September 11, 2016: A Painful Anniversary

Today is a day that brings back horrible memories for most Americans and in fact, for many around the world.  I started the day in a very good mood, driving to work after a week’s vacation on Long Beach Island with friends.  The sky was clear and blue, the air was warm with little humidity, and I was relaxed.  Then I turned on the news.

By the time I had parked my car and turned off the radio an explanation had not yet been found for the plane that had hit the side of one ow the World Trade Towers, but just the short amount of time it took for me to get in the elevator and walk to my desk, the whole world changed.  By then, the other plane had hit.  This was not some weird accident, a pilot having a massive heart attack or something horrendous like that.  This was deliberate, an attack on America. 

It took quite some time for me to feel normal again.  For days, driving east presented me with the view of billowing clouds as the Pile burned.  For weeks, the television was filled with horrifying experiences, and with loved ones wandering, searching, hoping their husband or daughter or cousin was unconscious in the hospital.  Finally, hoping a body could be delivered.  Or a part of a body.  Heartache!

Over the past 15 years we have evolved through our grief, moving through disbelief to heartache, to anger and to revenge.  I am hoping that just perhaps, we can come to understand why this happened.  Perhaps not to forgive, but to understand.  I believe it is only through coming to this kind of peace that we as a country can move forward, move forward in a way that made the many deaths that happened 15 years ago worth something good.

My Dreams of Gaia card for today echoes this thought.  I threw the Six of Air reversed.  Again, a lush and beautiful image!  The keywords for the upright card are solutions, comparisons, compromise, open-mindedness, mindfulness, illumination, epiphany, and personal power.  The Six of Air tells of a solution that is reached through the creation of a compromise that lies somewhere between the extremes of black and white.  The card reminds me that while on the surface, an either/or choice may seem the only option available, there are always, always other resources that can be brought into play. Taking a rigid stance and refusing to hear the other side just might not be a productive plan.  My card is reversed, and the energies of this card may not be available.  That might mean my tendencies could be to **not** take into account the differences of others.  I need to remember that while I may be uncomfortable with the actions or beliefs of some around me, those actions and beliefs are created by their life experiences, and thus deserve some consideration. 

This really has a connection to my feelings and experiences regarding this day.  I do feel as if I have emerged from the darkness of heartache and I am attempting to find some compromise that will bring inner peace. 

Putting things back together in a new way. 

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Two of Wands reversed/Page of Swords.  Reversed Two of Wands again; okay, must pay attention here. The Two of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive, enthusiastic) tells of power, influence and authority.  However, my Two of Wands is reversed, two days in a row, so perhaps we need to look a little closer.   The Page of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning, Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, society, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality) actually tells us to do this, to use our mind and intellect to analyze situations as well as our emotions and feelings, and the messages of our senses.  The upright Two of Wands is not only about having access to personal power; it is also about believing that we have the authority (and the right) to manifest that power.  Individual courage and greatness do have a place in life, but they are not always effective.  Perhaps today I need to first ask why I need to use my own power and authority, before I actually use them.

My Thoth card is the Five of Swords.  “Defeat” is Crowley’s keyword for the Five of Swords (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, pleasure, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, cause-oriented, the group, aloof) which shows what happens when we insist that our way is right, or when we impose our needs or wants onto a situation.  As I stated the last time this card appeared, the image on the Thoth Five of Swords shows those five Swords pointing in, creating the shape of a pentacle with the bottom two points facing up.  I am being warned here of the consequences of using analysis and logic without an awareness of the effects I am having on others.  Climbing on the backs of others in order to achieve my own goals is not the best action today, and unfortunately there may be that tendency, even if it is not manifested.

My Legacy card is The Devil reversed, flavored by the Four of Coins.  The Devil (Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Capricorn (“I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning), Ayin (the eye, senses), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Tipareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) tells of being caught up in the physical world and the effects of the physical senses to the point of being bound to those things. The Legacy Tarot does not use a traditional image on this card; the Legacy Devil is handsome and attractive, and he reminds us that the pleasure of the senses can be addictive. The Four of Coins (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation or the deepest self, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, authority, caution cunning) is flavoring my Devil, and this is an interesting pair, because in some ways, the Four of Coins could be seen as one Minor Arcana incarnation of The Devil.  In an upright position, this card tells of very solid foundations (possibly to the point of being inflexible) and an awareness of the value of our possessions (possibly to the point of becoming obsessive).  My instincts are telling me that the reversed Devil is telling me that I won’t end up manifesting the more obsessive traits of the Four of Coins, but I should still be very aware today.  Nothing wrong with feeling that I have possessions of value, as long as I continue to remind myself that change is inevitable and I only have those possessions for a little while.

My 6-digit date number is 5, which represents movement that stirs things up and gets rid of stagnation. 

My horoscopes: “You could be feeling a bit antsy today and may want to spend time exercising or trying a new sport or game that you've never played before. This is great. Ask some friends to join you. Don't push yourself past your limits. This can only bring exhaustion or injury, and it won't help your fitness level. Exercise within your limitations and do it more often.”

And: “Sex and passion are primarily on your mind today, and you'll definitely want to get together with a romantic partner. Don't be surprised, however, if the precursor to lovemaking might be a long, involved, and very intimate conversation, revealing secrets that you thought you'd never repeat to anyone. You could learn some rather surprising things as well - though nothing that makes any difference to your feelings. Enjoy your evening!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is The Sun.  I just love the Shadowscapes interpretation of this card!  Rather than focusing on the noon hour and the peak of the sun’s light, this one talks about dawn and the perception of a fresh new start with no impediments in sight.  This is the moment when dreams may become reality, if we choose to access the visions they offer.  Now that is power!! 

Today is the 11^th anniversary of the bombings of 9/11.  Today, I am thinking about consequences, across the board.  We know who planned these attacks, but we also need to be aware of the many actions and things that contributed to this horrible day, both those actually done and those missed or forgotten actions and things that could have derailed what happened.  We all need to remember that day and the pain that is the after-effect of it, pain felt by many people, all around the world.

Today, I will think about peace, and I will visualize the paradise this world could be if we could turn our focus towards brotherhood and synergy, and towards celebrating our differences as well as the things we have in common. 

Blessed be!

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The Horned One (The Devil)/Page of Swords. The Horned One or Devil (Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Capricorn (“I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning), Ayin (the eye, senses), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Tipareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify), tells of being caught up in the physical world and the effects of the physical senses to the point of being bound to those things.  The point here is not that physical pleasure is bad, but that I cannot be ruled by my senses today.  The Page of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, competent, cautious, cunning, Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, society, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality) is kind of reinforcing that last bit.  This Page reminds me to use my mind and my intellect to analyze situations as well as the messages of my senses.  These two cards actually balance each other nicely.  Now all I need is maybe a Cups card.  LOL!

My Thoth card is The Moon reversed. The Moon corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, emotional and sensitive energy that strives to stay the same), Pisces (“I believe,” feeling, suffering, soul growth, duality), Qof (the back of the head), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and talks about the imagination, perception, and fear of the unknown or at a minimum, bewilderment because of it.  My Moon card is reversed, so I will need to be aware that what I perceive is not always what others perceive, but as long as I am realistic, there are benefits to be had from meditation and visualization.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Wands reversed, flavored by the Four of Coins reversed. The Nine of Wands (Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) tells of being pro-active in response to issues, of reaching a point of drawing a line or taking a stand.  But since my Nine of Wands is reversed, today I can be a bit more relaxed.  Not too much! The Four of Coins (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation or the deepest self, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, authority, caution cunning), in an upright position tells of maintaining and promoting control and very solid foundations.  This Four is reversed, too.  Looks like today is not supposed to be a day of control and order.  Sounds like a good day to be out at the beach!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.

My horoscopes: “You're more into socializing today than anything else, Sagittarius. This could be great providing you don't have a heavy workload. See who's available and go for it. If you need to get something done, you'll have to resist the temptation to chat too long. Use breaks for this and keep your focus on getting done what you've taken on. There's always the evening to get together with friends.”

And: “You may feel as if your smile is unwelcome today. It may seem to you as if there is some sort of gloom and doom to people's attitudes that makes them unwilling to accept any sort of good news. Don't let this stop you from maintaining your own cheerful state. It is important that you not probe too deeply into the reasons behind other people's behavior at this time.”

My Shadowscapes Insight today is regarding the Nine of Pentacles.  This card to me tells of the moments when our spiritual self is in harmony and balance and communication with our physical self.  The interesting thing is that this harmony can only be achieved in a solitary way.  I need to do the work to open myself, to learn and understand, and to connect all of these parts of my “self” with balance.  The being in the image on this card achieves this balance through music, through the playing of an instrument.  But there are many other ways to achieve this harmony, and for today, I will open myself to both the pleasures of the physical senses, and of the higher spiritual sensations that are the “above” to my “below.”

Today is the first day in a long time that I feel completely relaxed and healthy.  It has been a stressful summer; wonderful and fun and filled with great experiences for sure, but stressful too.  But finally, at the beginning of day three in the Dominican Republic, I feel as if I have unwound.

I am sitting in Brian’s living room, looking out the window and door.  The avocado tree right across the driveway from the door has beautiful red flowers on it, like smaller camellias; the trees behind this one are filled with fruit.  Several of the banana trees are heavy with fruit.  I just hung a load of wash to dry, because the sky is a brilliant blue.  The chickens have been by several times (the rooster woke me up this morning), watching me hopefully.  I gave them some stale bread yesterday, and amazingly they remember, after just one feeding, that I am the person who offered them food yesterday.  LOL, Jeri, one of Brian’s dogs, guards the front porch as his territory and this morning two or three of the chickens made it to the front door before Jeri saw them.  Feathers flew!

Yesterday we had an unexpected visitor!  Along the side of the property is a barbed wire fence, which keeps the neighbor’s cows in that field.  Well, apparently a bull went wandering out onto the street, and then turned into Brian’s driveway by mistake.  In came the bull, and in came the farmer, chasing after him.  Brian’s dogs went nuts, and at first we thought it was just a cow coming to visit, but then we got a glimpse of the “undercarriage” and grabbed the dogs.  Adrenaline rush!

Despite hitting traffic on Thursday, I arrived in the D.R. by dinnertime, so I was able to pick up an extra evening.  Friday, while Brian went to the doctor, Carlos and I went up into the mountains.  I bought some great gifts for WGW2011, we stopped and bought cornbread from the little old lady on the side of the road, and then had a lovely dinner, cooked by Carlos.  Yesterday, we took Beni, Brian’s other dog, to the vet, stopped for ice cream, and did some errands.  We had another lovely dinner by Carlos. 

Today, we are going to head to the beach, unless the weather doesn’t cooperate.  But no matter what, I am enjoying spending time drinking coffee and talking to my son. 

Today is the ten-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.  We are not the only country who has experienced first-hand the horrors of terrorism, not by any means.  But we have lived for so long with these horrors happening outside our borders that we have become insulated from them.  How easy it is for most to feel sorry for the victims of horrific attacks in an abstract manner, and yet continue with their daily lives, unaffected.  Yes, we do need to function, we do need to continue with our daily lives, we do need to rebuild after an attack, but we cannot do so unchanged.  After that day ten years ago, and the days and weeks that followed, many of us here in the US have been changed.

I think sometimes about oppression, and the perception of who is doing the oppressing and who is being oppressed.  And I think about terrorism, and how the definition of the term changes from one’s point of perception.  Those who perpetuated the attacks ten years ago were working from religious fervor; was this fervor a true concern for others, a need to show them the “truth” and allow them to see the light?  Or was the fervor the robe that disguised a need to exert control and wield complete power over another?  During the revolution that brought independence to America, from our vantage point our soldiers were heroes, but from the vantage point of the British, we were terrorists.  Is American seen as an oppressor?  I’m not talking about politics here, or about governments; I am talking about the every-day American.  We have our obliviousness, due in part from the ease of our lives.  This point is brought home for me in particular now, as I sit in my son’s living room in Jacagua, a rural suburb of Santiago, in the Dominican Republic.  From the vantage point of these people, even the poorest American who at least has a roof over his head is still living in a modern world filled with opportunity.

I remember the horror I felt as I watched on television the people at the top of the second tower, trapped and being choked by smoke, after the collapse of the first tower.  These people had to know that their chances of surviving were slim to none, particularly after the unthinkable had happened and the first tower had collapsed.  I cannot comprehend what must have been going through their minds those last moments.  I am filled with horror even now, as I type this.  And that is as it should be.

I don’t ever want the horror to fade.  And I don’t want the horror to turn to anger either, because anger tends to morph into revenge, and revenge perpetuates the whole situation.  So for today, as I head for the ocean of the Caribbean, I am going to remember the horror.  I am going to remember those who died and those who survived, and I am going to remember what they experienced that day as well as what I experienced.  And I am going to hope that humanity will turn to peace and love and communication to solve its problems. 

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