answer or validation of my choice as far as actions, words, or feelings regarding that event through synchronicity.  Again, in reading some totally unrelated article on the internet, I find encouragement.  Here is part of an interview done by Decca Aitkenhead of The Guardian and, of all people, Russell Brand.

“Here's a bit of bargain basement metaphysics and new-age rhubarb. The idea that we live our lives in the past, the present and the future is illusory. We only live moment to moment. But we forget that."  Brand goes on to say the following.

"One of the things I've learned is not to live my life through others' perspective on me, as it is irrelevant. My experience of being alive ain't contingent – thank fucking God – on what people think of me. Now when you first get famous, there's nothing more gratifying or exciting than reading that people like you. What one quickly – or in my case slowly – learns is that it's irrelevant what other people think of you. It's none of your business. Now of course I require a certain number of people to like me for my livelihood. But I'm beyond the point where I need to do a head count. All I care about now is having an intrinsic relationship with what I do, as a performer, that's legitimate and real and authentic.  It's not like I don't care, in some super aloof cool way. It's the same reason why I don't go to nightclubs. Not because," and he adopts a comic posh drawl, "'Oh maa-an, this is so trash.' No, because I know what it will do to me, I know what it will awaken in me and stir up. So I don't look at newspapers no more. We've only got a short time here and I can spend my time stimulating my mind however I want. I can read whatever I want. I ain't ever reading another copy of the Sun until I've read the complete works of Goethe."

Okay, I did not expect to receive encouragement from Russell Brand, but he is basically talking about the very concept I am working on during this Shadow Work for my Lesson 8.  Is it 100% irrelevant what others think of me?  No.  I care about what my husband thinks of me, what my son thinks of me, and what my family and friends and work associates think of me.  But if I care about being ethical, of attempting to always Harm None (and believe me, this is truly an impossible task because harm happens), and if my intentions are to take the high road, and I have done my best in every situation, then why would I agonize because someone disagrees with me, or horrors, laughs at me behind my back?  If Russell Brand can be at peace about this, I certainly can!

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Eight of Pentacles/The Magician.  Well, that is a powerful pair!  The Eight of Pentacles (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells me that diligence and an awareness of details is important today.  I should be certain that I know all facts before making any decisions. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility).  The Magician is a card of action, and of confidence.   He is skilled at using the tools at his disposal; he knows what he is doing and why he is doing it.  And he is an important card to me personally.  I should be able to tap into his powers today and still remain aware of the details of what is going on.

My Thoth card is the Four of Swords.  “Truce” is the keyword for this one, and I’ve finally thrown the card upright! The Four of Swords (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation)can represent a pause or truce or mutual deterrent, or a time of silence and isolation.  In a way, that is what I will have available to me for the next day and a half, and I may be able to benefit from this time of preparation and grounding.

My Legacy card is The Chariot, flavored by the Four of Wands reversed. The Chariot, which corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), tells of having the control necessary to focus on goals, and to avoid distractions. I am being told that I need to use my own Will in order to stay on the straight and narrow today, and to avoid distractions.   The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) in an upright position is about building enough to become established.  But my Four of Wands is reversed, and flavoring my Chariot, so there may be some responsibilities that need to be taken care of.  If I focus and keep steady, I can accomplish what I need to.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of a slowdown or pause as growth begins to slow and degeneration approaches; usually this time involves a crossroad or choice of some kind.

My horoscopes: “Your subconscious mind is active today, Sagittarius, perhaps releasing old traumas from the past. Memories from long ago could pour into your mind as though floodgates were opened. Many of them won't be pleasant. This is good nonetheless. You're releasing obstacles caused by these memories. By the end of the day you will feel so much lighter. Make the most of it.”

And: “Passion is your primary motivation now. Have you recently started taking a course? You'll learn a lot from it! Are you involved in an artistic project? The quality and intensity of your work could surprise even you! Are you romantically involved? Expect a rush of love and sensual desire for your beloved to well up within you! Celebrate all of this by relaxing with a glass of wine and a lovely dinner. Good things are happening!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The World.  I love one of the definitions to this card found in the “Shadowscapes Companion”: “Achieving balance, melding and blending to bring together in unison the multiple songs of life.  Yesss!!  This is a card of realized goals, but the pause involved with this one is only temporary.  Enthusiasm and a sense of accomplishment won’t slow down for long.

I am continuing with my Shadow Work for my Third Degree Lesson, and still I am finding a mention of a shadow self or of the processes involved in this kind of work.  Last night I downloaded a free book onto my Kindle called “Mystic Fool,” written by Andy Hill.  I was expecting a fun book, and so far it is fun.  However, not long after I began the book, I found a description of the very process I am going through, and of the results I have achieved so far:  “I had been thinking a lot about alchemy, and the axiom solve et coagula.  Dissolve and coagulate.  Take it apart and put it back together.  Analysis and synthesis.  This was the general process that the alchemists would apply to base metals in order to transmute them into gold.  Everything in the universe is either in a state of dissolving or coagulating.  Things come together and things fall apart.   Cells, bodies, relationships, belief systems, cultures, empires, galaxies; all are undergoing vicissitudes imposed by these two states.  I was thinking of the alchemist’s base metals psychologically, as the shadow, that repository of all shame, guilt, fear or things that just didn’t fit into my nice idea of myself.  Suppressed and alienated though it was, I knew it was a living part of me, and if I could confront and embrace it, I could free up an incredible amount of power.  By doing so, a rift might be crossed, and an experience of oneness would occur as I accepted my own dark side.  I willed to dissolve this leaden burden and coagulate it back into myself, to incorporate it into my being.  I understood that I had to cease being afraid of it, hiding from it, and projecting it out and finding it only in others.  I didn’t know what I was doing but I was led by a murky, intuitive sense.  I wanted to reach down into the base of my being and somehow extract the gold from that within me I had been so afraid to embrace.” 

I think the most important and useful thing I am bringing away from the exercises associated with my Lesson homework is the fact that I’ve been approaching this Shadow Work all wrong.  My task was not to eradicate these feelings through coming to understand the root cause, but rather to embrace these feelings because they are a part of me.  The feelings are not going to go away, but bringing them worth and validity just might lessen the discomfort associated with them. 

I am ending up being healed by my Shadow Work, but I am also coming to understand the process in a better way.  Cool!!

What a lovely realization to have on Imbolc, the day I celebrate the returning light. 

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Ace of Swords reversed/Two of Cups. The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) in an upright position tells of the potential within the day to effectively use mental or intellectual abilities. My Ace is reversed today, and considering my focus and the direction of my efforts these days, I am seeing this as a message that for today, I should not see every event as a lesson to be analyzed and absorbed.  While these processes might cause a bit of isolation, I am learning that isolation is the first step toward understanding myself.  Now **that** idea is a challenge that offers opportunity for growth! The Two of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, family and home oriented, tenacious, moody) tells of about love and connections, usually having to do with feelings, relationships and commonalities.  This card is validating my reversed Ace of Swords with some strength.  My Two is telling me that the isolation that is necessary for understanding and learning from life’s challenges is not for me today; instead, I should be focusing on my connections to others, particularly those I love.  After all, love is the answer to the question. 

My Thoth card is the Nine of Disks.  “Gain” is the keyword for this one, usually gain in the material world. The Nine of Disks (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) tells of accomplishment or gain through the imposition of discipline.  This type of effort usually works well when tried-and-true methods are the best option, and it tells me that if I keep my nose to the grindstone, I may experience the satisfaction of enjoying pleasant results attained by my own hard work.

My Legacy card is the King of Swords reversed, flavored by The Lovers reversed.  The King of Swords (cusp of Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, cautious, cunning, authoritative, and Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, aloof) in an upright position is a good judge of people and situations.  He uses his intellect to analyze, so he may not be compassionate but he is trustworthy.  But my King is reversed, and being flavored by The Lovers, also reversed. The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) tells of duality, union, and personal choices.  Today I am lacking the ability to analyze, so my choices need to be either for the good of all (and with the input of all) or not made today at all.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause that occurs when growth slows and degeneration approaches.  Often, this pause involves a crossroad or choice.

My horoscopes: “Take a break from the routine and get off the beaten path, Sagittarius. This is a day to forge ahead with ideas and dreams rather than commitments and answers. Question things and debate the facts. Have fun whatever you do. This is the perfect day to go out and fly kites with your friends. All group activities are strongly favored. You can't go wrong chatting about the latest events in your life.”

And: “Today your physical energy, along with your enthusiasm, is very high, so you're definitely up for any task at hand. Your mind is also sharp and capable of accomplishing feats of ingenuity you would never have thought of before. The only downside: You could get carried away and work your way into exhaustion. Remember to pace yourself!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Five of Wands.  I love the energies of this card!  Yes, they are a bit uncomfortable, but I like to see them as a “scouring” of my creative abilities so those abilities can be more clearly perceived.  These are good energies for sneaking in under the radar; as everyone else is scrambling to adapt, I can quietly slip through.

I did an incredibly powerful meditation today that is part of my 3^rd Degree Lesson.  I wrote the meditation based on a snippet that was given to me last week.

I will be honest, I’ve done quite a bit of Shadow Work over the past five years or so, and I did not expect a lot to happen once I performed the ritual.  Big surprise!  I am still blown away by what happened during the meditation!  I received two very unexpected surprises, both clarifying events or entities that came to me years ago.  And I finally understood the most important part of Shadow Work.

Once I submit the homework, I will post a description of the meditation, but this is only part of the lesson work, so it will be a while yet.  But the interesting thing is that since the meditation, I am experiencing a turmoil of energies.  These are all minor irritations, but it is almost like something big and heavy has been dropped into still waters; everything has been churned up.

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Transparent Oracle Sunday!

1, Gateway: Spring (East).  East is the direction of the rising sun, and thus of new beginnings and fresh ideas, as well as knowledge, intellectual ideas and thoughts.  The Gateway of Spring brings us fresh new beginnings and the first blossoming of creativity.  There is an innocence about the energies of this Gateway, and an optimism, and perhaps these lovely energies will bring new insights, as well as new creativity.

62, Dream (Within).  Within is the direction of the Self, and thus the cards associated with this direction deal with the ways our Self connects to the world and perceives the world, and the Self.  This direction is mostly abstract, and yet is our bridge to the Universe around us.  Dream is the language of the unconscious mind; our unconscious mind is constantly absorbing and interpreting information, and since Dream has no physical world limits, it can interpret that information without being bound by any limits. Thus we can see the past and the future, and talk to those who are not now (or maybe never were) of the physical world.

55, Guide: Mermaid (Below).  Ascension and escape from the physical world seem to be our tasks for this life; however, in order to ascend, we need to first understand this word we are attempting to grow out of.  The cards of Below assist us in that endeavor.  Mermaid tells us of many non-physically manifested concepts: feelings, emotions, love, compassion, and healing.  Like Water, none of these can be held in place by our hands, and yet all are important ingredients within a balanced and harmonious and satisfying life.  Learning to access these ingredients and use them for our benefit without “over-spicing” the recipe takes focus and Will, and loss of control can bring obsession and destruction, but it is well worth the risk.

Wow, another powerful mandala.  The faces from Dream and Mermaid overlap, and all these beautiful strands of colors come out of their crown chakras.  Dream’s eyes are closed, but Mermaid’s open eyes are on top of the closed eyes of Dream.  And the wreath of Spring connects them all, at eye level.  This new beginning might be connected to “seeing,” but I have a feeling I won’t be using my eyes.  Knowing who we are and where we are going involves knowing who we were and where we were, and my Path leads me now inward, to the dark places.  The Journey may not be all pleasant, it will not always be easy for me to see where I really am, and I won’t be in control of the Vehicle, but in the end I will know myself.  I choose to know myself. 

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The Hermit/Five of Swords. Today I will be like the Scarecrow of the Wizard of Oz: a deep thought thinker. Unfortunately, I may not have the time without distractions that I need in order to think deep thoughts, and I need to be sure to *not* react with arrogance when the distractions crop up. Just because I feel the need to spend time looking within does not mean that I will get that time, and I may end up dealing with some difficult situations that cannot wait for another day.

My Thoth card is the Five of Swords. Uh oh. Another double. Crowley calls this card “Defeat” and he sees it as indicating that harmony has been upset by motion, and balance is not available right now.

My Legacy card is the Two of Swords. Oy. The only good thing is that Marchetti sees this card as a smaller version of the Four of Swords, and as indicating two opposing views that are, at least for now, equally presented. This card warns us that impartiality is the word of the day, and we need to keep our perspective in order to remain impartial.

Again this weekend I have been thinking about what I have worked on over the past months, what I have accomplished, and what is still before me, waiting to be addressed. One of my fellow Sacred Mists students wrote a poem that really addresses what I am feeling, and describes the failures and successes that are a part of life.

I tilled the fields of my spirit this year.
I planted the seeds
Some grew . . . some did not
I wept tears over the losses
But laughed happily for the rest.
Now the harvest is here and I reap the benefits
Soon it will be time to rest and Plan
Prepare the fields and begin again . . . .
Blessed Be!

by Washastarfire


This past weekend was the first of the season's Sunday night drives home from Cape May. Now it really feels like Fall! Mimi and Jim were down, and we had a great and relaxing weekend. We even spent some time inside the Southern Mansion!

In the past few years, Summer and its outer energies and focuses have stretched well into the Fall, but this year is different. This year, the harvesting has been just about completed and even though there are weeks until Samhain, my energy seems to be devoted more and more to my inner needs. I wish I could take a day each week and spend the day thinking about the hows and whys of the workings of the Universe and of the lessons that are being presented to me by Deity and my Guides. There are so many things that I want to focus on with more depth! Tarot is always up there on my list, and there are several related disciplines that I have already begun to explore, such as astrology, and the Hebrew alphabet and its correspondences to the Majors.

Mystery and I threw our next spread for our shadow work. This one is going to be a tough one for me, but in a way I am glad that I am feeling challenged by this work; after all, if this was too easy, we would not be accomplishing anything. I am feeling the need to list the cards that we have thrown so far, both from our Star of Discovery, and from the three Stars of Recovery that we have thrown so far, so that I can look for patterns.

I want to spend about a week straight going through my house and getting rid of “stuff.” How the heck did I accumulate so much? Unfortunately, I only have a night every so often to do this; at this rate, it will take years to make a visible dent.

LOL, I just don’t have time for a day job. Seriously though, I have been trying not to look at the big picture, and instead when I have a block of a few hours free, I assign them to one of those tasks. And more free time will be coming soon, as I will only be responsible for all of the First Degree homeworks for only a week or so more.

I have noticed that we are going through an interesting series of stumbling blocks on the Forums at Sacred Mists. Many students are learning the hard way of the power of the written word. There have been several “textbook” issues, and interestingly enough, they are not just happening at Sacred Mists, for I am seeing articles regarding these issues posted on the web on a regular basis.

It is sooooo important to remember that while the written word should be interpreted in a sterile and literal manner (for there is no body language or voice inflection to aid in interpretation), often emotions and intentions are layered onto those words by the reader. The unfortunate thing about this is that often, the writer does not have these emotions in mind as he or she writes his words, and the reader does not realize that he or she is imposing his or her own beliefs and feelings onto words that are actually not presented with this subtle message attached to them at all. The end result is that feelings are being hurt on both sides of all this.

I had written an essay a few years back regarding the Witches Pyramid. I have been drawn to add to that essay in response to these increasingly often occurrences, as follows:

When the four powers or pillars are gathered together, they form a stable base which allows the fifth sacred power (the top of the pyramid), To Go, the Latin, Ire, which corresponds with Spirit, to manifest.

To Go (Spirit): I am promising to master the four powers with the intention of using them in a positive way to benefit myself and to benefit others. I am promising to evolve, to progress through my life with and through these tools or powers.

I believe that within our online community, we have an additional level to the application of To Go, or Spirit. We communicate through the written word, without body language or voice inflection. Thus, not only do we need to promise to master the four powers with the intention of using them in a positive way, but we also need to have a care regarding how we interpret the written word presented by others. We often automatically infuse that written word with the assumption of meaning and with what emotions we feel are attached, and often those meanings are our own and not the meanings of the originator of the words. And so, I am also promising to master the ability of offering others the benefit of the doubt as I read the words of others, and assuming, until proven otherwise by actions, that the intent behind the words is the literal meaning of the words, and not some assumed hidden meaning, whether that meaning is positive or negative.

Today I will be pondering this, and reaching out to those who seem to be experiencing difficulties regarding the written word. I hope that my writings will not be misinterpreted, for they are presented in perfect love and perfect trust.

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Nine of Swords/The Magician. The wee hours of the night hold anxiety, regret and worries, and these emotions may crop up during the day. I need to remember that in most cases the worries that plague me are either exaggerated in my own mind or are about things that I cannot change, and worry is a waste of energy. Rather I should affirm that through the imposition of my Will, I can change my reaction to these worrisome events, for no matter what challenge is before me, I do have control over how I react to it.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Swords reversed. Interesting. Upright, this card tells of Cruelty and the agony of the mind. It is the intellect run amok. Because the card is reversed, it cancels out the Nine of Swords thrown with my Welsh deck, and tells me that while there may be some agony, the final conclusion will not be despair.

My Legacy card is The Moon reversed. Flux and reflux; civilized control and wild, primordial urges. This card has them all, and usually these opposites are presented in a way that prevents us from knowing which extreme we are actually dealing with. The Moon also represents intuition and imagination, which can solve a problem or lead us astray. Because the card is reversed, I need to be careful that I am seeing clearly and not being distracted by smoke and mirrors.

Shadow Work is becoming pretty intense. Both Mystery and I are going forth boldly only to pull back and pause in order to look both ways, before stepping forward once again. I feel as if our Shadow Work is amazingly effective. I have done this kind of work before, and was thrilled with the results for I ended up identifying the source of some “hot buttons” in my life. This round is more frightening because I feel that I have not reached a crossroad, but rather that I have already passed the point of choosing or pulling back.

One part of our working is particularly significant to me right now, and it is regarding the interpretation of The Empress within the Shadow Working. Here is Mystery’s interpretation and mine.

Mystery: You need to take the extra time you need to nurture yourself and make sure you have not forgotten anything when leaving this card behind that has served you so well. Not that you can't return to your Empress self, but its like once you leave home going back is never the same, so make sure your nurturing instincts are powerful, and your relationship is creating harmony. This mother figure has been an important influence in your life, but she has taught you all she can especially to be aware of your instinctive nature as well as being rational. You are leaving this earth mother to become a spiritual mother. (I am truly sorry this remains a secret.)

Me: I think I do understand that once I have released The Empress, she will be gone and in some ways, closed to me. Yes, I will always have a special connection to her, but surrendering this connection is like death, like shutting a door, locking it and throwing away the key. I am not sorry that this remains a secret, for thanks in part to the sensual connections that I learned from The Empress, I will be able to prove my evolution through my actions, without the need to say the words or to proclaim my title to the world.

Something has happened here, and I can’t go back. Not that I would want to, by any means. I want to go forward, to evolve. I think what is bothering me (although “bother” is too extreme a word) is that I missed the moment so to speak. But it is over and done with, and I need to focus on today and tomorrow, not yesterday.

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Nine of Swords reversed/Page of Cups reversed. Okay, I may not be worried, but I am also not yet allowing my Younger Self out to play. I need to remember that blocking the tendency to brood too effectively could very well shut down all feelings, not just the destructive ones.

My Thoth card is the Prince of Swords. Again. Here is what SuperTarot says about the Prince and Princess of Swords from Crowley’s Thoth Tarot:

“The character of the Princess is stern and revengeful. Her logic is destructive. She is firm and aggressive, with great practical wisdom and subtlety in material things. She shows great cleverness and dexterity in the management of practical affairs, especially where they are of a controversial nature. She is very adroit in the settlement of controversies. If ill-dignified, all these qualities are dispersed; she becomes incoherent, and all her gifts tend to combine to form a species of low cunning whose object is unworthy of the means. The Princess of Swords is a young, very perceptive person.” (The image on the card appears more defensive to me.)

“A person symbolized by this Prince is purely intellectual. He is full of ideas and designs which tumble over each other. He is a mass of fine ideals unrelated to practical effort. He has all the apparatus of Thought in the highest degree, intensely clever, admirably rational, but unstable of purpose, and in reality indifferent even to his own ideas, as knowing that any one of them is just as good as any other. He reduces everything to unreality by removing its substance and transmuting it to an ideal world of ratiocination which is purely formal and out of relation to any facts, even those upon which it is based. A military man.” (The image on the card appears more aggressive to me.)

It sounds as if I am using my brain way too much and not allowing my emotions or my instincts to even have the slightest input. I need to allow myself to choose one concept to focus on, rather than trying to keep all the balls in the air at once. Things have been so busy these past weeks, and I am feeling more and more that I need to bring everything current. LOL, if only I had the time. Maybe that Prince with his intense focuses is not allowing me to see that I won’t drop all the balls if I allow myself to let one slide away.

My Legacy card is the Two of Cups reversed. Again. Marchetti sees this card as representing romance and recognition, in that the success of any relationship depends in part on how we see ourselves reflected in our lover’s eyes. Perhaps I am not comfortable with the image I am seeing reflected there.

More Shadow Work last night, after I downloaded Snow Leopard. I wonder if all the hidden upheavals hinted by my repetitive cards of late have to do with the deep probing of my psyche that is happening within my Shadow Work. Despite the fact that I have strong lines of communication with my Younger Self, and despite the fact that I have worked with my shadow self and uncovered some hurts that have affected and controlled me through the years, I get the feeling that she is hiding something from me, some deep dark fear or hurt. I also get the feeling that my Younger Self is uneasy because the cards in my Shadow Work spreads are circling ever closer to whatever she is hiding.

The cards that have shown up repeatedly in the past few days are: Two of Cups, Three of Cups, Princess (Page) and Prince (Knight) of Swords; plus I have thrown the Nine of Cups, Nine of Wands and Nine of Swords, and one other Princess, of Cups, with all Court Cards being of the Thoth deck. Seeing the cards as only keywords we get “recognizing love in a mate,” “the power of the group,” “logic and perception,” “purely intellectual,” “satisfaction,” “being ‘aware,’” and “inner or self-caused anguish.” That extra Princess of Cups would be “pure generosity with no strings attached.” I am not including reversals until the next paragraph because I think it is more important, at least while first looking, that I understand the general meanings of the cards, without imposing into the mix the positive or negative effects of their presence or absence. To me, the general theme here is perceived safety, if we assume that being loved and accepted without strings equals safety.

Okay, now for reversals and upright cards. The Two of Cups and the Princess of Swords are reversed each time they appear, as is the other Thoth Princess, of the suit of Cups. The Three of Cups is upright each time it appears, and on one day this card appeared in two different decks. All of the Nines are upright as well. Only the Prince of Swords has been both upright and reversed.

Looks like having the support and caring of the group is something that is important to me right now. While I may not like the way loved ones appear to see me, I am not very effective right now at using logic to define or defend my perceptions of myself, and my intellect seems to be experiencing on-again off-again extremes. This means that what I think someone feels about me may not be what they are actually feeling. One thing is for certain, with three Nines showing up, something is building, and a climax of some sort is approaching.

Add this to the results of my Shadow Work thus far, which tell me that even though I have walked the walk and talked the talk, and even though I have done exhaustive research, I still don’t trust myself to take a stand. I am still afraid of the judgment of others, and I am afraid that all my work will be toppled down with ease and thus shown to be inadequate.

Methinks my Shadow Work is working!!

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Two of Wands reversed/The High Priestess reversed. The Two of Wands tells of the presence of the initial vision that shows the application of Will in order to manifest goals. This Two is the Minor Arcana equivalent of The Magician, and The High Priestess in the reversed position also points toward the outer application of Will in order to manifest goals that is the forte of The Magician. His energies will work best for me today only if I balance them with the inner focus of the High Priestess as indicated by the reversed Two of Wands.

My Thoth card for today is the Three of Swords reversed. I do not like this card; this is the only card in the entire Tarot deck that is not fun in either an upright or reversed position. Crowley calls this card “Sorrow,” and thankfully it does not turn up much in my daily throws. Unlike most interpretations of this card, Crowley sees the sorrow as not being caused by the actions of individuals, but rather as the universal sorrow, the catalyst for melancholy. Perhaps today I will be able to see past any melancholy to the new dawn that will surely follow.

Yesterday was a busy day for me; for this week I will be responding to all of the First Degree homework submissions rather than half because my fellow homework grader lost her computer. I managed to catch up to yesterday’s submissions, which meant responding to about 15 homeworks. That pretty much brings me current, which is a good thing because the next few days are going to be quite busy for me. Tonight I am giving a member of the Pagan Brain Trust her Reiki II attunement, and tomorrow night begins Labor Day Weekend, which is traditionally spent with our fellow Olde Pussy Club members. LOL, don’t ask. I will need to spend a little time over the weekend responding to homeworks in order to prevent an overflowing inbox, but I think I can do that.

I have finally detoxed my body from the sugar binge of last weekend. Interestingly enough, my mind is clear and my ability to focus has returned; I found it very easy this morning, during my customary meditation, to bring my awareness out of my physical body, into my etheric body and then into my mental/emotional body and to hold it there. Sugar is bad, I know. Bad Raushanna. In hindsight, nothing that I ate in the attempt to satisfy my sugar cravings seemed to work. Maybe I am changing the chemical content of my physical body by staying away from sugar for long periods of time? LOL, is that good or bad? It would be good only if the cravings go away, too.

I performed my Shadow Work Ritual for the second time last night in order to throw Spread 2, version 1. This time there will be six spreads thrown before I move on to a new concept. As part of my Ritual, I cast a circle and invoke the Dark Goddess and Dark God using the Aces as quarter representations and the Queen and King of Swords as the Deity representations. Boy, this Legacy Tarot is incredible!! The cards really lend themselves well to this kind of working, and I am learning so much about my shadow already.

As promised, the cards I drew for Spread 1 are: Card 1, Denial: The Fool reversed; Card 2, Anxiety: Wheel of Fortune reversed; Card 3, Inferiority: The Magician; Card 4, Anger: The Moon; Card 5, Secrecy: The Sun; Card 6, Self-loathing: The Lovers reversed. It should be noted that in Tarot Shadow Work, only Major Arcana cards are used, and reversed cards are usually seen as a flag indicating the presence of important information. After interpreting the cards in Spread 1, I felt that this Shadow Working would be about trusting myself, how my lack of trust in myself negatively impacts my life, and hopefully I will also be finding out what lays behind this lack of trust. Wish me luck; I’ll need it.

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