The Hierophant/Nine of Swords. The Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity). The Hierophant is the nail that holds in place tradition and culture, the keeper and teacher of arcane secrets. This card tells me that the answers I am looking for may be found within the old ways and the ancient traditions. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, the kind that takes place in the wee hours of the morning. Together, they are reminding me of two things. First, worrying is a useless pastime. Answers can be found within the traditions and teachings left by others who have struggled, so I need to look for those answers. Second, I need to be a bit cautious that I don’t allow worry to siderail any efforts I put forth to understand my life. The Hierophant can tend to be a bit fundamentalist, and often extreme behavior can be sourced to fear of the unknown. I can’t allow any worry I have to be a catalyst for such negative end results. I do not need to worry or fear; I need to learn and to rely on tradition. At least for today.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks reversed. “Failure” reversed. The Seven of Disks (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells of a heavy pause that just might be hard to counteract, due to the Earthiness of both the number 7 and the suit of Disks. Most Tarot decks see this care as offering a bit more optimistic possibility, but Crowley sees the pause indicated in this card as presenting inertia that is difficult to overcome. Thankfully, the card is reversed, so if any stagnation appears, I should be able to wash it away pretty quickly.

My Legacy card is The Hanging Man reversed, flavored by the King of Wands. The Hanging Man corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and emotional, sensitive and imaginative energy that tends to move deep, and attempts to take the same path as in the past), Neptune (inspiration, spirituality, magick, enchantment, dreams, altered states), and the Hebrew letter Mem (water, stability and balance, the reflective quality of thought). He is reversed, so I am being told that I should not fear action today. The King of Wands (cusp of Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, moody, and Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic egotistical) has a Fiery nature, particularly if you see the rank of King as corresponding with the element of Fire. This King is not good at creating; his forte is transforming his world to match his vision. In his job as an influence for The Hanging Man reversed, he is most certainly telling me that today is not the day to look inward. I need a bit of reality perhaps, and clear vision, in order to make it through the day. Focus!!

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.

My horoscopes: “This is a pleasant day, Sagittarius. Indeed, the celestial aspects are predicting that it will be rather radiant, though likely less intense than the past week or so. You probably had some new perspectives to set up in your professional life, and now you will have to get to work setting goals! You were waiting for just this moment? Perfect!”

And: “After months or even years of going back and forth in a relationship, you will reach a major turning point and a revelation. Sometimes things come to an abrupt ending, while other times they just slowly fade away. Certain truths are starting to become too obvious to ignore -- so you will have to stop ignoring them. Until you see things as they truly are, you can't move forward and give your full attention to someone who is much more deserving of your time.”

And: “Today might be somewhat of a difficult day for you, Nancy. Instinctively you will want to escape the situation and explore your freedom but somehow something is holding you down. Take care of the stack of bills on your desk and deal with the mess in your bedroom. Clearing the physical space around you will help to clear the mental space in your head. You will be footloose and fancy free soon enough.”

My Sun reading: “A Mercury/Saturn trine makes it a good day to troubleshoot potential problems. You get lots done, with a little Jupiter luck thrown in for good measure. New scenes tonight represent advantageous changes. Inspire old friends to go with you, because the more new friends, the merrier.”

I feel as if I survived a major storm, battered and tired, and yet finally seeing the skies beginning to clear. I am grounding myself, drinking lots of water, trying to be as aware as possible, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually aware, all in preparation for my Vedic Thai-Yoga Bodywork Workshop this weekend. I have been watching what I eat, and a new series of belly dance classes start tonight, so I have been exercising. I am certain that the hard work of this class will clear out my energy field, once and for all.

And so, I will complete my work with the 19th Path by talking a little bit about the Tarot Major that corresponds to this Path. Strength. Yep, now this makes perfect sense to me. The traditional meaning for the Strength card (Fire, hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic energy; Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical; Teth, sieve or basket, digestion; and the Path between Geburah, the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed, and Chesed, the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured) is the presence of the ability to tame our primitive and wild emotions. The thing is, we can’t tame ‘em until we’ve met and understood ‘em. The Strength card can also be seen to represent magickal power and sexual power, both of which require internal “strength.”

The lessons of this card teach me to take heart despite setbacks, to deal with frustration in a calm manner, to temper force with benevolence, to be able to effectively wield the power of patience, and to be understanding, tolerant and accepting of others. This card always reminds me of the personal shields worn by the heroes and warriors of the book (and the movie) called Dune. Those shields repel a fast and powerful strike, but there is a way around those shields: by moving slowly and evenly, with deliberation and focus, an attacker can make it through that shield.

Look at the traditional image of this Major, and the meaning is easy to see. No matter how strong “the beast within” is, I am the only person who can really control that beast. Control is not achieved through brute force and it is not achieved overnight. How fitting that I am learning this, learning through personal experience rather than through reading the words of others, as I finish working with the Paths that explore the qualities of higher spirituality. I have been well prepared to move onward and I am ready to consider the methods for crossing the Abyss. But I truly don’t think that this cycle through the Tree will be my last.

Thus ends my considerations of the 19th Path. For now.

$

Knight of Swords reversed/Ace of Swords. The Knight of Swords (the cusp of Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, intelligent) is not afraid of taking action, not afraid of wading into conflicts, and not afraid to implement new ideas.  Emotions and compassion are absolutely not a part of his M.O., and for the good or the bad, he believes in himself completely. However, he is reversed today, so self-doubt may be an issue for me.  The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) can be seen as the birthplace of ideas and concepts, and of challenges which offer the opportunity for growth, and also the beginning of the development of a sense of identity.  The element of Air, which corresponds with the suit of Swords, does not have self-generated impulses, but it can easily have an effect when influenced by the other elements.  This might be particularly an issue today, since the very self-generated Knight is reversed.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Wands reversed. “Valor” The Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish) has a personal significance for me, given to me by Archangel Uriel.  I see this card as representing the approach of a Threshold, and the need to pass the tests of the Guardian.  Crowley sees this card in an upright position as indicating that the time has come for individual valor, as the army is in disarray.  The card is reversed, however, so I need to hold myself back from individual acts of bravery until a more auspicious time.

My Legacy card is the King of Cups flavored by the Page of Cups reversed. The King of Cups (cusp of Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, and Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling mysterious, obsessive) is the expert on emotions and the subconscious, mainly because of his life experiences.  He is good at listening to others, good at tending others, but is sometimes not so good at being in touch with his own feelings. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering), and corresponds to my connections to others and to my own inner self.  Unlike the King of Cups, this Page is in touch with his own feelings, but he is reversed, and so he may be validating the King’s inability to effectively hear his own inner voice. 

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.

My horoscopes: “You seem frustrated today, Sagittarius! There's only one person who could possibly arouse your anger to such a degree, and that's you. Today's aspect is favorable for crises of conscience that result in a change of attitude. You're likely to remember to choose your words more carefully from now on.”

And: “Your finances are becoming a bigger issue in your life right now, and conservation should be a high priority starting now. There's no need to drastically change your lifestyle, but a few nips and tucks here and there might be a good idea. Go for the tall coffee, not the grande; brown bag it for lunch for one week; and consider that public transportation may not be so bad after all. Tiny changes will give you new experiences while they help your wallet, so check them out!”

And: “Today may be a tough one for you. It might seem like nothing is fitting into place. Could it be that you are trying to be someone that you are not? If things don't seem to be working out, don't press the issue. You are better off waiting for a time in which you feel more confident about who you are and where you are going. Meanwhile, pour yourself a cup of tea and relax. Releasing stress can clear up a great deal of energy for use in other things.”

My Sun reading: “Mercury and Pluto fuel powerful communications. Add the lunar touch, and you're very persuasive because you speak from your heart and soul. You sing love songs in harmony and peace tonight. If you're single, flattery gets you anywhere under a Leo Moon.”

This morning, my unease has morphed into melancholy.  I am in Cape May alone, which is a good thing; maybe I can figure out what has become disconnected in my energy body. 

I allowed myself to sleep in today, after a busy day yesterday.  I drove to Easton, Pennsylvania for the bridal shower of the fiancé of my godson, Justin.  After spending a lovely afternoon with family, I drove to Cape May.  During that drive, I carefully and completely opened and cleaned and balanced my chakras, and then applied Reiki to them; I’m hoping that more intense chakra work will help me to deal with whatever is up with my energy body.

I walked to the Cove and back, once again probing myself, trying to find exactly where the sore spot was within me.  To my surprise, my Younger Self immediately began a hissy fit. 

She was reacting to a discussion that I had last weekend, one of those intense discussions about heavy duty life stuff that can either make you feel real good (when you are able to connect with someone else and resonate together) or real bad (when, even though you both are saying the same things, it feels like you are arguing).  This was one of the latter discussions, and at the time I shrugged it off, but apparently I am still being bothered by the disconnect. 

My Younger Self’s hissy fit was basically happening because she felt the tone of the discussion was totally **not** acknowledging my own level of expertise.  She kept stamping her feet and shouting, “[The other person in this discussion] is **not** the only person with training.  I have training, too!!!  I’ve worked damned hard for over eight years to get where I am now.  I am Somebody, too!!!”

**sigh**  Here I am, working on the 19th Path of the Tree of Life and finally feeling able to call myself an Adept, and I am experiencing a crisis of self-worth.  Go figure.  I thought I was done with this kind of comparison, but apparently not.  I hugged my Younger Self tight, and began to calmly and softly talk to her.  I told her that first of all, not everyone in this world is going to acknowledge the validity of my training.  Second of all, the deeper she and I get into this training, the less we are going to be able to get validation for what we are learning. The lessons are just way too experiential. Third, and most important (and most true!), I told my Younger Self that there is absolutely no way that I would be able to do the work I am doing without her, so no matter whether or not others are impressed with our level of expertise, I am impressed with her level of expertise.  I cannot do what I am doing without her; I would not have been able to get where I am right now without her.  She is the most important part of me for this kind of work, because she is the reason I can do it at all.  I can’t make this Journey unless she is walking beside me, holding my hand.

I think I made her feel better; and typing this entry is helping even more.  The perception others have of my level of expertise matters, don’t get me wrong, but if others can’t see the progress and growth that has happened for me and that continues to happen for me, that does not mean that progress and growth does not exist.  And some words from a post on the Alchemy Journal really resonate for me today: “We perceive fear as a lack of or absence of courage but courage is not the absence of fear, it is a decision to not be held back by fear. Finding the strength and courage to change your thinking or your situation is one issue, finding the strength and courage to maintain the changes is another.”  I think my task today is more about maintaining.

A water cleanse may be in order.  I will be drinking lots of water today, flooding my system and hopefully washing away any toxins or detritus. Tomorrow is another day, and oh boy, am I dealing with Geburah today!

$

The Empress reversed/The Hierophant.  The Empress corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity).  She represents creativity, fertility, the physical body and its senses, and the material world and the workings of Nature; because this card is reversed, I need to have a care that I am not overprotective of my creations.  The Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity).  The Hierophant is the nail that holds in place tradition and culture, the keeper and teacher of arcane secrets.  This card tells us that the old ways and the ancient traditions speak to the moment; an understanding of these ways is worth attaining for they are all part and parcel of alchemical transformation.   It seems that at least for today, knowledge is more important than the messages of my senses.

My Thoth card is The Sun reversed.  The Sun in an upright position corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), our Sun (the inner core of a person or situation), Resh (the face; reason), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest in the physical world) and Hod (provides analysis and communication) and tells of a period of time when I am aware of my accomplishments and am able to take a moment away from hard work to enjoy what I have.  Because the card is reversed, I may be tempted to feel a bit pessimistic about important events today; however, I need to remember that I attract to me what I think and feel.  The energies of The Sun may be temporary, but so, too, are the energies of The Sun reversed.  The rain storm will soon be over, and then everything will be fresh and new and re-energized. 

My Legacy card is Justice reversed, flavored by the Page of Swords.  Justice is a card of adjustment, and it corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick, animated energy that usually brings problems or challenges that bring growth), Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Lamed (ox goad; training or teaching), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Geburah (the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed). This card is about cause and effect, and about making adjustments in order to achieve balance.  Because the card is reversed, balance is not a major influencer today.  The Page of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning, Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, society, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality) brings the message of the Ace of Swords (the potential for challenges which can be solved through the use of the intellect and which can offer opportunities for growth) to the day. He always asks “why?” and he can be a bit suspicious.  Because he is flavoring the Justice reversed card, perhaps there is reason to be suspicious.  In fact, all of my cards taken together tell of some imbalance.  The two upright cards, the Page of Swords and The Hierophant, are telling me that knowledge is the key to correcting the imbalance shown by the three reversed Major Arcana cards.

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to 2, the number of balance and polarity. 

My horoscopes: “The day may give you great insight into the decisions you face concerning your future. Now is the time to decide on your priorities. Do you want a career right away or would you prefer to continue your studies? Are you satisfied with your love life and family relationships? It's possible that a major upheaval in one of these realms will affect all the others. It will be interesting!”

And: “You are at an important intersection in life, and the light in front of you has been red for a very long time. It's understandable if you're getting antsy to get going, but before you do anything rash, take a long look at your surroundings. Things are going on around you that will easily explain the delay -- and help your patience grow. It's not time to move ahead right now in any type of relationship -- legal, professional, romantic or otherwise.”

And: “These days may have you feeling a bit too tired to do anything more, although your optimism and enthusiasm are still intact. Don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself dragging a little toward the end of the day. You'll be able to recharge your batteries before tomorrow. In the evening: Relax at home with a good book.

My Sun reading: “You proceed more by feel than sight, and emotions are right out there under the Cancer Moon. Tonight expect prophetic dreams when Mercury aspects retrograde Neptune. The advice (when you have the opportunity to intuitively anticipate) is don't bother about past history. Think about the future instead.”

I have been feeling kind of off kilter the past few days.  There is nothing physically wrong with me as far as I can tell, and I really don’t have any physical symptoms.  The serenity that I have been feeling for some time is being eroded or polluted by something, and I don’t know what it is.  I just can’t put my finger on what is making me feel uneasy, but nevertheless, the feeling is there.  I keep looking behind me, expecting a shoe to fall on my head.

The Pagan Brain Trust had its usual New Moon Reiki Share last night, and sharing Reiki with the group helped lessen this unease temporarily.  I really do enjoy these Shares because as long as our members are spread around the globe, we have difficulty getting everyone under one physical world roof.  Sharing on the internet is really the only time right now that we are all in the same “room,” speaking live. 

Before the Reiki Share, I consecrated my Book of Shadows.  I performed the consecration as a part of my personal New Moon Esbat; I called upon all four Archangels, all four Watchers, all four of my Elemental Guides, and called upon the correspondences of the cardinal directions.  I dedicated my BOS to each of the Deities I work with, and inscribed my BOS with oil and with sigils.  All within a cast circle.  This ritual was quite powerful, and I am very pleased with the results.  I am ready to start using my BOS.

But this morning, the unease is back.

I took a bit of time earlier to balance my chakras and recharge my shield.  I don’t really think this is some kind of psychic attack; after researching banishing magick as I rewrote the Sacred Mists Second Degree Lesson covering that topic, I have come to realize that most of the time these kinds of feelings are not a result of a premeditated attack.  However, there are many “accidental” events out there, and while the chance is remote that I’ve picked up something nasty in my energy field, it certainly does not hurt to be careful. 

Could this have something to do with the 19^th Path?  I don’t know.  In my entry on May 29^th, I describe this Path as follows: “This is one of the Paths that crosses the Tree, that connects Geburah, the center of the Pillar of Form/Restriction, to Chesed, the center of the Pillar of Force/Expansion; this Path connects severity with mercy and punishment with forgiveness, and as the energy of the Path flows in two directions, it suggests a balance between two equal yet different forces.”  There are lots of “centers” in this description.  The Path itself is horizontal, rather than the usual vertical slants of the other Paths, and the energy flows in both directions between the two sephiroth.  The two sephiroth that create the path are each on the center of their respective Pillar. 

Chesed is considered the “residence” of the Ascended Masters, and it is about expansion and growth, but that expansion and growth is very stabilized.  Chesed is a pretty nice sphere, despite the fact that it is in the middle of the Pillar of Force/Expansion.  It contains all of the Fours of the Tarot Minor Arcana, and they are also pretty stable cards.  Adding the stability of the number Four to the suit of Pentacles brings a desire to preserve and defend our physical environment; adding Four to the suit of Wands usually brings planned or anticipated celebrations; adding Four to the suit of Swords brings a time of truce (usually a mutual truce between and among equal powers); adding Four to the suit of Cups brings a different kind of stability, the stability that happens when we allow certain emotions to control us to the point of becoming disengaged from the outside world.

Geburah, on the other hand, is not pleasant at all.  Geburah is about courage, and as I am fond of saying, I can’t know if I really have courage unless I experience true fear.  Geburah is in the center of the Pillar of Form/Restriction, and it takes a lot of power to be able to impose form onto any force.  That power cannot truly be wielded effectively unless strength is first built.  That strength happens through being challenged.  Geburah contains the Fives of the Tarot Minor Arcana, and the Fives are not fun, either.  They represent motion imposed onto stability, usually an imposition that we fight at first (which can bring even stronger motion).  Adding the motion of the number Five to the suit of Pentacles brings sudden hardship to our physical world; adding Five to the suit of Wands brings a time of being at cross-purpose; adding Five to the suit of Swords brings active self-interest; adding the Five to the suit of Cups brings a focus on what has been broken rather than on what still remains intact.  The Fives of the Minors offer a silver lining, and at this point in my training, the prospect of being presented with tests and challenges does not create a knot in my stomach. 

Except for one Five, the Five of Wands; no silver lining visible after a quick glance.  Granted, the conflicts or setbacks presented by the Five of Wands are not earth-shattering, but they can be annoyingly debilitating.  Maybe I should see this card as representing a product testing of sorts, or even growing pains.  Okay, I like that concept.  Paul Hughes-Barlow describes the Five of Wands as “really a little more than the reluctance of people to get up from lunch and go back to the job.”  Perhaps this Fiery motion is dispelling some kind of inertia or stagnation.  And perhaps, the Five of Wands represents the opportunity to attempt to take a potentially destructive effect and use it constructively. 

Okay, that could be a variation of not knowing if I really have courage unless I experience true fear.  Isn’t confusion just another form of inertia?  If I am experiencing growing pains, then I must be growing, right? 

Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.  **crosses fingers**

$

Ten of Pentacles/Six of Wands reversed. The Ten of Pentacles (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, communication, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is actually a very heavy card whose energies can weigh you down.  Because it tells of the completion of a cycle of the suit, it also tells of the successful accumulation of Earthly riches and blessings.  The challenge of the Ten of Pentacles is to **do** something with these riches before they become a ball and chain. The Six of Wands (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, noble, authoritative) in an upright position expresses the celebration we feel when we have passed some test.  This is a very powerful card because it represent balanced Fire, and it tells of a victory most likely in the physical world.  These two cards together make me think that maybe I may be feeling some kind of victory in the physical world, but the true test has not yet been presented.  

My Thoth card is the Four of Wands reversed. The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) in an upright position is about building enough to become established, as a beachhead, a pause before continuing, not as a finished product.  Crowley calls this card “Completion,” and while it does not represent a final completion, it does tell me that the realization that rules must be applied to Fire before I can make it work for me is key.  Fire is not about order and rules, and my Four of Wands is reversed, so I had better be careful.

My Legacy card is the Queen of Swords, flavored by the Five of Cups reversed. The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) represents a disciplinarian, and a thinker.  She provides her rulings based on her own experiences, and provides justice with honesty and ethics.  And boy, is she just the card I need today.  Whatever the test is, and however strong the Fire is, this Queen is the one with the experience to deal.  The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) in an upright position tells of the cloudy sludge that is stirred up when still waters are disturbed.  Because it is reversed, and paired with the Queen of Swords, I just may find that for today, my perception is clear and accurate.  **crosses fingers**

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces to 2, the number of balance and polarity.

My horoscope: “This is a great day for you, Sagittarius. Unexpected reunions are possible, thanks to the lighthearted aura you radiate. You don't need to work very hard to bring everything your way. Your sunny personality attracts the fun and good fortune that you most certainly deserve. People are extremely lucky to be in your glowing presence on a day like this.”

And: “You may wake up feeling like you're under a black cloud this morning, but try not to let your pessimistic side take over every aspect of who you are today. Worry and concern will surround you, but there are a lot of positive -- even happy -- things you can focus on, so keep an eye out for them! Cheerful people will be able to lift your spirits very effectively, so surround yourself with the folks who make you smile -- not the ones who make you question your own abilities.”

And: “The general atmosphere of the day may seem too slow and stodgy for you. Try not to get bogged down in the details. Also, try not to worry too much. You may find that it is difficult to get any enthusiasm out of people today. You might just want to sit back and take it easy. This is a good day to plan and reorganize. Honor your recent achievements and consolidate all that you have worked for.”

My Sun reading: “You're a doer, not a talker this morning, and once started, there's no stopping you. This evening, if you're single, a restless Gemini Moon means lots of roving eyes. Since people are just skimming, the energy is good for potential acquaintances, though it's nice.”

Yesterday was an awesome day.  I spent the entire day in my much-loved Cape May garden, working in the steamy heat, with my flowers.  Despite the temperature in the 90’s, I was able to totally immerse myself in Earthly energies.  I nurtured, I watered, and a soft breeze helped me to deal with the heat of the sun.  When I went to sleep last night, the air was filled with that lovely, salty, mineral scent of the sea. 

Yesterday was a day of celebration for me as well; eight years ago, I joined Sacred Mists.  I never thought that being a part of Sacred Mists would have had such an impact on who I am, and on who I am becoming. 

More on the 19^th Path.  Ted Andrews has this to say about this Path: “The symbols and images of this particular Path release fire-like energies into our lives so that we have no choice but to clear out the dross that has been accumulating.  This Path creates situations to strip away our illusions and the outer faces we present to the world.  Working this Path manifests situations to place us in a position of being only ourselves – the place where we find our one true strength.  This is the Path of fire.” Well.  My cards of today are hinting at some coming fire, or a difficulty in dealing with fiery events.   Looks like the 19^th Path is not going to be as easy as I thought.

Andrews goes on to explain about the two magickal images associated with this path: the lion and the serpent.  The lion represents the inner sun, our courage and our strength of will.  The serpent, with its shedding skin, reflects the transformations which occur with growth, when we outgrow the old and are born into the new.  Oh boy.  The end result will be courage and the ability to depend on myself, but what trials will bring this?

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Five of Pentacles reversed/Justice reversed. The Five of Pentacles (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) traditional image shows a woman and a child, one of them injured in some way, travelling in the cold wind, with a church window behind them.  There is usually snow on the ground and on the trees, or a cold wind blowing, but the window, set in a strongly built wall of stones and mortar, usually appears lit from within.  The upright message of this card is that while things may not be going well in the physical world, there is a wealth of spiritual assistance available, which can be found if I look for it in the right place.  Because the card is reversed, this time of need may be passing away.  Justice is a card of adjustment, and it corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick, animated energy that usually brings problems or challenges that bring growth), Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Lamed (ox goad; training or teaching), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Geburah (the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed). This card is about cause and effect, and about making adjustments in order to achieve balance.  Because the card is reversed, the time of adjustment may also be fading.

My Thoth card is the Three of Cups. The Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive tenacious, nurturing, moody) tells of the possibility of experiencing emotional abundance, emotional connections to others (mainly due to things in common), and emotional support as a part of the day.  It tells of working and accomplishing things through love, and this could be what is replacing the energies of the Five of Pentacles and Justice.  Crowley calls this card “Abundance,” and it does seem to be the theme of the day.

My Legacy card is the Ace of Wands, flavored by the Seven of Wands. The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process, and an encouraging and empowering awareness of my own valuable creative talents. The Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish) has a personal significance for me, given to me by Archangel Uriel.  I see this card as representing the approach of a Threshold, and the need to pass the tests of the Guardian.  Sometimes I am the person giving the test, but sometimes I am receiving a test from another; which will I deal with today?  I like the fact that this card is flavoring the potential of the Ace of Wands!  I am rested and feel ready to accept the opportunity for evolution that is being presented by the Ace.  LOL, I hope I am not biting off more than I can chew here!

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness of experience.

My horoscopes: “You may feel like someone's giving you the third degree, Sagittarius. You sense that you're being accused of something and that you need to defend your feelings and actions. Try not to fall into this trap. Don't let self-doubt sneak into the situation just because someone else questions your way of life. No one but you fully understands your situation.”

And: “An awkward silence can easily evolve into a long period of miscommunications. So if you put your foot in your mouth today, rely on honesty to dig you out of that hole -- be real, 'fess up and all will be forgiven. The worst thing you can do is dance around the truth -- you will only end up looking suspicious. Conversely, if it's you who is on the receiving end of a tacky comment, be generous and try to create an environment where the other person can be real and 'fess up.”

And: “A project, which you're rather excited about, could require some intense work alone today. You might sometimes feel as if the four walls are closing in on you, but you need to concentrate in order to get the best possible results. You'll also need to take occasional breaks in order to clear your head. Nonetheless, at the end of the day you're likely to be quite happy with what you've accomplished. Go to it!”

My Sun reading: “A tactile Taurus Moon shines over a lovely day of good food, nice company, and romantic background music. The more cuddling you do, the better. It's a good time to tell someone how secure he or she makes you feel. If single, the lunar energy brings out the best in people.”

We are having a truly lovely holiday weekend.  We have walked, we have biked, we have spent lots of time on the front porch, talking to friends, neighbors and passers-by. The weather is cooperating nicely; we have sunny, warm days and cool, breezy nights.  Again, I have watched the waning moon, this time up above the Eastern horizon; oh, how I adore the sensation of friction, almost erotic friction, that gazing at the waning moon brings to me. 

Tonight, we are finishing our glorious weekend with a lobster feast.  LOL, talk about sensual pleasures!

The 19^th Path has some very powerful symbolism for me today.  This is one of the Paths that crosses the Tree, that connects Geburah, the center of the Pillar of Form/Restriction, to Chesed, the center of the Pillar of Force/Expansion; this Path connects severity with mercy and punishment with forgiveness, and as the energy of the Path flows in two directions, it suggests a balance between two equal yet different forces. 

We all need firmness in our lives, and discipline.  However, if we are firm without compassion, our lives tend to dry up, and our connections to others begin to erode because firmness without compassion inevitably creates pain.  So, too, is the opposite not desirable.  Only applying compassion creates stagnation and wilt, for there needs to be the form and foundation of firmness to support that compassion.

In “The Witches Tarot,” Ellen Cannon Reed describes this balance of opposites as follows:

“Thereby is strength and severity controlled and balanced by affection and gentleness, and gentleness strengthened and protected by might.  These lessons are learned on this Path.  We go from the Severity of Geburah, stripped of all that is unnecessary, or temporary, to receive the Mercy of Chesed.  We go from the Gentleness we learn in Chesed to gain the Might of Geburah.”

It is this very balance that any Seeker must strive to become aware of, to understand, and to lace within every part and segment of life and of living.  Without this balance of powers, evolution cannot happen.  Chesed may bring us the understanding of Perfect Love and Trust, but Geburah brings the tests and challenges that allow us not only to wield that Perfect Love and Trust, but also to recognize when form is necessary to shape force, for power must be wielded with love in order to remain ethical.

I have been making the attempt to apply the concept of forgiveness lately; thankfully, I don’t have large issues to forgive.  But what I am finding is that choosing to forgive the small irritations presented by others, even if I have never acknowledged those irritations or announced my forgiveness of them, serves as a sort of healing for me.   By forgiving those irritations, I am releasing them so that they don’t remain, they don’t fester.  Yes, I have learned this about large hurts.  And what a difficult lesson that was.  It was only by forgiving (not forgetting, but a forgiveness that allowed me to let go of the hurt) that I was able to not allow past pains to continue forward with me.  This same applies to the smaller irritations as well.

This does not mean that I am allowing myself to be a door mat.  My dearest Curley has spoken of this, too, and she is a perfect example to me of someone who has balanced Might with Mercy.  And in balancing these two powers, I may end up in the background, in a supporting role, but that works perfectly for me. 

So far, I like this Path.

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Three of Wands reversed/Judgement. the Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) in an upright position tells of being successfully established after effort and of being supported by others. It is a card that tells of the establishment of primal energy, not yet manifested, so it is neither good nor evil, just teetering on the precipice. Second day in a row for Judgement. Judgement corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Pluto (power, metamorphosis, cycles of dying and becoming), Shin (fang), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Hod (provides analysis and communication), and it usually tells of a coming change, or maybe a coming resolution of a cycle. This is not the chaotic change of The Tower, but rather a change that can possibly be controlled. Together, these cards are telling me that the energies of yesterday’s Ana! Moment are beginning to settle in, and in the process, to fade in intensity. This is not a bad thing, just the regular process, and the fading does not mean that integration is not happening.

My Thoth card is the Knight of Disks. The Knight/King of Disks (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical manifestation. He is hard working and very good at managing resources and overseeing growth, and he is very good at being patient. There is a heaviness to this card, however, and since Crowley sees the Knights as having experienced all there is to experience within their suits, I just might have a Ten of Pentacles situation on my hands. Perhaps what I am being told is that yesterday was the day for realization and today is the day for manifesting what I realized. I need to take the actions necessary to make things real (and I need to use the skills and belongings that have rightfully come to me throughout my experiences in order to take these actions), for if I just sit back and wait for it to happen, stagnation will begin to infiltrate.

My Legacy card is The Tower (eeek) flavored by the Queen of Cups reversed. The Tower corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and it is a card of divine enlightenment. Yup, it is. Of course, the process for attaining that enlightenment is not gentle, but the end result is always worth the stresses and challenges of the process itself. Another repeat from yesterday’s throw is the Queen of Cups. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) is Water of Water, and thus is quite deeply connected to her feelings and her Inner Voice. This Minor Arcana equivalent of The High Priestess can be seen as a mirror that reflects the “secret selves” of others back to them so they can understand themselves. Because she is reversed, and flavoring The Tower, I need to be very cautious because I just might be not hearing my own Inner Voice and I might be not allowing myself to feel my own feelings. I also need to remember that spending lots of time in the astral realm or immersed in Sacred Energies can upset the balance of my own body and possibly cause The Tower to manifest; a bit of grounding will help.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the pause that comes as balance begins to degenerate.

My horoscopes: “Your energy is high and your stamina particularly strong today. Working out or playing sports could appeal to you now. Running or aerobics could offer valuable exercise and clear your head to allow for new ideas. You also should feel particularly passionate. If you're involved with someone, Sagittarius, expect a great evening. If not, don't be surprised if you get some admiring glances.”

And: “Despite the leisurely pace of your life right now, you will be extremely productive today. You will be getting an awful lot done, and the capper is that you'll have an awful lot of fun doing it -- whatever it is. Whether you're washing dishes, reorganizing your closet or vacuuming the house, you'll manage to fully enjoy the act of taking a mess and transforming it into something harmonious. Your enthusiasm will encourage other people to join in, too!”

And: “You used to be a creature of reason. For you, everything had an explanation and a reason to exist and a place in this world, and you would never miss an occasion to share your point of view. And then, all of the sudden, silence... You may have needed to get some perspective on things, not necessarily about the things you know, but how you express that knowledge. And now, words have come back into your life. And you are more moderate in your ideas.”

My Sun reading: “An animated and enthusiastic Aries Moon squares Pluto. You accelerate your ideas to the next level if you push your points across when your foresight is so accurate. When the Moon opposes Saturn tonight, the same ideas are expressed differently, but they are the same ideas.”

I just spent some time reading a very long comment thread on a FaceBook page. Very long; almost 300 posts. This comment thread was begun because of a statement by the creator of the FB page in which she stated that she had withdrawn from an event because of the number of contestants involved who were not of her religion. Needless to say, the entire comment thread ended up being filled by mostly “rabid responders,” both pro and anti, and the few voices of reason got lost in the deluge. And please note that I am purposely not sharing the faith of the creator or any of the responders.

I think it is sad that there are still those who cannot accept that the Paths to Deity are as many as there are those who seek to know and love Deity. Refusing to acknowledge the validity of those who do not practice “the one true faith,” whatever that is, and refusing to even have any kind of contact with them at all, ends up shutting the refuser off from quite a bit of the rest of humanity, along with the many cultures and traditions that add so much healthy texture and flavor to our lives.

What saddens me even more is how a legitimate discussion can be reduced to name calling and one-upmanship that ends up distracting the conversation from the true problem: the fact that someone feels that she cannot have anything to do with persons who are not of her faith. Don’t get me wrong. This person is allowed to believe in whatever version of Deity and whatever faith that calls to her, and in fact, I encourage everyone to follow their hearts with regard to faith and spirituality, for it is our hearts that will lead us to Deity in the end. But no one, not the originator of the conflict nor those responding, either in favor of the statements made or against them, has the right to disrespect the beliefs of another, and sadly, that seems to be where this discussion has gone.

So many of us have learned to coexist. I have a large family with every extreme of political and religious beliefs, and with only one exception, everyone respects the beliefs of others and yet remains true to his or her own beliefs. I have dear friends who are every version of humanity that you can possibly imagine, and I love and respect each of them. I work with practicing Orthodox Jews and strict Catholics. We all honor and respect the paths of our co-workers, and yet are able to follow our own Traditions freely, without imposing our own beliefs on anyone else. No one in either my family or my office has ever felt put upon, no one has ever been burdened with attempted conversion, no harm has been attempted at all. Proof positive that very different faiths can live and work together in peace and understanding, without harm to any.

My blog gets visited by many people who I will never know or talk to, and everyone is welcome here, whether you are a commenter or you just want to read what I have to say about the Tarot or my own Journey. I do not hide who I am or what Path I follow. I am a Third Degree Dedicant of the Sacred Mists Coven, a Celtic eclectic teaching Wiccan Coven. I am a Reiki Master, a Tarot enthusiast, a certified Vedic Thai-Yoga Bodyworker, and a wife, a mother, a step-mother, a sister, an aunt, and an in-law. I have an extended family which includes “relatives of the heart” of all faiths, political views and walks of life. I mean no one any harm, and I post here in Perfect Love and Trust (the Wiccan version of a State of Grace, that hard-to-attain sense of connection and compassion that is common to all spiritual paths). I respect everyone’s right to follow their own faith and their own Path, and for those of you who have found a faith that fulfills you, you are blessed, fer sher.

I believe that openness and acceptance are necessary cornerstones for growth and evolution. Humanity as a species needs to realize this in order to thrive and be healthy. I’m not predicting doom and gloom if we don’t start focusing on what connects us all rather than what separates us; the world won’t come to an end if we don’t start changing our outlook. But we certainly will not be happy and well adjusted if we continue to focus on the things that divide us.

It is our differences that have made us thrive, that have helped us to grow and evolve as a species. Just walk around a museum for a little while and look at the different expressions of our individual souls that is art. Listen to some music, and switch it up a bit. Go from hip-hop to classical to classic rock to new age meditation music, and hear the beauty of created sound. Sip a nice glass of wine, a good beer or a single malt scotch, and taste what we have been able to do with grapes or grain. Simmer some garlic and onions in a pan with a bit of olive oil, and then inhale the delicious fragrance. We are surrounded by natural beauty that pleases all of our senses, and yet we add our man-created beauty to our environment. All of us do this, no matter what faith we practice or what political views we espouse; isn’t this an indication that each of us contains the essence of Deity?

We are on a precipice. Science is actually beginning to acknowledge the validity of many “woo-woo” types of beliefs and practices because scientists are finally able to measure the effects and manifestations of said “woo-woo” practices. We are healing the sick through holistic practices, we are understanding with intricate detail the cycles of life around us, and we are lifting ourselves off of our world and into the great beyond that is our Universe. These miracles alone are not enough to bring us balance and well being. We must also acknowledge the validity of the inner world, and we must accept that the experiences within each of our inner universes are going to be unique, because each of us is unique, unlike any other who has ever lived.

I have value and my beliefs have value, just as the originator of the statement that started the whole huge comment thread on FaceBook has value and her beliefs have value. We both want respect, and we want acceptance of the value of who we are and the value of what we believe. We will never get that if we respond to a hurtful statement by judging the originator of that statement, or anyone who responds, for as I learned from Stuart Wilde (a somewhat “woo-woo” writer, but wise and worth listening to), judging another only serves to create a chasm between us and those we judge. These days, people of faith (no matter what that faith or spiritual tradition happens to be) don’t need any more chasms between us. I think it is time to start building some bridges.

From the Alchemy Journal Blog: “With continued guidance from the field of metaphysics and openness of such fields as physics, Western science is moving toward a model that includes higher consciousness and the meaning of experience, uniting art and science, body and soul. Now, we as individuals need to return to healthy unity by giving value and credence to the Shaman Within.” If scientists can open their minds and their hearts to the value and the validity of inner experiences of any kind, why can’t those of us who are predisposed to accept inner experiences because we believe in Deity do the same?

*sigh* Vent over. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming. On to the 19th Path.

Blessed be!

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