August 17, 2016: Separation, filtration and setlling

August 17, 2016: 

My Wild Unknown Tarot card today is the Seven of Wands.  This one is a bit less threatening than the Six of Wands, which I threw exactly one week ago, on August 10^th.  The image on the Seven of Wands shows one wand, emanating a flame that lights up the surrounding darkness, surrounded by six other wands that are leaning against each other, as if spent.  There is interesting symbolism here, for in the Tarot the number 6 represents vertical and horizontal harmony, and yet the Seven of Wands, the next step from the Six card, has a solitary feel about it.  Harmony has weight to it, and thus its nature is to become degeneration; the Seven of Wands tells us to look around and decide if this is what we want.  If this is what we want, we need to actively stake a claim, draw a line in the sand and insist that the boundary is valid.  It is only by actively and deliberately owning whatever we want that we actually achieve it.

More on the Separation stage of the Great Work.  In an alchemic laboratory, this process of Separation happens by “inhibition” or “holding back,” or filtration.  A settling process could also be seen as Separation; after all, what does not dissolve into water will settle to the bottom of the container. 

The processes of Nigredo (Calcination and Dissolution) are meant to be unsettling.  This is how we break through the walls we’ve constructed in order to hide who we really are.  Needless to say, examining the pieces of the broken walls involves putting aside the ego; that is the only way to decide what is really worth saving.  The process isn’t over yet, not by far, so I need to choose carefully.

Four of Wands reversed/Queen of Cups. The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) is about building enough to become established.  My card is reversed, and the meaning seems obvious to me: I’ve not yet established the beachhead.  I need to be careful here, because my other card is the Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana.  This card is telling me that I will really be connected to my emotions and my feelings and my dreams today, and I need to be very careful that I don’t focus on what I have **not** achieved yet.  Sure, my Four of Wands is reversed, which means I have not reached that first exciting level, but the card is there.  This means that the potential for achieving that level is there, too; I just haven’t broken through to it yet.  I must use these potent visualizations given to me by my Queen of Cups to create on the astral realms a clear picture of what I want to achieve.  The first steps of creativity and manifestation happen within the worlds of Fire and Water, but if there is not a balance of the two, I will get burned, or the creative energies will be extinguished.

My Thoth card is The Tower.  **heavy sigh**  Aren’t I done with this yet?  The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)) tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going. The Thoth Tower is really a scary card to look at, all oranges and yellows and blacks, and points and teeth and sharp edges and force.  We tend to anticipate that the effects of the upheaval predicted by The Tower will be personal, or at least I do.  What I need to keep in mind is that the sudden change that is coming is absolutely necessary, and it will clear the way for new birth.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Coins reversed, flavored by the Ace of Coins. The Seven of Coins (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells of pauses and choices and assessments.  Because it is a number 7 card, and because it is of the suit of Coins (which corresponds with the element of Earth), it is a bit of a heavy card.  Just look at the astrological association to this card: Saturn in Taurus!  Since the card is reversed, my Seven of Coins is telling me that now is not the time to pause and consider.  And this is validated by the card flavoring my reversed Seven of Coins, the Ace of Coins! True, the Aces present potential only, unmanifested, and the Ace of Coins (Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, social) tells of the presence of potential that is connected in some way to the physical world of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes; stable, material and practical energy that is slow to change) represents the potential to experience prosperity, security, stability, trust and a connection to Nature.  Not the actual manifestation of those things.  However, the reversed Seven of Coins could very well give a nudge to the energy of the Ace of Coins and its practical and stable energy that is usually slow to initiate.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that might bring discomfort but that also dispels stagnation. 

My horoscopes: “A number of visitors might come to your house today, Sagittarius, perhaps to discuss matters of interest to all of you. Some intense disagreements could arise, but you'll be able to keep it all together. An intellect enhanced by intuition enables you to understand and explain complex ideas, and you'll also be able to derail misunderstandings before they even happen. Providing tasty treats could also help smooth ruffled feathers.”

And: “An intense and emotional dream could move you so powerfully that you awaken with the odd sense that the dream was real. Write it down. Maybe it is! Efforts to overcome career obstacles could be finally paying off, and you might be walking around in a daze asking yourself if it's really happened. It has! Make the most of it! And don't be afraid to reveal your feelings to others.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Wands.  Action!  And new beginnings!  The image on this Shadowscapes Eight of Wands shows a woman gesturing towards what looks like dandelion seeds floating away after a strong puff of air dislodged them from the flower.  What an appropriate image to this card, and on this day!  The Shadowscapes Eight of Wands tells of an ending, the ending of the flower, and a sudden ending, too, similar to The Tower of my Tarot draw today.  However, this ending is actually a new beginning, for while the flower is destroyed, the seeds of the next cycle have been released.  The Eight of Wands tells of that sudden puff of air that gets things going.

Jung calls the Nigredo Phase the time of maximum despair.  Okay, I haven’t quite reached the maximum amount of despair I believe I can deal with and still function, but perhaps the time has come to move my focus a bit away from direct contact with Calcination.  The trials and tribulations of my life these past few weeks has certainly served a useful purpose: they have made me think about what is important to me or what is worth fighting to keep or maintain, and what is in the end “fluff” or no longer necessary to maintain my own health and well-being and thus, not worth expending effort to carry along.  The interesting thing about this process of designating certain things as fluff is that the releasing is actually freeing up a bit of focus or Will that has been otherwise engaged until now.

In an effort to empower the changes that have been happening for me, I am thinking about the next stage in the Great Work, the Albedo Phase.  Following the “blackening” of the Nigredo Phase comes the “whiteness” or purification.  This next process, Dissolution, is accomplished through the addition of water to the remains of the fiery transformation of Calcination. 

The element of Water is usually associated with feelings and illusions and visualizations and emotions, and while it might seem that the addition of emotions might be simple, this part of the whole process can be as difficult as the Dark Night of the Nigredo Phase.  **gulp**

I am beginning to work with Dissolution in a literal sense, by doing a water cleanse.  I will be sipping water all day, and LOL, running to the bathroom often, but I am hoping to flush the toxins from my body and my mind.  I will be including the metabolic discipline of the Nigredo Phase, and going for multiple walks today and tomorrow, so that I hopefully increase the fuel for this whole process.  My first walk this morning was beneath the sun, on the beach as the tide was moving towards its high time.  I will walk later this afternoon as the sun moves lower in the Western sky, and then again after dark.  Hopefully, I will be able to do the same tomorrow. 

In between my walks, I will be wrapping some beach glass, working on my manuscript (soon to be submitted to Llewellyn **crosses fingers**), and beginning the process of writing my “proving essay” regarding the next step in my Third Degree Training.

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The Lovers reversed/The High Priestess.  The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics.  My Lovers is reversed, which could be telling me of some kind of isolation or separation from those I trust and care for, or I might have trouble connecting to others.  The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries.  She is real good at allowing events to unfold according to their own energies, and in that respect, she validates the reversed Lovers.  The High Priestess is a gatekeeper of sorts, and she will not allow others to access the Mysteries without first passing the test.  And, the test usually is only accomplished in silence or solitude.  That entire concept may very well be important today.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Swords reversed.  “Ruin” reversed, and I’m glad to see this one fading away.  The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) has been showing up lately; this is a card of interference and restriction, completely manifested.  Hopefully the reversed appearance is telling me that the effects of this Ten are fading away; at the very least, they should not have a lasting effect on the day.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Coins reversed, flavored by the Queen of Swords reversed.  The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline.  In a lot of ways this one can be seen as similar to The Lovers, also reversed above.  My choices may not bring the rewards and comfort and ease that I expect them to bring.  The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) in an upright position tells of being up front and open with everyone, of being quick on the uptake, and of making use of the experience I have gained.  But, my Queen is reversed today, so I need to be aware that what I see as perceptive and penetrating might appear severe or aloof to others.  Since this card is flavoring my reversed Nine of Coins, it is validating the message of that reversed card, and offering further insight into the root cause of the reversal. 

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creations from the potential and awareness of position of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and awareness of “distance between” that is the 2.

My horoscopes: “Realize that you may be controlling other people's actions without even consciously knowing it, Sagittarius. This is one of those days in which emotional outbursts could explode in your face as a result of other people's reactions to your pressure. Don't feel like you need to take on the responsibility of everyone else's actions. You may be having a hard enough time dealing with your own personal issues.”

And: “Today you might find yourself planning to have some visitors come to stay with you for a while. Worry about developments on the job, or unfinished chores of your own, might have you feeling a little bit stressed out and under the weather. You need to step outside yourself and look at your situation objectively. It's not all that bad - just something that needs to be done. Get it handled, then reward yourself in some way.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Cups.  Lovely message, and appropriate for me today!  Dive down into the dark depths, for the secrets are there to be found.  Leave the physical world of matter behind, and move with the ebbs and flows of the currents.  Leave the surface and head downward and inward.  Allow the water to support you, smooth and cool against your skin, and allow the silence to envelope you.  Mmmmm . . . cozy.

And the Calcination of the Nigredo continues!  I get so very frustrated when a written conversation (such as an email thread or an Instant Message conversation) gets imposed with emotions or intentions that just were not even remotely in my mind.  Within my Wiccan Coven I have many responsibilities which entail interacting with others in writing, via emails, IM’s or Forum posts.  My goal is to serve and empower and teach, with harm to none and in Perfect Love and Trust, but LOL, the written word does not always end up offering the same message by which it was created.

And I am surrounded by unexpected events that are bringing discomfort and frustration.  Yet, I feel as if I am handling things differently than usual, or I should say this time I am surrendering to the events and examining them as a bystander, objectively, rather than immediately focusing on fixing things.  Is this the way The Hanged Man feels as he hangs upside down on his tree? 

The Nigredo Phase is supposed to allow us to perceive what we really don’t need any more, and it does so by proving to us that we don’t need these things, by forcing us to choose only the most necessary things to bring with us and reminding us that space is always at a premium so we can’t clutter the place up with unnecessary dust collectors.  Like the process of basic training found in the military, I am finding that my defenses are being worn down.  But the only effective way for me to truly know that I can move forward even further than I expected is to be pushed right up to my perceived limit, and then pushed again, beyond that limit.

I am pleased that despite these maddening distractions, I have finally completed my Third Degree Lesson Six, and I handed it in this morning.  I am allowing myself a bit of time to bask in the warm glow of accomplishment, but not for long.  I needed to submit two of my own Life Passages Rituals, and I am pleased with the two I have completed, a handfasting ritual and a crossing over ritual.  They will be entered into my lovely BOS once I finish hand writing my Sabbat Rituals. 

Tonight, I will be spending time with my beloved Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust.  I am truly looking forward to sitting around the Sacred Table, and in fact, I need to sit at that Table right now.  I am not the only member of this group who is experiencing turmoil, and I think just sitting with people who are also stressed by life’s challenges (and LOL, consuming some chocolate!) will help me to ground and center a bit.  Especially after I was able to receive a session of energy cleansing from my sister-in-law the other night. 

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Five of Cups reversed/Ace of Wands.  The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. My Five of Cups is reversed, though, and it is telling me that I am doing something right.  I am finding that I am getting a handle on whatever sadness or emotional fog that has been a distraction of late.  The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process, and it is this very Fiery energy that could be dispelling the sadness or lethargy of that Five of Cups.  The Ace of Wands represents the light or torch that can guide me to success, but in order to access its potential, I need to agree to carry it.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks reversed.  “Failure” is Uncle Al’s keyword for the Seven of Disks (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), and Uncle Al does not necessarily see this upright Seven as a good card.  Rather, he sees the suit of Disks as being heavy and he sees the number seven as being heavy; we end up with lots of weight and little energy to carry it.  My Seven of Disks is reversed, so that lethargy may be less of a problem today.  Reversed Five of Cups = less emotional fog, and reversed Seven of Disks = less lethargy.  Sounds good to me.

My Legacy card is Faith (The Hierophant) reversed, flavored by the Five of Coins reversed.  The Faith card or Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity), and it is another Earth card that has a heavy feel about it, but it is also reversed.  The upright Faith card is about conservatism, orthodoxy and proven systems, and it represents the power that is able to change the world to match our own beliefs.  Because my Faith card is reversed, I should not focus today on supporting the established processes.  My Faith card is flavored today by another reversed Five, the Five of Coins.  Yep, another reversed Earth-focused card!  The Five of Coins (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) traditional image shows a woman and a child, one of them injured in some way, travelling in the cold wind, with a church window behind them.  The upright message of this card tells me to expect some challenges in the physical world connected to finance, health, or family, that may result in a feeling of isolation.  This Five also represents the Dark Night of the Soul, and thus, the Nigredo Phase of the Great Work.  It’s reversed position is supporting my other reversed cards, and my Ace of Wands, because it is telling me that my time of wandering in the dark and having no idea which way to go next is at an end.  The struggles are not at an end, mind you, but at least now I have a more clear path ahead of me.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that ends stagnation.  Lots of fives showing up today!

My horoscopes: “You generally tend toward a very high level of perseverance, Sagittarius. No matter how difficult a task may seem to you, today it should go very smoothly, particularly if it involves in-depth study or research of some kind. Your thinking is especially clear and down to earth today, and your common sense is operating at a very high level. Get to whatever needs to be done today and there won't be any loose ends left for tomorrow.”

And: “Ideas and insights coming from deep within your psyche are likely to increase your effectiveness in whatever work you choose to do today. Your mind is particularly practical and logical, and when coupled with an increased intuition these abilities could be invaluable. You might be most effective today working alone, but if this isn't possible you should still accomplish whatever it is you set out to do, and accomplish it well.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Two of Wands.  Perfect card for today.  This one tells of a moment when we can sit on a cliff and look to the future, secure in the knowledge that we have identified and are ready to harness any potential that is available to us.  Both the courage to act and the authority that comes with attaining knowledge and wisdom are the tools at hand.

Now that I’ve explored the Calcination that is an integral part of the Nigredo Phase, I am trying to understand how all of this is affecting me.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that within a day or two of beginning this examination of the Great Work my paycheck was cut drastically.  I am now trying to decide what to do about this.  In other words, I am trying to re-invent myself.

January is traditionally a sluggish month for me.  We go away to visit friends for Thanksgiving weekend, and the majority of that socialization revolves around eating and drinking.  Add to that our busy holiday schedule, with parties just about every weekend between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve, and we get a sluggish, lethargic person who has not been exercising and who has gained anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds.  January is when I at the very least begin to look at myself and decide that I would rather be that strong, healthy woman who is in touch with her body.  In a good year, the process of returning to good physical health usually begins before the end of January.  In a bad year, it can take me until March to rev myself up.

Well, it looks like this is going to be a good year, thanks to my study of the Great Work.

I think the visualization that works best for me here is that of physical Calcination applied to metals.  If we apply intense heat to metals, they melt into liquid form.  Add a bit more heat, and any impurities in those metals extruded or separated from the pure metals and then float to the top of the liquid.  Often these impurities are oily or odorous.  However, as ugly as these impurities look in this form, they are now easily separated from the pure metals.

Heat is a wonderful transformer.  Fire actually imposes a chemical change to the matter it burns.  If you heat water, the molecules in that water begin to move faster, with more space between them, and through the agitation created by heat you change the appearance of that water from a liquid into a gas.  This applies to psychological alchemy as well.  We even have metaphors, such as being “out of the frying pan and into the fire,” that directly connect to Calcination. 

Now, I am choosing to access these very uncomfortable yet quite effective processes as a sort of Spring cleaning.  However, these kinds of upheavals often occur in our lives, like The Tower of the Tarot Major Arcana, which tells of sudden and unexpected upheavals, without warning.  At least, without warnings that our conscious minds will accept as valid and applicable, or even perceive.

What does this mean?  It means that instead of being thrown into a state of “why me??!!” when our lives turn upside down or the rug gets unexpectedly pulled out from under us, we should instead rub our hands together with enthusiastic expectation because we are being offered a chance to perform the Great Work.  Instead of fighting the prevailing energy flows, we should make use of them!

Also, heat rises.  Heat purifies.  And as I learned through my studies of the Emerald Tablet, this very process is necessary for connecting to, perceiving and understanding Deity.  This really does make the Great Work a marvelous companion to the Emerald Tablet.

I am reminded of the effects of the Goddess Kali-Ma, and the way that She helps us to release those physical-world focuses that are bad for us.  And so, I end this post with my Invocation to Her.

“Listen to me speak of the Grandmother of Time: She who is known as Kali-Ma, the Liberator of Souls, the Destroyer of Negativity, and many other names; feared by some, loved by some, but ignored by none.  She it is who brings us wisdom, the freedom of ego, and the awareness of eternity.

She has been the Maiden, and remembers that joy.  She has been the Mother, and recalls that pleasure.  But age has changed Her, and taught Her the mysteries of the Wheel that is ever turning, the Wheel that is life, death and rebirth.  With age comes an understanding of the past and a glimpse of the future, for in the turning of the Wheel, the past is the future, and the future is the past. 

She is the Dark of the Moon, the Hidden One, the invisible unknown that lies ahead.  She is the whirling tornado, the erupting volcano, the rising tidal wave, the trembling of the earth’s crust.  She infuses all of Nature.  She is the Learned One, the Teacher, the Bringer of Inevitable Change. 

But I do not fear Her, for She is not malicious.  Her touch, however harsh, is love.  Only in ignorance is She scorned and reviled, for those who seek power over the earth are afraid to face Her wisdom and Her unalterable truth. For She is the key to liberation, She is the Kundalini, the “Serpent Power” which expands our consciousness, which raises us from the mundane realm of birth and death and awakens us to the Divine.

Oh Primordial Mother, who is at once most gentle and most terrible, I come to You today because You live in me, and in my mother, and my mother’s mother; You live in all women and You live in all born of woman, and thus You are alive in all.  You are alive in each cell and bone, in every part of me.  I call to You now, seeking Your wisdom and Your ancient knowing.  Help me to understand that sorrow, death and destruction are woven into the texture of my life and cannot be denied, but rather must be accepted, for it is only through releasing my focus on the material and affirming that I am a spiritual being living in a physical body that liberation and freedom can come to me.  Help me to remember that both the joys and sorrows of my life are still with me, are indeed a permanent part of what I am and what I am becoming. 

Help me to remember that my mortality is a gift that reminds me that there is an end, and thus that each moment of my life, whether filled with joy or sorrow or pain, with darkness or with light, has value. 

Dark Secret of the Universe, teach me to release the concerns that anchor me to this plane of existence, and remind me that while life moves unstoppably toward endings and the dark, this dark ending will give birth to new light and new life.”  Invocation to Kali-Ma, by Raushanna.

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The Universe reversed/The Lovers reversed.  The Universe/World, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, stable and practical energy that is slow to change), Saturn (discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance), Thav (mark or sign), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world), in an upright position is a card of integration and involvement and understanding.  The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics.  Both of these cards are reversed, and so both cards are talking about separation of some kind.  The reversed Universe tells me that I will have trouble creating synthesis, and the reversed Lovers is telling me that I will have trouble connecting to people.  Okay, a bit of discomfort, eh?

My Thoth card is the Seven of Cups reversed.  “Debauched” reversed, and lethargy has been a big problem for me the past few weeks, so I am surprised that this one is reversed.  The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options.  My Cups card is reversed, though, and I should be able to see things clearly today.  Choices will be made, with clear vision and serenity.

My Legacy card is the King of Coins reversed, flavored by the Page of Cups reversed.  The King of Coins (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical manifestation; he is about working independently and still being effective. This is the benevolent dictator who is real good at conserving and disbursing resources, but because he is reversed, I may be a bit insensitive to the needs of myself or others.  My King is being flavored by flavoring my reversed Page of Cups. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering); in an upright position, this Page is intuitive and dreamy, easily touched, and very social in nature.  Because he is reversed, I am being warned that I might be a bit too sensitive about things today and could very well end up taking out some perceived hurt on those who look to me for support and encouragement. 

Hmmm . . . all my cards are reversed, so I threw a clarification card, this time from my Llewellyn Welsh Tarot, and got the Queen of Wands. The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face.  She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it; she is confident, she is assertive, and she is in charge!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.  And to me, today is a perfect example of a situation where depth and stability are not good things.

My horoscopes: “Successes over the past several weeks, along with an increase in money, might give rise to the desire to improve your living situation, Sagittarius. You might have doubts, however, as to how best to go about doing it. Should you move or should you simply remodel? Should you move close by or to a different area? It's best to simply list the pros and cons of each option and then consider them all carefully. You don't have to decide right now.”

And: “You seem to have the very bad habit of putting off until tomorrow what you can do today! Especially for those little daily things that seem to pile up, like writing letters, paying bills, going to get a check-up, housecleaning etc. However, today is a great day to deal with all these monotonous tasks, so seize the day!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles.  This Queen is the embodiment of the creative feminine energies; not at the level of The Empress, but still an image or reflection of The Empress.  She is grounded, dedicated, reliable, and eager to nurture.  She is secure and confident in her position in life, and she is encouraging me to be the same.

Back to the Nigredo.  The first stage of the entire process that is named the Great Work, and of the Nigredo Phase, is Calcination.  In keeping with the concept that psychological alchemy should be studied along with physical alchemy because both focuses are connected, I will talk about both the psychological process of Calcination as well as the physical process.

Generally speaking, Calcination essentially represents the process of burning.  This burning can happen within the self, which can allow us to deal with energies repressed due to trauma, with our own ego, and with our feelings or emotions.  Or this burning can happen to matter, which allows impurities to rise to the top or to be taken out of the initial substance.  Calcination brings the energy or feelings or impurities to the surface, so we can indentify them and then remove those that are no longer necessary.

Within chemical alchemy the process of Calcination involves the heating of a substance in a crucible or over an open flame until it is reduced to ashes.  Calcination is represented by sulfuric acid (a powerful corrosive that eats away flesh and reacts chemically with all metals except gold), which alchemists make from something they call Vitriol.  The sulfuric acid found in Vitriol is the catalyst for transformation in most alchemical experiments.

Vitriol is distilled from an oily, green substance that forms naturally from the weathering of sulfur-bearing gravel.  After this initial form of Vitriol (called “Green Vitriol”) is collected, it is heated and broken down into iron compounds and sulfuric acid. The acid is then separated out by distillation. The first round of distillation produced a brown smelly liquid, but the next round yielded a nearly odorless, yellow oil; this is the Vitriol.  The interesting thing about Vitriol is that if an open container of it is left open, the Vitriol will absorb the water vapor from the air until the liquid overflows its container.

The Green Vitriol is a powerful disinfectant; alchemists also made therapeutic use of the iron compounds produced when it was heated. Ancient Egyptians used powdered rust (iron oxide) of these iron compounds to heal wounds.

Psychologically, Calcination is the process that initiates the destruction of ego and our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a humbling process which involves a gradual or sudden appearance of trials and challenges.  Fire itself is about spontaneous, compulsive and energetic change.  The Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Well, the Nigredo Phase is all about experiencing a Dark Night, and it sure looks as if the process of Calcination is well on its way to affecting change in my life!

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Queen of Wands/Ten of Wands.  LOL, oh boy, is that a clear message!  The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face.  She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it   The Ten of Wands (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is another Fire card which tells of being taxed to the limit creatively, or at least, tells us we believe we are taxed to the limit.  But with that Queen around, I just might be able to find a bit more creativity, hidden away somewhere.

My Thoth card is The Moon.  The Moon corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, emotional and sensitive energy that strives to stay the same), Pisces (“I believe,” feeling, suffering, soul growth, duality), Qof (the back of the head), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and talks about the imagination, perception, and fear of the unknown.  This card tells us that things might not be as they seem, but this in itself is not necessarily something bad.  The message of this card is that this is a time when I’ve gotta travel in the dark without being able to see the path I am moving on.  This is an opportunity for me to rely on my own inner light, which won’t be blotted out by the brighter and more obvious lights around me, which will be nonexistent today.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Swords reversed, flavored by the Seven of Cups reversed.  The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying.  Thankfully it is reversed, and being flavored by the reversed Seven of Cups.  The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options.  I am glad both of these cards are reversed because now, their energies are complimenting each other.  Today, worry about things I can’t change may begin to ebb; I may end up able to focus on more productive things with a clearer mind and a good connection to my feelings.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the conscious and focused response to the beginning of degeneration that is the number 7.

My horoscopes: Have you just bought some new equipment for your home, Sagittarius? This could be a new computer, a state-of-the-art entertainment system, or perhaps a new appliance. You and the other members of your household might spend much of the day trying to learn how to use it, although it could seem rather difficult. Take heart! It looks more complicated than it is. Keep trying, and don't forget to have fun!”

And: “Obstacles may arise in the course of your daily chores when machines break down and interfere with your efficiency. Your frustrations may cause you to want to yell and start throwing things. If you must blow your top, do it in such a way as to avoid causing upsets to others. Go for a workout or jog, or take a karate class. The machines will be fixed and the situation will pass. Hang in there!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the King of Wands.  This card is reminding me that I have unique talents to offer, and I need to offer them without fear.  My confidence will bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy if I allow myself to shine, and others will support me as I move forward.  This King is also reminding me that I should not shy away from risk; rather, I should tap into the energy of uncertainty so that I can change the direction of the predominant flow so it matches my own goals and intentions.

Note to self: when working with the Great Work, particularly when beginning the Nigredo Phase, be prepared for the things that need to be changed to suddenly become FUBAR. 

Nigredo is about mortification, and mortification is about death.  This first phase begins a process of purification, and oh boy, it does work.  This has been a stressful week for me because I am begin given another boot in the butt: my hours at my day job and my paycheck are being cut again.  Interesting that this happens just as I am beginning to deepen my understanding of Nigredo.

Did I say that Nigredo was about death?  One of the terms for Nigredo is “Caput Corvi,” or “Decapitation of the Crow.”  Now, here is the cool thing about Crow.  It is the left-handed guardian who knows the unknowable mysteries, and it is the keeper of all sacred law.  Crow is also the guardian of magick and healing; Crow will give you the courage to enter the darkness and Crow will initiate the change in consciousness that brings new reality.  And Crow always requires that we talk the talk and walk the walk; we need to learn our Purpose and then stick to it, no matter what.

Death means decomposition; that is the natural result of death, and it is the first step in the cleansing and cooking process of the Great Work.  Sometimes that process of decomposition has already begun and we just aren’t aware of it; well, the Nigredo Phase slaps us upside the head with that cosmic two by four.  Wake up!!!

This is exactly what is happening to me now.  Putrefaction has already begun, even though my conscious mind keeps putting off the process of acknowledging this.  It is time to move on!  It is time to act!  It is time to let go of those things I’ve been dragging along with me, the things I am so done with!

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Eight of Cups reversed/The Lovers reversed. The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions.  My Eight is reversed, though, and thus I am being told that today just might be a day of strength and perseverance, rather than endings. The reversed Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) can tell of the possibility of rejection or separation, but it could also be reminding me that for today, tried-and-true methods might work better for me.  I might be able to focus better because I am alone, because there are no distractions.   

My Thoth card is the Nine of Cups.  Whew!  The “Happiness” card; I’m glad to see it. The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day.  Some call this the “wish” card, and the gifts of this card come with a warning: be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.  We need to visualize very carefully when we are trying to manifest our desires.

My Legacy card is Death, flavored by The Lovers.  Bookends! The Death card corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, imaginative energy that strives to stay the same or take the same course), Scorpio, Nun (fish head; liberation), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and tells of natural change that cannot be stopped.  Death is about transitions, and sometimes when a transition is upon us, for a little while we feel cut adrift.  Not fun.  But this is the best card for moving forward; LOL, once the movement forward begins, there is no turning back.  My Death card is being flavored by my upright Lovers.  The upright Lovers card is about intimate connections, and thus, about values and ethics.  Hmmm . . . I think these two cards together are telling me to **choose** to move forward, to walk willing through that one-way door and accept what comes next willingly.

More about my Bookend card, The Lovers.  The initial response of most people when they see this card is a good one.  After all, the energies of The Lovers are about union, important, life-changing union.  The bond represented by this card is powerful; after all, this is the Great Rite, the symbolic union of polar opposites that creates something new.  Only a Major Arcana card could have this kind of far-reaching yet intimate and personal power.  And yes, to some extent, this is about sex, about opening to another through Perfect Love and Trust.  However, this card is more than just good nookie.  After all, in order to trust, we need to be ethical, and we need to know that our partner is ethical, too.  If we continue on this track, we will realize that to some extent, The Lovers is also about dealing with temptation, and about the importance of our personal choices, of choosing with awareness.  A reversed card can certainly mean isolation, rejection, separation or a bad time in a relationship.  However, the reversed Lovers card can also be pointing us towards tried-and-true beliefs, or towards decisions that are right for a group, rather than for ourselves. 

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to 2, the number of balance, polarity and “distance between.”

My horoscopes: “The need to complete an important task could have you mustering a far higher level of self-control than you're used to, Sagittarius. Perseverance and determination could dominate your mood, and therefore you could accomplish wonders. However, be sure to take breaks occasionally, and remember to relax from time to time. Above all, don't be so focused on your work that you forget to eat. Your work will only suffer if you neglect your body. Pace yourself!”

And: “Recent successes haven't made you feel as if you could sit back and rest on your laurels. Rather, you're more likely to work that much harder and today you might spend a lot of time considering different options that could continue to build your socioeconomic status. Among them might be enterprises connected with the earth. Partners, both business and romantic, could provide inspiration for you. Go to it!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Wands.  The image on this card is of someone blowing a dandelion flower which has gone to seed.  This is the image of this card: a sudden outburst of energy that sets things in motion.  This is the momentum that activates the catalyst, and begins the journey towards the goal.  Fasten your seatbelts.

I taught a lovely little 2 hour belly dance workshop this afternoon.  No choreography, just some great drills.  What fun!  I listened to belly dance music all the way down to Cape May; Egypt Unveiled by my buddy, Hossam Ramzy, my current favorite, and then I revisited good old Pete List, the Human Beatbox, and his Songs For Kassar.  Then on to a new compilation CD called Café Bellydance.  Luuuvly.

Alchemy.  The Great Work.  Nigredo.  The Dark Night of the Soul.  How is that for a progression that scares the crap out of you?  The Nigredo is the most difficult part of the Great Work; it usually takes the longest to accomplish, and suffering is a huge part of the process.  After all, in order to scrape and chip off everything that is preventing me from seeing, I might need to use a rasp, or a chisel, or a knife, or a blow torch.  This is about reducing myself to my basic building blocks, and in order to do this, all vestiges of civilization need to be knocked away. 

This is kind of like the basic training part of the process, like military basic training, where the dedicants are pushed beyond their limits in order for them to learn that there actually are no limits.  And in order for them to determine what is really, really important; when you are being stressed at this level, you only want to carry with you what is really, really important.  Unnecessary baggage will just complicate things later on, and a Dark Night is the perfect method for determining the worthiness of the baggage we are carrying with us.  The term for the baggage we decide to discard is “dross.”  Dross is the scum of solid impurities that float the to top of a pool of molten metal (as opposed to “slag,” which is the oily liquid that can float to the top).  Skimming the dross from the top of a pool of molten metal is easier than skimming the dross from the psyche. 

Alchemists call this process “mortification.”  And yes, just like emotional mortification, it can include feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and poor self-esteem.  According to Jungian psychologists, this discomfort is an important part of the Nigredo process and the Dark Night.  I guess humans tend to need a strong hard kick in the butt sometimes to get us moving.

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Seven of Cups/Judgement reversed. The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that can happen when we are presented with enticing choices. The traditional image of the Seven of Cups shows seven cups, each filled with what appears to be a wonderful gift: the Wreath (Saturn and The World); the Castle (Mars and The Tower), the Woman (Venus and The Empress); the Snake (Mercury and The Magician); the Veil (the Moon and The High Priestess), the Jewels (Jupiter and The Wheel of Fortune), and the Dragon (our Sun and The Sun).  Choices, many choices, and the possibility of dissipation of energy as we try to decide. Judgement corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Pluto (power, metamorphosis, cycles of dying and becoming), Shin (fang), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Hod (provides analysis and communication) and it usually tells of an opportunity to validate the good stuff and get rid of the stuff I don’t need any more.  Unfortunately, today my Judgement card is reversed, and it is telling me not to make any choices today.

My Thoth card is the Two of Wands.  “Dominion” is Crowley’s keyword for the Two of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive, enthusiastic), which tells of power, influence and authority.  This card is about doing things on our own, or making a statement of ownership.  Crowley sees this card as representing Fire in its purest form, and of pure Will.

My Legacy card is the Knight of Cups reversed, flavored by the Eight of Wands reversed. The Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) feels things strongly, and is a dreamer.  The upright Knight is able to tame his imagination and make good use of it, but my Knight is reversed, so I will need to keep an eye on my emotions and feelings. The reversed Eight of Wands (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering), which is flavoring my reversed Knight of Cups, is telling me that now is not the time for action.  This is confirming my thoughts regarding the reversed Knight of Cups, and the reversed Judgement card.  Today I need to hang tight.

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number that tells of the completion of a cycle, which reduces further to 1, the number of potential and position.

My horoscopes: “Put that book down and get out of the house, Sagittarius! You've been by yourself long enough; it's time to start interacting with other people. In addition to having heaps of fun, you're likely to have some encounters that will prove beneficial in the long run. Group situations are great, but don't overlook the pleasures of an intimate one-on-one encounter.”

And: “You may be in quite a party mode today. Feel free to be open and social with the people around you. Take off on a wild adventure that quenches your thirst for spontaneity and fun. Stay up extra late and talk with a friend you haven't seen for quite some time. The time to live is now. Make the most of every moment of your life.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Seven of Wands.  Protecting something we care about from all comers; that is the message of the Seven of Wands.  Simple.  Powerful. 

The first step of the Great Work is the Nigredo, putrefaction.  And I forgot all about the other meaning of the Nigredo: the Dark Night of the Soul.  *gulp*

More tomorrow!

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Nine of Swords/Four of Cups reversed. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) again, this time in an upright position; this card represents brooding and worrying, the kind that takes place in the wee hours of the morning. Often this kind of worrying is about things that have already happened or things that cannot be changed. I am being reminded that this kind of worrying is a waste of energy, and I don’t have to carry my burdens alone; rather, I should release them and turn away from them, towards harmony. The Four of Cups (the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, tenacious, moody) is on the surface a card of pleasure and fulfillment, but combine all that “feeling” that is associated with the Moon and Cancer, and pair it with the stability of the number 4, and you get dreams and fantasies so lovely that they distract us from taking the actions necessary to manifest those dreams and fantasies. I shouldn’t lay awake at night worrying about this, but I also need to be aware that sometimes we can’t just visualize, we need to also get moving.

My Thoth card is Death reversed. The Death card corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, imaginative energy that strives to stay the same or take the same course), Scorpio, Nun (fish head; liberation), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and tells of transformation or change, both voluntary and involuntary, the ending of an era and the fear of the unknown result of change. Death often brings a freedom that ends up initiating new growth, even if the attaining of that freedom is a bit frightening. Uncle Al sees this card as offering natural change and transformation that happens through the alchemic process of putrefaction. Because the card is reversed, I am being reminded that some things do not happen immediately; the process of putrefaction in Nature takes lots of time, but in the end it is effective.

My Legacy card is the Four of Coins, flavored by the Page of Cups. The Four of Coins (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation or the deepest self, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, authority, caution cunning), is so very grounded. This Four is a card of earthy power, but since both the suit and the number are so very stable, so very resistant to change or improvisation, I need to be careful that I don’t become so obsessed over details or protective of myself that I begin to stagnate. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering), and this card is reminding me that my connections to others (and to my own inner self) need a bit of tending in order to remain healthy and viable. I may want to try new methods today, because sometimes sticking with the tried-and-true ones can tend to put us in a trance.

My New Moon Pearls of Wisdom card is the Ten of Swords. Hmmmm . . . the Nine and the Ten of Swords in one reading. Well, at least they are progressing in the right direction. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) tells me that failure is not fun, but we can’t release the failure unless we play it through to the end, without feeling sorry for ourselves. There may be some unexpected event that may cause me to feel devastated, but I do need to remember that there is always, always a silver lining. The glass is half full!!

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number that represents the end of a cycle, which reduces further into the number 1, beginnings and position.

My horoscopes: “You have an extra amount of physical vitality to work with now, Sagittarius, so take advantage of it to give your body a good workout. Eat well and avoid fatty, salty foods. Fuel yourself with carbohydrates, protein, and fresh fruits and vegetables. With high energy, you can get a tremendous amount accomplished. Be aware that your emotional side may be extra sensitive, so be careful of conflict.”

And: “Are you forgetting something? Your mind resembles a big block of Swiss cheese today -- it's full of holes! But you can lean on the sharp minds of friends and count on them to keep you on time and at the right location. Early today, firm up any upcoming social plans. There's a slim chance that someone's forgotten or that you told everyone the wrong time. Some small detail might trip you up, so tie up all the loose ends and get ready for a fabulous time.”

And: “As you get older you are drawn more and more to spiritual matters. It is not so much that you are embracing any particular religion, but more that you are quite curious about the supernatural and some of the ancient arts. Take some time today to visit the library or bookstore to do some reading up on the subject. You might want to form a study group with other, like-minded individuals.”

My Sun reading: “You may have something new in the works as the Moon inspires, but take today to finish unfinished business. Tonight, play the role of listener, observer, and joyful receiver as Neptune tests the Pisces waters. Don't be surprised if you feel psychically attuned with one or more people you meet.”

Yesterday was a day filled with energy work. I started the day with the Sacred Mists Reiki Share. I really do enjoy beginning my day with that kind of connection. Then, I led the Sacred Mists New Wind Moon Esbat; we normally perform two rituals, one in the afternoon and one in the evening, in order to accommodate our members in different time zones.

I really do enjoy writing and leading rituals. And this one was no exception. I incorporated much of my own practice during the Dark/New Moon into the ritual and the pre-ritual meditation, and we all created a magickal charm that both attracted something good and redirected something that could prevent that good thing from manifesting. Both rituals went well, and one of the attendees even posted a picture of their charm on FaceBook.

I finished the day with another Reiki Share, this time with my Pagan Brain Trust group. Another very effective chatroom Share!

Today, I am moving toward some new things.

The 24^th Path is next for me, and the Tarot Major associated with this one is Death. Since Death is my Thoth card of the day, I will begin the work needed to move into this Path. Since the Thoth Death card makes specific reference to the alchemic Great Work and the phase of nigredo in particular, I will review my own work with this phase.

Nigredo, or blackness, in alchemy means putrefaction or decomposition. The alchemists believed that as a first step in the pathway to the philosopher's stone, all alchemical ingredients had to be cleansed and cooked extensively to a uniform black matter. In psychology, Carl Jung interpreted nigredo as a moment of maximum despair, which is a prerequisite to personal development.

The Nigredo is the longest and most difficult phase; it makes the other two seem like child’s play. The Nigredo is accomplished through torture. Yes, I said torture. Actually, the process involves the surrender of superfluous and unnecessary characteristics, which happens through the tool of suffering.

Putrefaction is actually a three-stage process, the first stage being putrefaction or rotting, the second being fermentation or transformation, and the third being distillation, or the straining out of the remains.

I found some interesting and relevant stuff on a blog called Alchemy Journal.

“For many who work deeply with spiritual transformation, the goal may seem to be the healing of and freedom from past pain and suffering. When this goal appears to have been reached, there’s a tendency to believe that there will be no further difficult experiences. We think that because we’ve worked so hard, we’ve cleared it all out. Our life from that point will be idyllic and serene. This is such a common experience of lulling ourselves into yet another type of unconsciousness. This sets us up for the shock of an even more challenging experience wherein the ego is again thrown into the fiery cauldron for further transformation. In alchemy, this is called the Putrefaction - Fermentation stage. Here, we again face the ego’s insistence on dominance, but there is an important difference in the quality, intensity, and source of the experience. Unlike the experience in the first stage of Calcination, where we were alone in our battle with the ego, this time we sense another force assisting us. Although the initial part of this fifth stage, Putrefaction, can be very disturbing, and we may be thrown into a pit of depression or despair, it feels like we are being held up, supported, even encouraged in the process.” I think this is interesting, because we really aren’t supposed to just clear difficulty from our lives. We need challenges in order to prevent stagnation.

The author of the blog post goes on to say:

“This time, I have no desire to shut myself down or run away as I used to do years ago, when depression was a constant companion. (In his Alchemy Home Study Program Module One, Dennis William Hauck says ‘. . . the alchemists would never reach for the Prozac at this stage,’ pg. 50). Rather, I’m watching the darkness reveal parts of myself both known and unknown to me. It is a disconnection from the past, allowing it to die, rot and ferment so it’s inspired from higher sources rather than from my earthly self - the new material is emerging from the rich and fecund darkness in concert with my Soul.” Oh, I like this!! Disconnecting from the pain invalidates that pain, and it prevents us from learning the lesson of the pain.

This last section actually puts into words the exact sensation or effect that has prevented my recent Dark Night from becoming a true trauma. Danu has been with me, every step of the way, and Cernunnos has offered soothing advice.

“Some of this material [that appears within putrefaction] is downright frightening, but there is a distinct presence within and beside me that is not depressed or disturbed by the dream content. It is that part of me that I know as my Soul. And my awareness of its palpable presence is due to my not having shut down. This time, I put no blinders on so my vision is not limited. In times past, I closed down my ability to be with the material in the depressed state so completely that I couldn’t see anything other than the darkness itself, which I used as confirmation that I was valueless. This time, I am sitting in the midst of bleak, dark, despairing emotions but not chasing them away or misinterpreting their presence as a commentary on my worthiness. My Soul is here - it’s always been here, but this time I’m welcoming and celebrating its connection with me in the dark. Its purpose is clearly not to ‘make nice’ or pull me prematurely out of my wretched state, but to just be with me. This not only encourages me to keep on sitting with the material, but also serves as a model of trust and wisdom toward which I am growing.”

I think I am ready for the 24^th Path!

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Four of Cups/The Magician reversed. Yep, Four of Cups pretty much sums up how I feel today. I am tired. Physically tired and mentally tired. I think today I need to take a break from soul searching, but I do need to remember how much Water was indicated in my cards from yesterday. This lethargy may have something to do with all that “wetness” and its heavy contraction. The Magician in an upright position corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness) and the Hebrew letter Beth (house; builder). The Magician is able to use his skills and talents to “tame” the elements and their effects for his own purposes. The card may be reversed, but it is there, and so are these abilities. When the time is right, I will need to tap into them, no matter how difficult this may seem.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Wands. “Oppression” Fire has done its work too well, and there is no fuel remaining to offer new ideas. Government has turned to tyranny because there is no Balance.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Coins. LOL, I guess even my day of lethargy is to have a purpose. I am being told that this pause is important for two reasons. First, I need to determine if the harvest is ripe. If I begin to take the fruits of my labors too early, they will not be complete; if I wait too long, they will begin to rot and decay. Second, I need to acknowledge the need for patience. I cannot hurry the ripening process, I can only enable it to happen.

My 6-digit number for today is 7. This number tells of the beginning of movement away from the vertical and horizontal balance of the number 6 and the early stages of the degeneration of that balance. I need to remember that this degeneration is not necessarily a bad thing. Challenges bring growth, after all.

Well, my Tarot cards yesterday were mostly water, and guess what? It has been raining, hard, since last night. LOL, I always forget to look for the literal meanings of the cards.

I have done some initial research on the four stages of alchemic psychology (and most of what I have read so far acknowledges “citrinatis” as a stage on its own), nigredo, albedo, citrinitas or citrinatis, and rubedo. While together they represent a complete cycle, I need to look at them individually, first. And so, I will first tackle the nigredo, since I think this is the phase I am dealing with right now. The following two paragraphs are harvested from several separate Wikipedia pages.

Nigredo, or blackness, in alchemy means putrefaction or decomposition. The alchemists believed that as a first step in the pathway to the philosopher's stone, all alchemical ingredients had to be cleansed and cooked extensively to a uniform black matter. In psychology, Carl Jung interpreted nigredo as a moment of maximum despair, that is a prerequisite to personal development. Further steps of the alchemical opus are albedo (whiteness), citrinitas (yellowness) and rubedo (redness).

The shadow is an unconscious complex defined as the repressed, suppressed or disowned qualities of the conscious self. According to Jung, the human being deals with the reality of the shadow in four ways: denial, projection, integration and/or transmutation. According to analytical psychology, a person's shadow may have both constructive and destructive aspects. In its more destructive aspects, the shadow can represent those things which people do not accept about themselves. For instance, the shadow of someone who identifies as being kind may be harsh or unkind. Conversely, the shadow of a person who is brutal may be gentle. In its more constructive aspects, a person's shadow may represent hidden positive qualities. This has been referred to as the “gold in the shadow.” Jung emphasized the importance of being aware of shadow material and incorporating it into conscious awareness in order to avoid projecting shadow qualities on others. The shadow in dreams is often represented by dark figures of the same gender as the dreamer.

After reading these two paragraphs and allowing them to digest a bit, I realized two things. First, no matter how intensely uncomfortable and tortuous a Dark Night becomes, unless we consciously experience the suffering and understand its source as well as its sensations, we will not glean the benefits from that suffering. This means that unless we sooner or later pick apart the scabs and probe the infection completely, we will never find the splinter that is its cause. Yep, we can get rid of the infection on the surface, but it will surely return, and possibly worse than before because we have become accustomed to the discomfort associated with the infection, and so won’t notice its return until it has entrenched itself and become more difficult to dislodge. Everything must be examined and purged, not just the “usual suspects,” and using the metaphor presented, this means that we can’t just dig out the splinter, but we must also address the path the splinter took to arrive at its deep resting place.

This is hard work, especially if it is done in a solitary fashion. We don’t want to face our shadow because in the end, we will find the worst parts of ourselves hidden in our shadows, and we don’t want to acknowledge those traits, so we avoid even thinking about them. But we will not be able to move on to the next step until each segment of our psyche is examined in detail, tested harshly, and the judged as worthy of continuing, or needing to be burned away. Bug, we talked about this last night, and I believe it is the most important thing to remember about the nigredo.

The second thing I realized is that our shadow does not have to consist of only dangerous traits. The key is to remember the concept of Balance. Offering a periodic escape valve to, say, an addiction to those plastic tubs of prepared cake icing (LOL, moi? Addicted to cake icing??), might make it easier to resist their lure on most occasions. If I have trouble standing up for myself, I don’t need to do a 100% turnaround and become a despot; I just need to choose my moments to make my stand. This will allow my Younger Self to feel important instead of neglected, and then next time she might be more amenable to standing down.

*sigh* Well, now I know why it is called a Great Work. This is not a quick and easy task.

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Eight of Swords reversed (again!!)/The Hanging Man. Okay, okay; I am embracing my Dark Night, and I am not trying to direct things. Honest!! The Hanging Man corresponds to Water and the Hebrew letter Mem, which corresponds to Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts) and the planet Neptune (spirituality, inspiration and altered states). The Eight of Swords card in the Welsh deck shows a bound woman surrounded by swords, standing on a rock with churning water at her feet. If the card is turned upside down, it looks like the Swords are pointing at the Water. Hmmmm . . . . Perhaps I am being told that I cannot conquer fear and uneasiness unless I accept that they exist. Water without the Air to cause storms is calm and placid and perhaps this is what I should be opening myself to today.

My Thoth card is the Two of Cups. Crowley’s “Love” card, and typical of Uncle Al, he does not have much to say about this happy card. Crowley sees the Ace as representing the Holy Grail, so the love that is just beginning to be manifested in this Two is of a spiritual nature. More Water, too.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Cups. Emotional fulfillment and sensual pleasures today, but this card, with its presentation of the possibility of having wishes fulfilled, also presents a warning: don’t allow the senses to fully rule the day. Water always seeks the lowest ground, and while it makes a good ballast, too much and I will drown. Lots of Water in my cards today, so I need to remember this.

My Pearls of Wisdom Full Moon card is Death. More Water!! Death corresponds with the element of Water, with Scorpio, a Fixed Water sign, and with the Hebrew letter Nun, the fish head, representing liberation. This card specifically focuses on the cycles of life, specifically references the presentation of a doorway, and encourages me to walk through that doorway. It also verifies that I am more alive without my physical body, which is an interesting interpretation to me. I have often wondered of my awareness will become so much more than my physical self that my awareness will break away from my physical body and rise into the astral realms, the way an air bubble in a glass of soda breaks away from the side of the glass and floats upward.

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.

My horoscope: “You may receive some upsetting news from a family member today, Sagittarius. It could have you reeling for a moment, but when you take the time to think about it some more you'll realize that things aren't as troubling as they first seemed. Be sure to get all the facts before taking any action. You want to be sure to do what's right in this situation.”

This horoscope is interesting, because in Cape May on Saturday night, actually very early Sunday morning, as I was going to bed I saw the lights of an ambulance and thought of our next door neighbor, Marie. For some reason, I felt that the ambulance was coming for her, although it did not end up coming onto our block. I received an email from her daughter this morning, advising that Marie had a stroke last night, Sunday, at about 8 pm, and is in the hospital. That was very much a precognitive event, even though it was vague the effect was strong; as soon as I saw the flashing red lights pass by on the street behind ours, the very first person I thought of with concern was Marie.

Well, according to my cards, today’s potential is so filled with Water that I may feel like I am attempting to walk upstream against the current. Maybe this is why I had so much trouble getting up this morning. I will be thinking of the image on that Pearls of Wisdom card all day and the concept of stepping through a doorway; my instincts tell me that it is important.

In an effort to understand the Nigredo and to help Mystery with the Shadow Craft Extension Class she asked me to help her with, I purchased a used copy of Raven Digitalis’s book, Shadow Magick Compendium. The book came this morning, and I spent about 20 minutes looking it over at lunchtime. LOL, I need to have a pencil handy, because there appears to be lots of useful information in this book. I am pleasantly surprised! This book seems to be more mainstream (if Wiccans and Pagans can be considered mainstream) than I expected; shame on me for prejudging!

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