Nine of Swords reversed/Eight of Wands reversed.  The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused, and usually unproductive.  Upright, this card would represent possible inner anguish (perhaps not already manifesting, but on its way), most likely caused by my own hopes or fears or expectations; the card is reversed, though, and I should be able to shrug off those heavy thoughts.  The Eight of Wands (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) is a card of action, of quick developments, and of pulling it all together so things can be completed.  In an upright position, this one is powerful, but since it is reversed, I don’t quite have the power to blast away the impediments of the day.  They won’t get me down, but they may still be around.

My Thoth card is the Five of Wands.  “Strife” is the keyword of the day, apparently, and this is my only upright card.  The Five of Wands, which corresponds with Saturn (discipline, responsibility, law and order) in Leo (“I am, passionate, dramatic, egotistical), indicates a struggle caused by annoying cross purposes.  The energies presented here are “every man for himself,” and that is the main problem.  No coordination at all!  The question is: can I make use of this relatively harmless yet quite annoying energy?

My Legacy card is The Wheel reversed, flavored by the Ten of Swords reversed.  The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)) represents the actions and effects of fate and destiny, and not of anything that we in the end can control.  My Wheel, however, is reversed; this could mean that I do have the ability to offer input.  The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) in an upright position is a card of interference, powerlessness and restriction, completely manifested.  My Ten is reversed, however, and flavoring my Wheel, so even if I can’t actually control or affect or even tap into today’s energies, or connect to them in a meaningful way, there will be positive opportunities to be had.

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number that tells of the end of a cycle, which reduces further to 1, the number of position and potential.

My horoscopes: “You could get some mysterious phone calls today, Sagittarius, like wrong numbers or hang-ups. Other people might seem less communicative than usual, Sagittarius, and you're likely to be preoccupied with your own thoughts. You might feel a bit more nervous than usual, but that should go away if you take a brisk walk or get some other exercise. If you've been thinking about doing some writing, this is the day to start.”

And: “Issues may get a little heavier than you like today. Your job is to infuse some levity and humor into the situation. Your powers of adaptability will be put to the test, as other people seem to be completely unmoving in their opinions. Be extra conscious of how you use your words, as other people, especially superiors or elders, are apt to get offended by careless offhand remarks.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Pentacles.  It’s all in the details!  Hanging in there, managing to get enjoyment from performing the process and performing it well, and ending up with an opportunity to receive higher understanding through repetition, are all part of this card.  And the image of the spider in her web reminds me that there is a benefit to crafting a temporary work of art: we get to create anew tomorrow!

Today, I want to share something that I read about a week ago, and have already shared privately with the lovely Tara.  This is from a book that came to me called “Touchstones: Daily Meditations for Men,” I believe associated with AA and the 12-Step Program.  It offers some words of wisdom for each day, 365 pages that are meant to be absorbed one page each day.  It is amazing to me how often the words on each page seem to connect to my daily challenges.

“All feelings are acceptable.  Whatever they are, the entire range of color and intensity of feelings comes from our Creator.  Our task is dealing with them and responding to them.  We begin by acknowledging them as they are.  We do not have license to do whatever we feel like doing, only to feel what we feel.  This point of honesty is a solid stepping-stone to grow from.  We often find we feel different as soon as we admit our feelings.” Touchstones: Daily Meditations for Men.

The point behind this quote, at least for me, is very simple yet very, very important, particularly in this day and age when the majority of our communications take place in writing, without the clarifying benefits of body language, facial expressions and voice inflection.  The message I get from this quote is that while our feelings are always legitimate (even if they are based on the assumptions of intention and meaning that are a necessary ingredient in written communications), it is what we do with those feelings that is most important.

Feelings and emotions are real and valid, but they do not give us the permission to react in any way we please.  If I say something meant to be benign or even helpful that you interpret as harmful or as said purposely to cut or attack, your feelings of fear or pain or betrayal are legitimate, even if they are based on an intention that was not a part of the original compilation of words.  Repressing or not acknowledging those feeling will only intensify them, so acknowledging those feelings is important.

But only acknowledging them will not provide you with the ability to determine if your perceptions are indeed true.  In order to make that determination, you need to take the next step; you need to directly communicate with me.  Otherwise, all you have is your own perception, and that perception is always, always, infused with your own expectations.  And those expectations just might be incorrect.

Anger and fear and hurt and betrayal are not fun things to experience.  But they are real, they are valid emotions.  And if they are happening because of catalysts that are beyond your control, like finding you have a flat tire when you are on your way to an important job interview, or hearing that a dangerous storm is heading your way, these feelings are much easier to deal with if we face them and acknowledge their validity.  If they are happening because of the actions or inactions of another, this is acknowledgement even more important.

But we do need to take that next step, we do need to actively choose how we will react to those feelings, with the knowledge that we and only we are responsible for the consequences of our choices.  If we judge others based only on our feelings and our perception of the cause of those feelings, without including in that process of judgment the knowledge that while the situation may seem totally directed at us and about us, there are nine times out of ten influencing factors of which we know nothing and of which we are not aware that are key to the event in question, our judgments will most likely be wrong.  These judgments will probably impose upon another the very harm that we believe that has been perpetrated against us. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that karma added to my burden.  I know what it is like to have words that were offered in love, and in Perfect Love and Trust, with only the intention to help and not to harm, misinterpreted and seen as a betrayal.  I know what it is like to have my actions assigned perceived intentions that are very much far from what was in my mind when I did them. 

I do understand that for some it is difficult to see that in the end it is what we each choose as a reaction that is the problem, and that it is so much easier to shift the blame onto others than it is to accept our feelings and then own them.  Our choice of reaction to our own feelings is an immense power, and that choice belongs to each and every one of us.  No one can take that choice away from us unless we allow it to be taken.  Expecting others to fix things for us or blaming others for the manifestations of our actions or inactions is actually freely relinquishing our power of choice to others, and once we do that, we don’t own the results any more and can’t complain about them.  We’ve all been there, we’ve all walked in these very shoes at some point in our lives. 

I will be acknowledging my own feelings, both pleasant and difficult, as valid.  No matter what.  But, I will also be doing my best to not assume that I know someone else’s intentions unless I have specifically asked them what their intentions are.  For sure, I will not base my perceptions on the written word alone, for that is a recipe for disaster. And I will be sending out love and healing to those who believe I have betrayed them, and I will wish them well. 

And so, I bring my eyes back to the Path forward, and release the past.

$>