Dancing Sparkles

2012-02-11T21:31:00.001-05:00

Seven of Wands reversed/Queen of Wands reversed. The Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish), which is a significant card for me in its own right. In an upright position, this is a card of assertion, of being sure of what I stand for, and going after what I want, but my reversed card is telling me that at least for today, action may not be the best course. Perhaps the moment is not right, or perhaps I am not to lead the way, but rather to work with a team or allow someone else to determine the path. The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face. She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it, another active card. But my Queen is also reversed, validating the message of the Seven of Wands. I need to turn the volume down a bit, so that I don’t lose sight of the quieter or softer messages.

My Thoth card is the Three of Cups reversed. “Abundance” is the keyword for the Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody). This card is about blessings, but not blessings of the physical world. It is reminding me that love and connections to others are all I need. And if I visualize happiness, I will attract it to me!

My Legacy card is the Page of Cups reversed, flavored by the Eight of Coins reversed. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering); in an upright position, this Page is very emotional, dreamy, social, and connected to his intuition. Because my Page is reversed, I am being told that feelings and emotions may not be my friends today. My reversed Page of Cups is being flavored by the reversed Eight of Coins. The Eight of Coins (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) in an upright position is about taking care of details, working hard, and studying or learning new things, but it is reversed, so I am also being told that I may not be effective if I focus on details. Okay, then, sounds like I need a quiet day.

All reversed cards! I usually pull a clarification card in this case, and I will use my Llewellyn Welsh Tarot. The card I threw is The Lovers! The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) tells of union and of personal choices. The Lovers is about duality as well as about unions, and about feelings, but not Watery feelings. The element associated with this card is Air, so the feelings associated with this card are not related to the physical senses, but rather to the mind and to the spirit. Here is a worthy focus for me today!

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause, and the possibility of a crossroad, that appears when growth ends and degeneration begins.

My horoscopes: “Taking the easy way out won't tempt you in the least today, Sagittarius. This isn’t to say that you usually favor this approach, by any means; yet it's safe to say that everyone is tempted from time to time. Not so for you, though, as the planetary aspects are giving you the strength to take all of the necessary steps, however long they may be. Stand your ground if a partner tries to convince you otherwise”

And: “When it comes to matters involving love and romance today, you might find that things aren't exactly going the way you might like them to. It could be that you are waiting for your partner to make the next move since you are unsure of which way the relationship is progressing. At the same time, however, it may be that your partner is the one waiting for you. Keep the lines of communication open and stop playing confusing mind games.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Three of Cups. I just love this card. Like The Lovers, this is a card of connections, however these connections are usually not one-on-one, but rather regarding a group. This card is about friendships, about community, about teams, and about being able to rely on everyone else in the group. This kind of connection is necessary to us all.

I took a long, absolutely wonderful walk on the beach this afternoon, after spending the morning taking care of Coven responsibilities. What a glorious day, gray and drizzly and snowy; yep, perfect weather for today. The sky was gray and overcast, and there was a light breeze that sent the drizzle, sleet and fat snowflakes dancing. The ocean was calm, at low tide, and the waves gently slid up onto the beach and then receded.

I was dressed for the weather, so I really enjoyed the cold Winter air and the light breeze. I walked past shells and rocks, and the foam of the sea. Out just beyond the breakers, a par of cormorants braved the chilly waters, diving for lunch. There were two or three gulls sitting out on the far end of each jetty I walked past, as if they were patiently waiting for the tide to come back in. And the air was heavy with that damp, briny fragrance that I love so much!

I felt cleansed by the cold air, by the sight of the calm sea and the sound of the waves. I felt strong and serene, despite the unrest in my life of the past few weeks. And of course, due to my practices of conscious metabolic discipline, my muscles were singing and my energy body was pulsing and warm and clear.

Perhaps I felt this way because of that unrest bombarding me. Everything has been stirred up and turned over, both in my physical world and my spiritual life. Dust bunnies have been sent scurrying, and I have up-ended my metaphysical backpack, dumping its contents onto the ground. I’ve gone through it all, discarding the lint and the broken, unidentifiable pieces. I’ve hefted everything else, one at a time, deciding if each item was worth carrying along with me. If the answer is yes, the item goes carefully back into my metaphysical backpack. If the answer is no, the item is left carefully alongside the Path, just in case someone else can make use of it.

This is the process of the Great Work thus far. And unless I experienced the recent upheavals, with their tears and anguish and anger and fear, I would not be certain that the choices I had to make were important. I would not know for certain what was important to me, and what no longer served a purpose in my life.

This stage is called Separation because that is literally what I am doing. I have broken everything open, separated the parts, and examined all the contents. Now I carefully determine what things have survived the chaos of Calcination and the Nigredo Phase intact and still working, and what things have broken or warped under the stresses of these processes. This takes awareness, this takes the perfect balance of action and reaction, of choosing by becoming aware of the personal essences of those things being considered!

As I sit here before my computer, with a candle burning and the sound of the wind, no longer gentle, as it roars through the trees, I realize this is my goal at least for today. Finding the perfect balance of action and reaction.

2012-02-08T22:35:00.001-05:00

The Chariot/The Tower. Eeep! The Chariot, which corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), tells of having the control necessary to focus on my goal and steer myself away from distractions. The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)), on the other hand, tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going. Control? Or out of control? That is the question. I guess I need to remember that no matter what happens, I am in control of my reaction. Hmmm . . . I think that is what I am supposed to be focusing on.

My Thoth card is the Knight of Disks reversed. The Knight of Disks (cusp of Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, and Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) in an upright position tells of persistence to the point of being stubborn, and caution to the point of being boring. My Knight is reversed, and according to Crowley, this means the caution and persistence of this Knight just may end up not being helpful today. Perhaps The Fool and the Knight of Cups will convince him to back off, but we actually need a bit of Earthy energy today.

My Legacy card is The Fool, flavored by the Knight of Cups. The Fool corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and challenges that tend to require the use of the intellect to solve), Uranus (technology, science, radical change), Aleph (the head, youthful learning) and the Path between Chokmah (male in the electric sense, dynamic energy and the origin of vital force and polarity) and Kether (the source; limitless possibility). New beginnings and the unexpected, and interestingly enough, The Tower is about unexpected events too. The Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth), which is flavoring my Fool, is about feeling things strongly, and dreaming. These two are a powerful combination, and together, they just might be able to accomplish magick!!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability, with the potential to become stagnation.

My horoscopes: “You might find yourself really interested in getting out and doing something today, Sagittarius. And why not? It can’t be too difficult to phone a few friends and arrange to get together in the evening. Or perhaps you can look in the events page in your local newspaper and see whether a meeting or lecture is taking place that you'd like to attend. Is there a place you've been curious about and wanted to visit? If so, go there today and check it out. Make the best of your time!”

And: “The topic of the day is knowledge and learning. Did you study the field you dreamed of? Do you feel ashamed of not having attended such-and-such a school or program? If those sorts of issues are uppermost on your mind today, remember that your creativity has little to do with the degrees you hold and everything to do with how you use your skills and knowledge to better the world.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The Star. Starlight is not bright like the sun, nor does it change the way things appear, like the moon. There is peace connected to starlight, and soft, safe, dark spaces. And once the brighter lights are out of our eyes, we can see those things that were hidden from us before. We can see the answer.

So. I have broken down the negative energies attached to me, and humbled my ego through the actions of The Tower; I have used the Fire of metabolic discipline to keep the flow of detritus out of my body and my energy field. I have washed away the detritus and purified my energy body, and delved into the dark, dusty corners of my psyche to determine what has been stored there. The sludge has been stirred up, the blockages have been opened, and awareness has been activated.

And so, I move on to Separation. The process of Separation can be seen as a filtration of the waters (into which I have dissolved the ashes of Calcination). Separation allows me to finally discard the materials from my Shadow that have blocked me or caused me to doubt myself, and to reclaim those parts of myself that are valuable and now cleansed and purified. Time to sort through things with awareness, and choose what stays and what goes.

Calcination is about the Dark Night of the Soul, and the pulling of the metaphysical rug out from under my feet so that I am forced to look at things in a different way. Dissolution is about metabolic discipline. Separation asks me to use my breath in order to better connect to my spirit, vitalize my energy body and renew my physical body. Separation asks me to rediscover my unique essence, and to reconnect with the dreams that my Talking Self discarded. It is quite important for me to remember here that I cannot judge myself and still progress through this process of Separation.

No self judgment!

2012-02-07T22:47:00.003-05:00

King of Swords/The Magician reversed. The King of Swords (cusp of Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, cautious, cunning, authoritative, and Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, aloof) is a good judge of people and situations, and is good at articulating those judgments. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility); he takes action with confidence and is willing to work hard to manifest his goals. My Magician is reversed today, and perhaps he is validating the traits of the King of Swords, who uses intellect rather than action to manifest his goals.

My Thoth card is The Universe. Oooh, nice card! The Universe/World, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, stable and practical energy that is slow to change), Saturn (discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance), Thav (mark or sign), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world), is a card of integration and involvement and understanding. Crowley sees this card as representing the crystallization of the entire issue at hand. It can represent a bit of a lul or delay, which is normal at the end of one stage and lasts until the next stage begins.ß

My Legacy card is The Empress, flavored by the Seven of Wands. Wow! Powerful pair! The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is reversed for me today, and so I am being reminded that focusing on pleasing the senses and on achieving material reward may not be productive. Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish), is about physical world abundance of all kinds, abundance that is free-flowing and that pleases the senses. My Empress is being flavored by the Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish), which is a significant card for me in its own right. This is a card of assertion, of being sure of what I stand for, and going after what I want. Earth (The Empress) and Fire (the suit of Wands) are friendly with each other, so the passionate confidence of the Seven of Wands is telling me to enjoy!

My Pearls of Wisdom Full Moon card is the Ten of Swords reversed. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) is a card of interference, powerlessness and restriction, completely manifested. The card is reversed, however,

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creation from the potential of the Ace and the balance, polarity and understanding of “distance between” of the 2.

My horoscopes: “See about using your good relationships with friends and loved ones today to get some group activities going, Sagittarius. Chances are you'll feel pretty good and the idea of socializing will appeal to you. See about inviting people over for supper or a game of cards. If you're especially lively, some sports may be just the ticket to get you out and moving. Do whatever it takes to have some fun and get some fresh air today.”

And: “If there's something interesting that you've been wanting to get involved with, this is a great day for it. Adventure brings excitement, creative flow and energy to you; and as a Sagittarian, these are essential. Yours is often a highly artistic nature and continual stimulation is required to keep your psyche healthy. Make a point to experience something new today - even if it's a walk in an uncharted place to you, it'll bring the adrenaline you need.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Knight of Pentacles again! The Knight in the image on this card has eyes only for his goals. All around him are the spirits of the woods, hidden in the leaves and the bark of the trees and in the grasses and bushes around the Knight, but he does not see any of them. Nothing can distract him from his task; like the roots of a great tree that can crack and crumble boulders over time, he inexorably manifests his goal.

Today must have been raptor day in Bergen County. While walking this afternoon, I saw a coopers hawk, two turkey vultures and a red tailed hawk. Cool! Almost as many raptors as in Cape May.

I’ve been thinking more about Dissolution. I visualized a glass of water, and then I dumped a spoon full of sugar into my visualized glass of water, and then stirred briskly. Everything spun, and most of the sugar became combined with the water. But a few bits of “non-sugar” settled to the bottom. Okay, this visualization is the process of Dissolution. The “ashes” that are left after the Nigredo Phase and Calcination are “reconstituted” by adding liquid back into the ashes. The stuff that dissolves into the water must be emotions that work for me, that are “real” to me, that have an effect on me. They can “flavor” my life. They are reconstituted back by the addition of the water. What is left is the stuff that sinks to the bottom of that visualized glass. It does not dissolve, so it cannot affect me.

What is happening here is the next step, called Separation!

2012-02-06T22:26:00.001-05:00

Ten of Swords/The Lovers reversed. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) is a card of interference and restriction, completely manifested. And I am choosing to see this “completely manifested” as meaning “done.” Time to start a new cycle of working with the intellect. The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices. My card is reversed, and this could be telling me of a time of isolation, but that could very well be needed.

My Thoth card is The Seven of Cups reversed. “Debauch” reversed is the keyword for the upright Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) which represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options. Because my Seven of Cups is reversed, I could very well be able to connect to my feelings today, as well as my emotional needs.

My Legacy card is Faith/The Hierophant reversed, flavored by The Emperor. Faith corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity), and it is an Earth card that has a heavy feel about it, a feeling of needing to fit into specific slots, but because my Faith card is reversed, I am being told that perhaps I need to find my own slot rather than trying to fit into the ones provided. My Faith card is being flavored by The Emperor, which is a Fire card (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change) that corresponds with the astrological sign of Aries (“I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) and the Hebrew letter Heh (window, illumination). This is a card of confidence and authority; it is about being ethical and just, and it is also about taking the lead and manifesting into the physical world what I have learned. My Emperor is flavoring my reversed Faith card, and this does make sense. Faith is about traditions and culture and the group; The Emperor is about being a leader, and a leader acts on her own. She leads the group, but she also makes decisions for the group, in the name of the group, for the highest good of the group.

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to 2, the number of balance, polarity and the concept of distance between.

My horoscopes: “Don't judge someone if he or she has a different lifestyle than what you consider to be OK, Sagittarius. You probably lean toward the traditional, yet not everyone feels this way about relationships, working, or lifestyle. While it may seem impossible to understand and even frighten you, try not to be too harsh on those you deem odd. You'd be better off using that energy to keep your own life on track.”

And: “Follow your instincts before anything else. Even if you have a tendency to listen more to your sense of reason and thought, put it aside. While your ears can hear words, your instincts and intuition can hear what's between the lines and provide you with a much bigger picture than what's being presented. Even if everything sounds right but feels wrong, you'd be better to trust the feelings. Act with careful consideration and caution.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Knight of Pentacles. The goal is there before me, and I need to keep my eyes on it, the same way that this Knight of Pentacles keeps his eye on his goal. This Knight knows what to do and he won’t allow himself to be distracted. Is this good? That is the question.

I had a wonderful meditation today. I began by bringing my awareness to Danu’s Well. She was there, waiting for me. She let me know that she was aware of the difficulties I have faced of late. And She let me know that She appreciated my efforts to overcome them. Finally, She offered me some advice. She said, “You have learned to act, to take action, with confidence in yourself and in your own judgment and validity. Now, you need to re-learn how to react. In order to react, you must be able to perceive. And so, your task is to re-learn how to perceive, using your more learned senses.” Wow.

I can clearly see how this relates to my current focus, Dissolution. Perceptions are feelings, and feelings are emotions, and emotions are connected to Water. And Danu is helping me to explore this!

As I went for my walk this afternoon, I was drawn to return to the astral Ancient Altar. I arrived at the top of the stairs as usual, took off my clothes and folded them neatly, and then lit the fire. As I prepared to cast my circle and evoke the quarters, I thought for a bit about how comfortable this entire process had become for me. No script, no tools, just me, my body and my energy field.

As always, I called the Watchers and my Elemental Guides, and then Deity. Goddess and God graced me with Their presence. And I opened myself to Their energies. My conduits to the information highway high above me were strong, and as I stood there, open to any messages, I felt a cord attach to my crown chakra; once it had entered my chakra, it pulsed with life.

And then, suddenly, my heart chakra opened wide. The back end of the chakra began to emit smoke, cloudy dark smoke; suddenly, I felt my insides get sucked out the vortex of my chakra and erupt out the back of my body. My skin soon followed.

It has been a long, long time since I have lost my skin within a meditation. What remained, the “body” that remained, was pristine, with no hair, no marks. For a long moment, and for the first time in a while, I experienced my physical body as if it had just been born. And then, hair grew, a bit grayer than before, and I felt my body become in an accelerated fashion what it was before the meditation began.

With one exception. My senses seemed heightened, the way your fingertips feel after you rub them briskly across a rough surface. The light was different, I could feel my clothes on my body and smell the fragrances in the air. Was I being given a bit of extra help with the task that Danu has given me?

I proceeded to say farewell to Deity, and released my quarters and ended the meditation. Tomorrow, I will return to my work with Dissolution.

2012-02-03T18:03:00.001-05:00

Ace of Swords/The High Priestess. The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) tells me that I should be making the effort to be objective today, and I should exercise my Will in order to overcome adversity, with justice to all my first consideration. The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries. She tells me that silence and patience will be useful tools today, and that most of the answers to any question that present themselves will be found within me. I need to look beyond the obvious, and I do have the ability to see clearly and to understand what I’m seeing. Hmmm . . . might be a good day to ponder my own truth.

My Thoth card is the Six of Wands. “Victory” The Six of Wands (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, noble, authoritative) expresses the celebration we feel when we have passed some test. This is not an ending card, so the cycle is not yet complete, but today I may feel I’ve accomplished enough to be able to lean on my own abilities rather than looking to others for support and protection. For a little while at least, I can rest on my own laurels and bask in my own glow. But this is not a permanent situation.

My Legacy card is the Knight of Wands reversed, flavored by The Fool reversed. The Knight of Wands (cusp of Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, deep, obsessive, and Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is a person of passion, courage, enthusiasm and boundless energy. My Knight is reversed today, and so I need to be careful that my enthusiasm does not blind me to good sense. The Fool corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and challenges that tend to require the use of the intellect to solve), Uranus (technology, science, radical change), Aleph (the head, youthful learning) and the Path between Chokmah (male in the electric sense, dynamic energy and the origin of vital force and polarity) and Kether (the source; limitless possibility). Upright, he tells of new beginnings and of the unexpected, but since The Fool is reversed, he is kind of validating that warning regarding the reversed Knight he is flavoring. Today, there is a danger of making foolhardy decisions, thanks to my reversed Fool, and that Knightly enthusiasm could be like pouring gasoline on a fire.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the focused and conscious response to the pause and beginning of degeneration of the number 7, in order to maintain the harmony of the number 6.

My horoscopes: “You may be anxious to fit things in your life into pigeonholes, Sagittarius. When it comes to matters of love and romance, this may be hard to do, especially on a day like today. Call upon your pioneering spirit to seek something new and not limit yourself to what you originally had in mind. Perhaps there is something bigger and better waiting for you. You’ll only find it if you dare to accept something outside the norm.”

And: “The influence of your mother may be on your mind today. Your mother is likely to have a tremendous effect on how you think, act, and feel both in the past and in the present. For every sign, there is an opposite sign. For you, Sagittarius, your opposite sign is Gemini. If your mother is your opposite sign, conflict and misunderstanding can happen more easily. Take the time to learn about her sign today to help you understand her and the relationship you have.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Ace of Cups. This card represents the first stirrings of intimacy, emotions and feelings. As that first ripple expands, the force or effect of feelings and emotions will become more and more apparent. But even now, they can be perceived, if I look for them with awareness.

What a difference a week makes! I am moving along nicely within the Great Work and its efforts at self-understanding. I am still keeping the metabolic discipline of the Nigredo Phase and the Calcination process a part of each day. I have been doing my stretches each morning, and I have finally brought some Yoga back into my morning routine. I have been walking each day as well. I have been making use of my neutral zone, created through the process of Dissolution; it is a great place to mull things over in silence, without outside interference. I feel more grounded yet more alert and ready, and I think that part of this is because I am more connected to my responsibilities and efforts both in the physical world and through my spiritual growing and learning process. Talk about Spring cleaning!

I am also thinking quite a bit about the revelations I received from my Younger Self during that meditation last week. I have been reminded through that meditation that focusing on negative or uncomfortable events of the past ends up empowering them, feeding them so that they can live on. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with revisiting an old would to make certain that we have learned what we needed to learn from it, and to make certain that there are no lingering ill effects attached to that memory. But owning that memory (which is what we do when we allow the memory something that is over and done, and unchangeable, to affect us now in an unproductive way) means that we are giving it validity. We are in effect accepting that judgment presented by another person, and becoming that judgment.

When we examine these kinds of issues, we do need to look at them in detail and we do need to acknowledge the feelings elicited by the memory, but we can’t become those feelings. If we do that, we are offering new life to something that should be a dried up husk.

I think this concept applies to good thoughts and feelings as well. Don’t get me wrong, we should enjoy good feelings and we should be pleased and excited when we experience success. But we can’t become those instances, because they will end up a necessary part of our continued success. This is kind of like becoming dependent on one particular athame in order to cast a sacred circle or direct energy, or on one particular pendant in order to connect with Deity. If we lose that athame or that pendant, we will be totally stuck because our entire process of connection with those energies or that Deity is dependent upon that one individual tool.

Please note that this is different from the storing of feelings of validation in the core worth anchor. That storage of powerful feelings and emotions as a positive reinforcement is accomplished totally by my own visualizations, and is not dependent on any other entity, person, thing or object.

I like this kind of progress!

2012-02-02T21:56:00.001-05:00

Eight of Swords/Ten of Wands reversed. The Eight of Swords (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable talkative, dual) tells of confusion and restriction, of being stymied by obstacles. The sense of powerlessness associated with this card comes from within, though, and those obstacles are most likely not as bad as they seem. The Ten of Wands (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is a card which tells of being taxed to the limit, or at least, tells us we believe we are taxed to the limit. Another card of perception, and I had better be very suspect of my judgments and decisions today.

My Thoth card is the Four of Swords. “Truce,” The Four of Swords (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation) tells of the need for a truce or some time of rest and recuperation. One possible instruction offered by the Four of Swords is to take a bit of time to think, or to stand back from a situation in order to get a new perspective. There is that word again!

My Legacy card is the Eight of Coins (another 8!), flavored by the Ten of Cups. The Eight of Coins (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) is about taking care of details, working hard, and studying or learning new things. No perceptions here, just hard facts. Of course, it is an 8 card, so it is active, but this is more slow, steady and predictable action. The Ten of Cups (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, spirituality, suffering and growth) offers the manifestation of happiness and fulfillment. The blessings offered here could be the carrot, and if I judge carefully and pay attention to details, they will be mine.

My Pearls of Wisdom Imbolc card is the Queen of Cups. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) represents the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana. The Pearls of Wisdom Queen of Cups is telling me not to trust perceptions but rather, to trust my emotional reactions and my intuition.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause at the end of growth and the beginning of degeneration, and usually presents a crossroad or decision.

My horoscopes: “Have you been looking to branch out in a new direction, Sagittarius? If so, this could be the day you get the lead of a lifetime. Or you might receive some unexpected information indicating possible new sources of income that you could pursue on your own. Whatever they are, new doors of opportunity are going to open for you that could make a big difference in your lifestyle and catapult you into a higher socioeconomic bracket. Make the most of it!”

And: “Feed your mind today. While you no doubt enjoy being active and social, chances are you get bored fairly quick as well. This is common for a Sagittarian and you'll need to give yourself a constant supply of intriguing and fresh material to feel your best. Explore a subject that's been something you've thought of as interesting or learn a new hobby. Stimulate your mind and your body will also become more energetic. Use the Internet if you can't get away.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is the Nine of Pentacles. Today is the sixth time this card has appeared for me since the first of the year; there have not even been six weeks yet in 2012! Generally, this card presents two concepts: really focusing on discipline, and the opportunity to enjoy bounty that is well-deserved. It is through this enjoyment that I will connect to my physical senses, and then in turn to the non-physical world of spirit.

Pagans of all traditions will be celebrating the Sabbat of Imbolc either yesterday or today. Imbolc is usually celebrated on February 1 or 2nd in the northern hemisphere, and August 1 or 2nd in the southern hemisphere. Some Pagans time this celebration to the solar midpoint between the winter solstice and spring equinox, or cross-quarter. Many Pagans base their Imbolc celebrations on traditional lore and customs derived from the historically documented medieval Irish texts. Some celebrate the festival when the first stirrings of spring are felt, or on the full moon that falls closest to this time. Imbolc is especially a time of honoring the Goddess Brighid, and many of Her dedicants choose this time of year for rituals to her.

Wiccans celebrate a variation of Imbolc as one of four “fire festivals” which make up half of the eight holidays (or “Sabbats”), of the wheel of the year. Imbolc is defined as a cross-quarter day, midway between the winter solstice (Yule) and the spring equinox (Ostara). The precise astrological midpoint in the Northern hemisphere is when the sun reaches fifteen degrees of Aquarius (in the Southern hemisphere, if celebrated as the beginning of local Spring, the date is the midpoint of Leo). The lighting of candles and fires on Imbolc is seen as a form of sympathetic magick that helps bring the return of warmth and the increasing power of the Sun over the coming months.

Imbolc is said to be the day the Cailleach (the hag of Gaelic tradition) gathers her firewood for the rest of the winter. Legend has it that if She intends to make the winter last a good while longer, She will make sure the weather on Imbolc is bright and sunny, so She can gather plenty of firewood. Therefore, people are generally relieved if Imbolc is a day of foul weather, as it means the Cailleach is asleep and winter is almost over. On the Isle of Man, where She is known as Caillagh ny Groamagh, the Cailleach is said to have been seen on Imbolc in the form of a gigantic bird, carrying sticks in Her beak.

My Coven, Sacred Mists, held its Sabbat celebration yesterday. After the ritual, the SMPDA offered divination readings, which stretched out the celebration nicely. Tonight, I will be focusing on getting accustomed to my new duties as a Third Degree Dedicant, related to my chosen Path of Teacher. And, I am getting accustomed to my new hours, and to working for a few hours each day for my husband. So far, so good with that!

The brightest of Imbolc blessings!

2012-01-31T17:20:00.001-05:00

Nine of Cups/The Sun. Oooh, nice! The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day. The Nine of Cups is a card of feelings and emotions, but it also tells us that the pleasure can also be connected to our senses, and thus to the physical world. The Sun corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), our Sun (the inner core of a person or situation), Resh (the face; reason), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest in the physical world) and Hod (provides analysis and communication), and tells of a time of enlightenment. This card usually indicates that an intellectual breakthrough could be upon me, and I should allow myself to be optimistic. Both of these cards are good one, and perhaps my day in the sun is approaching; I had better keep expecting the best!

My Thoth card is the Three of Swords reversed. Whew! “Sorrow,” but reversed. The Three of Swords (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation) usually indicates the possibility that logic and the intellect could end up causing harm, but thankfully my Three of Swords is reversed. My time of feeling isolated or lost could be fading away. I am so ready for that!

My Legacy card is the King of Coins reversed, flavored by the Five of Cups. The King of Coins (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical world manifestation of all kinds. Because my King is reversed, and being flavored by the Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) which tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support, there may be some potential issues cropping up today that could bring discomfort or an inability to connect to resources. I need to remember that money is not everything, and that the best things in life do not cost any coins at all.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the number that tells of a conscious response to the beginning of degeneration of the number 7, in order to attempt to maintain the balance of the number 6.

My horoscopes: “You're most likely going to be very drawn to the things that you can't have, Sagittarius. Instead of getting upset and frustrated by the fact that you aren't getting what you want, look for the lesson in the situation and the reason why you really don't need those things at all. Things with extremely high sentimental value may seem very important to you right now, but maybe there is an important reason why you need to let go and move on from that particular sentiment.”

And: “Does a love partner appear to be rather moody today? One moment your friend may be in a great mood, enthusiastic and optimistic about the future, while the next moment the mood could be one of total gloom. Don't let this get to you - and certainly don't get overtly upset with your partner. Listen rather than talk, and be patient. Tomorrow your friend's moods should be back to normal.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding Strength. This card is about courage, compassion and patience. None of these are easy skills to obtain; working with these skills and owning them involves experiencing them and experiencing their opposites. It is only by actually experiencing (and surviving) the extremes that we are able to know them, to understand them, to make them our own, and to effectively wield them in a situation.

Yesterday I worked at continuing the Dissolution process, while continuing to maintain metabolic discipline. And I ended up having a nice breakthrough of sorts!

I began by thinking about feelings and emotions, and how they could be holding me back from evolving and living. I realized that while I didn’t have trouble connecting to strong and uncomfortable feelings, I was not able to clearly see the source of those feelings, even though I could see the triggers with ease. I realized that perhaps I needed to create a sort of “soundproof room,” or better yet, a “neutral zone,” where I could examine the feelings and emotions that seem to be holding me back, without experiencing their uncomfortable effects. So I created a neutral zone for myself.

Now, I already had a “core worth anchor” (which I created while working with the exercises in Starhawk’s book, “Twelve Wild Swans”) between my solar plexus and sacral chakras, into which I feel all of my positive emotions such as validation, success and confidence, all empowering emotions, as I feel them. This core worth anchor is a great storehouse of these feelings and I can connect with them any time I need an extra punch. I decided that my neutral zone should be in another place, and it did not take me long to realize that I already had the beginning of a neutral zone in my mind. So I began to add details to my neutral zone. I wanted it to be strong enough to hold my experiences so I would remember them. I have learned that often if I am able to resolve an uncomfortable situation by dealing with the emotions connected to that situation, I often have trouble remembering exactly what I did to solve the problem. LOL, it is as if once the situation is solved, everything about it including the solution fades away. I also wanted my neutral zone to be clear rather than opaque, so I could “see” and “perceive” and “experience” the emotions I was studying without having them actually affect me or distract or overwhelm my focus. And of course, there needed to be a conduit so that information could come and go, protected by a strong firewall. Lastly, there had to be an “on/off” switch, so that if things felt out of control, I could shut down the whole process and let it cool down a bit.

Once I felt comfortable with my neutral zone, I began listening to a guided meditation that focused on bringing answers. It was not until more than halfway through the meditation that a key finally presented itself and the process of finding the answer began. The narrator began to create some relaxation, and told listeners to “just be the spirit, enjoying the body you created as a spirit, with no judgment.”

Wow! I actually turned off the guided meditation and thought about that. Yes, that makes sense; granted, we are given a particular physical vehicle when we are born into this life, and while it is assumed that vehicle is completely operational, that does not always happen. However, it is our choices after that moment of birth that actually guide and mold the physical vehicle, in accordance with what we are given at birth, but also in accordance with our life choices as far as eating, exercise, activities, etc.

Okay, this makes sense. For a moment, I probed my own feelings regarding my physical body, and while I certainly felt that I could lose a few pounds, all in all I was comfortable with my body. So that was not my emotional issue. However, there was a discomfort, I just could not identify its source. Time for my neutral zone to be put into play.

Once I put my awareness there, I called my Younger Self. Courage, control and patience are all a part of this card. And those are not small skills easily attained. We cannot know any of them unless we know each of their opposites as well; it is only by experiencing the extremes that we are able to understand them, and tame them to our will.

A brief side note here: Wiccans see the psyche as being broken into three persona: the Talking Self (corresponding to Freud’s ego) who works through words and logic, and helps us to function in the physical world; the Higher Self (corresponding to Freud’s superego), who communicates through symbols rather than words and who is our connection to Deity or to that part of our mind that governs ethics, evolution, compassion and love; and the Younger Self or Child Self (corresponding to Freud’s id), who can communicate through both words and symbols and thus connects the Talking Self with the Higher Self, and who uses belief in order to manifest goals into the physical world (in other words, the Younger Self can do magick). This means that the Younger Self is the perfect person to go to if I want emotional truth, or at least, “truth” according to my Younger Self.

And as I expected, she was angry, shouting and stamping her feet at me and on the verge of a full-blown tantrum. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me. She is angry because no one is listening to her, and she is afraid that everyone else will think she is wrong or not worth anything. I knew exactly where this was going, as I had cleaned out this wound before: my first marriage.

It is amazing how something that happened 40 years ago can still have such an effect on me. But my Talking Self knows that this painful memory only can affect me if I allow it to affect me, or LOL, only if my Younger Self believes this memory still has power over me. Perhaps it was time to probe this event a bit deeper.

I realized that my Younger Self was actually afraid of being helpless again, of being put into a situation that would control so completely. This was a very painful time in my life; I was very young, very shy, and without realizing it, a strong empathic. My first husband was young as well, and had some issues, and because of his need to control and my need to be controlled, the marriage disintegrated into a dictatorship, with my ex as the dictator and me as the oppressed masses. There was no physical abuse, thankfully, but there certainly was psychological abuse. I did finally find the courage to leave and ask for a divorce, and that was the bravest thing I ever did.

I’ve pondered this before, and I wondered why I could not let it go. But then I realized, by those very words, that I must be holding onto that painful time. By holding onto my feelings of being oppressed and not valued and not seen as a valid and smart grownup, I was giving power to the very situation that I was trying to get rid of.

I examined my memories of this time, and then something else became apparent to me. My Younger Self was not only empowering the situation, but she was also accepting the judgment of another person as fact, and then not only accepting that judgment as her own, but putting effort into validating that judgment.

I am not the person my ex perceives me as. In fact, as I thought about the memories of this time from the safety of my neutral zone, I came to believe my ex’s need to control me was directly sourced to his own insecurities. I did what I had to do in order to survive that time, but I did leave the marriage of my own accord. My ex did not want me to leave, and tried every psychological tool he could think of in order to force me to stay in the marriage, but I found the courage and strength to leave anyway. And because of that experience, I will never, ever allow myself to not have control of my own life, not ever again. So that time is actually an integral part of who I am now.

Wow. Where did all that come from, and where was it hiding within me? I have learned something today: when examining painful situations or feelings, it is very important to look at them in detail and to be aware of what they feel like and seem to be made of, but I can’t become those feelings; I can’t own them or see them as valid, as my own truth.

Looks like this neutral zone is going to come in handy. As is the Dissolution process.

2012-01-29T16:05:00.001-05:00

King of Pentacles reversed/King of Wands. Well now, there is a clear message! The King of Pentacles (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on the physical world, on physical world resources, and on physical manifestation. Not only is my King of Wands reversed, but he is paired with the King of Wands. The King of Wands (cusp of Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, moody, and Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic egotistical) is charismatic and forceful, but in an admirable way, a way that empowers himself and everyone around him. The reversed Pentacles King actually supports the upright Wands King, telling me that at least for today, I should not shy away from risk or from trying new or untested methods because I have the ability to deal with a lot.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Cups. The Ace of Cups (Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, deep, mysterious, obsessive, Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) tells of the potentials available to me for experiencing deep emotions, a connection to my Inner Voice, compassion for myself or others, attunements and connections. Crowley calls this card the Lord of Love and sees it as representing the Grail. I see it as representing the Great Rite, and the fertile potential contained in all love. Interesting that this Ace appears today, as I am working with the element of Water.

My Legacy card is The Wheel, flavored by the Nine of Swords reversed. Another clear message. The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)) is telling me that whether I am ready or not, stuff is going to happen, and probably is happening already. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused, but since this reversed Nine of Swords is flavoring my Wheel today, it is telling me to be in the flow, and to use my mind and my intellect to work with the ebbs and flows of energies that present themselves today, without fear. Well, that sure seems to validate the message of my first two cards today, eh?

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.

My horoscopes: “Don't be surprised if you're scolded by people who are upset about the way you're handling certain things in your life, Sagittarius. Most likely, the people who criticize you the most are the ones who understand you the least. They are probably on a completely different wavelength than you, and it isn't your job to try to change them, nor is it your responsibility to change your ways because of them.”

And: “Today might not be as lighthearted and free-spirited as you would like it to be, but do not sweat it. Work with the sobering, grounded energy of the day to complete a set of tasks that has been wearing on you for quite a while. Take a step back from the drama in your life and carefully observe your emotions from a loftier point of view. Realize how your actions have been affecting others. Tone things down and evaluate.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Nine of Pentacles. Okay this card makes a lot of sense to me today. I don’t need to be an expert on dealing with physical world resources in order to enjoy the gifts of the physical realm. I do, however, need to do the work that allows me to tap into my own physical senses with a strong and clear connection. At least for today, I can pause in my labors, and just enjoy.

I went for another great walk last night. I went back to the beach for sunset; the evening sky was crystal clear, and the sun was a fiery orange ball that dropped quickly below the horizon, as it normally does in the Winter. The waxing moon was high in the sky, with Venus below the moon and Jupiter above it. I could easily visualize the ecliptic of our solar system, and I spent some lovely, serene time on the beach at low tide, enjoying the quiet solitude. The evening was so lovely that I walked for quite a while, both along the beach and on the streets.

I had a wonderful morning watching my suet feeder! There are three nuthatches, a pair and a solitary bird, that visit the feeder multiple times in a morning. I love watching these tiny birds as they eat! The pair seems so polite; one will go right to the feeder (which is hanging from a crepe myrtle in our yard) while the other perches on one of the lower branches. Then they switch places, darting quickly so the other can feed. Then off they go, swooping over the roof of the garage, but in a few minutes they return for a second helping. The solitary nuthatch also returns several times.

This morning, however, we had new guests. A Carolina wren spent some time at the feeder, greedily gobbling down big hunks of suet; he came back a few hours later for a bit more. Then a few chickadees began several passes to the feeder.

We also get robins, starlings and catbirds visiting the shallow pail of water that is left out in the yard. They drink and take baths, even in the cold! I guess the news has spread that there are some great accommodations in our yard.

I am continuing my work with the Albedo Phase and Dissolution; I walked to the beach this morning, and plan to do so again at dusk. I am sipping water all day also, physically connecting to the process of Dissolution (while continuing the metabolic discipline of Calcination), and visualizing the process of dissolving.

When we dissolve something, we immerse it in water, and since the element of Water represents feelings, emotions, visions and the subconscious, these are the effects I should be looking for. Along with my other alchemic research, I am reading “The Alchemist,” by Paulo Coelho. This morning, I read a phrase that stands out in my mind as a part of the process of Dissolution: “The boy was beginning to understand that intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there.” This makes sense to me; it also tells me that while for the first moment or two we might feel a huge disconnect, once we begin to “dissolve” we will be one with the water, with our feelings and emotions and visions and subconscious.

One thing I need to remember: in order to dissolve something into water, we need to stir. This means that while I may initially feel that nothing is happening, actually blockages are being dissolved, and that means there will be a sudden rush of energy in the near future.

I may not be feeling the effects of Dissolution yet, but they are coming. However, I have done quite a bit of work already with my subtle body and my inner self. This does not ensure that I won’t experience turmoil, but since I’ve survived turmoil already, I won’t view this stage of the Great Work with fear.

2012-01-28T14:48:00.001-05:00

Four of Wands reversed/Queen of Cups. The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) is about building enough to become established. My card is reversed, and the meaning seems obvious to me: I’ve not yet established the beachhead. I need to be careful here, because my other card is the Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana. This card is telling me that I will really be connected to my emotions and my feelings and my dreams today, and I need to be very careful that I don’t focus on what I have **not** achieved yet. Sure, my Four of Wands is reversed, which means I have not reached that first exciting level, but the card is there. This means that the potential for achieving that level is there, too; I just haven’t broken through to it yet. I must use these potent visualizations given to me by my Queen of Cups to create on the astral realms a clear picture of what I want to achieve. The first steps of creativity and manifestation happen within the worlds of Fire and Water, but if there is not a balance of the two, I will get burned, or the creative energies will be extinguished.

My Thoth card is The Tower. **heavy sigh** Aren’t I done with this yet? The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)) tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going. The Thoth Tower is really a scary card to look at, all oranges and yellows and blacks, and points and teeth and sharp edges and force. We tend to anticipate that the effects of the upheaval predicted by The Tower will be personal, or at least I do. What I need to keep in mind is that the sudden change that is coming is absolutely necessary, and it will clear the way for new birth.

My Legacy card is the Seven of Coins reversed, flavored by the Ace of Coins. The Seven of Coins (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells of pauses and choices and assessments. Because it is a number 7 card, and because it is of the suit of Coins (which corresponds with the element of Earth), it is a bit of a heavy card. Just look at the astrological association to this card: Saturn in Taurus! Since the card is reversed, my Seven of Coins is telling me that now is not the time to pause and consider. And this is validated by the card flavoring my reversed Seven of Coins, the Ace of Coins! True, the Aces present potential only, unmanifested, and the Ace of Coins (Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, social) tells of the presence of potential that is connected in some way to the physical world of Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes; stable, material and practical energy that is slow to change) represents the potential to experience prosperity, security, stability, trust and a connection to Nature. Not the actual manifestation of those things. However, the reversed Seven of Coins could very well give a nudge to the energy of the Ace of Coins and its practical and stable energy that is usually slow to initiate.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that might bring discomfort but that also dispels stagnation.

My horoscopes: “A number of visitors might come to your house today, Sagittarius, perhaps to discuss matters of interest to all of you. Some intense disagreements could arise, but you'll be able to keep it all together. An intellect enhanced by intuition enables you to understand and explain complex ideas, and you'll also be able to derail misunderstandings before they even happen. Providing tasty treats could also help smooth ruffled feathers.”

And: “An intense and emotional dream could move you so powerfully that you awaken with the odd sense that the dream was real. Write it down. Maybe it is! Efforts to overcome career obstacles could be finally paying off, and you might be walking around in a daze asking yourself if it's really happened. It has! Make the most of it! And don't be afraid to reveal your feelings to others.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Wands. Action! And new beginnings! The image on this Shadowscapes Eight of Wands shows a woman gesturing towards what looks like dandelion seeds floating away after a strong puff of air dislodged them from the flower. What an appropriate image to this card, and on this day! The Shadowscapes Eight of Wands tells of an ending, the ending of the flower, and a sudden ending, too, similar to The Tower of my Tarot draw today. However, this ending is actually a new beginning, for while the flower is destroyed, the seeds of the next cycle have been released. The Eight of Wands tells of that sudden puff of air that gets things going.

Jung calls the Nigredo Phase the time of maximum despair. Okay, I haven’t quite reached the maximum amount of despair I believe I can deal with and still function, but perhaps the time has come to move my focus a bit away from direct contact with Calcination. The trials and tribulations of my life these past few weeks has certainly served a useful purpose: they have made me think about what is important to me or what is worth fighting to keep or maintain, and what is in the end “fluff” or no longer necessary to maintain my own health and well-being and thus, not worth expending effort to carry along. The interesting thing about this process of designating certain things as fluff is that the releasing is actually freeing up a bit of focus or Will that has been otherwise engaged until now.

In an effort to empower the changes that have been happening for me, I am thinking about the next stage in the Great Work, the Albedo Phase. Following the “blackening” of the Nigredo Phase comes the “whiteness” or purification. This next process, Dissolution, is accomplished through the addition of water to the remains of the fiery transformation of Calcination.

The element of Water is usually associated with feelings and illusions and visualizations and emotions, and while it might seem that the addition of emotions might be simple, this part of the whole process can be as difficult as the Dark Night of the Nigredo Phase. **gulp**

I am beginning to work with Dissolution in a literal sense, by doing a water cleanse. I will be sipping water all day, and LOL, running to the bathroom often, but I am hoping to flush the toxins from my body and my mind. I will be including the metabolic discipline of the Nigredo Phase, and going for multiple walks today and tomorrow, so that I hopefully increase the fuel for this whole process. My first walk this morning was beneath the sun, on the beach as the tide was moving towards its high time. I will walk later this afternoon as the sun moves lower in the Western sky, and then again after dark. Hopefully, I will be able to do the same tomorrow.

In between my walks, I will be wrapping some beach glass, working on my manuscript (soon to be submitted to Llewellyn **crosses fingers**), and beginning the process of writing my “proving essay” regarding the next step in my Third Degree Training.

2012-01-26T18:38:00.003-05:00

The Lovers reversed/The High Priestess. The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics. My Lovers is reversed, which could be telling me of some kind of isolation or separation from those I trust and care for, or I might have trouble connecting to others. The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries. She is real good at allowing events to unfold according to their own energies, and in that respect, she validates the reversed Lovers. The High Priestess is a gatekeeper of sorts, and she will not allow others to access the Mysteries without first passing the test. And, the test usually is only accomplished in silence or solitude. That entire concept may very well be important today.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Swords reversed. “Ruin” reversed, and I’m glad to see this one fading away. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) has been showing up lately; this is a card of interference and restriction, completely manifested. Hopefully the reversed appearance is telling me that the effects of this Ten are fading away; at the very least, they should not have a lasting effect on the day.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Coins reversed, flavored by the Queen of Swords reversed. The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline. In a lot of ways this one can be seen as similar to The Lovers, also reversed above. My choices may not bring the rewards and comfort and ease that I expect them to bring. The Queen of Swords (cusp of Virgo, “I serve,” practical, sensible, work and service oriented, and Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, grace) in an upright position tells of being up front and open with everyone, of being quick on the uptake, and of making use of the experience I have gained. But, my Queen is reversed today, so I need to be aware that what I see as perceptive and penetrating might appear severe or aloof to others. Since this card is flavoring my reversed Nine of Coins, it is validating the message of that reversed card, and offering further insight into the root cause of the reversal.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creations from the potential and awareness of position of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and awareness of “distance between” that is the 2.

My horoscopes: “Realize that you may be controlling other people's actions without even consciously knowing it, Sagittarius. This is one of those days in which emotional outbursts could explode in your face as a result of other people's reactions to your pressure. Don't feel like you need to take on the responsibility of everyone else's actions. You may be having a hard enough time dealing with your own personal issues.”

And: “Today you might find yourself planning to have some visitors come to stay with you for a while. Worry about developments on the job, or unfinished chores of your own, might have you feeling a little bit stressed out and under the weather. You need to step outside yourself and look at your situation objectively. It's not all that bad - just something that needs to be done. Get it handled, then reward yourself in some way.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Cups. Lovely message, and appropriate for me today! Dive down into the dark depths, for the secrets are there to be found. Leave the physical world of matter behind, and move with the ebbs and flows of the currents. Leave the surface and head downward and inward. Allow the water to support you, smooth and cool against your skin, and allow the silence to envelope you. Mmmmm . . . cozy.

And the Calcination of the Nigredo continues! I get so very frustrated when a written conversation (such as an email thread or an Instant Message conversation) gets imposed with emotions or intentions that just were not even remotely in my mind. Within my Wiccan Coven I have many responsibilities which entail interacting with others in writing, via emails, IM’s or Forum posts. My goal is to serve and empower and teach, with harm to none and in Perfect Love and Trust, but LOL, the written word does not always end up offering the same message by which it was created.

And I am surrounded by unexpected events that are bringing discomfort and frustration. Yet, I feel as if I am handling things differently than usual, or I should say this time I am surrendering to the events and examining them as a bystander, objectively, rather than immediately focusing on fixing things. Is this the way The Hanged Man feels as he hangs upside down on his tree?

The Nigredo Phase is supposed to allow us to perceive what we really don’t need any more, and it does so by proving to us that we don’t need these things, by forcing us to choose only the most necessary things to bring with us and reminding us that space is always at a premium so we can’t clutter the place up with unnecessary dust collectors. Like the process of basic training found in the military, I am finding that my defenses are being worn down. But the only effective way for me to truly know that I can move forward even further than I expected is to be pushed right up to my perceived limit, and then pushed again, beyond that limit.

I am pleased that despite these maddening distractions, I have finally completed my Third Degree Lesson Six, and I handed it in this morning. I am allowing myself a bit of time to bask in the warm glow of accomplishment, but not for long. I needed to submit two of my own Life Passages Rituals, and I am pleased with the two I have completed, a handfasting ritual and a crossing over ritual. They will be entered into my lovely BOS once I finish hand writing my Sabbat Rituals.

Tonight, I will be spending time with my beloved Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust. I am truly looking forward to sitting around the Sacred Table, and in fact, I need to sit at that Table right now. I am not the only member of this group who is experiencing turmoil, and I think just sitting with people who are also stressed by life’s challenges (and LOL, consuming some chocolate!) will help me to ground and center a bit. Especially after I was able to receive a session of energy cleansing from my sister-in-law the other night.

2012-01-21T15:51:00.003-05:00

The Hermit reversed/Knight of Cups. The Hermit, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, practical and stable energy that is slow to change), Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), Yod (open hand, touch), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), is about searching within for a deeper meaning. The upright card often tells of the need of solitude, sometimes to the point of loneliness, in order to be able to perceive the messages offered and lessons to be learned. The Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) feels things strongly, and is a dreamer. He is telling me that imagination and emotions and connections to others will be at least on my mind a lot today, if not a part of my experiences of the day. I do need to remember that while strong emotions may appear to have a simple meaning, often there is a need to examine the subtle undercurrents as well as the approaching wave. Taken together, these cards are kind of offering a warning: don’t go into yourself too deeply or dive into your emotions with too much abandon, because you might not see reality.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups reversed. Hmm . . . one of my favorite Court Cards, but reversed. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) is the energies of The High Priestess manifested into the Minor Arcana. Crowley sees this Queen as being dreamy and tranquil, able to receive and project, but since the card is reversed, these might not be desirable focuses for today. Throwing both this Queen of Cups reversed and the Knight of Cups above kind of hints at the presence of some kind of emotional illusion.

My Legacy card is the Three of Coins reversed, flavored by the Six of Cups. The Three of Coins (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, cunning, competence) in an upright position tells of competence, planning and teamwork. My card is reversed, and could be telling me not that I should not be working hard, but rather that I should depend on myself rather than on the support of others. The Six of Cups (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, compulsive, deep, obsessive) is a card of emotional balance, simple joys fun and blessings. This card is flavoring my reversed Three of Coins, and telling me that whatever I choose to focus on today, it should at least touch the physical world, and I don’t need to feel bad if in completing my tasks of the day, I choose to shut out everyone else. Taken with the rest of my Cups cards today, I am feeling a bit relieved. Whatever emotional illusion might be brewing, it should not cause harm.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause (and possibly some kind of choice) that comes as growth begins to transform into degeneration.

My horoscopes: “You probably enjoy exploring the innermost recesses of your own human nature, Sagittarius. Yet today you may need to be a bit more rational. In your personal life, you may feel as if you've been beaten at your own game and this has weakened you. Why not take advantage of this to bring your partner with you on one of your voyages inside yourself?”

And: “Communication with others by electronic media, whether it's phone, e-mail, or fax, could well be difficult today. Everything that can go wrong probably will - machines breaking down, phone lines out, messages not delivered, the Internet crashing. Driving a car could land you in impossible traffic. If you really need to speak to someone, the best thing to do may be just to take a walk and go see them in person. Enjoy the exercise!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles. Aaahhh, another of my favorite Court Cards. She is the essence of The Empress manifested in the Minor Arcana, and both her heart and her spirit glow with a warm and loving light. Indeed, this Queen can absorb the energies around her of the physical world, and transform them into healing and nurturing and support, available to all. If I can impose this Queen’s intention into my day, I should be fine.

After a discussion with a dear friend yesterday, I feel the need to crystallize some of my own beliefs. Beliefs about life, about living, about the experiences, both good and bad, that come to us as we live our lives, and about the purpose of it all. Or should I say, Purpose.

Some of this clarity has come to me through my time exploring The Emerald Tablet. In fact, I am preparing a manuscript describing my experiences during that study, to submit for publication. But that is another story. Coming to an understanding of The Emerald Tablet has offered me a much deeper insight into the workings of Deity, or I should say, a deeper insight into how I perceive the workings of Deity, and thus, of life and living.

I add that final “and thus” because I believe that the life force within us all, within every living entity, and the force that propels the workings of Nature around us, is the same “essence” as that which is Deity, which in turn connects us and our lives to Deity. I believer that the unique “Construct” or mental picture that each of us visualizes as Deity, or as the Higher Self of our psyche if we don’t believe in God, is composed of the purest part of this essence that animates everything in the Universe. This purest essence is composed of all that is feminine (or passive and receptive), all that is masculine (or active and projective) and a Catalyst which brings motion and the effects of combinations into the mix. These three “ingredients” are interlaced so completely and tightly that they are not separated into individual parts but rather are a irrevocably conjoined combination of the three ingredients. This essence has no need for a personal agenda or code of ethics or “power over” because it is eternal, and thus does not depend on the domination or infusion of any other source in order to continue.

A part of the makeup of this essence is its need to experience life and living. Indeed that could very well be its only requirement for continuation. One of the places or situations that allows this essence to experience life and living is on the physical planes, another is on the astral planes. Thus, this essence inserts itself or portions of itself into “vehicles” within these planes, in order to experience life. The insertion involves lacing the purest essence of life with “lower” impurities; this process of adding impurities is necessary for the essence to truly experience life within these other realms. Of course, the realm we know most about is our own, the physical realm, because we experience this realm within physical vehicles. These physical vehicles are not eternal; indeed, a necessary part of the insertion process is experiencing the stages of life and death. Another necessary part of the insertion process is experiencing extremes; pleasure and pain, peace and chaos, serenity and discord.

I like to believe that each of us has a purpose to this life we are living, a particular experience to face or lesson to be learned or task to be completed. Perhaps we even volunteer to face this particular purpose before we are put into this life’s vehicle. But the need to face this purpose is not written in stone; instead, we will find that life’s joys and challenges will offer us opportunities to choose to manifest this purpose, or to choose to turn away from it. There is no right or wrong here, for each possible version of a particular life has value. If we choose to accept the purpose and are successful in manifesting the experience or learning the lesson or completing the task, our vehicle will begin its process of ending its existence, and once the vehicle has ended, the life essence will be offered a new experience. If our choices succeed in completely derailing the potential for successfully connecting to our purpose, the vehicle will likewise begin its process of ending, but the life essence will need to return to another version of the original purpose in order to attempt to connect to it once again. This ending of the physical vehicle can be long and gradual, or sudden and without warning.

The purpose offered or volunteered for may be a catalyst to our own evolution, or may not be directly regarding our own evolution, but rather acting as a catalyst or support to another’s process of manifesting his/her/its purpose. Our interactions with other vehicles, whether of greater or lesser or equal awareness to our own, can slow down our own process or the processes of others, or these interactions can speed up our processes and those of others. Either way, the experience is valid and has value, so there is no right or wrong choice to be made or action to be taken.

Is this how things really are in our Universe? Is this how the process works? I have no idea. And I probably will not ever, during my existence within this physical vehicle, know for sure if I am correct or way off base. But it feels right to me, at least it does at this stage of my own evolution.

Okay, then.

2012-01-20T18:58:00.003-05:00

Eight of Cups reversed/Nine of Swords reversed. The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions. This card is reversed, though, and today may not be a day for endings. Perhaps my emotions are not to be trusted today. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying, usually self-caused. My Nine is also reversed, so the worry represented by this card will not be worth worrying about. **wink**

My Thoth card is the Queen of Disks reversed. The Queen of Disks (cusp of Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering, and Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning, authoritative) is very good at sustaining the physical world, keeping things dry and cozy and safe and orderly. She is a Minor Arcana version of The Empress, and she is reversed today. I need to remember that the details are not the important focus, and I should be open to learning about new methods.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Coins reversed, flavored by The Chariot. Whew! I thought all my cards were going to be reversed again. The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline. It is reversed, so I am being told that perhaps I should try unusual methods, rather than using proven procedures. This card could very well be supplementing the reversed Queen above. Looks like today is not my day to access physical world tools, or listen to the messages of my physical senses. The card flavoring my reversed Nine of Coins is The Chariot, which corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), and tells of having the emotional control necessary to steer myself in order to arrive at a specific place. This card is telling me that while I may wish to suppress the workings of my mind and of my need to stick with tried-and-true methods, I should not throw out the baby with the bath water and suppress my emotions too. No endings should be attempted, per the message of my Eight of Cups, but that does not mean that no emotions should be allowed.

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance.

My horoscopes: “Recent career advances may have you wondering where to go next. You could be considering taking some time off to travel or perhaps advance your education. You aren't likely to want to rest on your laurels, Sagittarius. Striving to reach new horizons is important to you, and today is the perfect day to consider what horizons are the most critical to you now. Nonetheless, it's important to be sure. Don't feel the need to rush into anything just yet.”

And: “A powerful desire for vast changes in your life could have you thinking in terms of travel, Nanci, or perhaps even relocating to a distant state or foreign land. Friends who live far away could be trying hard to induce you to join them. This is not a minor decision, and therefore requires careful thought. Though you might be tempted to act on impulse today, discipline yourself to wait for a while. In a few days, you'll know if the change is right for you.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Cups. Nice card image! This Queen is sheer poetry in motion. She listens to her own intuition and to the voice of her heart, and she honors the elements and the stars because they have been around forever and are filled with knowledge and wisdom. She offers her message through the medium of creativity and the arts.

Two days ago, on the 18^th, I stated: “The Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine.” Since the Nigredo Phase is usually the longest and most difficult part of the Great Work, I think I will try out whatever it takes to possibly move things along. This includes exercising the physical body.

This tuning of the body is important to this process for several reasons. Metabolic discipline brings renewed vigor to my physical body while getting rid of excess weight and toxins, thus creating an optimal physical vehicle and in turn, optimal energy field. After all, our energy field uses our physical body as a vehicle and since the energy field is irrevocably infused into the physical body (in other words, the physical body cannot live without the presence of the energy field), the condition of the physical body can affect the condition of the energy field.

This metabolic discipline is also effective for raising and cleaning out subtle body, for clearing and increasing mind-muscle connection, for reaffirming my ability to connect to and work with my energy field, and because these processes cleanse and purify and strengthen my own energy field and thus, raise it upward, opening a clearer channel to interaction with Deity.

Sounds easy, right? Well, go back and read my favorite visualization of the Calcination process from yesterday. “I think the visualization that works best for me here is that of physical Calcination applied to metals. If we apply intense heat to metals, they melt into liquid form. Add a bit more heat, and any impurities in those metals extruded or separated from the pure metals and then float to the top of the liquid. Often these impurities are oily or odorous. However, as ugly as these impurities look in this form, they are now easily separated from the pure metals.” Think for a bit about how much heat is required to melt metals. Ouchie! This means that in order for me to get “deep down clean,” I’ve gotta experience some pretty hefty turmoil in order to reach the point of “melting metal.”

And the best way to clear the mind and relax the body so I can effectively deal with that turmoil? Going for a nice, long walk. Metabolic discipline!

2012-01-19T18:35:00.001-05:00

Five of Cups reversed/Ace of Wands. The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. My Five of Cups is reversed, though, and it is telling me that I am doing something right. I am finding that I am getting a handle on whatever sadness or emotional fog that has been a distraction of late. The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process, and it is this very Fiery energy that could be dispelling the sadness or lethargy of that Five of Cups. The Ace of Wands represents the light or torch that can guide me to success, but in order to access its potential, I need to agree to carry it.

My Thoth card is the Seven of Disks reversed. “Failure” is Uncle Al’s keyword for the Seven of Disks (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, law and order, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), and Uncle Al does not necessarily see this upright Seven as a good card. Rather, he sees the suit of Disks as being heavy and he sees the number seven as being heavy; we end up with lots of weight and little energy to carry it. My Seven of Disks is reversed, so that lethargy may be less of a problem today. Reversed Five of Cups = less emotional fog, and reversed Seven of Disks = less lethargy. Sounds good to me.

My Legacy card is Faith (The Hierophant) reversed, flavored by the Five of Coins reversed. The Faith card or Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity), and it is another Earth card that has a heavy feel about it, but it is also reversed. The upright Faith card is about conservatism, orthodoxy and proven systems, and it represents the power that is able to change the world to match our own beliefs. Because my Faith card is reversed, I should not focus today on supporting the established processes. My Faith card is flavored today by another reversed Five, the Five of Coins. Yep, another reversed Earth-focused card! The Five of Coins (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) traditional image shows a woman and a child, one of them injured in some way, travelling in the cold wind, with a church window behind them. The upright message of this card tells me to expect some challenges in the physical world connected to finance, health, or family, that may result in a feeling of isolation. This Five also represents the Dark Night of the Soul, and thus, the Nigredo Phase of the Great Work. It’s reversed position is supporting my other reversed cards, and my Ace of Wands, because it is telling me that my time of wandering in the dark and having no idea which way to go next is at an end. The struggles are not at an end, mind you, but at least now I have a more clear path ahead of me.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of motion that ends stagnation. Lots of fives showing up today!

My horoscopes: “You generally tend toward a very high level of perseverance, Sagittarius. No matter how difficult a task may seem to you, today it should go very smoothly, particularly if it involves in-depth study or research of some kind. Your thinking is especially clear and down to earth today, and your common sense is operating at a very high level. Get to whatever needs to be done today and there won't be any loose ends left for tomorrow.”

And: “Ideas and insights coming from deep within your psyche are likely to increase your effectiveness in whatever work you choose to do today. Your mind is particularly practical and logical, and when coupled with an increased intuition these abilities could be invaluable. You might be most effective today working alone, but if this isn't possible you should still accomplish whatever it is you set out to do, and accomplish it well.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Two of Wands. Perfect card for today. This one tells of a moment when we can sit on a cliff and look to the future, secure in the knowledge that we have identified and are ready to harness any potential that is available to us. Both the courage to act and the authority that comes with attaining knowledge and wisdom are the tools at hand.

Now that I’ve explored the Calcination that is an integral part of the Nigredo Phase, I am trying to understand how all of this is affecting me. I don’t think it is a coincidence that within a day or two of beginning this examination of the Great Work my paycheck was cut drastically. I am now trying to decide what to do about this. In other words, I am trying to re-invent myself.

January is traditionally a sluggish month for me. We go away to visit friends for Thanksgiving weekend, and the majority of that socialization revolves around eating and drinking. Add to that our busy holiday schedule, with parties just about every weekend between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve, and we get a sluggish, lethargic person who has not been exercising and who has gained anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds. January is when I at the very least begin to look at myself and decide that I would rather be that strong, healthy woman who is in touch with her body. In a good year, the process of returning to good physical health usually begins before the end of January. In a bad year, it can take me until March to rev myself up.

Well, it looks like this is going to be a good year, thanks to my study of the Great Work.

I think the visualization that works best for me here is that of physical Calcination applied to metals. If we apply intense heat to metals, they melt into liquid form. Add a bit more heat, and any impurities in those metals extruded or separated from the pure metals and then float to the top of the liquid. Often these impurities are oily or odorous. However, as ugly as these impurities look in this form, they are now easily separated from the pure metals.

Heat is a wonderful transformer. Fire actually imposes a chemical change to the matter it burns. If you heat water, the molecules in that water begin to move faster, with more space between them, and through the agitation created by heat you change the appearance of that water from a liquid into a gas. This applies to psychological alchemy as well. We even have metaphors, such as being “out of the frying pan and into the fire,” that directly connect to Calcination.

Now, I am choosing to access these very uncomfortable yet quite effective processes as a sort of Spring cleaning. However, these kinds of upheavals often occur in our lives, like The Tower of the Tarot Major Arcana, which tells of sudden and unexpected upheavals, without warning. At least, without warnings that our conscious minds will accept as valid and applicable, or even perceive.

What does this mean? It means that instead of being thrown into a state of “why me??!!” when our lives turn upside down or the rug gets unexpectedly pulled out from under us, we should instead rub our hands together with enthusiastic expectation because we are being offered a chance to perform the Great Work. Instead of fighting the prevailing energy flows, we should make use of them!

Also, heat rises. Heat purifies. And as I learned through my studies of the Emerald Tablet, this very process is necessary for connecting to, perceiving and understanding Deity. This really does make the Great Work a marvelous companion to the Emerald Tablet.

I am reminded of the effects of the Goddess Kali-Ma, and the way that She helps us to release those physical-world focuses that are bad for us. And so, I end this post with my Invocation to Her.

“Listen to me speak of the Grandmother of Time: She who is known as Kali-Ma, the Liberator of Souls, the Destroyer of Negativity, and many other names; feared by some, loved by some, but ignored by none. She it is who brings us wisdom, the freedom of ego, and the awareness of eternity.

She has been the Maiden, and remembers that joy. She has been the Mother, and recalls that pleasure. But age has changed Her, and taught Her the mysteries of the Wheel that is ever turning, the Wheel that is life, death and rebirth. With age comes an understanding of the past and a glimpse of the future, for in the turning of the Wheel, the past is the future, and the future is the past.

She is the Dark of the Moon, the Hidden One, the invisible unknown that lies ahead. She is the whirling tornado, the erupting volcano, the rising tidal wave, the trembling of the earth’s crust. She infuses all of Nature. She is the Learned One, the Teacher, the Bringer of Inevitable Change.

But I do not fear Her, for She is not malicious. Her touch, however harsh, is love. Only in ignorance is She scorned and reviled, for those who seek power over the earth are afraid to face Her wisdom and Her unalterable truth. For She is the key to liberation, She is the Kundalini, the “Serpent Power” which expands our consciousness, which raises us from the mundane realm of birth and death and awakens us to the Divine.

Oh Primordial Mother, who is at once most gentle and most terrible, I come to You today because You live in me, and in my mother, and my mother’s mother; You live in all women and You live in all born of woman, and thus You are alive in all. You are alive in each cell and bone, in every part of me. I call to You now, seeking Your wisdom and Your ancient knowing. Help me to understand that sorrow, death and destruction are woven into the texture of my life and cannot be denied, but rather must be accepted, for it is only through releasing my focus on the material and affirming that I am a spiritual being living in a physical body that liberation and freedom can come to me. Help me to remember that both the joys and sorrows of my life are still with me, are indeed a permanent part of what I am and what I am becoming.

Help me to remember that my mortality is a gift that reminds me that there is an end, and thus that each moment of my life, whether filled with joy or sorrow or pain, with darkness or with light, has value.

Dark Secret of the Universe, teach me to release the concerns that anchor me to this plane of existence, and remind me that while life moves unstoppably toward endings and the dark, this dark ending will give birth to new light and new life.” Invocation to Kali-Ma, by Raushanna.

2012-01-18T22:04:00.001-05:00

The Universe reversed/The Lovers reversed. The Universe/World, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, stable and practical energy that is slow to change), Saturn (discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance), Thav (mark or sign), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world), in an upright position is a card of integration and involvement and understanding. The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) in an upright position tells of union and of personal choices, possibly concerning ethics. Both of these cards are reversed, and so both cards are talking about separation of some kind. The reversed Universe tells me that I will have trouble creating synthesis, and the reversed Lovers is telling me that I will have trouble connecting to people. Okay, a bit of discomfort, eh?

My Thoth card is the Seven of Cups reversed. “Debauched” reversed, and lethargy has been a big problem for me the past few weeks, so I am surprised that this one is reversed. The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options. My Cups card is reversed, though, and I should be able to see things clearly today. Choices will be made, with clear vision and serenity.

My Legacy card is the King of Coins reversed, flavored by the Page of Cups reversed. The King of Coins (cusp of Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive, and Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, physically oriented) is the expert on physical manifestation; he is about working independently and still being effective. This is the benevolent dictator who is real good at conserving and disbursing resources, but because he is reversed, I may be a bit insensitive to the needs of myself or others. My King is being flavored by flavoring my reversed Page of Cups. The Page of Cups corresponds to Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Scorpio (“I desire,” intensity compulsion, mystery) and Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering); in an upright position, this Page is intuitive and dreamy, easily touched, and very social in nature. Because he is reversed, I am being warned that I might be a bit too sensitive about things today and could very well end up taking out some perceived hurt on those who look to me for support and encouragement.

Hmmm . . . all my cards are reversed, so I threw a clarification card, this time from my Llewellyn Welsh Tarot, and got the Queen of Wands. The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face. She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it; she is confident, she is assertive, and she is in charge!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability. And to me, today is a perfect example of a situation where depth and stability are not good things.

My horoscopes: “Successes over the past several weeks, along with an increase in money, might give rise to the desire to improve your living situation, Sagittarius. You might have doubts, however, as to how best to go about doing it. Should you move or should you simply remodel? Should you move close by or to a different area? It's best to simply list the pros and cons of each option and then consider them all carefully. You don't have to decide right now.”

And: “You seem to have the very bad habit of putting off until tomorrow what you can do today! Especially for those little daily things that seem to pile up, like writing letters, paying bills, going to get a check-up, housecleaning etc. However, today is a great day to deal with all these monotonous tasks, so seize the day!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles. This Queen is the embodiment of the creative feminine energies; not at the level of The Empress, but still an image or reflection of The Empress. She is grounded, dedicated, reliable, and eager to nurture. She is secure and confident in her position in life, and she is encouraging me to be the same.

Back to the Nigredo. The first stage of the entire process that is named the Great Work, and of the Nigredo Phase, is Calcination. In keeping with the concept that psychological alchemy should be studied along with physical alchemy because both focuses are connected, I will talk about both the psychological process of Calcination as well as the physical process.

Generally speaking, Calcination essentially represents the process of burning. This burning can happen within the self, which can allow us to deal with energies repressed due to trauma, with our own ego, and with our feelings or emotions. Or this burning can happen to matter, which allows impurities to rise to the top or to be taken out of the initial substance. Calcination brings the energy or feelings or impurities to the surface, so we can indentify them and then remove those that are no longer necessary.

Within chemical alchemy the process of Calcination involves the heating of a substance in a crucible or over an open flame until it is reduced to ashes. Calcination is represented by sulfuric acid (a powerful corrosive that eats away flesh and reacts chemically with all metals except gold), which alchemists make from something they call Vitriol. The sulfuric acid found in Vitriol is the catalyst for transformation in most alchemical experiments.

Vitriol is distilled from an oily, green substance that forms naturally from the weathering of sulfur-bearing gravel. After this initial form of Vitriol (called “Green Vitriol”) is collected, it is heated and broken down into iron compounds and sulfuric acid. The acid is then separated out by distillation. The first round of distillation produced a brown smelly liquid, but the next round yielded a nearly odorless, yellow oil; this is the Vitriol. The interesting thing about Vitriol is that if an open container of it is left open, the Vitriol will absorb the water vapor from the air until the liquid overflows its container.

The Green Vitriol is a powerful disinfectant; alchemists also made therapeutic use of the iron compounds produced when it was heated. Ancient Egyptians used powdered rust (iron oxide) of these iron compounds to heal wounds.

Psychologically, Calcination is the process that initiates the destruction of ego and our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a humbling process which involves a gradual or sudden appearance of trials and challenges. Fire itself is about spontaneous, compulsive and energetic change. The Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Well, the Nigredo Phase is all about experiencing a Dark Night, and it sure looks as if the process of Calcination is well on its way to affecting change in my life!

2012-01-17T22:15:00.001-05:00

Five of Wands/Five of Cups. The Five of Wands, which corresponds with Saturn (discipline, responsibility, law and order) in Leo (“I am, passionate, dramatic, egotistical), indicates a struggle caused by annoying cross purposes. The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. Ugh, these two cards together certainly don’t foretell a clarity of the mind or the heart. Hassles, rejection, isolation and resistance.

My Thoth card is the Two of Cups reversed. “Love” is Uncle Al’s keyword for The Two of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, family and home oriented, tenacious, moody) is about love, usually about relationships and commonalities. My Two of Cups is reversed today, and I may have trouble finding clarity and connections that work for me today.

My Legacy card is The Empress reversed, flavored by The Sun. The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is reversed for me today, and so I am being reminded that focusing on pleasing the senses and on achieving material reward may not be productive. The Sun corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), our Sun (the inner core of a person or situation), Resh (the face; reason), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest in the physical world) and Hod (provides analysis and communication), and tells of a time of enlightenment. This card is a masculine card, focusing on outer activity, and since it is flavoring my reversed Empress, I am being told today that my focus should not be on pleasing my own senses. There are good things to be achieved today and anything accomplished will bring acclaim to me. But I should not sit back and enjoy this acclaim because it won’t be here forever; instead, I need to make use of it.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of new creation from the potential of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and “distance between” of the two.

My horoscopes: “New information regarding opportunities for career, business, and personal expansion might shake up your value system today, Sagittarius. This is a positive development, although it may be a bit disconcerting for you right now. Your life could well take a different turn, starting today. An immediate desire for pleasure could be satisfied by scheduling a romantic dinner with a lover. Forget the changes that are happening for a while and enjoy your evening!”

And: “You need to be more spontaneous, and stop constantly trying to organize other people's lives. If you just try, you'll see that it's not so hard just to let things happen. The unexpected also has its own special charm... you're a slave to routine, that's why you need to take a big bite out of life and to put your trust in chance for a while. The people around you would like to see more originality in your personality. Listen up!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Three of Cups. Nice. This card tells of the pleasures to be had from developing a community of people that can be depended upon and partied with. Companionship, and friendship, and the celebration of the knowledge that we are not alone.

I am coming off a long weekend with friends. What a great time we had! We spent lots of time walking outside, at the beach, at the Cove, at Point Park, at Sunset Beach. Lots of miles logged and lots of sun and sand and surf. LOL, a bit cold too, but we were rewarded on our last walk of the weekend by the appearance of a pair of bald eagles at Sunset Beach. Hmmm . . . I’ve seen a pair of eagles there before; wonder if it is the same two.

Back to reality!

2012-01-13T18:32:00.001-05:00

Queen of Wands/Ten of Wands. LOL, oh boy, is that a clear message! The Queen of Wands (cusp of Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, soul growth, spirituality, and Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) is energetic and enthusiastic, gives 100% of herself, and always has a smile on her face. She decides what she wants, and then she goes out and gets it The Ten of Wands (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is another Fire card which tells of being taxed to the limit creatively, or at least, tells us we believe we are taxed to the limit. But with that Queen around, I just might be able to find a bit more creativity, hidden away somewhere.

My Thoth card is The Moon. The Moon corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, emotional and sensitive energy that strives to stay the same), Pisces (“I believe,” feeling, suffering, soul growth, duality), Qof (the back of the head), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and talks about the imagination, perception, and fear of the unknown. This card tells us that things might not be as they seem, but this in itself is not necessarily something bad. The message of this card is that this is a time when I’ve gotta travel in the dark without being able to see the path I am moving on. This is an opportunity for me to rely on my own inner light, which won’t be blotted out by the brighter and more obvious lights around me, which will be nonexistent today.

My Legacy card is the Nine of Swords reversed, flavored by the Seven of Cups reversed. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying. Thankfully it is reversed, and being flavored by the reversed Seven of Cups. The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that happens when we have too many options. I am glad both of these cards are reversed because now, their energies are complimenting each other. Today, worry about things I can’t change may begin to ebb; I may end up able to focus on more productive things with a clearer mind and a good connection to my feelings.

My 6-digit date number is 8, the conscious and focused response to the beginning of degeneration that is the number 7.

My horoscopes: Have you just bought some new equipment for your home, Sagittarius? This could be a new computer, a state-of-the-art entertainment system, or perhaps a new appliance. You and the other members of your household might spend much of the day trying to learn how to use it, although it could seem rather difficult. Take heart! It looks more complicated than it is. Keep trying, and don't forget to have fun!”

And: “Obstacles may arise in the course of your daily chores when machines break down and interfere with your efficiency. Your frustrations may cause you to want to yell and start throwing things. If you must blow your top, do it in such a way as to avoid causing upsets to others. Go for a workout or jog, or take a karate class. The machines will be fixed and the situation will pass. Hang in there!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the King of Wands. This card is reminding me that I have unique talents to offer, and I need to offer them without fear. My confidence will bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy if I allow myself to shine, and others will support me as I move forward. This King is also reminding me that I should not shy away from risk; rather, I should tap into the energy of uncertainty so that I can change the direction of the predominant flow so it matches my own goals and intentions.

Note to self: when working with the Great Work, particularly when beginning the Nigredo Phase, be prepared for the things that need to be changed to suddenly become FUBAR.

Nigredo is about mortification, and mortification is about death. This first phase begins a process of purification, and oh boy, it does work. This has been a stressful week for me because I am begin given another boot in the butt: my hours at my day job and my paycheck are being cut again. Interesting that this happens just as I am beginning to deepen my understanding of Nigredo.

Did I say that Nigredo was about death? One of the terms for Nigredo is “Caput Corvi,” or “Decapitation of the Crow.” Now, here is the cool thing about Crow. It is the left-handed guardian who knows the unknowable mysteries, and it is the keeper of all sacred law. Crow is also the guardian of magick and healing; Crow will give you the courage to enter the darkness and Crow will initiate the change in consciousness that brings new reality. And Crow always requires that we talk the talk and walk the walk; we need to learn our Purpose and then stick to it, no matter what.

Death means decomposition; that is the natural result of death, and it is the first step in the cleansing and cooking process of the Great Work. Sometimes that process of decomposition has already begun and we just aren’t aware of it; well, the Nigredo Phase slaps us upside the head with that cosmic two by four. Wake up!!!

This is exactly what is happening to me now. Putrefaction has already begun, even though my conscious mind keeps putting off the process of acknowledging this. It is time to move on! It is time to act! It is time to let go of those things I’ve been dragging along with me, the things I am so done with!

2012-01-09T22:22:00.001-05:00

Nine of Cups/Ten of Wands. Wow, talk about extremes. But then again, maybe not. The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day. This card, while of the suit of Cups and thus, about feelings and emotions, brings satisfaction also in the physical world, as pleasure of the senses. The Ten of Wands (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitations and resistance, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is a Fire card, and tells of being taxed to the limit, but this card is related to creative abilities, not feelings or emotions. The suit of Wands is usually explosive in its manifestation, but this card is telling me that the weight of my burdens is holding back my ability to create. Perhaps if I connect with my physical senses for a bit??

My Thoth card is the Nine of Swords. “Cruelty,” and oh boy, I get this one. Very apropos to the Nigredo. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying. This card represents the “agony of the mind,” and it is reminding me, getting right into my face and shouting at me, telling me that worry is a complete waste of energy and right now, I don’t have energy to spare. So no worrying!

My Legacy card is the Seven of Cups reversed, flavored by the Knight of Wands. A power pair, if I ever saw one! The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that can happen when we are presented with enticing choices. But, my Seven of Cups is reversed today, so I won’t be hypnotized by seemingly attractive choices. The Knight of Wands (cusp of Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, deep, obsessive, and Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering) is a person of passion, courage, enthusiasm and boundless energy. LOL, he has his work cut out for him today with these cards, but he is very much up to the challenge. He may balance out that Ten of Wands nicely, but I will need to be careful, because Fiery energy can be unpredictable.

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.

My horoscopes: “It's another fortuitous day for finances, Sagittarius, so be sure to take advantage of any opportunities that come your way. Though, in your usual analytical style, you will be careful first to do a thorough review of the plusses and minuses of the proposal. Much as you benefit from being at your desk today, don't forget to get outside to clear your mind. Be especially aware of any thoughts or ideas that come to you seemingly from out of the blue.”

And: “A partner, either business or romantic, might be in a foul humor today and won't be very likely to tell you why. It won't be all that easy to deal with, but it probably doesn't relate to any trouble between you. Therefore it's best to let your partner work it out on their own. Take care to stay cool and keep a safe distance between you, at least for today. The mood should pass by tomorrow.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Page of Pentacles. I am keeping this card in front of me today, because I want to manifest the message of this Page. He is seated with his dragon, and believe it or not, an owl (see below), holding out to me the glowing spark of creativity in the physical world. He is offering, and I am taking. Thank you!

The Pagan Brain Trust had a Reiki Share last night. Right before we all got together on Skype, I went into the back yard to soak up some moonlight. And while I was standing there, I heard the call of a great horned owl!!! How cool is that??!! I’ve been listening for owls since I first came to Cape May, and this is the first one I’ve heard.

Our Reiki Share was great, as always. We each really needed the Reiki, for our own individual reasons, and once we completed the Share itself, there was a huge elevation of mood apparent. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, particularly when combined with Reiki.

It was actually snowing when I left Cape May this evening, and not just flurries. But by the time I got north of Atlantic City, the snow had stopped and I was treated to a gorgeous full moon, rising up out of the ocean. What a treat!

2012-01-08T18:18:00.004-05:00

The Chariot/Nine of Wands. The Chariot corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), and it tells of having the emotional control necessary to steer myself in order to arrive at a specific place. The Nine of Wands (Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) represents being defensive or closing off, but it also tells me that I will most likely have the ability to outlast any challenges that present themselves. Two cards that are telling me to control myself; oh boy.

My Thoth card is the Three of Cups. “Abundance” is the keyword for the Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody). This card is about blessings, but not blessings of the physical world. It is reminding me that love and connections to others are all I need. And if I visualize happiness, I will attract it to me!

My Legacy card is the Ace of Wands reversed, flavored by the Queen of Cups. The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) in an upright position tells of the first spark of a new and exciting creative process. My Ace is reversed, and if I take into consideration the first two cards of my spread, it could very well be telling me that now is not the time to allow that creative process to explode. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) is flavoring my reversed Ace of Wands. She is a water card, and she is a mini-High Priestess with a strong and clear inner focus. Taken with the reversed Ace of Wands, my message could be to balance my inner self with my outer self, and not allow myself to get too carried away.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of exciting new creations from the potential of the Ace and the balance and polarity of the 2.

My horoscopes: “An unexpected lucky break could come your way today, Sagittarius - something you would never have expected in a hundred years. It could seem like a dream come true, yet it could disrupt your life in some way. You might find yourself facing a choice: go for it and change your entire way of life or let it go and take the risk that another great opportunity might never appear. Who said life was easy? Think about it!”

And: “You're probably feeling full of energy, and dying for an outlet for it, aside from the usual jogging or working out at the gym. A hike along a scenic path would be just the thing. Phone up a friend and see if you can arrange to do it together. Probably your friend will be as enthusiastic as you! You may enjoy yourselves so much that you decide to make it a weekly event.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Nine of Pentacles. Great card! This one is somewhat solitary in nature, even if it took the help of others to get to this place. After all, having access to that help from others is only part of the big picture; the other part is discipline and hard work. And somehow, those physical world accomplishments are always nicer if we have to work for them.

I sat this morning, sipping my coffee, watching these tiny birds visit our suet feeder. At first I thought it was just one bird circling back several times, but I did see two at once, and then a bit of a rest, and then a few more. I wondered what they were, and so I got out my Kaufman Field Guide, and there they were. White breasted nuthatches.

There is a small bucket of water by the garage, right outside my window, that was visited last weekend by about 25 robins, each fighting for a position along the edge of the bucket. This weekend, a group of starlings took their turn at the water bucket, each taking a sip or two of the cold water before taking off.

It is so tempting to feed them, but I have personal experience with how feeding the local wildlife can upset the balance. Our neighbor leaves bowls of raw peanuts out on his porch, and we’ve had an explosion in the squirrel population. We have relocated 13 squirrels to date this fall because they got into our attic (after we closed up the openings), to a wildlife sanctuary about five miles away, and I am still seeing squirrels around. And this is after we relocated nine this past Spring for the same reason. Oy, that is a lot of squirrels!

2012-01-07T21:31:00.001-05:00

Eight of Cups reversed/The Lovers reversed. The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions. My Eight is reversed, though, and thus I am being told that today just might be a day of strength and perseverance, rather than endings. The reversed Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) can tell of the possibility of rejection or separation, but it could also be reminding me that for today, tried-and-true methods might work better for me. I might be able to focus better because I am alone, because there are no distractions.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Cups. Whew! The “Happiness” card; I’m glad to see it. The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day. Some call this the “wish” card, and the gifts of this card come with a warning: be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. We need to visualize very carefully when we are trying to manifest our desires.

My Legacy card is Death, flavored by The Lovers. Bookends! The Death card corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, imaginative energy that strives to stay the same or take the same course), Scorpio, Nun (fish head; liberation), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and tells of natural change that cannot be stopped. Death is about transitions, and sometimes when a transition is upon us, for a little while we feel cut adrift. Not fun. But this is the best card for moving forward; LOL, once the movement forward begins, there is no turning back. My Death card is being flavored by my upright Lovers. The upright Lovers card is about intimate connections, and thus, about values and ethics. Hmmm . . . I think these two cards together are telling me to **choose** to move forward, to walk willing through that one-way door and accept what comes next willingly.

More about my Bookend card, The Lovers. The initial response of most people when they see this card is a good one. After all, the energies of The Lovers are about union, important, life-changing union. The bond represented by this card is powerful; after all, this is the Great Rite, the symbolic union of polar opposites that creates something new. Only a Major Arcana card could have this kind of far-reaching yet intimate and personal power. And yes, to some extent, this is about sex, about opening to another through Perfect Love and Trust. However, this card is more than just good nookie. After all, in order to trust, we need to be ethical, and we need to know that our partner is ethical, too. If we continue on this track, we will realize that to some extent, The Lovers is also about dealing with temptation, and about the importance of our personal choices, of choosing with awareness. A reversed card can certainly mean isolation, rejection, separation or a bad time in a relationship. However, the reversed Lovers card can also be pointing us towards tried-and-true beliefs, or towards decisions that are right for a group, rather than for ourselves.

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to 2, the number of balance, polarity and “distance between.”

My horoscopes: “The need to complete an important task could have you mustering a far higher level of self-control than you're used to, Sagittarius. Perseverance and determination could dominate your mood, and therefore you could accomplish wonders. However, be sure to take breaks occasionally, and remember to relax from time to time. Above all, don't be so focused on your work that you forget to eat. Your work will only suffer if you neglect your body. Pace yourself!”

And: “Recent successes haven't made you feel as if you could sit back and rest on your laurels. Rather, you're more likely to work that much harder and today you might spend a lot of time considering different options that could continue to build your socioeconomic status. Among them might be enterprises connected with the earth. Partners, both business and romantic, could provide inspiration for you. Go to it!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Wands. The image on this card is of someone blowing a dandelion flower which has gone to seed. This is the image of this card: a sudden outburst of energy that sets things in motion. This is the momentum that activates the catalyst, and begins the journey towards the goal. Fasten your seatbelts.

I taught a lovely little 2 hour belly dance workshop this afternoon. No choreography, just some great drills. What fun! I listened to belly dance music all the way down to Cape May; Egypt Unveiled by my buddy, Hossam Ramzy, my current favorite, and then I revisited good old Pete List, the Human Beatbox, and his Songs For Kassar. Then on to a new compilation CD called Café Bellydance. Luuuvly.

Alchemy. The Great Work. Nigredo. The Dark Night of the Soul. How is that for a progression that scares the crap out of you? The Nigredo is the most difficult part of the Great Work; it usually takes the longest to accomplish, and suffering is a huge part of the process. After all, in order to scrape and chip off everything that is preventing me from seeing, I might need to use a rasp, or a chisel, or a knife, or a blow torch. This is about reducing myself to my basic building blocks, and in order to do this, all vestiges of civilization need to be knocked away.

This is kind of like the basic training part of the process, like military basic training, where the dedicants are pushed beyond their limits in order for them to learn that there actually are no limits. And in order for them to determine what is really, really important; when you are being stressed at this level, you only want to carry with you what is really, really important. Unnecessary baggage will just complicate things later on, and a Dark Night is the perfect method for determining the worthiness of the baggage we are carrying with us. The term for the baggage we decide to discard is “dross.” Dross is the scum of solid impurities that float the to top of a pool of molten metal (as opposed to “slag,” which is the oily liquid that can float to the top). Skimming the dross from the top of a pool of molten metal is easier than skimming the dross from the psyche.

Alchemists call this process “mortification.” And yes, just like emotional mortification, it can include feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and poor self-esteem. According to Jungian psychologists, this discomfort is an important part of the Nigredo process and the Dark Night. I guess humans tend to need a strong hard kick in the butt sometimes to get us moving.

2012-01-06T23:53:00.001-05:00

Seven of Cups/Judgement reversed. The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that can happen when we are presented with enticing choices. The traditional image of the Seven of Cups shows seven cups, each filled with what appears to be a wonderful gift: the Wreath (Saturn and The World); the Castle (Mars and The Tower), the Woman (Venus and The Empress); the Snake (Mercury and The Magician); the Veil (the Moon and The High Priestess), the Jewels (Jupiter and The Wheel of Fortune), and the Dragon (our Sun and The Sun). Choices, many choices, and the possibility of dissipation of energy as we try to decide. Judgement corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Pluto (power, metamorphosis, cycles of dying and becoming), Shin (fang), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Hod (provides analysis and communication) and it usually tells of an opportunity to validate the good stuff and get rid of the stuff I don’t need any more. Unfortunately, today my Judgement card is reversed, and it is telling me not to make any choices today.

My Thoth card is the Two of Wands. “Dominion” is Crowley’s keyword for the Two of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive, enthusiastic), which tells of power, influence and authority. This card is about doing things on our own, or making a statement of ownership. Crowley sees this card as representing Fire in its purest form, and of pure Will.

My Legacy card is the Knight of Cups reversed, flavored by the Eight of Wands reversed. The Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) feels things strongly, and is a dreamer. The upright Knight is able to tame his imagination and make good use of it, but my Knight is reversed, so I will need to keep an eye on my emotions and feelings. The reversed Eight of Wands (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering), which is flavoring my reversed Knight of Cups, is telling me that now is not the time for action. This is confirming my thoughts regarding the reversed Knight of Cups, and the reversed Judgement card. Today I need to hang tight.

My 6-digit date number is 10, the number that tells of the completion of a cycle, which reduces further to 1, the number of potential and position.

My horoscopes: “Put that book down and get out of the house, Sagittarius! You've been by yourself long enough; it's time to start interacting with other people. In addition to having heaps of fun, you're likely to have some encounters that will prove beneficial in the long run. Group situations are great, but don't overlook the pleasures of an intimate one-on-one encounter.”

And: “You may be in quite a party mode today. Feel free to be open and social with the people around you. Take off on a wild adventure that quenches your thirst for spontaneity and fun. Stay up extra late and talk with a friend you haven't seen for quite some time. The time to live is now. Make the most of every moment of your life.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Seven of Wands. Protecting something we care about from all comers; that is the message of the Seven of Wands. Simple. Powerful.

The first step of the Great Work is the Nigredo, putrefaction. And I forgot all about the other meaning of the Nigredo: the Dark Night of the Soul. *gulp*

More tomorrow!

2012-01-05T20:17:00.001-05:00

Three of Wands reversed/Six of Swords reversed. The Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) in an upright position tells of being successfully established after some effort expended. Because it is reversed, I am being reminded that I need to secure what I’ve already attained so that I have a strong foundation upon which I can build once the opportunity presents itself. The Six of Swords (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, communication, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause oriented) in an upright position is about balance, healing, moving towards a better place, and even about learning the science behind things that work (because understanding why they work makes them more effective). However, this card is reversed as well. Clear message here: good opportunities are coming but in order to take advantage of them, I had better make certain there are no pending issues. Okay, then.

My Thoth card of the day is The Moon. A Major Arcana card; a rarity for my Thoth deck. The Moon corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, emotional and sensitive energy that strives to stay the same), Pisces (“I believe,” feeling, suffering, soul growth, duality), Qof (the back of the head), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration), and talks about the imagination, perception, and fear of the unknown. I should be very aware of my non-physical senses today, and I should look twice at whatever messages I receive in order to be certain my responses are accurate and fitting to the situation. Imagination can be a good thing, but I need to remember that my perception of my world is affected by my personal beliefs.

My Legacy card is The High Priestess reversed, flavored by The Wheel of Fortune. Interesting that The Wheel is appearing again along with an inner focused or personal card in a reversed position; on the 3^rd The Wheel was paired with The Lovers reversed. The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries. My HP card is reversed today, so perhaps this is not a good day for looking inward in order to find answers. Seeing the HP reversed is making me look at my Moon card above; this could be a validation of my interpretation of The Moon. The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)) is flavoring my reversed HP. It is reminding me that whether I am ready or not, stuff is going to happen. In fact, it might be already happening. I need to remember that the effects of the energies of this card might be unsettling, but they are necessary. I need to deal with them in a dynamic manner, taking advantage of my own skills, abilities, knowledge and wisdom in order to respond appropriately to whatever comes at me.

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness of manifestation and experience. Wahoo!

My horoscopes: “Today you may discover that you have more in common with your neighbors than you thought, Sagittarius. It's likely that some sort of local event has brought all your neighbors together under one roof. You go as an obligation, but stay out of interest and a genuine willingness to participate. There is nothing like rolling up one's sleeves and working together to tackle a common goal. Expect to make some good friends in the process.”

And: “Some rather callous words spoken carelessly could have you feeling very hurt and rather insecure. They may not have been meant that way, but even so, it's best to bear in mind that they're only words, which tell you far more about the one who says them than they do about you. Spend the evening with people who love and respect you. You mirror the best in them, and that's why they enjoy your company. Remember that!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Six of Pentacles. This is such a lovely card with heart-warming energies. The Six of Pentacles is traditionally about resources, both having them and not having them. The Shadowscapes Six of Pentacles reminds us that no matter how poor we see ourselves, there is always something that we can share with or give to others. And it is the very act of sharing our blessings that will attract even more blessings to us!

This is my post from March, 2010, almost two years ago when I first studied the Great Work. Once again, I will begin with these basic definitions. Hopefully I will be able to take them to another level.

The Great Work can be broken down into three levels. Of course, whatever is presented as psychological alchemy has its roots in physical and magickal alchemy, so I will be attempting to understand the physical processes and effects that support the psychological correspondences.

The first step is called the Black Phase. The Nigredo is the longest and most difficult phase; it makes the other two seem like child’s play. The Nigredo is accomplished through torture. Yes, I said torture. Actually, the process involves the surrender of superfluous and unnecessary characteristics, which happens through the tool of suffering.

The second step is called the White Phase. Basically, the Albedo is the process which purifies whatever survived the Nigredo. This “cooking” or “purification” process is very important, for it culls out any impurities; these impurities, if left into the process, would have very harmful effects on the end result, so they need to be removed. Interestingly enough, the Albedo begins at the darkest moment of the Nigredo.

The third step is called the Red Phase. The Rubedo is the logical next step, the step that allows the release and manifestation of the energies that were completely transformed by the Nigredo and the Albedo. Interestingly enough, there is a sort of “mini-Dark Night” within the processes of the Rubedo, just before the final result, usually called “putrefaction.” This step provides a last chance to remove any remaining contaminants or remainder of ego. From Dancing Sparkles, March, 2010.

2012-01-03T18:22:00.001-05:00

Ace of Cups reversed/King of Swords reversed. The Ace of Cups (Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, deep, mysterious, obsessive, Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering) tells of the potentials available to me for experiencing deep emotions, a connection to my Inner Voice, compassion for myself or others, attunements and connections. Because my Ace is reversed, I may not be able to depend on my feelings today, and any inner messages may need to be examined carefully. The King of Swords (cusp of Capricorn, “I build,” ambitious, cautious, cunning, authoritative, and Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, aloof) in an upright position is a good judge of people and situations, and he is also ethical. My King is reversed, so truth, ethics and reason, both referring to myself and to those around me, may need to be questioned carefully today. Sheesh, can’t depend on my inner voice, and can’t depend on my intellect.

My Thoth card is the Ten of Swords reversed. “Ruin,” reversed thankfully. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) is a card of interference and restriction completely manifested. Thankfully, it is reversed, so the “Ruin” or ultimate breakdown of the thinking process predicted by this card will not have a lasting effect. Which makes me feel a bit better, after those first two cards.

My Legacy card is The Lovers reversed, flavored by The Wheel of Fortune. The reversed Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) can tell of the possibility of rejection or separation, but it could also be reminding me that for today, I should make use of established beliefs and tried-and-true methods rather than doing what I personally want. The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)), tells of destiny and fate and their ebbs and flows, and their effects on our lives, and it is flavoring my reversed Lovers. This actually validates my thoughts on the reversed Lovers, for it tells me that no matter what happens, the catalyst for any events (whether pleasant or uncomfortable) is not originating from within me. This means that my actions or words or thoughts won’t be able to change the events so I should not attempt to do so. Instead, I’ve gotta ride the wave and take advantage of the currents that are swirling past me. It also points back to the Ten of Wands. Reaching the deepest, darkest bottom means there is nowhere else to go but up.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of a pause, and possibly a choice, as growth begins to change into degeneration.

My horoscopes: “Today, Sagittarius, you might begin work on a project that you've wanted to do for a long time. This may be career related or personal, but either way it should advance you in whatever direction that you want to go. The only downside is that you might be a bit too hard on yourself and far too critical of your work. Try to be objective and view your own work as fairly as you would view the work of others.”

And: “Stress, strain, and a little conflict within a partnership - business, romantic, or creative - could have you toying with the idea of ending this commitment. Don't! At least, don't do anything rash right now. Wait a day or so and then think about it. This is likely to be a temporary situation, and if you break it off now you'll probably regret it tomorrow. Spend some time alone today if you can, and give your partner some space.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Four of Wands. The energies of this card are like the first Spring day. We head outside and celebrate, but we always keep in mid that Winter may very well be back by the end of the week. We enjoy the moment, but we also get ready to go back to work.

We went across the street for a great New Years Eve party. As usual, the girls took a walk to the beach right after midnight. The sky was incredible! Crisp, clean, no moon, sparkling stars; we even saw a shooting star. New Years Day was perfect. It was a cozy, nap-on-the-couch day, with an early bed time.

Yesterday morning, I watched while a slew of starlings and wrens descended upon my yard. Twice as many of both types of birds were in the trees around my yard. All of them were busy gobbling up the last of the seeds and bugs, probably ahead of the cold front that is coming through tonight. Four robins had lunch on my firethorn, which before this weekend was festooned with orange berries. I love the fact that my yard has become a stop-over for birds this late in the season! Before I turned away from the window, easily 20 more robins stopped at a planter which contained water from the rain of the night before, for a drink. Robins everywhere!

Today, I am finally turning my mind toward the Great Work of psychological alchemy. Let’s start with some definitions.

What is alchemy? Western alchemy is considered a “protoscience” which spawned or contributed to the development of modern chemistry and medicine. Alchemists developed a framework of theory, terminology, experimental process and basic laboratory techniques that is still recognizable today. But alchemy differs from modern science because it includes the Hermetic Principles and practices related to mythology, religion, and spirituality.

What are the Hermetic Principles? There are seven of them; I have posted these before, but I will include them again here.

1. THE PRINCIPLE OF MENTALISM. The All is Mind; the Universe is Mental.

2. THE PRINCIPLE OF CORRESPONDENCE. As above, so below; as below, so above.

3. THE PRINCIPLE OF VIBRATION. Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates.

4. THE PRINCIPLE OF POLARITY. Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.

5. THE PRINCIPLE OF RHYTHM. Everything flows, out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates.

6. THE PRINCIPLE OF CAUSE AND EFFECT. Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; everything happens according to Law; chance is but a name for Law not recognized; there are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes the Law.

7. THE PRINCIPLE OF GENDER. Gender is in everything; everything has its masculine and feminine principles; gender manifests on all planes.

So alchemy is about science? Yes, in part. The best known goals of alchemists were the transmutation of common metals into gold or silver, and the creation of a “panacea,” a remedy that supposedly would cure all diseases and prolong life indefinitely; and the discovery of a “universal solvent.” Modern discussions of alchemy are generally split into an examination of its exoteric practical applications (applications that can be understood by most people), and its esoteric (or more secret or difficult to understand) aspects. Exoteric applications would be of more interest to historians of the physical sciences; esoteric aspects would be of more interest to those who study esotericism, to psychologists, spiritual and new age communities, and hermetic philosophers. Despite the split in focus, an integration of esoteric and exoteric approaches is usually stressed, as to an alchemist, the exoteric aspects cannot be completely appreciated unless seen through the tenets of the esoteric aspects.

What is the Great Work? Aleister Crowley defined it this way in Magick Without Tears: “The Great Work is the uniting of opposites. It may mean the uniting of the soul with God, of the microcosm with the macrocosm, of the female with the male, of the ego with the non-ego.” The Great Work or magnum opus is applicable to both kinds of alchemy, both exoteric and esoteric. It involves the union of spirit and matter, the raising of lead to gold, both literal and symbolic. It allows us to see beyond the obvious, the physical, to the Creative Force that represents all that is, and that is not. This is the process described in The Emerald Tablet!

The process is described as “Solve Et Coagula,” or “dissolve and coagulate”; the process purifies the soul and body so it can re-join the Creative Force, free from imperfections. The cool thing about this is that we can study psychological alchemy and learn about the physical world, or we can study physical alchemy and learn about the human psyche! The important thing to remember here is that progressing through the Great Work will dredge up whatever needs to be dealt with, so we had better be ready to face them.

2011-12-31T16:49:00.003-05:00

The Hermit/Justice reversed. The Hermit, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, practical and stable energy that is slow to change), Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), Yod (open hand, touch), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), is about searching within for a deeper meaning. The messages offered and lessons to be learned today are not about an outer connection; instead my quest should lead me towards the silent and non-physical world of the inner realms. Justice is a card of adjustment, and it corresponds with the element of Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick, animated energy that usually brings problems or challenges that bring growth), Libra (“we are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation), Lamed (ox goad; training or teaching), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Geburah (the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed), and is about cause and effect. My Justice card is reversed, so it is validating the message of The Hermit. Today is not about doing, it is not about worrying about my worldly responsibilities. Not that I should shirk them, by any means, but I should be thinking more about how I feel as I perform them.

My Thoth card is The Aeon (Judgement). Oh boy, don’t usually get Majors with my Thoth deck. Judgement corresponds with Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Pluto (power, metamorphosis, cycles of dying and becoming), Shin (fang), and the Path between Malkuth (the physical world of action and physical, outer reality) and Hod (provides analysis and communication) and it usually tells of an opportunity to validate the good stuff and get rid of the stuff I don’t need any more. This is a great card to have on New Years Eve, and I should try to take advantage of its energies. This is the day before a new start, and so I should think about what I want to bring forward, and what can be disposed of.

My Legacy card is the Ten of Swords, flavored by the Nine of Coins. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) is a card of interference and restriction completely manifested; another interesting card for this day that tells of endings of a sort. Granted, as of right now I may have trouble seeing those endings because wallowing in the discomforts of the moment might be very tempting. The Nine of Coins (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline. It is reminding me to hang in there and get the difficult tasks completed, so that I can enjoy some leisure time later with the knowledge that everything has been taken care of.

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness of experience or manifestation. Perfect for New Years Eve!

My horoscopes: “You're always intellectually curious, but today you might be especially so. Although you're usually idealistic, today your imagination is in full swing. You might want to try writing or painting. It will be better to go with fiction or impressionism than history or realism. Study of spiritual or esoteric subjects is likely to clear a path between intellect and intuition.”

And: “Even though you seem relatively content with your career, you are ready for some sort of change in your life. The time is ripe for you to consider joining a group of some sort. Why not join your local book club? Or, if you're more inclined toward activity, sign up for the ski team at work or get involved with the local running club. There are a lot of diversions that can occupy your mind as well your body. The real upside is that you are likely to make some wonderful new friends.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Page of Pentacles. The Pages are all young, and among other things, they bring to us a reminder to tap into our Inner Child, or Younger Self. This Page is reminding me that the physical world not only brings delights to the senses, but opportunities to grow. The spark of new creation is offered to my by this Page today; I have only to urge it to burst into transforming flames.

The Pagan Brain Trust had our “five-faces” get-together on Thursday evening. The Boy is here from California, and all five of us sat around the Sacred Table to share ourselves, to eat some good food, and have a great dessert. We won’t all be in the same room for a little bit of time, and the memories of this wonderful evening will hold me until the next time we can all meet together. We all talked of the future, and shared a bit of optimism.

I am in Cape May for the first time in several weeks, and I am soaking up every bit of it. I began my morning by walking on the beach. Beautiful!! The sun was shining; it was high tide but the waves were gentle, sparkling under the light of the sun. The sky was blue, with a few fluffy fair weather clouds meandering by. And the shoreline was loaded with rocks. Piles of them! I had to discipline myself to cover some ground, or I would have ended up sitting there going through all the pretties.

I spent this afternoon grading First Degree homework submissions. This just might be the last batch for me, because beginning tomorrow, I will “graduate” to reviewing Second Degree homework submissions. I am very excited about this change! I will miss my First Degree students, but I am looking forward to the new challenge of working with these more advanced students and their homeworks.

We are going across the street tonight to celebrate the new year with much loved friends. Lots of good food, good champagne, and good conversations.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-29T18:43:00.002-05:00

Eight of Cups/The Emperor. The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions. Interesting card to have as the end of the year approaches. This card is about seeking a deeper understanding of things and in the process, getting rid of what no longer serves. The Emperor is a Fire card (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change) which corresponds with the astrological sign of Aries (“I want,” action oriented, assertive, competitive) and the Hebrew letter Heh (window, illumination) that represents the power of the mind and of intentions to shape the world. He is the “regulator,” and is about authority and structure, and while he learns from his past, he focuses on the present and the future. So, we have a bit of looking back in order to get rid of what doesn’t work, and then a nice, strong, predictable view of the present and maybe the future.

My Thoth card is the Ace of Swords. Again. The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) tells me that I may be using my mind to solve the problems of the day. Besides being realistic and objective, I may find myself developing a sense of identity or individuality. The message of this card has huge significance; after all it has been showing up with regularity. The cool thing is that I have the mental skills to accept and understand this message, and it just might bring the beginning of some kind of momentum or action.

My Legacy card is The Hermit reversed, flavored by The Lovers reversed. . The Hermit, which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and material, practical and stable energy that is slow to change), Virgo (“I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented, orderly), Yod (open hand, touch), and the Path between Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured), is reversed for me today. In an upright position, The Hermit would be telling me that the lessons to be learned today are discovered through an inward and solitary focus. However, today might be better if I reach out and re-validate my connections to both my physical senses and to those around me. The reversed Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) is flavoring my reversed Hermit today. Because it is reversed, this card is reminding me that sometimes we need to choose for the group instead of for ourselves, and those choices are best if presented through the vehicle of established beliefs that are accepted by the group. Sounds like these two cards are validating my Eight of Cups and Emperor above!

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of a pause, and possibly a crossroad, as growth turns to stagnation.

My horoscopes: “This isn't the moment to adhere to a particular philosophy, whatever it may be. You may feel frustrated by your inability to figure out which path to take, but this is very good for you. Continue to search with your little flashlight, as weak as it may seem, because this is how you're going to get solid faith back again. Best of all, it will be a faith tailored for you.”

And: “Most of the time you tend to be an outgoing person who loves talking to others. However, today you're likely to feel far more reticent than usual, more inclined to listen than to speak. There may not seem to be any real reason for this; it isn't as if you were depressed or worried. You're not! Don't worry about it. View this as an opportunity to really hear what others have to say. You'll be yourself again tomorrow.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Five of Swords. This is a card of power, power used for goals of self-interest. Is this bad? Only when carried to extremes. Making things happen the way we want them to is only bad if we sacrifice our own integrity in the process and run roughshod over everyone else in the picture, without a care for who we are hurting as we attain our personal goals. Fighting to survive is okay, but really . . . ask yourself. Is that what your challenge is all about?

Tonight we are having another Pagan Brain Trust gathering at the home of the Wayne Contingency. Our Dear Phillie will be returning to the West Coast next week, and we all want to get one more face-to-face evening at the “Sacred Table” before he heads West. Hopefully we will finish the evening with the New Moon Reiki Share that we were unable to schedule because of the Christmas weekend. As cool as the Solstice Salon was, it’s going to be very awesome to have an entire evening with just the five of us. There will be chocolate!

Since the end of the calendar year is nearly upon us, I will take a moment to recap my year. And what a year it has been! I made my way through all of the Paths of the Tree of Life. The Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust came to Cape May for the weekend. I created my Twitter account, attended my second Vedic Thai Yoga workshop, and began working with my regular client, Andrew, and his wife, Patty. I experienced Hurricane Irene and some lovely nor’easters in Cape May, an earthquake in Hackensack, and attended two Shamanic Journeys, at one of which I gave Reiki to 21 people! I connected with the ‘information highway,” my son was almost electrocuted, and I discovered that Aleister Crowley’s ashes are buried in Hunterdon County, New Jersey. I studied The Emerald Tablet, and I am very close to publishing an eBook describing my experiences with its rubrics. I have been shown my Patroness what Path to choose within my Third Degree Training, once I complete my current homework submission. I found my display BOS, began entering my personal solitary rituals into it, and also wrote and led Esbats and the Yule Sabbat for Sacred Mists. I finally purchased an eReader, and I love it.

All in all, it has been a very productive year. Don’t be fooled, though; all has not been a bed of roses. Money is an issue, and I am always battling the “lethargy monster.” For the first time in my 10 years of menopause, depression has been an issue. Not often, but ouch. However, I feel closer than ever to Bob and my family, and Carolyn and I have done some very powerful work, both together and each of us individually.

2012 is going to be an interesting year; I have felt the effects of an unexpected chaos since Samhain, and this churning of unexpected energies is acting like an abrasive. It is scrubbing away the accumulated dirt from the windshield, and I just know that soon enough I will be seeing the world with new clarity.

I have had some amazing experiences this past year as I worked with my subtle body. I have changed, my subtle body has changed, and in the months ahead I will be revisiting the Great Work of psychological alchemy (and hopefully writing my second eBook) and focusing on reconnecting with my physical body in new and more healthy ways. This is being prompted by my post of December 27^th, with the quote from “The Education of Oversoul Seven” by Jane Roberts: “Honor your body, which is your representative in this universe. Its magnificence is no accident. It is the framework through which your works must come; through which the spirit and the spirit within the spirit speaks. The flesh and the spirit are two phases of your actuality in space and time. Who ignores one, falls apart in shambles. . . . The body is the soul in Earth-garments. It is the face of the soul turned toward the seasons, the image of the soul reflected in Earth waters. The body is the soul turned outward. Soul and body are merged in the land of the seasons.”

I could not say it better than that.

2011-12-27T15:19:00.001-05:00

Nine of Swords/Seven of Cups. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying. This card represents the “agony of the mind,” and no matter what happens today, good or bad, I need to keep “face-palming” myself so that I remember that I can choose how to respond to things. The Seven of Cups (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, obsessive, mysterious) represents the distraction and dissipation that can happen when we are presented with enticing choices. The traditional image of the Seven of Cups shows seven cups, each filled with what appears to be a wonderful gift: the Wreath (Saturn and The World); the Castle (Mars and The Tower), the Woman (Venus and The Empress); the Snake (Mercury and The Magician); the Veil (the Moon and The High Priestess), the Jewels (Jupiter and The Wheel of Fortune), and the Dragon (our Sun and The Sun). The lesson here is that every choice we make can bring pleasure or pain; we have to look carefully, make our choice, and then accept the consequences. Worrying is counterproductive, but awareness of consequences is not.

My Thoth card is the Six of Disks reversed. The “Success” card has been showing up for me lately, both upright and reversed. The Six of Disks (Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Taurus, “I have,” Sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position can be seen as being a bit heavy, or as warning of the approach of a weight that will end up dragging us down. Today this card is asking a question: “What is worse? Having? Or not having?”

My Legacy card is the Ace of Wands reversed (had this one yesterday, too), flavored by the Three of Coins reversed. The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting process for self-expression and adventure. My Ace is reversed. Again. But today, I may just have a hint as to what I can do to turn that Ace around. The Three of Coins (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, cunning, competence) in an upright position tells of competence, planning and teamwork. But it is reversed, and flavoring my reversed Ace of Wands, as if to wave its arms at me and yell “Over here, stupid; here is the answer you keep missing.” Okay then, time to plan carefully, and then implement those plans completely so I can build a good foundation.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of movement which dispels stagnation.

My horoscopes: “Restrictive forces may come into conflict with you today. The good news is that you should be able to find a space of peace within your emotions. Seek a mediator who can help you sort out stalemates that may exist between you and others. Opportunities for freedom and autonomy are out there waiting for you to grab. Seek the bizarre and unconventional ways of doing things.”

And: “Expanding your horizons is the key phrase for today. Communications received from distant states or foreign lands could have you entertaining the idea of traveling to those places and visiting with people with the same interests as yourself. Learning is very much on your mind, and you're probably very curious about different cultures, different ideas, and different perspectives. Though you might not make definite plans for travel now, you're apt to at least consider it.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Nine of Cups. What a pretty card! One of my favorite things to do is to bend my body as the merman is bending his body in this image, in preparation for gliding gracefully downward into the water. It just feels so powerful to me. This card is about the pleasures of the senses, and about satisfaction. The perfect card to throw on a day that is bracketed with the offering of Nuad Borarn in the morning, and belly dance in the evening.

My gift to you all today is the text to a YouTube video that I found, called “Sumerian Sacred Script of Covenant.” If you have the time, head over to YouTube and do a search for it; the video is beautiful. But the text is the part that really spoke to me. Enjoy!

Honor your body, which is your representative in this universe. Its magnificence is no accident. It is the framework through which your works must come; through which the spirit and the spirit within the spirit speaks. The flesh and the spirit are two phases of your actuality in space and time. Who ignores one, falls apart in shambles.

The marriage of soul and flesh is an ancient contract, to be honored.

Let no soul in flesh ignore its Earthly counterpart, or be unkind to its mate in time.

The mind cannot dance above the flesh, or on the flesh. It cannot deny the flesh or it turns into a demon demanding domination. Then the voice of the flesh cries out with yearning through all of its parts; the ancient contract undone. And both soul and flesh go begging, each alone and without partner.

Who feeds the body with love, neither starving it nor stuffing it, feeds the soul. Who denies the body denies the soul. Who betrays it betrays the soul. The body is the body of the soul, the corporal image of knowledge. As men and women are married to each other, so is each self wedded to its body.

Those who do not love the body or trust it do not love or trust the soul. The multitudinous voices of the gods speak through the body parts. Even the golden molecules are not mute. Who muzzles the body or leashes it muzzles and leashes the soul. The private body is the dwelling place of the private guise of God. Do it honor. Let no man set himself up above the body, calling it soiled, for to him the splendor of the self is hidden. Let no one drive the body like a horse in captivity, to be ridden, or he will be trampled.

The body is the soul in Earth-garments. It is the face of the soul turned toward the seasons, the image of the soul reflected in Earth waters. The body is the soul turned outward. Soul and body are merged in the land of the seasons

 The knowledge of the soul is written in the body. Body and soul are the inner and outer of the self. The spirit from which the soul springs form both-soul and body. In Earth time, the soul and body learn together. The genes are the alphabets by which the soul speaks the body-which is the soul's utterance in flesh

 So let the soul freely speak itself in flesh.

The body is also eternal. The soul takes it out of space-time. The body is the soul's expression, and its expression is not finite. The spirit has many souls, and each has a body. The body is in and out of time, even as the soul is. Let the soul rush freely throughout the body, and breathe life into all of its parts. The first birth was a gift, freely given. Now you must acquiesce and give your blessing to the life within you. Trust the spontaneity and health of the body, which is the spontaneity and health of the soul. For each morning you spring anew, alive and fresh, out of chaos . . . . 

From “The Education of Oversoul Seven” by Jane Roberts

2011-12-26T11:30:00.003-05:00

Strength Reversed/Ace of Wands reversed. The Strength card (Fire, hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic energy; Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical; Teth, sieve or basket, digestion; and the Path between Geburah, the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed, and Chesed, the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured) tells of emotional endurance and control, rather than physical endurance and control. My Strength card is reversed today, and traditionally that can mean the potential for lethargy to rear its ugly head. However, it can also mean that the things that may affect me emotionally today will not be controllable by me; will that be good or bad? Perhaps my own mindset will determine that. The Ace of Wands (Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) tells of the first spark of a new and exciting process for self-expression and adventure. My Ace is also reversed. But it is there. And my reversed Ace, which is a Fire card, is facing the same direction as my Strength card, which also connects to the element of Fire; both also correspond at least in part to the astrological sign of Leo, which is a very powerful Fire sign. At least they are not cancelling each other out. Perhaps the presence of both of these cards is a good omen; there is a potential for a strong connection to my own emotions and for creative energies to influence my life. I am not connecting to these energies, but they are there, waiting for me to find my way to them.

My Thoth card is the Four of Cups. “Luxury” the Four of Cups (the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, nurturing, tenacious, moody), which tells me that today an awareness of my own feelings and a contemplation of those feelings could be a huge part of my focus. The thing about this combination of the very stable Four and the suit of Cups (which corresponds to the element of Water) is that there is no upward motion at all. I should enjoy the moment, but I need to remember that if I don’t use muscles, they atrophe.

My Legacy card is the Six of Wands, flavored by Strength. Wooohooo, nice pair, and Bookends!! The Six of Wands (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, noble, authoritative) expresses the celebration we feel when we have passed some test. This is not an ending card, so the cycle is not yet complete, but today I may feel I’ve accomplished enough to be able to lean on my own abilities rather than looking to others for support and protection. For a little while at least, I can rest on my own laurels and bask in my own glow. But this is not a permanent situation. My upright Strength card is flavoring my Six of Wands, and this tells me that I will have the focus necessary to both enjoy the moment and to initiate movement once again, when the time is right.

More about my Bookend card today, Strength. Upon getting their first Tarot deck and looking at this card, most novices assume that the Strength symbolized in its image is physical strength. However, that is not what this card represents. First of all, none of the Major Arcana cards refer directly to the physical body, so the Strength this card represents cannot be physical in nature. The element connected to this card is Fire; yes, fire needs physical fuel in order to exist, but its effects are heat and light, very non-physical, and chemical transformation, which is a process, not a thing. The astrological correspondence is Leo, which is a fixed Fire sign. Leos like to center themselves and allow action to happen around them, the same way that our sun is in the center of our solar system and the planets circle it. The Path on the Tree of Life associated with this card is the 19th Path, which runs horizontally across the Tree between Geburan, the Sephira of challenges, and Chesed, the Sephira of stability, and which connects the Pillar of Form to the Pillar of Force. Since Strength is about emotions, we can say that it represents the courage that allows us to deal with challenges, and the patience that allows us to understand stability. Extremes. And when we have extremes, there is always the potential to attain balance. There is also an outer-inner balance in this card. The lion is a typical symbol in the illustration of this card, and the lion represents the beast within us. That beast is not tamed by a whip and a chair, but rather by the purest of love, offered through serene and tolerant patience. The velvet glove.

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability, with the danger of creating stagnation.

My horoscopes: “This will be a day of reflection. While you may be tempted to look back and think about how far you've come, your time would be better spent thinking about what the future has in store. You've entered a period of rethinking both your identity and objectives. These aren't small matters. You'll need every ounce of energy at your disposal to make it through this time of transition.”

And: “Financial matters might need some attention today. Bills may need to be paid, checks to be deposited, and budgeting for certain purchases might need to be worked out. Your powers of concentration are high today, and so this is a great day to do this, even though you'd rather be doing something more interesting. Don't despair, however. Your practical skills are high, and so you're apt to finish quickly. Then you can go play!”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Page of Pentacles. Pages are messengers, and this Page does offer a message, not a result. The message of the Page of Pentacles is one of possible prosperity and stability and well-being in the physical world. But this is not a finished product; we must each accept the potential offered to us by this Page and then use our own talents and skills and visions and dreams to nurture the potential and shape it as it manifests, until it becomes our dream.

What a wonderful few days it has been. Since Yule and my spiritual celebration, I have enjoyed fulfilling times and simple re-connections with family and friends. No bells and whistles, just lots of laughter, good food and drink, and plenty of rest.

The highlight of this holiday season for me has been watching others smile with love, and seeing gifts given through love, meaningful gifts that each are an expression of deep caring and love and respect. I was moved to tears several times yesterday, through expressions of love. I don’t know which part was more fulfilling: watching someone open a gift that lit them up with surprise, joy, gratitude and love, or watching the person who gave that gift as they watched the recipient enjoy it.

My entry is simple today, but my question is new. The question most asked on December 26^th each year is “What did you get for Christmas?” But I’m going to make a bit of a change to that question.

And so I ask you all: “What did you give for Christimas?”

May the love and joy and rebirth of this holiday season, whatever Path you celebrate, fill you with light and optimism, serenity, and a renewed connection to those who are in your heart.

2011-12-25T12:40:00.002-05:00

Five of Cups reversed/The High Priestess. The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) in an upright position tells of emotional down time, a setback or a lack of support. My Five of Cups is reversed, so I should be able to redirect my focus away from what I’ve lost, and towards the fertile possibilities I have not yet tapped into. The High Priestess (Water; the Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination; Gimel, the camel who safely crosses Da’ath, the Abyss, and thus, has the secret of life; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Kether, the source, limitless possibility), is the source of the power of The Magician, the feminine version of The Hierophant, and the Keeper of the Mysteries. She is reminding me by her presence that if I can manage to shut out the cacophony of the senses that is a physical-world awareness, there are huge, fulfilling blessings to be had. Those blessings are with me at all times, even if I am too distracted to be aware of them. Today, I should strive to see the Cup as half full rather than half empty, and the training I have been working so hard to hone will allow me to do this no matter what happens throughout the day.

My Thoth card is the Nine of Cups. “Happiness.” Yessss! The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in my feelings and in my expectations for the day.

My Legacy card is the King of Cups reversed, flavored by the Queen of Coins reversed. Okay, this makes sense. The King of Cups (cusp of Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation, and Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling mysterious, obsessive) is the expert on emotions and the subconscious, mainly because of his life experiences. He lives as an example to others and is very good at creating and maintaining a sanctuary open to all that promotes serenity and well being. My King is reversed, however, and that tells me that for today, I need to focus that caring and tolerance on myself rather than on creating the optimum emotional environment for those around me. The Queen of Coins (cusp of Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering, and Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning, authoritative) is flavoring my reversed King; she is also reversed. To me, she is validating the message of my reversed King: my focus should not be on the outside world and in nurturing and caring for and supporting my loved ones. Today is not about the messages of my physical senses and their perception of the world; today is about the non-physical senses and the joys, fulfillment and serenity they offer.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number that tells of a new creation out of the potential and position of the Ace, and the balance, polarity and concept of “distance between” of the 2.

My horoscopes: “Though communication is one of your strong points, today you might find it hard. You may feel introspective, but open, honest discussion could be what you need now. Your long-held ideas and values are changing, and you might require guidance to put your new beliefs to work. A search for truth is in your future, and you'll want some companions along the way.

And: “You should be able to evaluate your emotions from a very neutral and detached perspective today. Use this opportunity to take action based on what you feel. Make sure that your actions aren't reactionary and that you are not simply acting rash in response to someone else's hasty maneuvers. Think before you make any sudden moves. You will be amazed at what incredible things can develop if you simply use your head a bit first.

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the King of Pentacles. This King has at his disposal the eternal strength and stability of the material world, and because that strength is so integral a part of him, he radiates stability, power, perseverance and fertility. He not only creates the kind of predictable stability that allows us to feel safe and cared for, but he also holds in his hand the seed of the future. That seed, filled with potential, is being offered to each of us.

I did not plan on a blog entry for today, because this entire holiday weekend is just so busy for me. But this morning, I find that I am filled with a lovely, soft warmth that just might be the Christmas Spirit. How cool is that??!! Let me explain.

For months now and especially since Samhain, things just have felt off for some reason. The energies around me have seemed unpredictable. Things would be going along relatively as expected and suddenly, with absolutely no warning at all, a hidden eddy or strong whirlpool would grab hold, spin me around until I was dizzy, and then spit me out into a totally new direction. Or, I would make preparations for a period of white water ahead (LOL in keeping with my wet metaphors), and once I arrived at the location of expected turmoil, instead of fighting to keep my head above water I am left in calmness, glancing around with a puzzled look on my face as I wonder where the blockages have gone. Time and time again, things just were not happening as planned.

I have actually experienced moments of deep despair, of actual tears, over inconsequential events or even over nothing at all. Moments of crying into my pillow at night. Thankfully, after a night’s sleep that deep pain without a specific source becomes more of an intellectual experience. But I don’t get depressed like this, and to have this happen more than even once in a period of weeks is a bit disconcerting.

Granted, this year holiday preparation has not been fun at all because of our money situation. I actually had to wait until today to order one gift because my credit card cycle ended yesterday. But this is by far not the first time I have done Christmas shopping on a very limited budget. My years as a single parent were much worse than this and I survived them without experiencing these moments of deep, gut-wrenching depression. I have made it through ten years of menopause, and all the night sweats and hot flashes and hair loss and ebbing of libido that are a part of menopause, without needing any professional assistance at all. Yet here I am, being debilitated by this non-specific yet overwhelming pain. I mean, WTF?

My Yule was wonderful, a tropical island of white sand, palm trees, warmth and a frosty cocktail in the midst of stormy seas. I shared a lovingly-written Yule ritual with my Wiccan community. This year, I was very much aware of the returning effects of the Sacred Masculine right from the first day after Solstice, and even now I can feel the effects of the newly Waxing Year. But I did not expect this holiday weekend to mean much to me. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Many of my friends and loved ones are also experiencing a sort of "disconnect" this holiday season. Many have echoed my own “dus” expectations for this weekend. And here is the cool part: after weeks of wondering just what it's all for, suddenly, at the 11th hour, some of us are being given an opportunity to understand the message of the season in a simple and surprisingly fulfilling way. One very powerful example of these amazingly powerful opportunities happened within my family.

My brother-in-law is a high school teacher. He teaches very poor children in a very poor neighborhood, most of whom did not expect a Christmas at all, some of whom are literally homeless. As my brother-in-law realized the extent of the poverty these kids were dealing with every day, he was drawn to do something about it. He first attempted to go through regular channels, but was not able to receive the facilitation needed to help the kids right now. So at the last minute he and his family put a quick call out to family and friends, asking if each could help just a bit, and quickly.

In less than 24 hours, there were well over 100 gifts, donated, individually wrapped, and delivered to some kids for whom Christmas is usually just another cold, lonely day. This was done with no splashy advertisements promoting what was done, no official middle man, no sanctioned charity, on the spur of the moment and from the heart. Don’t get me wrong, charities do very good work, but those large machines are not often able to create this last minute effect. They are just too big to micro-focus instantly, and that is exactly what was needed in this instance.

This is a hugely dramatic example of what I see happening all around me this weekend. Our days are filled with stress. The economy is shaky on its best days, the political parties are playing the blame game in the public eye of the world, and the middle class is being exterminated. We have tightened our belts until there is no more belt to tighten and still there is no real hope for relief on the horizon because our leaders are too busy pointing out what their opponents are doing wrong. Depression and disillusionment are companions to the regular man every day. And yet, all we need is an opportunity to make a difference, and many of us rise to the occasion with spectacular wonderfulness.

Perhaps, just perhaps, there is hope for humanity. Perhaps there are enough of us who truly care, enough to make a difference in the world.

What has Raushanna, Wiccan Second Degree Initiated Priestess and Third Degree Dedicant taken away from this Christmas day? I have realized that this day is not about being Christian, it is not about celebrating the birth date of someone who may have lived 2,000 years ago. It is not about the man in the red suit with the big belly and white beard and rosy cheeks, packing his bag full of presents into his reindeer-pulled sleigh. It is not about cars with big red bows on top of them appearing in our driveways. We associate Christmas with giving and receiving, no matter what our own personal experiences and memories of past holidays are, and sadly, modern advertising has gradually tipped that balance towards focusing on the receiving side. After all, “What did you get for Christmas?” is the question of the day. Today I realize this tipping of the balance is doing us all a grave spiritual disservice.

We define the spirit of this day as being about connections and hope and love, not about what church we attend or what name we assign to our God or our religion. At least that is how we say we define the spirit of this day, and perhaps in the end, this is the saving grace of the season this year. Most of us anticipate Christmas morning, and hope that somehow we will find a moment of joy. And despite the stresses and worries and bleak outlook of our times, enough of us are still expecting that miracle. I guess the combined expectations of many that something special will manifest is sometimes powerful enough to erode away the strongest shield of pain, disconnect, disappointment or disillusionment.

This year, these lovely moments seem to be at least in part about giving rather than receiving, despite the advertising industry’s attempt to redirect that focus. These lovely moments are about deciding that this year's gifts aren't going to be about who can give the most cutting edge or expensive or awesome gift, but rather about deciding that a simple gift chosen with the true need of the recipient in mind is more important than how good the gift can make the giver look. To me, the important lesson here is the realization that it does not matter to me how many presents I receive during this holiday season. What really matters to me, what pleases me with an intensity that balances out my recent nights of despair, is seeing the smile of joy and connection to another on someone's face, and knowing that I am at least partly responsible for that smile. This is what Christmas is really about.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-21T17:27:00.003-05:00

Strength/Eight of Swords reversed. The Strength card (Fire, hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic energy; Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical; Teth, sieve or basket, digestion; and the Path between Geburah, the place where forms and structures are challenged or affirmed, and Chesed, the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured) tells of emotional endurance and control, rather than physical endurance and control. The Strength card reminds me that I can survive any setbacks if I remain patient, calm and focused. The Eight of Swords (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable talkative, dual) in an upright position tells of confusion and restriction, often occurring purely because of bad luck. My Eight of Swords is reversed, which offers a nice flavor of ability to make and successfully execute plans to the Strength card.

My Thoth card is the Eight of Swords reversed, again. “Interference” is Crowley’s keyword for this one. He feels the card indicates a situation where I am being too good natured, too easy; thus the normal cutting edge of the suit of Swords is dulled. Because my card is reversed, when the unexpected interferences crop up today, I should be able to handle them in the end, any interference will be conquered.

My Legacy card is the Ten of Swords, flavored by The Wheel reversed. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) is a card of interference and restriction completely manifested. This card tells me that to some extent my mind may feel powerless to achieve logical solutions today. The good news is that this should be the worst that things get. The Wheel of Fortune (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive and energetic change), Jupiter (expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune), Kaph (grasping hand), and the Path between Netzach (the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) and Chesed (the place where forms and structure are stabilized and nurtured)), tells of destiny and fate and their ebbs and flows, and their effects on our lives, and it is flavoring my Ten of Swords in a reversed position. I am being reminded that sometimes there is nothing I can do to make things manifest as I desire because outside influences not under my control are more powerful than my own intentions. But this does not mean I should feel sorry for myself!! No sitting on the “pity potty” today!

My Pearls of Wisdom Solstice card is the Seven of Wands. Seven of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, natural leader, egotistical, selfish), is another very significant card for me in its own right. This is a card of assertion, of taking the offensive or aggressively firing the first shot; it is also about having control of my emotions, of relying on my own judgment to overcome the obstacles of the day. Not too much aggression!

My 6-digit date number is 8, the conscious response to the beginning of degeneration which is the number 7, in order to maintain the balance of the number 6.

My horoscopes: “You may experience an emotional climax today. Things could come to a head. Don't be surprised if you run into some serious opposition. Disperse your energy freely, but don't be surprised if other people try to pull you in the opposite direction. Flexibility is a key aspect for you. Free yourself from restraints and improvise.”

And: “Some great news could come to you today via phone, fax, or e-mail. It could turn your life momentarily upside down, but you'll find it very exciting. New neighbors could move in, and you could spend some time getting acquainted with them. Much of your day could be spent seeking out information in a field that interests you. Expect a busy day, but remember to take time out to rest occasionally. A walk at night might also be a good idea.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding **gulp** The Tower. Okay, lots of repeat cards lately. The Shadowscapes Companion describes this card as “A necessary disruption to the status quo – violent and explosive upheaval as the only way to break through the long established patterns.” It is painful to acknowledge, but sometimes the only way fantasies can be shattered is when they are slapped upside the head by the hand of reality. Ouch!

Today I am celebrating the Winter Solstice of Yule. The actual moment of the Solstice itself is 5:30 am tomorrow morning, December 22nd, but because my Coven is celebrating the Sabbat today, and particularly because I am leading both the afternoon and evening rituals, I am choosing to celebrate while the energies of the Solstice are still waxing.

This morning, I got out of bed at dawn. The skies were overcast, but I celebrated the birth of the Sun God as the birds began to chirp, and then began preparing for my day.

My recent journey through The Emerald Tablet has added depth and texture to my personal understanding of the nature of Deity. I will add that depth and texture today into my own creation myth.

The Source of All has existed forever; the effects of this Source ebb and flow in intensity but they are eternal. The Source consists of three separate essences: the primal essence of catalyst and union, the essence of the sacred feminine, and the essence of the sacred masculine. All three of these essences are necessary for life of any kind to happen, from the purest and most ethereal life that is Deity to the simplest and most basic living entity in the physical (or astral) realms. These essences are braided or knotted together so closely that they are not separate essences; the best analogy of this is a celtic knot (the triquetra comes to mine), which has separate lobes but is actually one strand.

The essence of the sacred masculine that is God loves the essence of the sacred feminine that is Goddess with such intensity that He/It decided to voluntarily endure the pain of being separated from Her/It, for one single purpose: to be able to experience, again and again, throughout eternity, the joy and ecstasy of being reunited with Her/It. Now, **that** is true love!

It is at Samhain that the essence of the sacred masculine that is God is separated from the Goddess. What follows is six weeks of what could be considered an imbalance, as the God sleeps the deep sleep of Winter, and the Goddess experiences the loss of One who She loves. Of course, the Principle of Opposites and the definition of balance require that we understand the purest of polarized opposites in order to temper their effects; this six week period is our chance to look within and experience the yins and the yangs of life and living in a personal way.

At the end of this period of separation, Goddess and God are reunited as the Wheel of the Year is re-set to its beginning and as the sun makes the transformation from waning energies to waxing energies.

Today, I celebrate the joyous reunion of Goddess and God after Their long, dark and cold separation. Even though Winter is far from over, there is a glimmer of light and warmth to be perceived now, a glimmer which will grow stronger with each passing day. Balance is returning, and the Sun Father is reborn, thus continuing the eternal turning of the Wheel of the Year.

Yule Blessings!

2011-12-20T17:18:00.003-05:00

Three of Wands reversed/Ten of Swords reversed. Hmmm . . . The Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) in an upright position tells of being successfully established after some effort expended. Because it is reversed, I am being told that at least for today, security is more important than foresight. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) in an upright position is a card of interference and restriction. Thankfully it is reversed, so it is telling me that I am good where I am right now. Okay then, actually these two cards in a reversed position work better together than they would if they were upright. Granted, the reversed Three of Wands is more about being stuck, while the reversed Ten of Swords is more about empowerment, but they are both saying that for now, it might be necessary to focus on where I am, rather than on where I’m going.

My Thoth card is the Four of Wands. “Completion,” and that is an interesting addition to the mix. The Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic) is about building enough to become established. This card is actually supporting the reversed Ten of Swords above, telling me that while I may feel as if I am not yet tapping into forward momentum, what I’ve accomplished so far is worth celebrating. Since this card is about order and stability, these celebrations will have a hint of some future building or moving onward.

My Legacy card is The Star, flavored by the Four of Coins. The Star (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts; Aquarius; Qof, back of head; the Path between Malkuth, the physical world of action and outer, physical reality, and Netzach, the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration) is the “good will to all” card. It is about optimism, about paying things forward, and about manifesting love. The Four of Coins (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation or the deepest self, in Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, authority, caution cunning) tells of possession and control and very solid foundations. This Four is actually supporting The Star in a very comfortable way. Somehow, I get the feeling that these two cards are telling me that no matter what else is in store for me today, I need to hold onto my dreams.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of the pause that occurs as degeneration begins.

My horoscopes: “There's increased emotional tension today. You may be at the forefront of the action as you take things higher and farther. Have a map handy or you could wind up alone in the middle of nowhere. Other people will be looking for something practical in your approach so they have something solid to lean on during this time.”

And: “Strained nerves and trepidation about unpleasant tasks could have you a bit on edge today, and likely to take your stresses out on those closest to you. Try to avoid this. Go for a walk or run. Release your stress through exercise, or through writing. Communicate your feelings to your friends and assure them you're not upset with them. In this way you'll get through the day with little damage to your immediate Universe.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Three of Cups, again! Lots of repeats lately. This is such a happy card, and the happiness pretty much shouts that the sum of the parts is so much more than each of the individuals. This is a card of good emotions, and of feeling secure because we are not alone.

I can’t believe that tomorrow is Yule, already. Where did December go? It is late in the afternoon on Yule Eve, just dark. I was outside at sunset, and said my chant to Hecate. This night I feel quite close to Her because this is truly a crossroad of the solar year.

I also feel close to Danu, my Patroness, who is a Mother Goddess. This year, I can truly feel Her huge belly, and Her readiness to give birth; only a few hours to go.

The actual moment of the Solstice this year is at 5:30 am the following morning, December 22nd; however, since I will be leading both of the Yule Sabbat Rituals at Sacred Mists, my celebrations will be tomorrow. The Winter Solstice has been an important time of year since Neolithic times. Winters are tough for many of us even now, and I can imagine how frightening it was in the past to anticipate a period of cold and dark as the sun seemed to lose its power. Since keeping livestock alive during the winter months was an iffy proposition, many killed most of their stock at this time. That must have been truly terrifying to do, even though it meant that for a while, there would be plenty of fresh meat. After all, if the few animals kept alive did not make it through the tough months ahead, the community would be in real trouble.

Modern man is less in touch with such things. Food is not an issue for us, and even though we do feel to some extent the longer nights and shorter days, thanks to lighting and television and the internet, we don’t end up loosing touch with those around us.

Because I enjoy so much the inner work of my Path, I usually look forward to the time of quiet and dark. This year has been no exception. I had intended to work on so many things this Fall and Winter; I ended up accomplishing much more than I expected, but these accomplishments are not connected to the things I planned to work on. Every time Danu presented me with an unplanned focus, I embraced it gladly, and the reward is that I am a much better, more well rounded, and confident person.

I have many, many blessings to be thankful for. And so, I send out love to you all. I wish each of you the brightest Yule; may the Goddess surround you with Her loving arms and may the newborn Sun God illuminate your life. I wish you the happiest of holidays, whichever holidays you celebrate.

Blessed be!

2011-12-19T18:21:00.001-05:00

Two of Wands/The Tower. **gulp** Well, I like the Two of Wands, but what is that Tower doing there?? The Two of Wands (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, drive, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive, enthusiastic) tells of power, influence and authority. I won’t be afraid to step out on my own or try my own thing today, and the results just might be good ones. That is, as long as I can successfully handle the other card of this pair. The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)) tells of a violent or explosive correction in the way things are going. I should probably remember that a good shake-up every now and then is actually a good thing. Thankfully, my Tower is paired with that lovely Two of Wands, so I should be able to inventively deal with any sudden blockages today. Clearing the way is good; I need to remember, though, that I can’t allow my ego to get too puffed up if I survive this day intact.

My Thoth card is the Five of Cups reversed. “Disappointment,” but reversed. Okay then. The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) in an upright position tells of emotional down time, a setback, a feeling of regret, or a lack of support. The Cups on the Thoth Five of Cups are shaped like an inverted pentagram, with Fire and Earth ruling Spirit. Perfect description of the effects of the energies of this card. Thankfully, my Five of Cups is reversed, so whatever ends up happening today won’t in actuality be nearly as bad as I may expect. I won’t be handling things on my own, and the support of others just might tip things in my favor.

My Legacy card is the Two of Wands (again!), flavored by The Magician reversed. Interestingly enough, Joan Bunning equates the Two of Wands with The Magician in her description of this Two. She feels that both of these cards tap into the energies of creativity and strength, but in different ways. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility), and taps into those energies is a more archetypal manner, whereas the Two of Wands taps into those energies in a more personal way, and allows us to use them in a more personal fashion. Power always comes from the Divine, and the upright Magician is very good at using this power to affect his world. The reversed Magician flavoring my Two of Wands is reminding me that sometimes an outward manifestation of

My 6-digit date number is 6, the number of vertical and horizontal balance. **scratches head** With those cards?

My horoscopes: “Go out and play today. Escape your work mode and have fun. Drive someplace new and take a long walk outside with friends. You have a lot of energy, so share your enthusiasm with others. There's an exciting buzz in the air that you should tap into and contribute to. Take a break from the mundane and have an adventure.”

And: “Confusing communications could seem to be the pattern for today. Some paperwork - which you may need in order to accomplish a particular task - might be delayed in some way, and could be hung up in the mail, filed in the wrong place, etc. It might take a while for you to locate it, but eventually it should turn up. Some strange messages might be left for you, and you might not be sure whether you should return the call or not.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The Chariot. Again. This lovely card tells of being able to exercise constant control in a changing environment; by establishing who we are and by focusing our intent and our Will, we can get where we want to go. Victory!

I am exhausted. Two holiday parties this weekend, one on Saturday and one on Sunday, and then I got up early this morning to drive to a client to offer an hour and a half of Thai Bodywork. I had about 15 First Degree homework submissions to look at once I got home. Out of gas I am, and I’m going to sleep well tonight! My Tarot stuff is up, for all you wonderful peeps who visit my blog for the Tarot info. Tomorrow morning, my regular Thai client comes, and hopefully I will be a bit more awake.

Hugs and good night!

2011-12-18T12:17:00.001-05:00

Five of Wands/The Empress reversed. The Five of Wands, which corresponds with Saturn (discipline, responsibility, law and order) in Leo (“I am, passionate, dramatic, egotistical), indicates a struggle caused by cross purposes. Now, these are not earth-shattering, merely annoyances. And they most likely will be coming from my own mind, from the jumble of thoughts there that are all striving to distract me. But they will have an effect on my day. The Empress (which corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes, and stable, material, practical energies that are slow to change), Venus (beauty, allure, pleasure, relationships), Daleth (door or womb) and the Path between Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Chokmah (dynamic male energy and the origin of vital force and polarity)) is reversed for me today, and this validates that my natural inclination will be to withdraw in order to ponder the chaos in my own mind, rather than focusing outward towards the sensual delights and grounding influence of the natural world. Er, might be a mistake to allow this to happen. Ya think?

My Thoth card is the Prince of Cups. The Prince/Knight of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) feels things strongly, and is a dreamer. The upright Prince is good at hiding his feelings, according to Crowley, so who knows what lurks within? Feelings, emotions, and the urge to help or heal or support may be quite strong for me today. My charm may be blinding to others today, so I need to aim for a bit of balance lest I chase people away.

My Legacy card is Temperance, flavored by The Chariot reversed. Temperance connects with Sagittarius (“I seek,” philosophic, adventurous, blundering) Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Samekh (the tent post), and the Path between Yesod (the place where patterns and images emerge that may manifest into the physical world of action and outer reality) and Tiphareth (the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify), and it is one of the Major Arcana cards that presents the concept of dynamic balance. LOL, sounds like I need this one today. The thing that Temperance teaches us is that while experiencing extremes can sometimes be difficult, we can never know true balance unless we have become familiar with the extremes that are ingredients in that balance. The Chariot corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and sensitive, emotional and imaginative energy that likes to stay the same or follow the same course), Cancer (“I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody), Cheth (the fence), and the Path between Geburah (the place where forms and structure are challenged or affirmed) and Binah (female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure), and the reversed version of this card is flavoring Temperance today. Interesting that we have the fence flavoring the tent post; form flavoring support. In an upright position, this card tells of having the emotional control necessary to steer myself in order to arrive at a specific place. This is a card that presents another type of balance of extremes; the difference between the two is that Temperance is more of an “in place” card, while The Chariot in an upright position is going somewhere. Since it is reversed, its flavor is supporting Temperance.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of movement that dispels stagnation.

My horoscopes: “Your efficient, practical abilities are operating at a very high level today. A long-term goal you've been working toward could finally be reached, bringing good fortune and acknowledgment. Your efforts will probably be appreciated. Major advancement could be in the works.”

And: “Issues may get a little heavier than you would perhaps like today. Your job is to infuse some amusement into the situation. Your powers of adaptability will be put to the test, as other people seem to be completely fixed on their opinions. Be extra conscious of how you use your words as other people, especially superiors or elders, are apt to get offended by careless offhand remarks.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding Strength. Nice progression from yesterday’s Shadowscapes Insight card, The Chariot. The Shadowscapes Companion says this is “. . . a strength that does not need to shout of its power to the world but sways and bows to the wind, then springs gracefully forward again . . . .” Need I say any more??

What an incredible evening I had last night. I attended the second annual Solstice Salon at the home of the Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust. Besides actually having all five of the PBT members, with all of our varied specialties, in one room, face to face (one of our members lives in California, so this does not happen often; we have monthly New Moon Reiki Shares online, so we do keep connected), we had an “Elder” Shaman who has travelled to Peru and partaken in Ayahuasca with the local Shamans, an ayurvedic expert who is also a Reiki Master and Bach Essences Master, among other practices, a practicing Celtic Shaman, two other Yoga teachers, one who brought her boyfriend (who has attended Burning Man), and one who also teaches meditation, and a Starbucks barista who works with Curly and is also one of my belly dance students. Did I forget anyone? If I did, I apologize.

I think our conversations touched on everything that is, ever was and ever will happen to humans. Everyone shared experiences, and we laughed and cried and encouraged each other. Slowly but surely, one by one, everyone went home until just the core five were left, and like last year, we cozied up on the couch and talked some more. It was 3:27 am when I finally got into my car to go home.

Tonight, we have a more conventional holiday party with friends. LOL, will I survive until New Year’s Eve??!!!

2011-12-17T12:32:00.004-05:00

Three of Wands reversed/The Magician reversed. Two powerful reversed cards today. The Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) in an upright position tells of being successfully established after some effort expended. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility), and in an upright position it reminds me that through discipline and practice, I can create and affect my world. The fact that these cards have appeared together, even though they are both reversed, is a powerful message. In fact, it is better that they both be facing the same way because otherwise, they just might cancel each other out. I may not be feeling that I have achieved a good manifestation of my desires, but that manifestation is out there; I have only to find it and connect with it.

My Thoth card is the Three of Cups. “Abundance”; yesss! The Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) has been showing up a lot lately. It is reminding me that love and connections to others are all I need. If I have them, then sad or uncomfortable times are less sad or uncomfortable. Happy times become even more happy, and last longer. I am rich with blessings!

My Legacy card is the Eight of Coins, flavored by The Hanging Man. Now, here is an interesting pair. The Eight of Coins (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, sensible, orderly) is about taking care of details, working hard, and studying or learning new things. The Hanging Man corresponds with Water (cold/binds and wet/adapts, and emotional, sensitive and imaginative energy that tends to move deep, and attempts to take the same path as in the past), Neptune (inspiration, spirituality, magick, enchantment, dreams, altered states), and the Hebrew letter Mem (water, stability and balance, the reflective quality of thought) is about surrender, about seeing things in a new way, and about putting aside my Will. Since The Hanging Man is flavoring my Eight of Coins today, I am being told that I can make the detail work more interesting if I approach it in a new way. Perhaps today, I will practice “in the ‘now’” awareness as I perform those necessary yet mundane tasks of dotting each “i” and crossing each “t”; who knows? There might be an Aha! Moment hidden in that wood chopping, water carrying and clothes washing!

My 6-digit date number is 4, the number of depth and stability.

My horoscopes: “A class you've wanted to take may open up, and you'll want to register right away. You might have a few difficulties. If you try to sign up by phone, the line may be busy. If you enroll online, the website might crash. Don't get discouraged and give up. These are only temporary delays. You won't want to miss the class. Keep trying!”

And: “Successes with your work continue to bring good fortune your way, and today you might find reassurance that this is not a flash in the pan - you're likely to be financially secure for a long time. Health-wise, you're probably feeling strong and robust, full of energy and stamina, and ready to take on just about any challenge you can find. Move on ahead, but move with caution. You're never too prosperous to be careful.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The Chariot. This card is about assuming the reigns of authority, and the image on the card gives a huge hint at how this is to be done. The Goddess driving the chariot in the image is doing so without physical reigns; instead, She is using her own feelings and thoughts and emotions, and the force of Her Will, to get where she wants to go.

Tonight, I will be attending the second annual Solstice Salon, presented by the Pagan Brain Trust Wayne Contingency. I will get to see some new friends, from Starseed and the Idirlion Project, as well as the fifth member of the PBT, who is here from California! Should be a fun evening for all, and I am looking forward to it.

More thoughts on Hermes Trismegistus and his triple nature. Depending on whose comments you read, there are several reasons for the “Trismegistus” tag attached here. Some say that through The Emerald Tablet, Hermes Trismegistus has learned the three parts of the wisdom of the whole universe, alchemy, astrology and theurgy. Some say that Hermes was called “Trismegistus” because he was the greatest philosopher, the greatest priest, and the greatest king of all times. Some say that it was because he gained superior knowledge on all three levels of reality, the physical plane, the mental plane and the spiritual plane, or heaven, air and earth. Some say that he has dominion over the mineral kingdom, the vegetable kingdom and the animal kingdom.

Somehow, I think that all are true. I am walking away from The Emerald Tablet (for now; I’m sure I will be back to visit it again) with quite a bit of depth and texture added to my understanding of the nature of Deity. I will be honest and say that after my initial reading of The Emerald Tablet, I did not expect to receive this benefit. Briefly, here are some of the things I will be pondering further.

The fact that there is such a compact yet useful set of instructions for attaining the goal of understanding Deity. If this one exists, there must be others.

A reminder that living our personal “truth” can be briefly unsettling, but in the end, we are stronger and healthier because we made this effort.

The initial question or seeking is important because it becomes a catalyst which spirals our awareness ever higher, towards Deity.

Experiencing extremes is important; it is the only way that we can become the bridge that unites those extremes in order to bring balance into our lives. We have commonalities with Deity that can serve as that bridge; we can successfully strive to unite the two extremes of Above and Below in order to bring spiritual balance into our lives. Those commonalities can be found by striving to understand Deity, but because we are a reflection of Deity we can also find those commonalities by striving to understand ourselves.

While Deity may in part be transcendent, Deity is also imminent. In order for Deity to speak our language and understand the physical world “patterns” in order to communicate, She/He/It/They must be immersed in the physical world. At the same time, Deity must be within the higher, purer realms because it is Deity’s nature to be there.

This interaction is absolutely necessary for life of any kind to exist. Besides the physical world ingredients and the astral world effects necessary for life to happen, Deity must manifest Her/His/Its/Their essences into the recipe, or life will not happen.

We can raise our own energy vibration (and make communication with Deity easier) by understanding these interactions, from the most complicated to the most basic, and we can experience them through the workings of Nature and the workings of our minds. Psychological discipline combined with meditative and visualization exercises are effective tools for cultivating this. So is an effort to separate ourselves from our physical senses for a while, in order to perceive the more subtle messages of the non-physical world. And this does not mean that we are to ignore our physical senses or our physical bodies, for healthy bodies and honed senses are our foundation.

We need to be open to receiving messages, but sometimes we need to have the courage to take the first step and put ourselves in “sending” mode. If we ask for a connection, we will receive one, because it is of Deity’s nature to respond to such a request. We may not perceive the response, but it will come.

We are responsible, alongside Deity, for the maintenance of the cycles of “as above, so below; as below, so above.” We are never the Source, only the conduit. As we have been taught by others who have looked back at us, we must also look back to those who are traveling behind us and urge them onward.

If we successfully understand these concepts, their power will infuse our entire life and all of its effects and experiences. Their power will not only create the next necessary question, but they will provide the answer to that question. Always remember that even a distorted reflection will carry a link to the Source.

As I look back on these above descriptions, I know that just reading my words will not suffice for others; they must go within themselves too, and peer into the dark corners of their minds in order to find out exactly what they believe. They must discover their own truths. Your truth may turn out to be parallel to mine. Or, you may discover that the sole gift you bring away from reading these entries on The Emerald Tablet is that you have discovered what you don’t believe. Either way, I offer my gratitude for the time you spend here at Dancing Sparkles, reading my words.

“Now, I leave thee, my children.  Down, yet up, to the Halls shall I go. Win ye the way to me, my children.  Truly my brothers shall ye become.  Thus finish I my writings. Keys let them be to those who come after.  But only to those who seek my wisdom, for only for these am I the Key and the Way.” From The Emerald Tablets of Thoth the Atlanean, a part of the Corpus Hermeticum.

Last but not least, a big thank you to Kallan of the blog, “The Secret Life of the American Working Witch” [mypaganworld.blogspot.com] for listing Dancing Sparkles on her “My Favorite Bloggers” sidebar!

Blessed Be!

2011-12-16T16:38:00.003-05:00

Five of Cups reversed/Five of Pentacles reversed. Wow! No motion today, eh? The Five of Cups (Mars, action, aggression, drive, in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, controlling, mysterious, obsessive) in an upright position tells of emotional down time, a setback, a feeling of regret, or a lack of support. The Five of Pentacles (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Taurus, “I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn) in an upright position tells me to expect some challenges in the physical world, maybe connected to finance, health, or family, that might bring a sense of isolation or of lacking approval or support. If they were both upright, I would not be in a good mood right now, but thankfully, they are both reversed. This means that I should experience quite a bit of resolution, absolution and recognition today. Sounds like any hard work I’ve been doing either regarding my emotions or my physical world just might start showing some results. Since the number 5 represents motion, and since both of my cards are reversed, there may also be a bit of stabilization happening today.

My Thoth card is the Knight of Swords. The Knight of Swords (the cusp of Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, intelligent) is brave, insightful, courageous, and logical. Unfortunately, he is also rude, domineering, critical and sarcastic. Today I may find that focusing is easy for me, and finding the answer to a question is a breeze. I will be able to determine what needs to be done and then take action, but I should be aware that my passage may knock things for a loop.

My Legacy card is the Queen of Coins, flavored by the Six of Swords. The Queen of Coins (cusp of Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering, and Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning, authoritative) is resourceful in the physical world. She is good at breaking the confusion down to its simplest denominator, and she just might be able to calm that Knight of Swords above. The Six of Swords (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, communication, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause oriented) is flavoring my Queen of Coins. This Swords card is about balance, healing, moving towards a better place, and even about learning the science behind things that work (because understanding why they work makes them more effective). If I had to choose a second Swords card in my spread today, this one is it. In flavoring my Queen, and taken with my two reversed Fives, the Six of Swords balances out that Knight of Swords better than I could have planned.

My 6-digit date number is 3, the number of a new creation out of the potential of the Ace and the balance and polarity of the 2.

My horoscopes: “Good news about money could fill you with ideas about how to spend it, particularly on your home. Maybe you need new furniture or have been thinking about painting or redecorating. This is a great time to do it as long as you're careful and not to let your exuberance get the better of you. You don't want to have to repaint or take unwanted furniture back to the store.”

And: “Today you might feel especially inspired, both intellectually and creatively, and you could find yourself discussing your ideas with others. The process of communication could open up new doors in your mind, and result in some fascinating insights concerning whatever you're pursuing at this time. Sometime in the course of your conversations with others, don't be surprised if you find that one of your friends needs a sympathetic ear. Enjoy your day.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Three of Cups. This is the card of connections and friendship, and it represents the love and caring that lace through any relationship. Pondering relationships can be a serious business, but not through this card. Instead of wondering why things are working, my Three of Cups is just telling me to enjoy the moment.

The next part of The Emerald Tablet is: “This is why Thrice Hermes was exalted with wisdom.” Perhaps this is a good time to talk about Hermes Trismegistus, and how and why he is associated with The Emerald Tablet. Not an easy question to answer.

There are all kinds of myths associated with The Emerald Tablet. Was it written by a son of Adam as an instruction for redemption from the first sin in the Garden of Eden? Was The Emerald Tablet taken onto the ark by Noah and then after the Flood, hidden in a cave near Hebron? Was it rediscovered by Abraham’s wife, Sara, or by Miriam, daughter of Moses? Is the original Tablet stored in the Ark of the Covenant? Or was the Tablet found in 1350 BC, in a secret chamber under the pyramid of Cheops?

The text of the Tablet may be at least 5,000 years old, and most Egyptian records point to the author of the Tablet as Hermes the Thrice Greatest. Some say that Hermes was actually Agathodaimon, the great Thoth, the Egyptian god of magick, learning and hidden knowledge who offered the Tablet to humans over 12,000 years ago; others say that Hermes was the son of Thoth. Hermes, the child of a God and a mortal, had a son, Tat, who was a scribe who lived in Alexandria at about 250 BC. Interesting that there is a progression here, from god to god/man to man. Also interesting that in the Greek Pantheon, Hermes is a god of magick, learning and hidden knowledge.

The Hermes associated with the Tablet is also associated with Amenhotep IV, later known as Akhenaten (or “He Who Serves The Aten”), and with a young Syrian named Balinas, better known as Apollonius of Tyana (after Apollo, the Greek god of enlightenment and brother of Hermes). Both Akhenaten and Apollonius are said to have had in their possession the original Tablet made/given by Hermes.

The many writings attributed to Hermes Trismegistus, called the Hermetica, became popular in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance. The “Hermetic Tradition” consists of practices regarding alchemy, magick, astrology and other occult subjects, and is usually broken down into two basic categories: philosophical and technical. “The Kybalion,” by The Three Initiates, is a description of Hermetic principles.

No matter which version of Hermes resonates as truth, there is a common denominator to them all. Hermes, no matter when, where or how he appeared, was always revered as a philosopher and a teacher. Whether Hermes Trismegistus was a god, was born of man, or was from another world, most cultures elevate him to the status of a god; in fact, both Akhenaten and Apollonius were also elevated to the same status. Another way of saying that they were “exalted with wisdom.”

2011-12-14T19:33:00.005-05:00

Nine of Swords/Knight of Pentacles. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) represents brooding and worrying. They may very well be a part of my day. The Knight of Pentacles (cusp of Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, egotistical, and Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) tells of persistence to the point of being stubborn, and caution to the point of being boring. I will need to be careful today or problems could result from carelessness; however, never lifting my nose from the grindstone is not the answer either. What if I finally complete the task without pausing due to my panic and then look up, and find that I have been heading in the wrong direction all along?

My Thoth card is the Three of Cups. “Abundance.” The Three of Cups (Mercury, reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication, in Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive tenacious, nurturing, moody) tells of emotional abundance, including fulfilling connections to others, as well as the presence of others who will support me in my travails. If others don’t reach out to me first, I should take the initiative and extend my own hand in friendship and camaraderie.

My Legacy card is the Ten of Swords reversed, flavored by the Queen of Coins. The Ten of Swords (the Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, talkative) in an upright position is a card of interference and restriction. Thankfully it is reversed, and it certainly is reassuring to see this one, with the Nine of Swords showing up above. Even though I am worried, things will end up in a good place today. The Queen of Coins (cusp of Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, blundering, and Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution, cunning, authoritative) is flavoring my Ten of Swords reversed, and it may end up being her resourcefulness and ability to nurture that saves the day. She is good at breaking the confusion down to its simplest denominator, and that most likely will be just the ticket.

My 6-digit date number is 10, representing the end of a cycle, which reduces further to the number 1, polarity, potential and position.

My horoscopes: “It wouldn't be surprising if you enrolled in a class that's very different from your normal activities. For example, a surfer may get a sudden urge to learn about computers, or a technology guru might take up flower arranging. Those who think they have you all figured out will be taken off guard by your new spontaneity and sense of adventure.”

And: “Today marks the beginning of a new cycle for you. Collect and consolidate your recent ideas and focus them outwardly. The time is right for you to take action. Improve your immediate surroundings and adjust your bed so that it is facing east west. (A north-south placement will cause you to lose energy at night since it would align you with the Earth's magnetic field). Drink plenty of water to help keep your mind clear.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Ten of Swords. This is not a very comfortable card. Falling and feeling alone and without any possible assistance is not pleasant, but sometimes either our own choices or events outside of our control bring this unpleasantness to us. If there truly is nothing to be done, then we must tighten our belts and endure. This, too, shall pass, and when we look back on it as it fades away, perhaps it will not be as bad as it seemed at the time.

I am coming to the end of The Emerald Tablet, and the last sections are acting as a summation, and they are handling the loose ends. The next section is “The scholars made this their path.” Basically, this is saying that this is the path to knowledge and wisdom, or one path at least, and those who can travel the path and emerge at the other side could be considered scholars. Or magicians, magickal workers.

If the actual manifestation of effects is an innate part of Deity, and if Deity contains or is able to wield, or **is**, the powers of Nature, then so are we. We each have the potential to learn how to wield these same powers. In a lesser manner, true, but still, we can learn to work miracles by doing the work to understand the workings of Deity.

So why not just explain what each of the parts of The Emerald Tablet mean? Well, there are two reasons, I think, why the meaning is hidden. First, the only way we can really understand all this, with our mind and our gut and our soul, and believe it all to be true with every cell and essence of our self, we need to find the meanings ourselves, meanings that ring true to us. Second, as with all neutral powers that can be used for good or for evil, there need to be tests to be passed and thresholds to be entered; there needs to be strengths honed. And the instructions for preparing to access the powers hinted at here are right in this document.

2011-12-13T13:24:00.003-05:00

Three of Wands/Ace of Swords. Powerful pair! The Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) tells of being successfully established after effort. This means that at least for today, leadership will come naturally for me, and my gaze may be facing forward and ahead. Can I do that and remain realistic? Probably yes, because of the Ace of Swords. The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) tells me that my mind will be the tool to solve the problems of the day. I will be able to look ahead and make valuable plans because this Ace will allow me to be realistic and objective, rather than lost in daydreams.

My Thoth card is the Six of Disks reversed. “Success” is Crowley’s keyword for the Six of Disks (Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Taurus, “I have,” Sensual, cautious, stubborn), which has been appearing often in my Thoth throws. In an upright position, the success told of by this card is not necessarily a good thing. Crowley sees this card as being heavy, as indicating the approach of a weight that will end up dragging us down, and he sees it as a reminder that success is a temporary thing. Perhaps since this card is reversed, it might be important for me to re-examine my processes to be sure they are strong enough. “The Thoth Companion” states that this card is a combination of Geburah and Chesed. Geburah (Might) is the fifth sephira on the Tree, the second on the Pillar of Form/Restriction, and also known as Judgment, and Fear. The manifestations of this sephira can indeed be difficult, but they are actually an opportunity for growth and evolution. The effects of Geburah and just as necessary for balance and health as are those of Chesed. Chesed (Mercy) is the fourth sephira on the Tree, the second on the Pillar of Force/Expansion, and the first to represent actuality. It is seen as the Hall of Masters and the Sphere of the Adepts, for it is within the energies of Chesed that the Ascended Masters or Ancient Ones reside. Chesed brings to us the understanding of perfect love, for love cannot happen without understanding. The two make a pair, as mercy and might are directly connected. One cannot operate with true balance unless it has experienced the influence of the other. Material success brings with it responsibilities. We need to manifest the bounties of our success in a way that does not separate us from others (by raising ourselves onto a pedestal of ego), and in a way that does not cause the bounties to become burdens. It appears that this is important for me today, and I may not be applying this information in the correct manner.

My Legacy card is the Six of Wands reversed (another reversed 6), flavored by the Eight of Wands. The Six of Wands (Jupiter, expansiveness and growth, justice, fortune, in Leo, “I am,” passionate, dramatic, noble, authoritative) expresses the celebration we feel when we have passed some test. My card is reversed today, and thus recognition or acclaim, or knowledge in my own mind that I have succeeded, may not be readily apparent. My reversed Six of Wands is being flavored by the Eight of Wands (Mercury, reason, intelligence, education, skill, communication, in Sagittarius, “I seek,” philosophic, fun-loving, adventurous, blundering), which is telling me that I need to be real alert because either some important news is coming, or some sudden movement will be happening that is important to me. I should most definitely not rest on my laurels today!!

My 6-digit date number is 9, the number of completeness of experience.

My horoscopes: “You're in the process of learning how to dream again. These last few months have been hard because your possibilities have felt limited. You've done a lot of work recently to try to align your fantasy life with reality. The result of this effort is that your desire to realize your dreams has increased! Go after them, but gently.”

And: “Too much work and the resulting pressure over the past few days may have you feeling too tired to do anything more, although your optimism and enthusiasm are still intact. Don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself dragging at the end of the day. If you take care of yourself, you'll soon recharge your batteries and be your old self again in a couple of days. In the evening: relax at home with a good book.”

And my new one: “It's tough to set healthy limits today because the Moon squares your key planet Jupiter. You might mistakenly believe that if a small quantity of something special is good, then a larger amount is definitely better. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking could land you in a pile of trouble, especially if you must deal with the consequences of overindulgence. Be smart and stop before it's too late.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding The Emperor. Leadership, strength, law and order, the creation of order out of chaos. The Emperor’s skills and abilities can make all this happen, but only within the realm of the man-made world. Because we are humans, we desire to control our world and we desire to write our story and gain our authority. We believe that we are doing the best for us and for all who look to us, so our intention is important.

I’ve just completed a very pleasing, very fattening, and very busy weekend. We had our traditional holiday meal this past Saturday evening, what I call our “cook a cow” dinner for the family, a sit-down dinner for 18 of prime rib. This dinner usually takes a minimum of two days’ work, one day to set up and one day to clean up. This year, it took me a bit longer on the clean-up end because my sister-in-law was here from California, so most of Sunday was spent out of the house, at even more get-togethers, so the family could be together as much as possible before Ellen left for California. Now, all I have to do is lose the weight I gained, LOL, so I can make it through the two parties I have next weekend and still fit into my clothes.

I am reading a Kindle book, a collection of essays actually, called “That Is That: Essays About True Nature,” by Nirmala. The very first essay in the collection, called “Being In The Present Moment,” talks about the power of the mind to edit our memories so that we believe things are happening more often than they actually are. Am I a pessimistic person? Then I will believe that things always go wrong for me, even though they rarely do. And I will be supporting the very things I really don’t want to happen (Or do I? Now there is a question to be answered.) because I am living as if I know they are definitely going to happen. Even a First Degree Dedicant knows that the ability to believe that something will happen is the first skill to be learned in order to do magick. Am I an optimistic person? Then I will believe that good things happen on a regular basis, because my mind and my memory will edit out the bad things.

Now here is the important part of the essay. The kinds of validations described above can be quite powerful, but there is an easier way to reward ourselves with a nice dose of endorphins: we can pay attention to the current moment. Simple, yes? Well, maybe not. But worth the effort.

The past is over and done with. Yes, our minds can tweak our memories, but we can’t change the past. The future is an unknown. But the present is real, and it is true, and it is accurate. Everything I am experiencing right now, from the aftertaste of the sandwich I just finished eating to the sound of my keyboard as I type to the blue sky and bright sunshine outside my window are real and in some way significant, unlike the thoughts I may have about what my afternoon will be like.

According to this essay, it is natural for my mind to assume that what actually happens is what matters. But this is not true! It is not necessarily what happens that makes a particular moment fulfilling and satisfying and worthwhile, it is my awareness of what is happening that makes that moment fulfilling and satisfying and worthwhile!

Look at it this way: if I only focus on what is actually happening, I will always judge the events. After all, there might be something wrong with what I’m doing, or maybe there could be some better thing happening that might make me happier or richer or more beautiful, if only I could make it happen for me. I end up focusing on what should be happening, rather than what is really happening.

“But what if the most important thin is that we are aware of what is happening? What if what really matters is both the nature of awareness and the specific quality of our awareness in this moment? This is the nine-hundred pound gorilla in the room that nobody is talking about. The awareness of the present moment is a constant feature of every moment. This awareness is a complete mystery, and yet it is the source of all the joy, peace, happiness, satisfaction, and love we have ever had. It may seem like satisfaction and happiness come from what is happening, but satisfaction and happiness come from the flow of awareness of whatever is happening.” And: “The real treasure in this moment is always to be found in the awareness of this moment, not in the content of our experience.” Yes!!! It really is as simple as that. I love when my own beliefs and experiences are validated by another! But there was an important “icing-on-the-cake” concept in this essay, too. “You are not the content of your experience, you are the awareness that brings life and joy to every experience.” [my emphasis added] [From “Being In The Present Moment,” by Nirmala.] Now, that is important to me personally. I think I judge myself mainly because of this one concept, because I equate myself with the content of any particular experience, and the outcome or consequences of that experience. If I see myself instead as the awareness of an experience, effect or situation, I will take away from that experience, effect or situation only good things.

This is a skill worth cultivating.

2011-12-09T14:58:00.001-05:00

Nine of Swords reversed/Three of Wands. The Nine of Swords (Mars, action, spontaneity, aggression, in Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, social, dual) which has been appearing for me lately both upright and reversed, represents brooding and worrying. My Nine of Swords is reversed here, so it is presenting peace of mind, absolution and a nice flow of energy today. It is paired with the Three of Wands, which validates all this goodness. The Three of Wands (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation, the deepest self and personal power, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, pioneering, assertive) tells of being successfully established after effort. This means that I am ready to expand my horizons and I can begin to look to the future. I just might end up as a positive role model to others, too, in the process.

My Thoth card is Nine of Disks reversed. “Gain” reversed again. The Nine of Disks (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment and satisfaction gained through the imposition of discipline, and it is reversed for me again. Today I may not be in the mood to sacrifice in order to attain my goal, I might be bored by using tried-and-true methods, or final satisfaction might seem particularly elusive. I should probably involve others in any physical world focuses today, because working with a group might keep me from becoming delusional or depressed.

My Legacy card is Five of Wands reversed, flavored by the Nine of Swords. Bookends! The Five of Wands, which corresponds with Saturn (discipline, responsibility, law and order) in Leo (“I am, passionate, dramatic, egotistical), indicates a struggle caused by cross purposes. Since my Five of Wands is reversed, however, it is reinforcing that Nine of Disks reversed and the concept that working with a group might be the way to go. Any struggles or conflicts should be easy to overcome today. But, there is that Bookends Nine of Swords, this time upright. This means that no matter how successfully established I feel, and no matter how much I am accepted by and desired as a part of the group that is important to me, there is still a potential for worry to happen today, or maybe a bit of the blues.

More about my Bookends card, the Nine of Swords. This card tells of the power of the mind; this power can be so useful and yet if it is allowed to proceed without balance, the mind can bring an particularly uncomfortable agony. Many times, the issue represented by this card is not as bad as we are seeing it. Once again, the mind can play nasty tricks on us if we give it free reign. If we choose to **not** dwell on the bad possibilities, often we can bring ourselves out of our funk by sheer mental power alone. Yes, the mind is that strong. Since I have both the upright and the reversed cards, I am thinking that I will realize that in the end, I have the power to choose. I can be sad, I can worry till the wee hours of the morning, and I can expect the worst end result, or I can see the silver lining, understand that even in the worst case I will learn some valuable lesson, and I can choose to be happy with whatever happens. I have the power, right in my mind, to elect an effective response to any situation.

My 6-digit date number is 5, the number of movement that clears the air, tests foundation, and dispels stagnation. **gulp**

My horoscopes: “This is a very climactic time of month on the emotional front, and you may lash out for no apparent reason. This is a time when any emotions that you've stored up inside are forced to come out in one way or another. You may feel like you have little control over how you express feelings. The force behind your emotions is tremendous.”

And: “You may find yourself with many irons in the fire today, Nanci. People and projects might be quite demanding of your attention, yet you may be feeling so dreamy and unmotivated that it may be hard for you to make progress on any of them. Creative solutions are the best route for you today. Be flexible and open to other people's ideas and make sure you consider the most unlikely ways to tackle the issues.”

And my new one: “Although you may be feeling stress from a business or personal relationship now, you're sure these issues can be easily handled. However, your current dilemma stems from the fact that you might not know where your life is leading, so you could skip over a significant predicament. Remember, it's healthier to face your concerns when they arise or they can become more complex and harder to manage later on.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Two of Swords. Look at all the Swords today! The Two of Swords is about consciously shutting out the world. The thing about this card is that while sometimes we really do need to get away from it all, we cannot allow ourselves to become addicted to isolation. Yes, we can find peace and a moment away from our problems by doing so, but we will never, ever find the answers that will make those problems finally go away if we remain isolated.

Last night, I met with the Wayne Contingency of the Pagan Brain Trust. As always, this was a cleansing, fulfilling and validating evening. It is amazing that four very different people who are following four very different Paths can sit down for three or four hours, open our hearts and present our innermost beliefs, and not ever have one moment of discord. Instead, we sit, comfortably full after a delicious vegetarian meal and a healthy chunk of cake (usually some version of chocolate), sipping a glass of tea or milk, pretty much in our jammies with our feet curled under us, discussing Deity and energy work and healing and Purpose. As I drive home after these events, usually (despite our best intentions) in the wee hours of the following morning, I feel cleansed, filled, and confident that I am indeed on the correct Path. Last night, the waxing moon lit the sky and I actually watched my shadow as I walked to my car. The air was cold and crisp, and wispy fair-weather clouds contrasted the darkness of the sky. I finally felt the beginning of the change in my own subtle body that indicated the beginning of an awareness of the coming Solstice and the rebirth of the Sun God. At last!

I thought a bit more last night about The Emerald Tablet, and the placeholder “The formation of the microcosm is in accordance with the formation of the macrocosm.” In a way, this is a bit more than a placeholder or the metaphoric period at the end of the sentence. This phrase tells us that Deity is effective because She/He/It can travel entirely through the cycle of “as above, so below; as below, so above.” This travel, the need to fulfill its circuit, is a part of who and what Deity is, and it is as instinctive an action as the beating of our physical heart, which happens whether we are asleep or awake, happy or sad, loving life or wishing that it was over. In order to fulfill Her/His/Its Purpose and be manifested according to Her/His/Its “instruction booklet,” Deity must manifest. The essence of Deity must experience physical existence and experience mortality and the weight (and powers) of the physical body; Deity must “lower” Her/His/Its vibrational level, and cycle downward.

We are a reflection of Deity; it is in our nature to, once we have received a glimmer of the worlds above and beyond the physical senses, strive to raise our energy selves higher in order to spend more time in the realms of Deity. We strive to experience and understand a non-physical existence, we strive to lift ourselves out of our physical bodies and use our non-physical body senses to perceive the Universe. In doing so, we “raise” our vibrational level, and cycle upward.

Deity works amazing miracles through the manifestation of this cycle. Deity is within all the powers and effects of Nature, because Nature is a manifestation of Deity. And because we are a reflection of Deity, and thus contain the essence of Deity, if we can strive to raise our own vibrational level upward, the closer we come to that “above” existence the more able we will become to wield the powers of Deity. In striving upward, we continue the maintenance of the cycle, alongside of Deity and all life.

While some may see this possibility as awesome power, I see it as a heavy responsibility. Yes, I am only one of many, many countless entities in the physical world. My contribution is a small one, yet it is important. “For the want of a shoe . . .”

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2011-12-06T17:18:00.001-05:00

Eight of Cups reversed/Nine of Cups reversed. The Eight of Cups (Saturn, discipline, responsibility, limitation, law and order, in Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, suffering, soul growth) tells of an ending or a change of direction, often one associated with emotions, and possibly creating a lack of interest. My Eight of Cups is reversed, thankfully, so today will me more about having the ability to endure, and maybe even about a bit of high energy. The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in the effects of my senses and my emotions. Because the Nine of Cups is reversed, I need to understand that today is less about pleasing my own senses, and more about focusing my feelings so that they support what I need to get done, rather than dilute it.

My Thoth card is the Queen of Cups reversed. The Queen of Cups (cusp of Gemini, “I think,” curious, sociable, dual, and Cancer, “I feel,” sensitive, tenacious, nurturing, moody) is deeply connected to her feelings, her spirituality and her Inner Voice. My Queen of Cups is reversed, so I need to be aware that while my feelings may be strong, I might not be seeing the real meaning they offer, or the real consequences they could bring. This does not mean, however, that I need to shut out all feelings. No water is not good; balance!

My Legacy card is the Ace of Swords reversed, flavored by the Four of Wands reversed. Er . . . what’s up with the reversed cards? The Ace of Swords (Capricorn, “I build,” ambition, caution authority, cunning, Aquarius and Pisces, “I believe,” feeling, duality, soul growth, artistic) tells of the possibility that my mind will be the tool to solve the problems of the day. My Ace, however, is reversed. Oh boy; I can’t trust my emotions and I can’t trust my mind. My Ace is being flavored by the Four of Wands (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Aries, “I want,” action oriented, assertive, enthusiastic), also reversed, which in an upright position is about building enough to become established. The reversed Four is offering a bit of restriction, which in actuality might be the most important piece of advice today. Hold back until the energies are more conducive to positive manifestation.

I always pull a clarification card when all my cards of the day are reversed. I decided to pull the clarification card from the Thoth Tarot, and threw the Nine of Disks. Reversed. **sigh** “Gain” reversed is my clarification? The Nine of Disks (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, in Virgo, “I serve,” practical, analytical, work and service oriented) is a card of accomplishment through the imposition of discipline, and it is reversed. Now, what I need to figure out at this point is whether being undisciplined is going to help or hurt my day.

My 6-digit date number is 11 (Archangel Uriel), which reduces further to 2, the number of balance, polarity and the concept of distance between.

My horoscopes: “Overspending on luxury items might have you feeling the need to tighten your belt a little. This could make you feel downhearted. Don't blame yourself too much. We all do this from time to time. Get out of the dumps by getting together with a close friend or lover. Go to a play, concert, or movie. Make time for any projects you have in the works.”

And: “The vow of silence you took recently is finally coming to an end. This was a great help to you because you had had enough of taking everything apart, finding an explanation for everything, theorizing on everything and even dehumanizing your thoughts. Great schemes are great in books, but they don't always come true in real life. Today, don't be afraid to talk about things, but just be sure and use a bit more moderation.”

And my new one: “Your path forward might grow narrower today, but this doesn't have to prevent you from focusing on the possibilities, rather than the limitations. You might believe that you're being realistic, even if someone thinks that you have lost touch with the truth. However, you could squander an opportunity for success if you waste time worrying about what others think. Instead of endlessly arguing, concentrate your attention on getting ahead.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Queen of Pentacles. This Queen is strong, but she manifests her strength as generosity. She offers nurturing and protection with a sparkle in her eyes, a smile on her face, and a warm, ever-giving flow from her heart. She taps into the very Earth in order to access her strength, and then shares with all who ask for help, healing or guidance, for this is her Purpose.

I still feel like I am rowing upstream against a strong and unpredictable current, and LOL, my Tarot cards certainly validate this. I am telling myself that I need to be aware of the energies and flows. I may be forced to surrender to them, but I still need to be aware of them.

Something is in the air or the water, because I am certainly by far not the only person who is feeling the rug ripped out from under her feet, time and time again. We are in the final weeks of darkness before Yule and the change of the energy flows, and like the approach of the moment of the highest tide, the flows of water which have been strong and clear of purpose are beginning to lose their drive and direction. Thus each day, things seem a bit more FUBAR.

This, too, shall pass. I may feel like I am clutching the sides of my boat, helplessly being turned this way and that, right now, but soon enough a prevailing current will become apparent, and then I need to be ready to jump into action. This is the time for preparation, for deciding what is not serving me any more and then, dumping it overboard. This is the time to be sure that what I am keeping with me is in the best operating order possible. When that current appears, I will be ready.

The next part of The Emerald Tablet, “The formation of the microcosm is in accordance with the formation of the macrocosm,” is once again a placeholder for everything that has come before it. This is the very realization that supports all that I have learned here! And once again, without doing the work to understand the text that came before this line, we are left with empty words.

To me, this is a validation of the sometimes painful processes I experienced as I came to realize the importance of this very sentence. Yes, the formation of the “above” is in accordance with the formation of the “below,” because one is a reflection of the other. And by viewing the reflection, no matter how distorted that reflection is, or no matter how affected that reflection is by the interactions of other energies, I can still get a real good idea of just what is being reflected. I can come to at least some understanding of the workings of the original by viewing the reflection.

This is how our world and everything in it is created and maintained, this very cycle. This sentence in effect explains every miracle, every Aha Moment, every Cosmic Download, and every glimpse of the Machinery of the Universe.

And without reading the sentences before this one, I might know and understand what is being said with my mind, but since I came to this very realization in my own way, one step at a time, I not only know this and understand this, I believe this, with every fiber of my being.

2011-12-05T23:33:00.003-05:00

Two of Swords reversed/Five of Swords reversed. The Two of Swords (Moon, feelings and emotions, illusion, imagination, in Libra, “We are,” partnerships, balance, cooperation) can represent a time of not looking or of shutting out the world. My card is reversed today, so I am being told that avoiding issues, particularly uncomfortable ones, may not be the best choice. The Five of Swords (Venus, beauty, allure, relationships, pleasure, in Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, cause-oriented, the group, aloof), actually focuses on both victory and defeat; when we act solely in our own interest, we may win, but in the end that victory will be empty. Both of my Swords cards are reversed, so today I need to do what is right, I need to look at the facts objectively, and I need to shoulder my responsibilities willingly.

My Thoth card is the Six of Cups reversed. “Pleasure” is Crowley’s keyword for the Six of Cups (Sun, the inner core of a person or situation in Scorpio, “I desire,” intense, compulsive, deep, obsessive) which is a card of emotional balance, simple joys fun and blessings. My Six of Cups is reversed today, so I need to be very conscious of my choices and how they appear to others. My intent may be good, but others may not see this.

My Legacy card is the Two of Swords reversed, flavored by The Tower. Eeeep!! Another Two of Swords reversed. Looks like the truth is very, very important today, and I need to be quite aware of how I think and how I act. And I will need these more positive feelings in order to deal with the card flavoring my reversed Two of Swords, The Tower (Fire (hot/separates and dry/shapes, and spontaneous, impulsive, energetic change), Mars (action, spontaneity, aggression, drive), Phe (mouth or speech), and the Path between Hod (which provides analysis and communication) and Netzach (which offers the stimulating factors of emotion and inspiration)), which tells of a violent or explosive correction. It is always important to remember that the challenges and tests of life offer us a benefit. If I am aware of what I am doing, and if I am open to the messages and warnings around me, perhaps I can prevent the revelations to be had from facing life’s challenges from being too upsetting to deal with.

My 6-digit date number is 10, which represents the completion of a cycle; this number reduces further to 1, the number of position, possibilities and new beginnings.

My horoscopes: “Finding solutions won't be hard, thanks to your detective side today. You may feel like the real truth lies below the surface. At times you're tempted to skip along the top of things without really considering what's going on below. Today it's a completely different story. Turbulent feelings and intense emotions from the depths of your soul are the hot topics of concern.”

And: “The time has come to take important decisions for yourself, but also for your family ties. You feel that there is a strong and dynamic flow in the air today. You can utilize this flow to your advantage and make your entourage benefit from it too. It will also enable you to think about new objectives.”

And my new one: “People around you can pick up on your upbeat attitude, making your positive energy quite contagious. Even if you're not sure that it's time to spill the beans, you probably won't be able to keep the buzz to yourself today -- not that you should try. Making new connections now extends your reach and allows you to impact even more people than you previously thought possible.”

My Shadowscapes Insight card is the Eight of Swords. What a perfect card for me to throw today! The Eight of Swords reminds us that while sometimes we may feel as if we are trapped, and this feeling may be validated every time we gather our strength and surge against the bonds and only feel pain, not freedom, there is always a way out. When shows of strength and explosive surges of energy only serve to entangle us deeper, sometimes we are better off taking one moment to clear our heads. Then, we will see that with a bit of gentle maneuvering, we can find our way out of the trap.

It is amazing how healing a few days of gardening can be. I spent yesterday and today doing a Fall cleanup in my beloved Cape May garden. I cut back hydrangeas, wisteria, and rose bushes, I moved some plants, I trimmed our cypress hedge and our arbor vitae. I added some black-eyed susans to the patch we have, and planted a whole bunch of rose-of-sharons. And I feel wonderful.

I have always gotten satisfaction from my gardening, throughout the year. Fall cleanup to me feels like I am tucking my plants in for the Winter months so that they will be safe during the cold and dark, and ready to reawaken in the Spring with vibrant life. But this weekend, I was not only gifted with the satisfaction of knowing that I had done everything possible to keep my plants safe for the Winter.

Things have been crazy for me lately. Lots of upheavals in my physical world. I used these two days of gardening to heal myself, to ground all the discomfort and the results of the worries and upheavals as compost into the earth. I got my hands dirty, my knees wet, and my back sore, but I feel grounded and settled and strong and renewed.

**smile** A lot less expensive than drugs or professional help, eh?

2011-12-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

Nine of Cups/The Lovers. The Nine of Cups (cusp of Aquarius, “I know,” friendships, the group, cause-oriented, and Pisces, “I believe,” feelings, duality, suffering, soul growth) is about emotional satisfaction and the ability to find pleasure in the effects of my senses and my emotions. This card is about realizing that I enjoy what I have, just the way it is. The Lovers (Air, hot/separates and wet/adapts, quick and animated, intellectual, problems or challenges; Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, sociable, dual; Zayin, double-edged sword; and the Path between Tiphareth, the hub of the creation process where energies harmonize and focus to illuminate and clarify, and Binah, female receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) is a very powerful card for me personally, filled with symbolism, the least of which is the presence of Archangel Uriel and His effects on my day. The Lovers is about love, connections, personal choices, determining values, and deciding what I believe. These two cards as a par are telling me that today might be an emotionally rich day, filled with fulfillment and satisfaction that are very personal in nature.

My Thoth card is the Prince of Swords reversed. The Prince (Knight) of Swords (the cusp of Taurus, “I have,” sensual, stubborn, cautious, and Gemini, “I think,” curious, talkative, dual, intelligent) is an Air of Air card (Crowley sees the rank of Prince/Knight as corresponding with the element of Air). In an upright position, this card represents a mind full of strong ideas, but also a mind without the ability to manifest those ideas before they become lost. Because my Prince of Swords is reversed, this mental intensity will not be totally in control today; yes, it will have an effect, but if I am in touch with my emotions and my spirit and my body, as well as my mind, I will head more towards balance.

My Legacy card is The Magician reversed, flavored by Faith/The Hierophant. The Magician corresponds with Air (hot/separates and wet/adapts, and quick and animated energy which usually presents problems or challenges), Mercury (reason, intelligence, orderliness, communication), Beth (house; builder) and the Path between Binah (female, receptive energy and the origin of form and structure) and Kether (the source, limitless possibility). The Magician has the power to transform his world through the use of his Will and his connection to the Divine; he holds and wields real power that he owns through discipline and practice. Because my Magician card is reversed, I may need to refrain from being forceful today, or from wielding my own skills and powers in the physical world. Today might be a day that is better for an inward focus, and for thinking rather than doing. The Hierophant corresponds with Earth (cold/binds and dry/shapes), Taurus (“I have,” sensual, cautious, stubborn), Vau (the nail which holds tradition in place), and the Path between Chesed (the place where forms and structures are stabilized and nurtured), and Chokmah (dynamic male energy, the origin of vital force and polarity), and this card is flavoring my reversed Magician. In an upright position, this is a conservative card based on orthodox and proven systems. The Faith card is reinforcing a focus on not acting alone or for my own goals without considering tried-and-true methods, and the effect of my thoughts, words and deeds upon others.

My 6-digit date number is 7, the number that tells of a pause (and possibly a crossroad), as growth slows and the beginning of degeneration approaches.

My horoscopes: “You have an exciting, intense day in store. Your curiosity is at a peak, and today it combines with a vivid imagination. This makes you ideally suited for medical research projects, as it gives you the ability to make connections among seemingly disparate themes. Regardless of your profession, you can expect to see the world in an entirely new way today.”

And: “It is time to loosen up a bit. The current planetary aspects will bring a new cycle of tolerance and understanding you way. You could use a little of both, if you don't mind our saying so. Take baby-steps as you begin to introduce the kinder and gentler YOU to your friends and co-workers. They won't accept a rapid transformation, but they will be agreeable to gradual changes. Start by listening more and speaking less. This little step can make a big difference in a relationship. Build from there!”

And my new one: “You'll probably grow frustrated today if you push too hard at work as bossy Mars squares the Sun in your sign. Instead of acting aggressively and trying to get others to do things your way, it's smarter to just work on your own now. Don't bother drawing up complex plans and procedures; just jump in and figure it out along the way. It's great if your friends join in to help, but don't count on their assistance or you could end up waiting all day. Simply show what you can do by setting an example that everyone will want to follow.”

My Shadowscapes Insight is regarding the Eight of Pentacles. Patience, diligence and attention to detail are the gifts of this card. I am being called to absorb myself in whatever projects I am working on today, and to not only actively seek knowledge, but also to pursue a higher understanding. These projects may be connected to my physical world in some way, but if I can find joy and fulfillment from performing even the dullest or most uncomfortable tasks, I will have connected to the Purpose of this card.

Today, pain is on my mind, physical pain. I did experience discomfort last night after my oral surgery, and I am still experiencing it this morning, but it is bearable. And I am taking this opportunity presented by the presence of pain that is bearable, added to the disruptive and uncomfortable day I had yesterday, in order to explore this physical sensation (if that is what pain really is). In order to distract myself, and to understand just what physical pain is, I went to Wikipedia. Below is a summary of what I found; more than I expected!

The ability to feel or experience pain is essential for protection from injury. Pain allows us to recognize the presence of an injury or the potential to receive harm, in order to prevent said injury or harm, and it encourages us to protect a damaged body part in order to allow it to heal.

Philosophers, both ancient and modern, have often seen pain not as an effect of our physical senses but rather as emotions, or “passions of the soul.” Some believed that pain was an emotional state produced by stronger-than-normal stimuli, such as intense light, pressure or temperature.

In modern times, pain is described in terms of three dimensions: “sensory-discriminative” (sense of the intensity, location, quality and duration of the pain), “affective-motivational” (unpleasantness and urge to escape the unpleasantness), and “cognitive-evaluative” (cognitions such as appraisal, cultural values, distraction and hypnotic suggestion). It is theorized that pain intensity (the sensory discriminative dimension) and unpleasantness (the affective-motivational dimension) are not only determined by the magnitude of the painful stimulus, but are also influenced by “higher” cognitive activities.

Indifference to pain can be induced by medication; rarely, this indifference is present from birth. Some people have normal nerves and find pain unpleasant, but do not avoid repetition of the pain stimulus. Others experience indifference because of abnormalities in the nervous system.

Pain that lasts a long time is called chronic, and pain that resolves quickly is called acute.

Nociceptive pain is caused by stimulation of nerve fibers. The accepted categories are “thermal” (heat or cold), “mechanical” (crushing, tearing, etc.) and “chemical” (iodine in a cut, chili powder in the eyes). Nociceptive pain can be further divided into “visceral,” “deep somatic” and “superficial somatic” pain. Visceral structures are highly sensitive to stretch, ischemia and inflammation, but relatively insensitive to burning and cutting. Visceral pain is diffused, difficult to locate and often referred to a distant, usually superficial, pain; it may be accompanied by nausea and vomiting. Deep somatic pain is often related to sprains and broken bones, and is usually experienced in ligaments, tendons, bones, blood vessels, fasciae and muscles, and is dull, aching, poorly-localized pain. Superficial pain is often related to minor wounds and first degree burns, and is usually experienced in the skin or other superficial tissue, and is sharp, well-defined and clearly located.

Neuropathic pain is caused by damage or disease affecting any part of the nervous system involved in bodily feelings or sensations. Peripheral neuropathic pain is often described as “burning,” “tingling,” “electrical,” “stabbing,” or “pins and needles.” Bumping the “funny bone” causes neuropathic pain.

Phantom pain, which is a type of neuropathic pain, is pain from a part of the body that has been lost or from which the brain no longer receives signals. This pain is often described as shooting, crushing, burning or cramping. If the pain continues for a long period, parts of the intact body may become sensitized, so that touching them evokes pain in the phantom limb. Local anesthetic injections into the nerves or sensitive areas of the stump can often provide relief, but so can mirror box therapy (which allows for illusions of movement and touch in a phantom limb, which in turn can reduce pain).

Psychogenic pain is caused, increased, or prolonged by mental, emotional, or behavioral factors. Headache, back pain, and stomach pain are sometimes diagnosed as psychogenic. Sufferers are often stigmatized because both medical professionals and the general public often believe that pain from a psychological source is not “real,” but specialists consider this type of pain as no less real or hurtful than pain from any other source.

Iopathic pain (pain that persists after the trauma or pathology has healed, or that arises without any apparent cause), may be an exception to the idea that pain is helpful to survival, although some psychodynamic psychologists argue that such pain is psychogenic, enlisted as a protective distraction to keep dangerous emotions unconscious.

Breakthrough pain is pain that comes on suddenly for short periods of time and is not alleviated by pain suppression management. This type of pain is common in cancer patients who have thier background pain controlled by medications, but the pain periodically “breaks through” the medication. The characteristics of breakthrough cancer pain vary from person to person and according to the cause.

Incident pain is pain that arises as a result of activity, such as movement of an arthritic joint, stretching a wound, etc.

The human body has natural pain killers, called endorphins (which act in a similar fashion to codeine or morphine, but without negative side effects or withdrawal symptoms). Endorphins not only relieve pain but bring about a temporary sense of well-being. Endorphins are neurotransmitters made of amino acids that cause a reaction in the opiate receptors within the human body – they block or interrupt the signals going to the brain that indicate pain or stress.

Beta-endorphins, which are produced by the pituitary gland, create the strongest amount of pain relief and the greatest euphoric response within a person. It is believed that beta-endorphins allow persons who have sustained a grave injury to sometimes endure until help arrives or to accomplish a heroic feat in saving themselves or others.

Pain is the most widely accepted and known trigger of an endorphin reaction, but there also some types of food and stimulus that elicit a similar physical response. For example, chocolate has been known to cause a release of endorphins, as have chili peppers. Laughter also generates production. A runner’s high or the euphoria felt after strenuous exercise is known to be a result of endorphins. Sun and the tactile touch of massage therapy are known contributors, as well.

Okay, then. Nietzsche summed it best: “What does not kill me, makes me stronger.” So did Gloria Gaynor: “I will survive!”

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